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Friday, 18 May 2012


I have been writing this blog for the last eight months, and one of my regular readers is none other than Morrissey himself, he has 'even' occasionally left comments. Yesterday, I decided to try and interview him, so I posted twenty questions in the hope that he may respond....he did, and his responses can be found in the 'comments' section of yesterday's blog entry. Here is the interview WITH MORRISSEY in full:

TRB: You are currently in Hawaii, a) Is it how you imagined?, and b) were you influenced to go there because of the Elvis films, or was it 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'?

Morrisseya) When I close my eyes I can't imagine anything except melody and hooks; and many would no doubt add that that's debatable. My poverty of imagination for all things material leaves me bowled over by each sojourn into far-flung places. As I grow older and absolute senility creeps ever closer, it feels more miraculous by the day that I exist at all; that places as mesmerising as Hawaii exist too is just... breathtaking. 

Satisfaction is enjoyment minus expectations. My expectations are now so low that even my life is capable of satisfying me.

b) It was Dr Jacoby and his Hawaiian wife. You should know that. 

TRB: You've been touring for a long time now, do you still feel the same desire to perform, or are the endless flights and hotels getting to you?

MorrisseyOnly seals... and 'yes.' 

TRB: You and the band certainly seem to be having fun on stage, can you explain 'why' Boz has adopted the dresses and 'why' do the band often go topless?

MorrisseyAs a band we feel it's very important to glamorise girls who wear 'Plus Size Clothing.' The media obsession with waifs is becoming oppressive: in 2012, anyone older than thirty-three or larger than Victoria Beckham around the waist has no right to be seen in public. The fact that Boz is currently sponsored by Evans Clothing and we as a band are sponsored by Caramac is neither here nor there.

TRB: It's been noted that during shows, as you sweat, a 'heart shape' appears on your back, how do you do that, does Boz spray deodorant over you beforehand?

MorrisseyI don't know where these rumours spring from. I shall have to start padlocking my dressing room door.

TRB: You actually change your shirt two or three times during each show, have you considered Boz having a mid show dress change, to add a bit of Je ne sais quoi to the performances?

MorrisseyThis is an excellent idea. Keep your eyes peeled.

TRB: It is your 53rd birthday next week, and you look in fantastic nick....for a man of your age. Are you comfortable with how you look, and would you ever consider a 'Rooneyesque weave' if your infamous quiff goes awol?

MorrisseyAs I approach my very late forties, I realise more with each passing day how very fortunate I was in my twenties and thirties. I didn't go bald, nor did I look like a forty-two year old foetus born in close proximity to the Sellafield reprocessing plant, wearing a fetching brown toupe. Sadly I do now, of course. But we can't have everything we crave. If we could, I would have ceased to exist over two decades ago.

TRB: And talking about birthdays, how did you celebrate (?) your 13th, 23rd, 33rd and 43rd birthdays, and how did you feel at each of those ages?

Morrissey13th - a large cake with 13 candles. Appalled.

23rd - a small cupcake with a solitary candle. Anguished.

33rd - a currant bun. Afflicted.

43rd - a slither of lemon Turkish Delight. Apathetic.

53rd - a gulp of San Diego air? Absent? 

TRB: Your setlists always include a number of Smiths songs, do you purposely look to include a certain number of them, or do you see all your songs as being from one big catalogue, and not give any thought as to who wrote the music?

MorrisseyIf we were face to face, I would probably roll my eyes and give the same answer I usually give at this juncture. As we are not, I shall simply say, 'no,' 'yes' and 'no.'

TRB: You have recently stated (yet again) that you dislike 'What Difference Does It Make', but for many of us, it is 'the' song that led us to you. Do you 'ever' think you will fall back in love with it? Is there any chance of us 'ever' seeing you perform it again?

Morrissey'What Difference Does It Make' is musically interesting but lyrically it is very... Simon Le Bon. I find the lyrics facile and mildly embarrassing. Otherwise it's a majestic pop melody by Johnny and, ironically, had the lyrics indeed been penned by Simon Le Bon, I would probably cover it! As it is I'd feel too ashamed. I might sing it during the pause in 'Speedway-'

TRB: In recent concerts, you have recited lines from two Don McLean songs during the pause in 'Speedway' and also lines from Houseman's 'The Welsh Marches', why these particular quotes?

MorrisseyI would like to say more but I can't and so I'll say less.

TRB: At this moment in time, and obviously it changes, what are your top 3 songs of all time and your top 3 Moz written songs?

MorrisseyAvoiding the first question entirely:
1 There is a light that never goes out
2 First of the gang to die
3 Everyday is like sunday

They will change tomorrow.

TRB: You are rarely asked about your record collection, and I'd LOVE to know, so please answer honestly, how many 7 inch singles are in your collection, how many albums, and how do you store them; alphabetically, by date, or another method?

MorrisseyI own literally thousands of records. Most of them are stored in large banana leaf coffins in the basement of a large house and are not touched from one decade to the next. They will be buried with me - or rather, I shall be buried with them.

TRB: As you always seem to be on the road, where do you call home these days, ie, where is the aforementioned record collection kept?

MorrisseyHome is a question mark.

TRB: Talking of records, are you any closer to a record deal, or are all talks dead?

MorrisseyThere will be an announcement of 'My World' quite soon.

TRB: We fans are desperate to buy the half dozen songs you've showcased, would you ever consider just releasing digitally, or signing to a small independent label?

MorrisseyAs I tweeted, finding one of my albums in the local newsagent taped on to the front of the Sunday Mail is probably my biggest nightmare. Releasing it electronically would be a close second. The third option is now my only hope. 

TRB: Have you written any new songs lately, and if yes, will you be playing them live?

MorrisseyBoredom is a plague, The tyranny of tedium, My world. Possibly. We hope to have a new song in the set by Manchester.

TRB: And what's happening with the autobiography?

MorrisseyComing to a pulping unit near you soon.

TRB: All seems to have gone quiet on the NME court case, is it still going ahead, and if so, when?


TRB: Why have you decided to just play one UK show this year, and can we expect anything special in Manchester?

MorrisseyWe had a debate about one off concerts in two countries. The first is scheduled and the second will probably happen in the near future.

TRB: I'm not going to ask you about MorrisseysWorld, because I don't need to, but anybody can see that you have accepted just two flowers on stage in the last year, and both were roses, do you have a particular love for roses?

MorrisseyI love flowers and Oscar Wilde dearly adored roses. This is enough.

TRB: Thank you for answering my questions, can I have an exclusive? Nobody will believe this interview is real, so you're quite safe.

MorrisseyThank you for asking your questions. Nobody will believe it's real, and indeed it isn't real. And neither am I.

FOOT NOTES: Morrissey's mention of 'Dr Jacoby and his Hawaiian wife' in question one, is a reference to one of his favourite television shows, 'Twin Peaks'. In relation to question five, it should be noted that Boz Boorer has NEVER had a costume change mid show, and if it now occurs as a result of this interview, I reserve the right to claim a fee from 'Our Mozzer' for some sort of 'artistic introduction'. Morrissey's response to question nine means I will now be listening to the 'pause' in 'Speedway' with renewed excitement, although I won't hold my breath! Is Morrissey's response to question fourteen an 'exclusive' that his next album will be called 'My World'? We will have to wait and see. The reply to question sixteen suggests a 'new song' will be added to the set in Manchester, which is very exciting. It should be noted that Morrissey's 'non response' to question eighteen about the court case, was followed by a statement just a few hours later on his 'official' website '' which said the court case 'IS' going ahead, and is scheduled to start on July 16. Morrissey's answer to question nineteen, about 'one off concerts', is a reference to a debate held on his 'unofficial' website '' on February 17th, entitled, 'Debate: Should Morrissey play one-off concerts in France or England? Or anywhere else?' The 'official' statement regarding the 'one off' concert in Manchester appeared on TTY on April 8th! Could it be that a 'one off' concert in France will be announced soon?

Morrissey CLEARLY would like roses to be taken to his concerts, and has previously asked for; red, white or blue ones to be thrown onto the stage.

I am claiming NO COPYRIGHT on this interview, and give my full permission for anybody to reproduce either part, or all of the interview, as long as they give a credit to TRB and mention ' as it's original source.