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Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Day 413 - Lord Of the Whys Part 6

If Morrissey had thought that receiving a rose in Bogota would bring more customers to his Parody Nights club, he was wrong. The dictators at the Solow Place censored all mention of the 'Bogota Rose', and pretended that it had never happened, whilst the rest of Black Cloud Island remained blissfully oblivious.

 The regulars of the Twitterdilly Arms initially rejoiced at the sight of the rose, but their pleasure was short lived, as they came under immediate attack from former Twit Arms residents, such as Rosy Mires, Clingster, Amor, GOB and Lizzy Cat, who all claimed that the rose meant nothing. The gang, led as ever by Walter Ego, also included Skin and General Hamster, and they built themselves a temporary shack behind Parody Nights, which they called 'Deconstruction Row'.


WALTER EGO (WHITE JACKET), SKIN (GREEN SHIRT), CALDERCOAT SEAN (BRACES) AND OTHER MEMBERS OF THE DECONSTRUCTION ROW 'TEAM'. FRONT ROW L TO R: GENERAL HAMSTER, CLINGSTER, GOB AND LIZZY

The atmosphere remained tense over the next month, and the various factions continued to bicker and argue among themselves. The occupiers of the Twitterdilly Arms were frustrated that the inhabitants of Black Cloud Island had failed to find the Parody Nights club, and the gang living in Deconstruction Row, mocked the Twitterdillians for being so easily fooled. Our Mozzer just wiped his tables, dried his pots, and smiled to himself.

In early April of 2012, Sister Julia of The True To You Chapel Of The Latter Day Mozziah, announced that there would be concerts for Europeans during the summer, and Our Mozzer started a whole Spring season of entertainment in the Parody Nights club, which included; 'Book Readings From The Sudamerican Tour Journals', 'Broken Morrissey - Drama Queen' and 'Drag Boz In Session'.


BROKEN MORRISSEY - PART OF THE SPRING ENTERTAINMENT IN PARODY NIGHTS

 Margaret Lanterman also appeared on the Spring bill, bringing her much enjoyed log rubbing back to Parody Nights. She also brought with her, ANOTHER pledge, that "Before 2012 is out, Morrissey will appear with a blue rose."

The likes of Edge Industrial, Barcelona Berrells and Southkirk Kirky started hanging around the Parody Nights club, as did minor celebrities; Countess Amy of Camden, Marcus the Greek, Kristeen Young and EVEN Boy George. Despite Morrissey going off on tour to the asian part of Black Cloud Island, Our Mozzer kept his club open for business, adding himself onto the bill as an acidic stand up comedian, laying into the likes of Madonna, Katie Price, Elton, Bieber et al.


L TO R: PLAYWRIGHT MARCUS THE GREEK, OUR MOZZER, BOY GEORGE & KRISTEEN YOUNG

Over in the Solow Temple, Skin delivered a passionate sermon, calling the owner of Parody Nights a "deluded and mentally unstable nutcase", while in the concert world, the likes of Yukari Ramone, Minar, Tokyo Katie, and the old lush Manc Lad, ALL took roses to the concerts, but ALL failed to get them to Morrissey.


YUKARI AND MINAR COULDN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO DELIVER THEIR ROSES

As April came to a close, so did Parody Nights, with Our Mozzer once again deciding to shut up shop. The residents of the Twitterdilly Arms kept each other company in the bar, and kept their eye on the internet jukebox, watching clips from concerts.


ROMINA WATCHES MOZ AND GAYNOR ON THE INTERNET JUKEBOX IN THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS, WHILE DOING HER CHORES


In early May, Lizzy Cat and GOB strolled back into the Twitterdilly Arms, as if  they'd never been away, and moved back into their old rooms, their faith in Our Mozzer fully restored. Deconstruction Row had fallen apart, and was left abandoned, with Skin and co headed back to their Solow shanty town. Walter Ego had trudged off on his own, no longer sure where he belonged.

With Our Mozzer having disappeared, Rat decided to try and get some news, and shoved a piece of paper, with some hastily scrawled questions on it, through the letterbox of Parody Nights, in the hope that somebody might find it. The following day, a beautifully presented letter arrived at the Twitterdilly Arms, written in a childlike scrawl, and signed by Morrissey. Nobody could be sure if it was the real Morrissey or not, but all of Rats questions had been answered, except ONE, which just had "..." as the reply.


A BEAUTIFULLY BOUND LETTER ARRIVED AT THE TWIT ARMS

That same afternoon, the Chapel Of The Latter Day Mozziah was dawbed in graffiti, with the 'missing' answer to Rat's question. The handwriting was identical to the handwriting on the letter. Sister Julia quickly cleared away the graffiti. Parody Nights was also vandalised, with 'Because We Must' sprayed on the front door.






That evening, a paint covered Morrissey, ran himself a bath in his luxurious hilltop cave, and smiled a satisfied smile.

MORRISSEY'S LUXURIOUS BATHROOM

A few days later, on Morrissey's birthday, the 22nd May, Morrissey sang for the San Diego section of Black Cloud Island, wearing a red shirt, covered in ROSES, and he spoke to the audience saying, "Because We Must, Because We Must, Because We Must." The following day, Parody Nights was back in business.


Next time....Green Carnations, Blue Rose ties, and Morrissey sings to the UK section of Black Cloud Island

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Day 412 - And When You Look At Me, You Actually See Me

For the past week, influenced by a 'Lord of the Flies' style fallout among Morrissey fans on twitter, I have been writing the story of MorrisseysWorld, but basing it on an island inhabited just by Morrissey fans, with MorrisseysWorld renamed as 'The Parody Nights Club'. I am resting from the story today, but will probably continue it tomorrow.

The writing of the story has reminded me of many things, long since forgotten, and the evidence I keep stumbling across as I read back through my blog, has made me chuckle, as I realise just how GLARINGLY obvious it was (and still is), that Morrissey is MorrisseysWorld.

There has been NO news in the past week of TRM (The Real Morrissey), or indeed of his ill mother, Betty. The MorrisseysWorlders have all left messages of support, and Morrissey and his mum remain in everybody's thoughts.

The Twitterdilly Arms is virtually empty, NONE of us are going there at the moment, the world of Morrissey is on hold, although I did of course pop in at lunchtime today to countdown the Top 10, SOME things MUST go on (see chart below).


A few days ago, GOB posted something about the Solow place, and like a fool I felt compelled to read the article GOB was referring to, but it was so utterly vile, I pulled myself away. It would appear that the Solow place has fallen to even greater depths of depravity, and the in-house fighting makes Lord of the Flies look like a picnic in the park. It is a shame that Morrissey fans like GOB feel that they have to visit Solow, but it remains the number 1 place to receive Moz news, and without an alternative, some fans will continue to visit it. It just goes to show, if you're an addict with a habit, and you need a fix, you'll go ANYWHERE to get it. Solow is the dirty needle of the Moz world.


On Day 394 of Following The Mozziah, when Morrissey started his US tour, I posted the audience figures for my blog. It showed that I was getting more hits from the US than from anywhere else, including the UK.
My latest weekly figures show that this has reversed. It is also interesting to note that I've had a number of hits from Australia this past week.

On average, my blog receives approximately 400 hits a day. It is difficult to know how many of these hits are from the same people reading different pages, but I would think I have a regular daily readership of approximately 60 people. When the MorrisseysWorld blog was up and running, it would receive between 600-800 hits a day, so I would guess, it had a regular daily readership of about 100 people.

If you are looking for some kind of understanding as to WHY MorrisseysWorld hasn't gone viral, and WHY hardly anybody takes roses to concerts, it is because only 100 of Morrissey's hundreds of thousands of fans, are aware of it. Morrissey ADVERTISED MorrisseysWorld THREE times on True To You, but his fans misread the adverts, except for a few, who when they looked at him, they actually saw him.

Pageviews by Countries

Graph of most popular countries among blog viewers
EntryPageviews
United Kingdom
1053
United States
845
Germany
189
Japan
112
Australia
98
Indonesia
64
France
63
Italy
56
Peru
45
Israel
25



 THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 10 CHART - WEEK ENDING SATURDAY OCT 27TH


1. ALL THE LAZY DYKES - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
2. SWEET AND TENDER HOOLIGAN (LIVE AT RAPIDS THEATRE NIAGARA FALLS 2012) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
3. SING YOUR LIFE (LIVE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW 1991) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
4. ENSEMBLES - COUER DE PIRATE (NEW ENTRY)
5. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE AT RAPIDS THEATRE 2012) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
6. LET ME KISS YOU (LIVE AT RAPIDS THEATRE 2012) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
7. TROUBLE LOVES ME - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
8. HEART - RITA PAVONE (NO CHANGE)
9. NOVEMBER SPAWNED A MONSTER - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
10. LIFE IS A PIGSTY (LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL 2007) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE)

THE PALMS, SCENE OF MUCH CROSS ARMED ACTIVITY AND HOME TO THIS WEEK'S NUMBER 1






Monday, 29 October 2012

Day 411 - Lord Of The Whys Part 5

With Morrissey in-between tours, he started to spend more and more time in his Parody Nights club, disguised as Our Mozzer, and surrounded by his small, but loyal crowd of regulars.

Parody Nights was still largely undiscovered by the hundreds of thousands who inhabited Black Cloud Island, and the majority of those who DID know the club was there, shunned it, preferring instead to visit the Solow Temple and The True To You Chapel Of The Latter Day Mozziah to heap their worship on Morrissey.

RELAXING IN PARODY NIGHTS JAN 2012 - L TO R: OUR MOZZER, CLINGSTER, ROSY, EARS, LOUGHTON LIL AND CATHY (NOTE SKIN WAITING IN THE BACKGROUND)


In the early months of 2012, Our Mozzer kept himself busy in the bar, and one night he even got up on stage to perform an impromptu version of a song he'd written, called 'Boredom Is A Plague.' To the onlookers, the person on the stage LOOKED like Morrissey, and SOUNDED like Morrissey, but they STILL couldn't be 100% sure.


'EARS' STARES CLOSELY, BUT 'IS' SHE STARING AT MORRISSEY OR NOT?

On January 16th, Our Mozzer was drying up some glasses in Parody Nights, when he noticed a sad figure slumped on a table. Our Mozzer enquired as to what was wrong, and was told by Frankie Lemapach, that she had travelled to Parody Nights from the Argentinian part of Black Cloud Island, and was desperate for Morrissey to go there and sing. Our Mozzer gave Frankie a knowing look, and said, "Perhaps I shall." Frankie pondered to herself, was this mere mortal, who ran a two bit parody club, in the middle of nowhere REALLY the Mozziah? It COULDN'T be, SURELY?


ARGENTINIAN FRANKIE LEMAPACH IS MADE A PROMISE BY OUR MOZZER


Four days later, Sister Julie announced to a packed 'True To You Chapel Of the Latter Day Mozziah', that Morrissey would soon be playing in Argentina.

With every COINCIDENCE, a few more people would arrive in the Parody Nights club, convinced that Our Mozzer was really Morrissey. The likes of Old Willoughby, Fancy and Monti were all regulars by now, and the likes of Poetic Moz and Moz Addict, who had been there from the very start, continued to lurk and watch, but STILL the vast majority of Black Cloud Island remained oblivious to Our Mozzer. 'Drag Boz' arrived to help out in Parody Nights, and as January came to a close, Our Mozzer decided that as a collective group, the regulars of Parody Nights would be known as the 'Blue Rose Society'.


JAN 2012 - DRAG BOZ APPEARS IN PARODY NIGHTS AND THE BLUE ROSE SOCIETY IS BORN

The beginning of February saw Lizzy Cat pack her suitcase, and LEAVE the Twitterdilly Arms, she had fallen victim to the evil Walter Ego, who continued to enter both the Parody Nights club and the Twitterdilly Arms, telling the residents that they were being taken for fools by a cheap impostor. It was too much for Lizzy, she believed Ego, and decided that the not knowing was just too much to bear. Rosy and Amor were also starting to question their belief.

Despite all the self deprecating from Our Mozzer, that NOBODY visited his club, secretly he was pleased that Parody Nights remained a secret, and he employed the likes of Ego, to keep everybody off the scent.


WALTER EGO INFORMS ANYBODY WHO WILL LISTEN, THAT OUR MOZZER IS A FRAUD

In mid February, at the request of the regulars, Our Mozzer fitted a brand new giant tv screen in the Parody Nights club, in preparation for Morrissey's Vina del Mar concert. As the locals sat around chatting, Our Mozzer flicked on the giant tv screen, to see if it was working, and up flashed breaking news that an American celebrity had died. Our Mozzer announced from behind the bar that Oprah Winfrey had passed away, but he was mistaken, it was her lookalike Whitney Houston.


FEB 2012 - A NEW GIANT TV SCREEN IS ERECTED IN PARODY NIGHTS


Clingster, Manc lad, Hector, Rosy and Amor went berserk at Our Mozzer's mistake. They started to smash up Parody Nights, ripping down the parody pictures of Ross & Brand and even smashing the famous 'Sudanese Crying Girl' painting. So strong was their love for Houston, that Clingster, Hector, Rosy and Amor, ran to The Twitterdilly Arms, and packed their bags. Amor was SO deeply offended, that she attacked Rat, leaving him battered and sore. Our Mozzer grinned, poured himself a drink, and switched channels.


AMOR BEATS UP RAT BEFORE FLEEING THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS FOR GOOD



THE ROSS AND BRAND PARODY POSTER, RIPPED DOWN IN DISGUST BY ROSY MIRES




As February drew to a close, Our Mozzer once again became plain old Morrissey, and headed off to sing to the South American community of Black Cloud Island.


OUR MOZZER LEAVES PARODY NIGHTS AND HEADS OFF ON TOUR AS MORRISSEY


As Morrissey entered the South American community, he was stopped by a journalist and asked if he was involved with the running of the Parody Nights club. Morrissey explained to the journalist that he couldn't be behind it, because he was only seventeen, so it would be dangerous. This was the first, and only time, that ANYBODY outside of the Parody Nights community had mentioned the club to Morrissey.

Many took this fourth denial as ABSOLUTE evidence that Morrissey WASN'T Our Mozzer, but the VERY next day, Our Mozzer sent a telegram to the Twitterdilly Arms, telling the regulars that he was planning a small surprise, and he also mentioned the Falkland Islands.

That evening, Morrissey's band delivered the small surprise by wearing black bras on stage, while Boz wore a dress, and Morrissey mentioned the Falkland islands. The COINCIDENCES were mounting up, but to those outside The Twitterdilly Arms and Parody Nights, these 'coincidences' meant NOTHING.

Meanwhile, over in the Solow community, Paul Free, Skin and a number of others, seemed to be spending more and more time, telling anybody that would listen, that THEY had their own bands. Skin no longer had any interest in watching Morrissey perform live, he was far more interested in himself. Tze Tze, who is banned from attending all Morrissey concerts on Black Cloud Island, decided to audition for Skin's band, taking his influence from Morrissey, of course.


TZE TZE TRIES TO IMPRESS SKIN OVER AT THE SOLOW PLACE


On March 12th, Parody Nights at last underwent a refurbishment, with Our Mozzer replacing the posters that had been ripped down by all the fleeing Houston fans. His new choice of decor continued on from the masonic 'OO' theme, with a number of 'Hand Across The Chest' pictures.





NEW POSTERS IN PARODY NIGHTS


Three days later, Our Mozzer invited Rat, EARS and Loughton Lil into the back room of Parody Nights, and there he told them to watch out for Morrissey holding his heart during 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' in his concert.


RAT, OUR MOZZER, EARS AND LOUGHTON LIL IN THE BACK ROOM


The three eagerly watched out for songs on the internet jukebox in The Twitterdilly Arms, and sure enough, Morrissey DID hold his heart, and the three became further convinced, that Our Mozzer was undoubtedly The Mozziah.

Two days later, Morrissey rounded off his tour, by making a double 'OO' sign in Bogota, and then he plucked a white rose from the audience, and watched the rose turn red, just as Log Lady had predicted.

"WHEN THE BLOOD RUNS, THE WHITE ROSE BECOMES A RED ROSE" - LOG LADY OCT 2011



Next time on Lord Of The Whys......Our Mozzer pledges that Morrissey will appear with a blue rose before 2012 is out, Morrissey gives an interview to Rat, Parody Nights closes down again, and Morrissey celebrates his birthday in a rose shirt....because we must!




Saturday, 27 October 2012

Day 409 - Lord Of The Whys Part 4

The reopening of Parody Nights, in early November 2011, was marked by Our Mozzer inviting a handful of the regulars into the private back room, for an informal chat. The disciples sat quietly as Our Mozzer asked that everybody stop heaping praise on him, but asked instead for mockery and cajoling.

OUR MOZZER ASKS FOR MOCKERY


Our Mozzer then told the story of Oscar Wilde and his followers, saying that they had all worn green carnations, without anybody ever knowing why, and that he wanted HIS followers to wear roses, in honour of Wilde and his work. Our Mozzer concluded by saying that he thought it would be fun to create a so called secret society, that doesn't really exist.


On Nov 6th, Our Mozzer entered The Twitterdilly Arms, and without saying a word, played the song 'Trouble Loves Me' on the jukebox. He then left.

The following day, in the Parody Nights club, Margaret Lanterman was back, for another of her popular log rubbing evenings. As Margaret rubbed, she played the song 'Blue Rose' by Silverstrain, and she announced that: "BLUE ROSE exists". The audience looked confused, they didn't know what Margaret was trying to tell them, but none the less, the majority enjoyed the evening, although for some, Our Mozzer's theme nights, coupled with the new decor of masonic signs, was getting a little too much to bear, so they left, never to return.

LANTERMAN'S LOG THEMED EVENINGS WERE ENJOYED BY SOME, BUT DROVE OTHERS AWAY

Following Margaret's performance, Our Mozzer once again closed down Parody Nights, and Morrissey set off on tour. The message had been given to bring red and white roses, but the message had been given to just a few hundred people at most, and virtually NONE of those people were going to the concerts.

Morrissey opened his tour in San Antonio, and although Twitterdilly regular Cajun Cauliflower was in the audience, and heard Morrissey directly quote Justin Bieber by saying, "Are You Feelin' Me?" , Cajun was in Row U, so her rose went unnoticed. There were others in San Antonio who COULD have taken roses, including a skinhead gang consisting of Walter Ego, Manc Lad and Dickie Felt'em, but although these three were aware of Our Mozzer and Parody Nights, they were in San An for the music, and NOT for sissy flower throwing.


EGO LEADS HIS GANG TO THE SAN ANTONIO CONCERT, BUT WITHOUT ROSES


As news reached back to The Twitterdilly Arms that the concerts were bereft of roses, a collective feeling of despondency hung in the air. The regulars started to question as to whether Our Mozzer REALLY was Morrissey after all. Manc Lad apologized to the regular irregulars, and promised to take a rose to the concert in Dallas, and true to his word, he DID take a rose to the concert, but rather than give it to Morrissey or throw it onto the stage at the encore, he took it back to his cave with him.


MANC LAD - TOOK A ROSE TO THE CONCERT & THEN BACK TO HIS FOR THE NIGHT


By now, there was just a dozen or so left, who still believed that Our Mozzer could POSSIBLY be Morrissey, but these dozen weren't at the concerts, they were stuck in The Twitterdilly Arms. The Parody Nights club remained closed, Bucktoothed Boy had left, and there were NO roses being taken to the Morrissey concerts, after all, why would there be, NOBODY attending them could possibly KNOW about the secret rose society, they came from parts of Black Cloud Island that had NEVER HEARD of Our Mozzer or Parody Nights. Things looked bleak, but Morrissey then did TWO things, on consecutive nights, that would change EVERYTHING.

On November 28th, SOMEBODY turned up in the front row of Morrissey's concert in Pomona, and offered him a red rose, he ACCEPTED.


NOV 28TH - MORRISSEY RECEIVES A RED ROSE

The following day, Morrissey appeared on the Conan tv show, with the broadcast beamed not only to various areas of Black Cloud Island, but beyond. At the end of the broadcast, Morrissey made the same 'OO' sign that adorned the walls of the Parody Nights club.


NOV 29TH - MORRISSEY L'OO'KS ACROSS BLACK CLOUD ISLAND

The regulars of The Twitterdilly Arms needed NO further convincing. These TWO acts were the signs they had been waiting for, it was now official, Our Mozzer WAS Morrissey. They immediately set about forming the Blue Rose Society, and both Heather Cat and Clingster agreed to take BLUE ROSES to the concert in Chicago.

The Solow Temple was dawbed anonymously with the following:

'In Winter the fingers turn blue. The red sunburn meets the white of snow and the  extremities turn blue.
So it is with the Rose - neither Red nor White can achieve the goal it seems, so Blue will be the choice of winter.
Finally the events will take place.'

Speculation mounted that the message was written by Morrissey himself. Another message then appeared:

'You don't like me, But you Love me
Either way yoU'rE wrong
You'Re gOnna misS mE when I'm gone
You're gonna miSs ME when I'm gone.'

The capital letters spelled out - 'BLUE ROSE IS ME.' Was Morrissey giving yet ANOTHER sign?


WAS MORRISSEY THE GRAFFITI ARTIST?

Heather Cat and Clingster took their BLUE ROSES to Chicago, but they fell apart in the cold, so instead they threw red and white roses at the encore, but security cleared them away before Morrissey even saw them.

The tour came to a close, and so did 2011. Morrissey, who by now was a little older, and a little more greyer, drove back down the hillside and re-opened his Parody Nights club.


MORRISSEY DRIVING FROM HIS HILLTOP HOME TO PARODY NIGHTS

On Boxing Day, Our Mozzer announced that "Years of Refusal may come to be viewed as my masterpiece when the lights finally go out." The following day, Sister Julia delivered a similar message from Morrissey in her sermon at the 'True To You Chapel Of The Latter Day Mozziah'. Sister Julia's announcement enraged the Solow contingent who were present, they DIDN'T agree with Morrissey, but then again, they rarely do.

The new year began, and on January 10th, Rat announced The Twitterdilly Arms first ever Top 10. Just hours later, Morrissey made a rare personal appearance in the True To You Chapel, and announced HIS first ever Top 10. The coincidence was further proof to the few, that Morrissey HAD to be Our Mozzer, but would the rest of Black Cloud Island EVER get to even HEAR about Our Mozzer?


RAT ANNOUNCES THE FIRST EVER TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 10


Next time on Lord Of The Whys.......Morrissey makes his FIRST ever mention of Our Mozzer, Boz Boorer dons a dress, and Our Mozzer redecorates Parody Nights. Also, a session in the back room of Parody Nights leaves SOME in NO doubt what so ever, that Our Mozzer is Morrissey.



Friday, 26 October 2012

Day 408 - Lord Of The Whys Part 3

September of 2011 was quickly followed by October, and Our Mozzer's Parody Nights club was in full swing, although when I say full swing, it was only attracting the same clientele each day, and it remained COMPLETELY undiscovered by the hundreds of thousand of occupants of Black Cloud Island.

The Solow leaders continued to assure their community that Parody Nights was an illegal den of iniquity, with both Skin and Tze Tze fearing that their township would fall apart if their residents were to realise that Morrissey was the owner of the club, and that EVERYBODY was welcome. Skin and Tze Tze's  main fear was that the Solow residents would up sticks, and form a new community centred around Parody Nights. For now, the only other building near Parody Nights was The Twitterdilly Arms, a large pub with ensuite accommodation above.


OCT 2011 - OUR MOZZER BEHIND THE BAR OF PARODY NIGHTS WITH WALTER EGO MAKING COCKTAILS. RAISING THEIR GLASSES ARE: MME STAELGHOST, LIZZY CAT, AMORA, EARS, HEATHER CAT, ROSY MIRES, GW, CLINGSTER, HECTOR, MANC LAD, LOUGHTON LIL, RAT ETC. ROMINA CAN JUST ABOUT BE SEEN IN THE BAR, WITH HER HEAD ON THE BAR. THE NON SMILING MAN IN THE VERY CENTRE IS SKIN OF SOLOW - HE IS WORRIED THAT HIS COMMUNITY WILL REALISE HE SECRETLY FREQUENTS PARODY NIGHTS

On October 9th, Parody Nights held a Twin Peaks theme night, compared by a woman by the name of Margaret Lanterman, aka Log Lady. Some of those in attendance thought that Log Lady could in fact be Morrissey or Boz Boorer in disguise, but whoever it was, they provided a bizarre evening of entertainment, that culminated in Margaret rubbing her log, and making a strange prediction. She said:

"When the blood runs, the white rose becomes a red rose. When the truth settles down, nothing will remain."

None of the regulars had ANY idea what Log Lady's prediction could mean, but despite her presence being slightly disturbing to a number of the regulars, others liked her 'off the wall' act, and she was booked for further performances.


MARGARET LANTERMAN - SECURED FURTHER BOOKINGS AT PARODAY NIGHTS  THANKS TO AN OFF THE WALL DEBUT OF LOG RUBBING AND PROPHESYING IN OCTOBER  2011


Early one morning, the following week, Morrissey was strolling down from his hilltop home, heading toward Parody Nights, when he bumped into Russell Brand, one of the 'Moz Celeb' community, who was out practicing his yoga. Morrissey had recently noticed Brand hanging around the Parody club, so he decided that, as Rustle was a trusted friend, he would let him in on his secret.

Morrissey also informed Brand that he was just on his way to close the club down for a while, as he was heading off on tour, but he told Brand that he would introduce him to the club regulars. Morrissey instructed Brand to disguise himself, and told him that he must NEVER reveal their true identities.


OUR MOZZER (LEFT) INSTRUCTS BRAND THAT HE MUST KEEP QUIET

That evening (Oct 12th), Our Mozzer announced to all the regulars of Parody Nights, that he was closing the club, but he asked the audience to welcome into the community, Bucktoothed Boy.

What happened next, was a scene reminiscent of when Morrissey left the stage at London's Roundhouse in January 2008. As an awkward looking Bucktoothed Boy walked onto the stage, the audience started to look at each other, and asked WHY was Our Mozzer closing the club, and what is more, WHY was he offering this odd looking man as some sort of replacement? The audience booed, most stormed out, and Rat, rather shamefully, through a cup of wee at the new boy.


BRAND DISGUISED WITH ITEMS FROM HIS DRESSING UP BOX, ENTERED THE PARODY NIGHTS AND WAS DRENCHED WITH RAT WEE

With Parody Nights now closed, the focus fell on The Twitterdilly Arms, where  the twenty two nomads, now gathered. They all had their own individual rooms upstairs, and they would drift in and out of the bar at different times of night and day, while the jukebox constantly played. The other regulars of Parody Nights seemed to have disappeared, or perhaps they were lurking in the shadows of the Arms.

The Old Bank of England
THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS - A BASE WHILE PARODY NIGHTS WAS CLOSED

The very first evening that Buck ventured into the Twitterdilly Arms, he was made to feel welcome, but Buck appeared to be wearing the very same UK Uncut t-shirt that Russell Brand had been wearing over the past few days. Rat and a few of the others recognised the t-shirt, and when Buck started talking about  Richard Dawkins being the Abu Hamza of atheism, their suspicions seemed to be confirmed.


BUCKTOOTHED BOY, LOOKING A BIT LIKE BRAND


November arrived, and as the regulars of The Twitterdilly Arms moped about, waiting for Morrissey's tour to start, something unexpected happened, The Parody Nights club re-opened, and it had been completely redecorated, with pictures of famous people making 'OO' and 'O' signs.


THE NEW DECOR OF PARODY NIGHTS


November 7th saw Log Lady return to the Parody Nights stage, and she had another VERY important announcement.


The story is old, I KNOW, but it goes on. Come back tomorrow to find out WHAT Log Lady's IMPORTANT announcement was all about, discover the meaning of the 'OO' signs, and also see whether any roses appeared on the US Morrissey tour of 2011.


Thursday, 25 October 2012

Day 407 - Lord Of The Whys Part 2

The following night, as the islanders slept, Morrissey once again emerged from his hilltop cave, which incidentally, is probably a lot more luxurious than you may have previously imagined.................


CHEZ MOZ - WITH PANORAMIC VIEWS OVER THE WHOLE OF BLACK CLOUD ISLAND


....................and set off back down the mountain. On reaching the foot of the mountain, Morrissey was met by Boz Boorer, and a few other trusted friends. Together they headed for the centre of the island, away from all the main settlements, which are mainly situated on the coast.

MOZ LEADS BAND MEMBERS AND TRUSTED FRIENDS TO THE CENTRE OF THE ISLAND

On reaching a secluded area, Morrissey and his gang set about building....well, Boz and the boys set about building, Morrissey acted as foreman. To make sure they wouldn't be recognised, Morrissey disguised himself once again as Our Mozzer, and dressed himself as a freemason, while Boz opted for a french maid's outfit, and a thick overcoat to keep out the cold.

MOZ ADOPTS FREEMASON ATTIRE AND SHOWS DRAG BOZ WHERE TO START DIGGING


Black Cloud Island has many communities, including the previously mentioned 'Solow', which is a run down ghetto located on the east side, and the 'Moz Hispanics', who reside somewhere in the hills, rarely mixing with any of the other inhabitants.


THE SOLOW PLACE - SITUATED ON THE EAST SIDE

Another group on Black Cloud Island is the well to do 'Moz Celebs', who live in a private, gated condo, in the upmarket Redondo Beach. This group consist of the likes of Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, David Walliams, Neko Case, Nancy Sinatra etc, and like the Hispanics, the 'Moz Celebs' rarely mix with other Moz fans.


NANCY SINATRA RELAXING AT HER CONDO IN THE EXCLUSIVE REDONDO BEACH


There is also an army on the island, the Moz Army. They are a well meaning, friendly bunch, and are more akin to the salvation army than a military unit. The Moz Army don't have a central meeting place, but many of the members are also part of the Solow organisation. Some of the members even play in bands, and encourage others to listen to their recordings. The Moz Army was formed by General Hamster.

MEMBERS OF THE MOZ ARMY GATHER OUTSIDE THE SOLOW TEMPLE - SKIN AND WALTER EGO, WHO ARE BOTH BUDDING LEAD SINGERS, CAN BE SEEN AT THE BACK IN THE CENTRE & GENERAL HAMSTER IS ON THE FAR RIGHT, CUT IN HALF


Our Mozzer's building was soon complete. Unlike the 'True To You Chapel Of The Latter Day Mozziah', which is very formal, and doesn't allow interaction, and unlike 'The Solow Temple', which gives freedom of speech to some, and bans others, Our Mozzer's new building was a relaxed speakeasy, which he named 'Parody Nights'.


INSIDE THE PARODY NIGHTS SPEAKEASY


Boz and the gang were sent away to rehearse, while Our Mozzer spent many hours in his new club. He  put up posters, advertising comedy shows, and created a private meeting room, with space for just ten people out the back.

It was now mid August 2011, Parody Nights was up and running, but despite Black Cloud Island having hundreds of thousands of inhabitants, very few had heard of this new club. Some members of the Solow community stuck their heads around the door to watch the odd show, but generally members were encouraged by Skin and Tze Tze to stay clear.


On August 13th, Our Mozzer boasted of planning a US tour for Morrissey, but the Parody Nights was virtually empty, so the boast fell mainly on deaf ears.

Just six days after Our Mozzer's extraordinary boast, it was announced by Sister Riley, during a service in The True To You Chapel Of The Latter Day Mozziah, that Our Mozzer was certainly NOT Morrissey, and she advised the packed congregation to be warned.

SISTER RILEY WARNS A PACKED CONGREGATION THAT OUR MOZZER IS NOT MORRISSEY


Everybody nodded knowingly, it was now OFFICIAL that Our Mozzer was a fraud, and it would no doubt be just a matter of days before Morrissey had Parody Nights closed down. Just as the service came to an end, Sister Riley also made an announcement that Morrissey would soon be announcing a US tour. The congregation became very excited, and the previous announcement of the fake Moz was quickly forgotten, but a handful of the congregation, who had been in the Parody Nights just a few days earlier, became suspicious. SOMETHING was going on!



Parody Nights started to get a little busier as curiosity rose about Our Mozzer and his strange predictions and pledges. Our Mozzer had now foreseen not only that Morrissey would strip to the waste, but also that he would be announcing a US tour. Our Mozzer would smile to himself as he listened to the whispers, whilst wiping his tables, but he just kept his head down, and carried on with the running of his speakeasy club.

As September approached, Our Mozzer started decking the tables of his club with red and white roses, and he told all who came in, that they should take roses to the upcoming Morrissey concerts, in honour of Oscar Wilde. Posters were put on the walls.



PARODY NIGHTS ENCOURAGED PATRONS TO TAKE ROSES TO CONCERTS, IN HONOUR OF WILDE


At this time, Our Mozzer also became aware of a new form of communication, that had the ability to reach all the inhabitants of the island and beyond, twitter! He opened an account, but the only followers he attracted were the people sat in his club.

Our Mozzer gave it some thought, and then set off to The True To You Chapel, where he once again dawbed on the walls, in child like writing,  that Our Mozzer was a fake, and so was the twitter account.

 Most who read the graffiti took it to be true, and STILL Our Mozzer remained largely ignored by the inhabitants of Black Cloud Island, but a spiv, going by the name of Rat, had read the dawbed message, and having also been in attendance at the Palladium concert, Rat became suspicious that Our Mozzer could in fact be, the real Morrissey.


RAT - A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER


Rat started hanging around in the shadows of Parody Nights, and took notes on what he saw and heard. He slept rough, as there was nowhere to sleep in the vicinity, but he noticed that he wasn't the only one sleeping rough, there were approximately twenty one others. Rat got talking to three strange looking guys, who it transpired ALSO had their suspicions that Our Mozzer was indeed the real Morrissey. These three nomads were called Loughton Lil, Hector Lector and Manc Lad.

MANC LAD, HECTOR LECTOR AND LOUGHTON LIL


Also sleeping rough were a number of women, all of whom Rat recognised as being regulars of Parody Nights. Among them were; Heather Cat, Rosy Mires, Clingster, Amora, Romina, Cathy5, Lizzy Cat, EARS, Mimi, GW and GOB. They too wanted to be part of this exciting new community, but when Parody Nights was closed, there was nowhere for them to stay.


L TO R: CATHY, ROSY MIRES, GOB, CLINGSTER, HEATHER AND ROMINA - SLEEPING ROUGH


The twenty two nomads grouped together, and whilst wearing their red and white roses, they all set about building The Twitterdilly Arms public house, right next door to Parody Nights.


THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS - FREQUENTED BY NOMADS


A new community was in the making, and being in such close proximity to Our Mozzer, it would allow the pub regulars to keep a daily watch on EVERYTHING Our Mozzer did and said, and boy, was he about to start doing and saying, but not everything would go down well with his new found followers.


To Be Continued.

Mozziah Archive