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Friday, 30 November 2012

Day 443 - MORRISSEYSWORLD - WHAT A CARRY ON! PART 1

MORRISSEYSWORLD - WHAT A CARRY ON! (PART 1)

The scene is an upstairs office, in the Wolos Yard Police Station. There are approximately thirty police officers sat around the room, with some perched on desks due to a lack of chairs and space. The majority of the officers are not normally based at Wolos, and have been brought in from other stations. They are all awaiting the arrival of Wolos' senior officer. Among those waiting are PC Liam Ireland Loughton (known to his friends as Lil, due to his initials), PC Manclad, PC Rattus, PC Marcus Theo Greek, PC Com Harps, PC Menippus (the intellectual of the group) and WPCs Gobiva, Rosy Mires, Kellie Crisp, Romina Ricci and the two Cat twins, Heather and Lizzy. It is a Friday, and the group are in a very relaxed mood, looking forward to getting down the pub at the end of their shift. PCs Loughton and Manclad (two close mates who work together at another station) are in particularly good moods, and have been sharing jokes. PC Loughton has just told a joke that has PC Manclad in hysterics. Just then, the door opens, and three men walk in. Two of them take a seat at the front of the room, the other man stands in front of them, ready to address the audience. He notices Manclad laughing and stares at him. Manclad looks down at the floor and holds in his laughter.


D.C.I. TACKLEHARD: (In a Chinese accent) Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Detective Chief Inspector David Tacklehard, but most people call me David T, or Tze Tze. I am the senior officer here at Wolos Yard, and I have called you all here today to review a cold case, ie, a case that has gone cold. (There are a number of sniggers from the group)

PC LIl LOUGHTON: (In a thick Irish accent - Quietly to PC Manclad, who is sat next to him) Tacklehard of the yard? Pinch me mother, I must be dreaming! (PC Manclad does his best to hold in a laugh, but lets out a small snort from the back of his throat. Tacklehard hears the snort and looks over at Manclad.)

DCI TACKLEHARD OF THE YARD


D.C.I TACKLEHARD: (In a mocking tone) Oh hello, we've got the laughing policeman in our midst (Manclad snorts again and holds in his laughter, as does Loughton). Something you want to share with us?

(Manclad shakes his head and looks back down at the floor, doing his best not to let Tacklehard see that he's still laughing, and making sure he avoids eye contact with Loughton. PCs Rattus and Marcus T. Greek, plus a few others, have noticed Manclad and Loughton repressing their laughter, and they too are now smirking. Tacklehard removes his stare from Manclad and readdresses the whole room. )


PC MANCLAD - THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN


D.C.I. TACKLEHARD: Now then, the reason you've ended up on my doorstep this morning, is because I want to reopen this MorrisseysWorld case. Let me make one thing clear, I don't cut corners, so we're going to be going over this matter with a fine tooth comb, I want no stone left unturned. (looks around the room, and lets his gaze fall on Manclad) I aught to tell you, I'm a no nonsense copper, and I don't suffer fools gladly.

PC GREEK: (Posh English accent, but with some fake 'Street Greek' thrown in for good measure- Quietly under his breath, but loud enough for Loughton, Manclad, Rattus and co to hear) Blimey, I wonder who his favourite footballer is, Gael Cliche? (Loughton and Manclad both try to hold in their giggles, but both release slight snorts. PC Greek and the others smile.)

D.C.I. TACKLEHARD: (Stares at Loughton and Manclad and addresses them in a mocking tone) Oh my, there's now two of them! The laughing policeman has been joined by the laughing gnome! (Loughton and Manclad snort further, and desperately try not to catch each others eye) Is there something funny that you two would like to share? (The two men shake their heads, doing their best to hold in their laughter) Right then, well if it's alright with Mahoney and Zed, I shall carry on. (Loughton and Manclad stifle yet more giggles and Tacklehard addresses the whole group) If this is the way that you lot go about your police work, then it's hardly surprising that you haven't managed to crack this MorrisseysWorld case. Right, let's start at the very beginning.....

PC RATTUS: (Under his breath but loud enough for Loughton, Manclad and Greek to hear) Fuck me, he's turned into Julie Andrews now. (Loughton, Manclad and Greek look at each other and all snort out loud, but then repress their sniggers. Rattus smirks.)


TACKLEHARD: (Looking at the three snorters) Oh good, Moe and Larry have been joined by Curly, now we've got all three Stooges.



L TO R: LOUGHTON, MANCLAD AND MARCUS T. GREEK


TACKLEHARD: (addressing the whole room) Let me make something VERY clear, not just to those three clowns over there (nods towards Loughton, Manclad and Greek), but to all of you. I want NO cock ups on this case.

PC HARPS: (Quietly to Loughton, Manclad, Greek and Rattus)  Did you hear that? Old hard tackle doesn't want a cock up. (Loughton, Manclad, Greek and Rattus all snort out loud, and have tears streaming from down their faces. Harps smiles, and is close to laughter too. WPC Romina Ricci has heard what Harps said, and is also smiling. The five men look at the floor, avoiding eye contact at all cost.)

( DCI Tacklehard stares in the direction of the smirking PCs, but as they are all looking at the floor, he looks back to the whole group.)

TACKLEHARD:  I shall now hand you over to my assistant to take us through MorrisseysWorld, step by step. I'm sure this man  needs no introduction (gesturing with his hand in an introductory manor), but to those of you who may not know him, may I introduce Detective Sergeant Dickie Feltem.


D.S DICKIE FELTEM


PC MENIPPUS (Quietly to Loughton, Manclad, Greek, Rattus and Harps, with an exasperated sniggering laugh in his voice) Tacklehard and Feltem? This just gets better! (Loughton, Manclad, Greek, Rattus and Harps all make the mistake of looking up towards Menippus, and as they all catch each others eye, the tears start to roll. They are all close to bursting.)

SERGEANT FELTEM: (In thick scouse accent, and gesturing with his hands) Eh, eh, calm down, calm down. This MorrisseysWorld thing is no laughing matter you know, it's serious stuff.

LOUGHTON: (Tears pouring down his face) I thought it was a parody? (The gigglers continue to giggle. Tacklehard and Feltem look at each other in bemusement.)

TACKLEHARD: (Addressing Feltem and the other man sat with him) I don't get it, I just don't get it. Am I missing something? (The two men shrug their shoulders)

WPC ROMINA RICCI: (Thick Italian accent - with her hand in the air) Excusing me. Captain Hardtackle, I wouldn't worry too much of the time, I'm thinking that Lil and Rat and the friends are just all feeling a bit fruity today and with you being such a stiffy, it just sets off their giggles.

(The whole place falls about laughing, including Dickie Feltem. The only two not laughing are Tacklehard and the other man at the front, who has not yet been introduced.)

WPC ROMINA RICCI: (trying to look innocent) What did I say? What did I say?


WPC HEATHER CAT (FOREGROUND LEFT) THROWS HER HEAD BACK IN HYSTERICS. WPC STILL.I.CLING (FAR RIGHT) CAN'T SEE THE FUNNY SIDE.

(The laughter eventually subsides. Tacklehard has sat down, and is shaking his head. Sgt Feltem senses that the D.C.I looks beaten, so stands up and addresses the group)

FELTEM: (scouse accent still!) Loook, D.C.I Tacklehard has asked you all here, to find out what's been going on with this MorrisseysWorld lark, and I'd like to find out too. My eye has been off the ball what with me being so wrapped up in me new booook and all.

MENIPPUS: Booook?

FELTEM: That's right soft lad, I've got a new booook coming out next week (holds up a copy) Morrissey International Airport.

LOUGHTON: Is it another parody?

FELTEM: Eh?

LOUGHTON: Is it a parody? You know, is it Morrissey pretending to be an airport?

MENIPPUS: (very serious) No, no. I see what Dickie's done, and it's very clever, very clever indeed. He's portrayed Morrissey as a central point in the world, and has shown people just passing through him, without any thought for how he feels. I bet it's Heathrow, (to Dickie) IS it Heathrow Dickie? No, don't spoil it for me, let me find out for myself, (readdressing the whole group)  It's brilliant, quite brilliant, and I love the way that Dickie has chosen an airport, and not say, a shipping port. An airport is SO apt, especially with Morrissey's hatred of flying. It really is very, very clever. (Suddenly getting excited) Oh god, and of course, the airport theme fits in with those other great bastions, President Kennedy, Achmad Yani, Jorge Newbery, John Lennon, George Best, all of whom are now just airports! It's genius Dickie, genius, I can't wait to read it.

PC MENIPPUS - CAN'T WAIT TO READ DICKIE'S BOOOOK



FELTEM: (looking confused) Er, thanks, but actually, it's just about Morrissey fans who travel about a bit to watch him in concert.

D.C.I TACKLEHARD: (leaping to his feet) Listen, we don't seem to be getting anywhere here, can somebody PLEASE give us a review of the MorrisseysWorld case? (Points at Mires) YOU! What do you know of MorrisseysWorld?

WPC MIRES: Oh, I know EVERYTHING. (Takes her pocket book out of her jacket and flicks back through a number of pages). In case you're wondering sir, MorrisseysWorld definitely ISN'T run by Morrissey, we can all be quite sure of that. Morrissey would NEVER do such a thing, just listen to his lyrics.

TACKLEHARD: Well, that's why we're here WPC, sorry, what's your name?

MIRES: My name is Mires (pause), Rosy Mires.

TACKLEHARD: Well, WPC Mires, none of us KNOW anything, so please keep your mind open. Us cold case experts never close ANY door.

LOUGHTON: (Quietly to his motley crew) I bet it's freezing in his house.

WPC ROMINA RICCI: An old saying in Rome says, the man who closes the doors, must at least keep the window on the latch. Anyway, I'm very busy for studying and need to pick up the children. Sorry Captain Tickletackle, I'm must be going. (Romina leaves).

Italian police woman photo, italyan kadın polis resmi
WPC RICCI - BUSY


TACKLEHARD: (addressing the whole group) Who discovered MorrisseysWorld first? (Everybody looks around at each other.)

WPC KELLIE CRISP: (Thick Aussie accent) Wasn't it YOU Rat?

PC RATTUS: No, I was quite a latecomer, MorrisseysWorld started in December 2009, I didn't find it until (looks in his pocket book) September 15th 2011, it had been around for nearly two years before I found it. I thought it was Manclad.

MANCLAD: No, I only found it when True to You linked it, I think Com was there before me, weren't you Com?

PC COMRADE HARPS: I found it in May 2011, but also after the True to You link. The only person I bumped into around that time was PC Anon, he's always claimed to have been the first.

TACKLEHARD: Which one of you is PC Anon? (The room goes silent, but everybody turns around, and looks over to the far corner of the room, where a figure is gently rocking backwards and forwards, talking to himself about a bunny.) Is that PC Anon? Can somebody go and bring him over?

WPC GOBIVA: You'll get no sense out of him sir, he's a bit like the jailer in Life of Brian.

TACKLEHARD: Who's this bunny he's rabbiting on about? Is this bunny character behind MorrisseysWorld?

WPC LIZZY CAT: Bunny's a red herring sir.

TACKLEHARD: This is all starting to sound very fishy.

LOUGHTON: (quietly to others) Oh shit, here we go again.


PC 'BUNNY' ANON - A RED HERRING


WPC HEATHER CAT: (addressing D.C.I Tacklehard) I think it's irrelevant as to who found MorrisseysWorld, surely you just want to know who's behind it?

TACKLEHARD: Yes, yes I do. Now, WPC Mires, have you found all of your notes yet?

MIRES: Yes, sir.

TACKLEHARD: Right, then when did it all start?

MIRES: Well sir, (reading from pocket book notes) it would seem that PC Rattus is quite correct, the MorrisseysWorld blog thingy started in 2009, but NOBODY left any comments, until Comrade Harps on May 17th 2011.

TACKLEHARD: But Harps has already said he discovered MorrisseysWorld because of an announcement on True To You. When was that announcement?

MIRES: Er, (looks at notes) May 14th 2011.

TACKLEHARD: So, before May 14th, when True To You mentioned MorrisseysWorld, NOBODY at all had found it?

MIRES: That's right sir. (A voice shouts from the back of the room and everybody turns around)

PC ANON: I had found it. I didn't need an advertisement from some unofficial fansite to let me know what was out there. Some of us can find things for ourselves without having to be told what to look for. It doesn't make me any less of a fan than other fans just because I don't wave roses around or go to watch concerts. I was there at the very beginning but nobody wants to know my story, nobody cares about my feelings. And don't go thinking that bunny cares. Bunny just does his own thing.

BUNNY - A MAJOR PART OF MORRISSEYSWORLD, BUT IGNORED BY THE MASSES


TACKLEHARD: (To WPC Mires) What EXACTLY did the True To You statement say?

MIRES: (reading notes) "Morrissey would like it known that the site known as MorrisseysWorld.blogspot is a fake. Morrissey has no connection with the site and is therefore not the author of anything written on the site."

SERGEANT FELTEM: Why would Morrissey issue a denial when Nobody at all had EVER mentioned this blog thing?

TACKLEHARD: Yes, it's very strange that Morrissey should have done that. I remember reading it at the time and thinking no more about it. I, like the masses, took it at face value, but perhaps there was more to it? You lot are all detectives, did any of you investigate it at the time? (PC Harps puts his hand up, but nobody else) Now, there's somebody else I've brought along today (gestures towards a man sat next to Sergeant Feltem), this is Special Constable Peter Thinun, known to his friend as Uncle Skinny. Perhaps you can shed some light on Morrissey's first denial Uncle Skinny? Remember, keep your mind open.

PETER THINUN: (thick Yorkshire accent) Aye, 'appens I can shed some light, it ain't Morrissey, it's some coont having a laugh at my expense.

TACKLEHARD: (shaking his head) I thought it might be a mistake bringing you along. Here, put this fluorescent yellow jacket on and go and direct the traffic in the town. (Hands Special Constable Thinun a jacket, and Thinun leaves the room. Tacklehard looks at his watch and readdresses the room.) Look eveybody, we don't seem to have got very far today, let's meet again at 9am tomorrow morning and see if we can get to the bottom of this MorrisseysWorld mystery once and for all.)

NEXT TIME:

Tacklehard of the yard goes through the WHOLE of the history of MorrisseysWorld with a fine tooth comb, leaving no stone unturned (which is what was supposed to have happened in today's piece, but somehow it got sidetracked with all the other stuff), whilst WPC Ricci returns to help the investigation, along with Special Constable Thinun, who is released from his traffic duties due to giving parking tickets to moving vehicles. Sergeant Feltem goes AWOL, rumoured to be on a book signing tour, and continues to miss out on MorrisseysWorld.


Morrissey International Airport























AVAILABLE FROM WWW.DICKIEFELTON.COM

(Please leave a comment if you would seriously like Part 2. Feel free to request certain characters or skits, and if I can, I'll work them in.)

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Day 442 - I Say No(,) You Say Yes(,) But You Will Change Your Mind (?)

NOTICE - DO NOT READ THIS BLOG IF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING APPLY TO YOU:

1. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PEOPLE BELIEVING MORRISSEY IS BEHIND MORRISSEYSWORLD
2. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THE AFOREMENTIONED WANTING TO GIVE ROSES TO MORRISSEY
3. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY PARODY
4. YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ANYTHING WHATSOEVER
5. YOU THINK MORRISSEY-SOLO TREATS MORRISSEY AND HIS BAND WITH RESPECT
6. YOU SPEND ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, SPOUTING BOLLOCKS IN THE MW CHAT ROOM (NB - PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE COMMENT ON THIS BLOG AGAIN, LIKE YOU DID YESTERDAY, OR IT WILL BE DELETED)
7. YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE MOCKERY OF JULIAN JOACHIM, MATT LE TISSIER OR ANY OTHER FOOTBALLER FROM THE 1990'S

THANK YOU
TRB

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


If you are still reading, it is because you have embraced MorrisseysWorld for the exciting, and quite phenomenal art that it is. My thanks to all those who continue to read my blog, and share in my excitement, my commiserations to those of you who should have stopped reading this when the capital letters ended, and the dashes (----) kicked in, four lines ago. If you ARE one of the latter, you really do lead a VERY sad life if you've got nothing better to do than continue to read a blog written by some blogger, who is following another blogger, who you KNOW 'isn't' Morrissey. I refer you back to my NOTICE at the top of this page, "GO, GO, GO, LEAVE , WE DON'T NEED YOU, GO, WE DON'T NEED YOU, JUST GO, WE DON'T NEED YOU, WE DON'T NEED YOU, GO."

If you are STILL reading this, it is because you TRULY believe that the idea of taking roses to Morrissey concerts is a beautiful concept, and you appreciate the genius of Morrissey, or at least his alter ego, 'Our Mozzer'. Either that, or you really, really HAVEN'T got ANYTHING better to do, than read a blog about a fake Morrissey. Honestly, what is wrong with you, GO AWAY!


SKINNY, MIRES AND STILL.I.CLING (THE 80s EQUIVALENT OF WILL.I.AM) LEAVE MY BLOG AND ARRIVE BACK AT THE SOLOW PLACE, WHERE THEY UNPACK


So, where were we, before I was rudely interrupted? I shall start with a photo, posted yesterday on twitter by Romina (@caterita2008). It would appear, that despite all my suspicions, Romina REALLY IS an Italian housewife and mum, as stated on her twitter account. Here is the photo that she posted yesterday of herself. (My apologies if the photo doesn't show, sometimes photos taken from twitter disappear when I post).

Cold...and me...
ROMINA - A REAL ITALIAN HOUSEWIFE

Now that Romina has revealed that she is 'real', and not a 'comedy character', I shall have to stop flirting with her in the Twitterdilly Arms, and may I take this opportunity to apologize unreservedly.

I think I prefer NOT to see the REAL people, the mystery of an avatar is so much more appealing.

So, what has been happening in MorrisseysWorld? Well, not a lot. After his marathon sessions in the Twitterdilly Arms over the weekend, Our Mozzer has been noticeably quieter these past few days, with his only tweets of Tuesday evening being a "thank you" to Lady GOBiva of Coventry for some mushy fawning tweet she'd sent him, plus a tweet to inform his 8,171 (and falling) followers, what he was up to, which was: "Vegetarian Lasagne as a late night snack. Rocket and cherry tomatoes. A little mayo. Glass of rose wine. Twitter and Twin Peaks."

It's the closest Our Mozzer has gotten to becoming Jordan on twitter, although her equivalent tweet would have read: "Double Big Mac & fries as a late nite snak. Gurkin & unions. Lots of tommy sauce. Bottle of Blue Nun. Twitter and I'm a Celeb." There are MANY similarities between Morrissey and Katie Price, not least that they both have a parody alter ego that is so close to the original, it is difficult to see the seams.


KATIE PRICE OR JORDAN? THE SEAM CAN JUST ABOUT BE SEEN, NEXT TO HER BRAIN

There was actually ONE other tweet from Our Mozzer on Tuesday evening, as follows:
"Morrissey: "Morrissey would like it known he has joined Twitter."-- will it happen?"

Our Mozzer has mentioned doing this once before, suggesting that a statement could be placed on True To You, announcing that 'Morrissey has joined twitter, but not saying when, or under which user name, thus starting the guessing games. If this were to happen, there would have to be a REAL Morrissey on twitter, to mask Our Mozzer, thus making the announcement a 'coincidence'. Could it be that Morrissey is already on twitter, and is '@MorrisseyNews'?


WHO IS MORRISSEYNEWS?

'@MorrisseyNews' turned up on twitter in August 2011. It would appear that it was originally a facebook site, but as I have never been on facebook in my life, which incidentally is something I'm very proud of, I have no idea WHO is behind MorrisseyNews. Is it an 'official' Morrissey backed site, or is it a fan site? Perhaps somebody could leave comment after this blog entry.


What is quite strange about '@MorrisseyNews', is that on 23 August 2011, it posted the TTY statement about Morrissey having no connection to MorrisseysWorld. It could just be that MorrisseyNews posts EVERY TTY statement, I haven't bothered to look, but another strange coincidence, is that although MorrisseyNews (MN) only follows 43 people on twitter, one of them is '@MorrisseysWorld'! WHY would MorrisseyNews follow a parody account?

In the words of Jimmy Cricket, "and there's more!"







JIMMY CRICKET - NOTHING TO DO WITH MW, BUT HIS CATCH PHRASE IS USEFUL


Recently, Log Lady said, "Remember what MIkE said, and I interpreted this to mean what Mikey Bracewell said. In the 'Minutes of the Bans and Ejections Committee', Mikey said, "You can occasionally contribute to the blog as a 'satire' of Morrissey when, in fact you are Morrissey; meanwhile you'll need someone else to write the 'news' items....so why don't you recruit someone...perhaps someone a bit...literary...to write the articles for you on this new news site you have planned?"

"And there's more"

In the MW chat room the other day, the MorrisseysWorlders were told that something was hidden on the internet, and they should "THINK PINK." On MorrisseyNews, this has just been added:



The use of '1959' in the email address is, er, 'interesting'. Also in PINK, MorrisseyNews has posted this:







ALL coincidences I'm sure. No doubt somebody will post a comment to tell me that MorrisseyNews is run by a hairy backed bedsit dweller, and the only reason that he/she follows MorrisseysWorld on twitter, is because they are neighbours!


Our Mozzer did briefly show up in the Twitterdilly Arms yesterday evening, and once again I wasn't there to greet him. My timeline shows me that he re-tweeted 'Brazilian Reg' (@regi_w), who had tweeted: "@MorrisseysWorld I'm quite sure that Morrissey is already on Twitter. The joyful challenge is finding out under which names(s)."

Our Mozzer then tweeted:
"Pop music is dead." and "Doing the crossword, listening to the radio." But WHICH style of radio would Our Mozzer have? A, B or C?




A - A PORTABLE




B- AN OLD FASHIONED RECORD PLAYER/RADIO COMBO


C- A MODERN RECORD PLAYER/RADIO COMBO


The act of Our Mozzer 'Doing the crossword' will no doubt have the 'Non believers' shouting "MORRISSEY WOULD NEVER", but it once again proves, that he's "just a fella." I do hope that he's a Radio 4 man when he listens to the wirleless, it's recently become my favourite.


MORRISSEY - HEADING HOME TO DO THE CROSSWORD?

I know I mentioned it the other day, but that photo of Moz in a cap DEFINITELY reminds me of SOMEBODY, if only I could put my finger on who?

ANDY CAPP - NOWT TO DO WITH MW

Our Mozzer's tweet to say "Pop music is dead" isn't entirely true, new singles are actually selling in their millions, although not in physical format of course, so perhaps he DOES have a point. When a human dies, the only 'physical' remains are bones. With the physical demise of 'Pop Music', what will there be for archaeologists of the future to find, regarding popular music from the 21st century? If the computer age turns out to be just that, 'an age', and computers no longer exist in a thousand years time, NOTHING will be known of today's 'Popular music.'

It is SO important that records are not allowed to die out, but there is also a fine balance between releasing a record for the sake of it, and releasing a record because it's good.

As we all know, Morrissey is currently without a record deal, and one of the main reasons for this, is because he actually wants to release 'physical' records, and he also wants to make sure they are distributed properly, so that they sell. I get the impression that Morrissey DOESN'T want to just 'release' music, otherwise he would have done so by now.

 One person who doesn't seem to share Morrissey's savvy, or at least he has a differing view, is Adam Ant, who is back on the pop music treadmill.

ADAM ANT - BACK ON THE TREADMILL

At the very height of Adam Ant's success in 1982, just as he was releasing his third Number 1 single, he decided to break up his band, an act Johnny Marr would later copy! From that moment on, Ant's career went downhill (coughs), with his last record released in 1995. A couple of years ago, Ant decided to make a come back, and asked his close friend Boz Boorer to tour with him. Boz refused, no doubt telling Ant that his commitment lay with Morrissey. This is probably why Ant referred to Morrissey as "that bastard", last year. Adam Ant forged ahead without Boz, and for the last year, has been playing live on a regular basis.

I am not embarrassed to write that I used to LOVE Adam Ant, and in 1981, when I was a fifteen year old, I stood outside Happy Daze record shop on the morning of Monday 4th May, waiting for it to open, so that I could buy 'Stand and Deliver' before anybody else. (Some readers may find this disturbing, but it is true!)
 As Ant's career fell away, my love for him dwindled, and very few of his songs have lasted the test of time, although Prince Charming remains an all time favourite, it is a 'pop song' at it's best, although it doesn't of course hold the deep qualities of a Morrissey lyric. Feel free to mock me for my love of 'Prince Charming', I can take it, ridicule is NOTHING to be scared of.


PRINCE CHARMING - PERFECT POP


I only ever saw Adam Ant play live once, but was going to go and see him last year, until I watched him on Youtube, and realised that his voice was no longer the same. I felt quite disappointed to see a former hero of mine still going through the motions, when he clearly wasn't up to his former standards.

We the record buying public are harsh critics, and when last month, Adam Ant released his first single for seventeen years, I steered well clear. 'Cool Zombie' (which is co written by Ant and Andy Bell of Oasis fame) peaked at Number 154 in the singles chart, and then disappeared. As I wrote earlier, perhaps Adam Ant doesn't mind, and is pleased to have just released a record (and to his credit, it is on vinyl), but 'Morrissey would NEVER' release a song like 'Cool Zombie', just to get his music 'out there.' Boz Boorer made the right decision, although apparently he IS producing Ant's album, which is set for release in January.


'ADAM ANT IS THE BLUEBLACK HUSSAR IN MARRYING THE GUNNER'S DAUGHTER' - PRODUCED BY BOZ BOORER, ON SALE JAN 21ST 2013


That'll do for today, I've waffled on for far too long again. It would appear that I missed out on another MW chat session last night, but 'Earthfall' with 'Mini Rat', and quality time watching 'I'm A Celebrity' with Mrs Whiskers and 'Teenage Whiskers' HAVE to take priority!

I've just remembered something else, did I mention that I sent Jake Walters (@MrJakeWalters) a tweet asking him if MW was the real Moz? He replied: "@TheRatsBack @MorrisseysWorld I could say Yes or No but would anything REALLY be answered?I say No you say Yes But you will change your mind" . You will notice that to fit that all into 140 bytes, Jake had to do something we all do at various times on twitter, he squeezed his second 'I' hard up to the question mark after 'answered' and he had to forfeit two commas AND the question mark right at the end! Twitter editing can be a right bugger. Jake COULD have course deleted the '@MorrisseysWorld' from the tweet, as he was just replying to me.......but he didn't!

*Goes off singing* The people there were real friendly, flat top caps and dungarees, Cool Zombie (shit, it's growing on me! Is it too late to delete what I've written?)

Ps: Tomorrow, to celebrate the 100,000th hit of my blog (of which 94,486 have been me),  I shall either write a 4,000 word review of Johnny Marr's new song 'The Messenger', or I shall write a parody piece called 'MorrisseysWorld - What A Carry On!' As Cilla would say, "the decision is yours."


COOL ZOMBIE, A GROWER - COULD IT BE ALL THAT REMAINS OF 21ST CENTURY POP, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILL IT MAKE NEXT WEEK'S TWIT ARMS TOP 10?


Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Day 441 - So, Is it Over, StilliCling?

I have today received a tweet from '@StilliCling', who was one of the very first people I interacted with when I discovered MorrisseysWorld back in September 2011. 'StilliCling' was THE most enthusiastic of the MorrisseysWorlders, and would be online; morning, noon and night, such was her excitement at discovering MorrisseysWorld, and more to the point, Morrissey.

When I started the Twitterdilly Arms chart, it was StilliCling who painstakingly went through the timelines of all the other MorrisseysWorlders to see what songs were being played. StilliCling was a MAJOR part of the MorrisseysWorld community on both twitter and the MW blog. Such was StilliCling's enthusiasm for MW's call for roses, that she met up with a complete stranger, HeatherCat, and took roses to Morrissey's concert in Chicago.

Around the time of Whitney Houston's death, in February of this year, StilliCling completely 'U' turned on the whole idea of Morrissey being behind MorrisseysWorld, despite the evidence GROWING, on an almost daily basis, to suggest the contrary. It was a bizarre and very quick turnaround from the one person who had been more involved than ANYBODY else. At the same time, Rosy Mires, another MAJOR MorrisseysWorlder, ALSO changed her mind about Morrissey being behind MorrisseysWorld, and declared she wanted nothing more to do with it.

I can't deny that I was very disappointed when these two bastions of MorrisseysWorld suddenly left our very small community, but presumed that it was just a blip, and that they were suffering from the same self doubt that ALL OF US have gone through at various times during this phenomenon, after all, it IS UNBELIEVABLE that our untouchable god, Morrissey, would REALLY be behind a parody blog site and twitter account, it goes against EVERYTHING we thought we knew about him. We ALL thought the same thing, 'Morrissey would NEVER do this!'

It turned out that StilliCling and Rosy Mires 'blip', wasn't a blip after all, or if it was, it's now been going on a blipping long time. From time to time I have tried to 'reopen' their eyes to the evidence that Morrissey REALLY is behind MorrisseysWorld, but everytime (not every time) I pointed out the evidence, they would tell me I was wrong, citing that "Morrissey just wouldn't" as their get out, so eventually, and very reluctantly, I gave up trying.

Despite Rosy Mires claiming to have no interest in MorrisseysWorld, she has continued to interact with the MW community, and often spouts an opinion, usually that we are all deluded. StilliCling, to her credit, has stayed away from the MorrisseysWorlders, preferring instead to interact with the likes of Uncle Skinny, the moderator from the website that Morrissey has shown public hatred for, Morrissey-Solo. Today, out of the blue, StilliCling has tweeted me saying:

"@TheRatsBack Have you considered writing blog entries that are not at the expense of other people? You used to....didn't you?"

I genuinely have NO idea what has caused StilliCling to send this tweet, or to whose 'expense' I am supposed to have been writing 'at'. I can only presume she is trying to protect either Uncle Skinny or Rosy Mires, because they are both friends of hers, and I mentioned them both two days ago. She SURELY can't be trying to protect Julian Joachim or Matt Le Tissier?

 I would like to take this opportunity to remind StilliCling that the reason I chose to mention Uncle Skinny on Monday, is because Uncle Skinny had tweeted: "@banjaxer How very odd. A certain blog appears to be over. Funny business." This tweet showed me that Skinny was STILL a regular reader of my blog, and he also thinks that Banjaxer is a brother in arms, so I was merely blogging to let Skinny know that Banjaxer IS involved with MorrisseysWorld.

I don't know why I should want to give any help to Skinny, especially as he has accused me of being behind MorrisseysWorld from day one, and also refers to me as  "that cunty blogger", but I guess I just want people to see 'what is what' in this whole phenomenon, and 'who is who'. I genuinely bear no malice to Peter Finan (Uncle Skinny), I don't even know him, I just don't like the way he moderates his website, or the fact that his website upsets Morrissey, but ho hum, as Banjaxer once said to me when I asked why he remained friends with Skinny, "It's not my battle."

The reason I mentioned Rosy Mires on Monday, is because I believe she is in danger of getting hurt by this whole MW business. She chose to come away from it all, but hasn't been able to let go (Hotel California/Moonie Heaven). She took comfort in knowing that the likes of Banjaxer agreed with her, that MorrisseysWorld is one big hoax, but if I am right that Banjaxer is involved, and is sworn to secrecy not to tell, then Rosy could end up feeling VERY let down when the truth comes out.

I hope that has helped explain to StilliCling my motives. I am not a hurtful person, in fact, I am a very caring and loving person, although I don't claim to be perfect. I have only ever tried to write amusing blog entries, whilst at the same time, trying to come to terms with this UNBELIEVABLE MorrisseysWorld story. I bear no malice to ANYBODY, including Uncle Skinny, who I think is probably just as bamboozled as everybody else by this whole thing, and CERTAINLY not to Rosy Mires, who I find both witty and intelligent.

I would like to refer StilliCling and Rosy, and indeed Skinny, to my final sentence from 'Day 439' of my blog, regarding Banjaxer's involvement. I am sure that he would very much like to tell you all of his involvement in MorrisseysWorld, he probably hates having to be so deceitful, but he can't tell, he just can't. Morrissey will NEVER admit to being behind MorrisseysWorld, but he has set more than enough clues to show his fans that it is him.

I would dearly love to see ALL Morrissey fans embrace MW for the genius that it is, but they won't embrace it if they keep finding a reason to fight against it. My message to StilliCling and co would be; Don't be embarrassed that you dismissed MorrisseysWorld as a fake, it is VERY understandable to want to find every reason possible for it NOT to be Morrissey, but the plain and simple truth is, IT IS!

Not all Morrissey fans would appreciate Morrissey pulling off a stunt like this, but knowing Uncle Skinny's love for comics such as 'Viz', I am shocked that he hasn't taken to it sooner. I guess it didn't help that Morrissey was having a very public spat with Solo's DavidT, just as MorrisseysWorld was taking shape, so the defences were put up.

I can't MAKE anybody see things that they don't want to see, and neither would I want to, but I would LOVE all Morrissey fans to experience what I, and a very few other fans are experiencing with MorrisseysWorld. It's just unbelievable, it's incredible fun, and I feel VERY lucky to be part of it. I dearly, dearly wish ALL Morrissey fans would join in, but if I am REALLY upsetting people that much, as StilliCling is suggesting, it is time for me to stop blogging and no, this isn't one of my attention seeking threats, I genuinely mean it, and will stop unless both Rosy and Stilli leave comment to say that  they don't feel I'm writing this blog 'at their expense'. It would also be great to hear from Uncle Skinny, I am offering an olive branch, does anybody want to take it?

Rat

BLUEROSESOCIETY


Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Day 440 - Maybe In the Next World

My blog entry of Sunday, in which I said NOTHING, has received double the amount of hits than my blog entry of yesterday, which took me 7 HOURS to write! In the words of Paul Overstreet (so beautifully interpreted by the legend that is Roland Keating), I say it best, when I say nothing at all.


ROLAND KEATING'S NUMBER 1 HIT CD FROM 1999

Incidentally, in 1999, when Roland was at the top of the UK charts, the 7" single had virtually disappeared, but there was still demand from pubs with vinyl jukeboxes, so a number of the major record companies continued to produce 7" singles, in very small quantities, JUST for pubs. The records were issued with no sleeve, no centre, and even no label, but the 7" single hung on to life for a little longer.


A TYPICAL 7" SINGLE FROM 1999 - ISSUED FOR PUB JUKEBOXES




In 1999, Morrissey had no record deal, and was probably desperately distressed to see 7" singles disappearing. At the other end of the scale, Ronan Keating was probably blissfully unaware that his Number 1 single was even issued on vinyl! 

Thirteen years on, I can't help wondering if Roland is now mourning the demise of the cd single, while Labrinth remains blissfully unaware that his recent Number 1 song 'Beneath Your Beautiful' has even been issued on cd, in very small quantities, JUST for radio stations.




PROMO CD SINGLE OF LABRINTH'S RECENT NUMBER 1


Enough of my ramblings about records and cds, what of Our Mozzer I hear you cry? Well, after 7 hours of writing yesterday, I posted my blog on twitter, as I usually do, and then logged off for the day.

Upon entering the Twitterdilly Arms this morning, I headed straight to the 'Timeline' that can be found on the pub's far wall, to catch up on what I'd missed last night. I was disappointed to find that just after I'd posted my blog entry yesterday, Our Mozzer had shown up. I'd missed him again!


RAT, LOUGHTON LIL, MANCLAD, MARCUS THE ORTHODOX GREEK AND KYLE'S DAD CATCH UP ON THEIR TWITTERDILLY TIMELINES - WHO'S THE SILLIER, ME FOR WRITNG THIS FANTASY BOLLOCKS, OR THE 'REAL' MEN IN THE PICTURE?

My timeline shows me that Our Mozzer's first action was to re-tweet my blog, and his second was to chastise me for not mentioning his retweet of Europe's first openly gay footballer, the "magnificent" (Our Mozzer's word, not mine) Anton Hysen. Is that the thanks I get for 7 hours of hard slog, a slap on the wrists for not reporting a retweet from a footballer that I've never heard of?

ANTON HYSEN - WHO ARE YER?

Our Mozzer's knowledge of footballers, would appear to be far more reaching than I would EVER have imagined. Only the other day in the MW chat room, the topic moved onto Leicester City, and Our Mozzer mentioned Julian Joachim. Even a die hard football fan like me, had NO idea that Joachim was playing for Leicester, so how POSSIBLY could Mozzer, after all, he's just a reclusive Indie rock god, who sits in his room all day reading books, watching black and white Italian films, and composing songs! The REAL Morrissey would NEVER have even heard of Julian Joachim, let alone know where he currently plys his trade!


JULIAN JOACHIM - ANOTHER MOZZER FAVOURITE?

*Note - Whilst obtaining the above photo from Wiki, I have discovered that the aforementioned Julian Joachim has NOT played for Leicester City since 1996! Our Mozzer was 'having a laugh'. Normal service has been resumed. Incidentally, does anybody else think Joachim could be the love child of Cyrille Regis and Dion Dublin? Why am I even asking, most of my blog readers are twenty year old Indonesian women!

Our Mozzer went on to tweet that Anton Hysen is "dazzling, stylish, polite and empowered. He will change football forever. Hero." Hysen, who has nearly 15,000 followers, took the time to reply to Our Mozzer, saying, "big thank you." Our Mozzer also stated that Hysen doesn't know the significance of MorrisseysWorld, and suggested that "perhaps he can become our new BlueRose." I think it is fair to assume, Our Mozzer quite likes Anton Hysen!

'NotMorrissey' then jumped into a conversation between GOB and Morrissey's old friend, photographer Jake Walters (@MrJakeWalters). Our Mozzer asked, "Oh Jake do you know who I am? -the Swallow."
Walters replied, "Does anyone know who they are?" to which Our Mozzer responded, "Some unlucky souls do. I know who I was and who I shall become but I have no idea who I am."


"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?-THE SWALLOW

It is incredible that quite a few people from Morrissey's real life, have now interacted with Our Mozzer on twitter, but just how many of them know it's really him?

My timeline shows me that Our Mozzer then went on to bait another (former) footballer, the woman beating Stan Collymore (@StanCollymore), who is now trying to pass himself off as a journalist. The end result would appear to be, that Collymore blocked Our Mozzer, with 'Not Morrissey' saying, "Stan 'the man' blocked me. He joins Richard Madely in the 'sensitive c**t' pile." (I love it when Our Mozzer tweets dirty!)

STAN COLLYMORE - A WIFE BEATER WHO ALSO KICKED ULRIKA JONSSON IN THE HEAD AS SHE LAY HELPLESS ON THE FLOOR OF A BAR IN PARIS. NOW A JOURNALIST FOR TALKSPORT RADIO

Unbelievably, Our Mozzer then went on to discuss ANOTHER footballer, Matt Le Tissier, describing him as having, "a Devil of a first touch."


MATT LE TISSIER - A DEVIL

Our Mozzer finished his evening in the Twitterdilly Arms at around 11.30 with a few words of wisdom:

"A journalist is one who doesn't care about anything but will write forever about nothing."

"When beauty decomposes, it turns to despair. Ugliness only becomes more comfortable to wear."

At this stage, Our Mozzer then took his Twitterdilly Arms drinking friends back to his for a nightcap. I am unable to say who was there, or what was said, but from my timeline, I am guessing that GOB, HeatherCat, Loughton Lil, Brazilian Reg, Marcus the Greek and Jaz all staggered across the road to 'OurMozzer's Parody Gallery'.


BACK AT OUR MOZZER'S. L TO R: MAM (GOOD TO SEE HER BACK ON HER FEET), LOUGHTON LIL, REGI, MARCUS THE GREEK (WEARING BERET AT THE BACK), GOB, ULRIKA JONNSON (DARK GLASSES), OUR MOZZER (SLIGHT QUIFF), ANTON HYSEN (GLASSES AT BACK) AND JAKE WALTERS

Our Mozzer returned (alone) to the Twitterdilly Arms at around 3 am, complaining of insomnia, although of course he could be trying to adjust his body clock in preparation for New Zealand and Aus. Here are Our Mozzer's words of wisdom from 3 am this morning:

"Insomnia is the disease of the rich and reality for everyone else."

"My friends, if I could give you a word of advice this morning - don't accept advice. Simply be yourself. Nothing is more pressing or true."

"People on twitter do NOT sleep. If we did we'd probably be doing something else."

"Don't you think I deserve my own entry into the Oxford dictionary of quotations?"

"If you follow me, I might change your life - but only for five minutes."

"The quite unnatural hatred most people feel for other people is the greatest obstacle we face in building a kinder society."

The result of these profound words? Our Mozzer's followers have fallen to 8,179, while Stan Collymore has an unbelievable 345,875. Kinder society? Maybe in the next world, maybe in the next world, maybe in MorrisseysWorld.


That will do for today. Apologies to Our Mozzer if I've missed one of his retweets from a 'One Legged Peruvian Veggie Chef' (I've just googled those last three words, and discovered '@Chef_Rama' , a Peruvian Vegetarian Chef, although I cannot account for his number of legs! I'm sure that if he has two, he would be willing to lose one for Moz, well I would, wouldn't you?) but such is life!



TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 10 - FOR THE WEEK SUNDAY 25TH NOV- SATURDAY 1ST DEC '12 (FIRST PUBLISHED TUESDAY 27TH AT 12.45 PM UK TIME BY @WALKERRAT)

1. THE KID'S A LOOKER (DANCING BY PRESIDENT KYLE) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
2. FIRST OF THE GANG TO DIE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY)
3. FUNKY BUT CHIC - NEW YORK DOLLS (NEW ENTRY)
4. SEASICK, YET STILL DOCKED - MORRISSEY (UP 1)
5. SOMETHING IS SQUEEZING MY SKULL - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)
6. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY - MORRISSEY (UP 4)
7. TROUBLE LOVES ME - MORRISSEY (DOWN 5)
8. HEART - RITA PAVONE (DOWN 2)
9. TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART - NICKI FRENCH (NEW ENTRY)
10. BILLY BUDD - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY)

*It should be noted that the chart was very heavily influenced this week by Our Mozzer, with him playing songs numbered 2,3,4,5,6 and 10 on the Twit Arms jukebox, and he 'enticed' MorrisseysWorlders to play Nicki French. It should ALSO be noted that all playing of Nicki French songs in the Twitterdilly Arms is from here on in, BANNED!


ON MY CHRISTMAS LIST, SO I CAN PLAY MY ROLAND KEATING RECORDS



Monday, 26 November 2012

Day 439 - Comfortable Taking The Long One

The past three days have seen the MorrisseysWorld phenomenon go into overdrive, with Our Mozzer; tweeting for hours, holding sessions in the MW chat room, deleting his twitter account, reactivating his twitter account, announcing that '@TheRatsBack' is MorrisseysWorld, confessing that HE really is Morrissey, denying he's Morrissey, outing Banjaxer (again) and much, much more!

I didn't have time to write a blog entry yesterday, I was too busy in the real world, so I just left a little thank you to Moz for continuing to read my silly little unfunny blog thing, although a few people did misinterpret my entry of yesterday, and thought I was announcing my retirement from the 'Following' world. A few people, including our old friend Uncle Skinny, also mistook my blog entry, and my only tweet of yesterday, in which I said I was behind Our Mozzer, as a confession that I was the author of MorrisseysWorld! It's funny how words can be written as one thing, and read as another, rather like Morrissey's THREE denials on True-To-You.net. They WEREN'T denials, they were adverts! WAKE UP, WAKE UP!

THERATSBACK - NOT RETIRING & STILL BEHIND OUR MOZZER

My last 'proper' blog entry was on Saturday, in which I wrote that I'd missed Friday night's chat room antics, and asked for somebody to leave a comment. GOB, the German woman who now lives in Coventry, and Regi, the Brazilian woman, who now lives in Germany, both left comments to say that Banjaxer, under the instruction of "the boss", has left a clue to the full story of MW story on the internet, and it's easy to find if you think pink.

REGI - A BRAZILIAN FOOTBALLER, NOW PLYING HER TRADE IN GERMANY




LADY GOBIVA - PLYING HER TRADE ON HORSEBACK IN COVENTRY


Saturday was probably my favourite day of the 439 I have so far written about, since discovering the MorrisseysWorld phenomenon back in September 2011. It was one of those bleak, rainy, miserable Saturdays, where in the olden days (thirty years ago), you'd have just stayed indoors, in front of the telly, watching films all day. I started writing my blog entry on Saturday morning, and was just working my way through Our Mozzer's tweets from Friday, when suddenly he re-appeared.

He started off by answering '@celkens' question of "when is there going to be new recorded material", with the witty response of: "I'm planning to release a live DVD in late 2013 of myself putting out the laundry to dry with 'People are the same' playing."



OUR MOZZER - TAKEN FROM THE 'HOISTED FROM THE HERD-LIVE IN PLAYFAIR STREET' DVD


Our Mozzer then had a dig at Boy George for pandering to crashing bores (BG had tweeted R.I.P Larry Hagman), before then setting about Jeremy Clarkson. BG did reply to Our Mozzer, calling him a "misery guts", but Clarkson said nothing! 'Not Morrissery then laid into Piers Morgan, but by now, I was desperately trying to write my blog, so I tweeted: "@MorrisseysWorld I was in the middle of writing, and you appeared here, distracting me! With all due respect, Fuck off!" Had I crossed the line?MW replied: "@TheRatsBack This relationship is getting over-familiar. Boz...! Boz...!" I quickly made amends by tweeting: "Don't worry, I'll be back to drooling like a twat in Long Island."


BOY GEORGE - FROM THE ALBUM COVER 'WAKING UP WITH THE HOUSE ON FIRE'


Our Mozzer then told off LizzyCat, for never having watched 'Twin Peaks', calling it "a work of genius", before then having a go at Tory boy Zac Goldsmith (@ZacGoldsmith) and tv panelist Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell). I was in the firing line next, with 'NotMorrissey' tweeting: "The truth is this has all been one enormous practical joke. I am actually TheRatsBack @theratsback This is the truth." Of course, this announcement was taken literally by some, who started tweeting me to say that they "knew it!"

Our Mozzer then dragged us off to the MorrisseysWorld chat room, which although it isn't 'secret' as such, it feels like a place away from prying eyes, especially as all the dialogue disappears, where as on twitter, it remains for all to see. The following few hours were very special. A very relaxed Mozzer, and yes, I do mean Mozzer and NOT Our Mozzer, hosted a few of us in the comfort of his online home, and despite the murky rain falling outside my 'real life' window, I felt like I was lazing by a pool, soaking up the sun and swapping idle chit chat.

Elvis Presley and Tom Jones at Elvis' home, Swimming pool - at his holiday home in Hawaii
OUR MOZZER SHOWS OFF HIS NEW SLIDE - BONUS POINT TO ANYBODY WHO CAN TELL ME WHO IT 'REALLY' IS!

I won't repeat all the conversations from the chat room, but those of us who were there (including GWO, Manclad, Yunara, Jaz, LizzyCat, HeatherCat, Kellie the Crisp and EARS), will never forget it.
Moz talked about Jonathan Ross's advisors telling him that, "interviews with Morrissey are a huge turn off", and also said that JR had made him cry, by making an undignified joke about him the last time he had been on his show. Moz also told us that he thought people abused him because he was old, and said that, "Now my face has turned to lumpy sack cloth, it's easier to mock."

LUMPY SACK CLOTH

Moz also pondered as to whether the whole MW phenomenon would be written about it the future, and asked, "Do you think sociologists will debate its meaning?" adding, "I do think it's revolutionary, the self-aware parody. It's a carry on film updated for 2012."

Whilst we were all aimlessly chatting, an 'anonymous' came in to the chat room, to abuse Moz for "becoming a sad old man." I asked Moz what these people wanted from him? He replied,
"They want to destroy me as they perceive I have destroyed them." He continued, "Many people blame my words for wrecking their life."
I disagreed, and said, "I think you are the one thing they can cling to, but if you aren't singing This Charming Man every day (everyday) they don't like it!"

Morrissey replied: "Rat you finally discovered the difference. You used to use everyday interchangeably with every day." I always presumed that Morrissey had used 'Everyday' instead of 'Every day' by mistake, in the infamous 'Sunday' song title, but it actually does make sense as 'everyday' after all!


EVERYDAY 'IS' LIKE SUNDAY


LizzyCat asked Moz: "How can your words wreck lives?"

Moz replied: "I think my words comfort people as they make the wrong choices, so when their lives self-destruct, they blame my songs and by extension me." Soon after that, Moz disappeared.

A few hours later, Our Mozzer returned to twitter, and I noticed that his follower numbers had continued to fall. It's funny, because when I first discovered MorrisseysWorld, MW had just 334 followers, but I watched them grow as he tweeted his varying array of twittercisms. At his peak, I'm sure he had 8,400 followers, but in recent weeks, they've been sliding backwards, and as of Saturday evening, they'd fallen to 8,197. People just don't know what to make of 'NotMorrissey', is it a hoaxer, or is it Moz?

I came away from the internet at 7 pm on Saturday, it was time for my usual fix of 'light entertainment' from ITV. I make no apologies for watching the likes of X Factor, it is mind numbing bliss, although the loss of Ella 'Grimsby's Finest' Henderson last week, has been hard to swallow.

ELLA HENDERSON SPORTING A CHEETAH PRINT TOP FAVOURED BY MANY MOZ FANS IN THE USA


When I logged on to twitter on Sunday morning, I found Our Mozzer had deleted his account, and I had also been sent a number of messages from fellow MorrisseysWorlders, who were informing me that Moz had returned to the MW chat room the previous evening, and that he had confirmed that Banjaxer was employed by him. This of course ISN'T news, because Our Mozzer informed us of this over a year ago, although Rosy Mires still won't want to believe it, but then again, she doesn't want to believe ANYTHING!


Having been out for most of Sunday, I returned home in the evening to find that 'Our Mozzer's' twitter account had been reactivated, so I caught up with the tweets I'd missed from Saturday evening. 'NotMorrissey' had continued to have a go at certain 'celebs', including two of his old favourites, Ricky Gervais and Tim Burgess. Burgess is a Morrissey fan, so god knows what he makes of a parody Morrissey having a pop at him, but he does usually tweet back, and on Saturday he offered Our Mozzer a "saucer of milk."


TIM BURGESS - MORRISSEY FAN, FORMER FALSE GOD OF THIS PARISH, AND REGULAR TARGET FOR OUR MOZZER

This blog entry is taking too long to write, so it's summary time.

HIGHLIGHTS OF OUR MOZZER'S SATURDAY EVENING TWEETS:

"When the truth finally comes out, the rest of my global audience is going to be sad it wasn't here sooner. All seventeen of them."

"I shall be name-checking Twin Peaks at a concert near you soon."

HIGHLIGHTS OF OUR MOZZER'S SUNDAY EVENING TWEETS:

"As I age disgracefully, the only thing I can cling to is that I'm not Simon Le Bon." (To which Banjaxer replied, "You SAY you're not Simon Le Bon...")

"I would like to announce, after all, that I am Morrissey." (This one brought a fair few reactions!)

"@judd147t Good luck, Judd. The difference between you and the lesser players is that you're comfortable taking the long ones." (This interest in snooker player Judd Trump is quite bizarre, and highly amusing).


JUDD TRUMP POSITIONS HIMSELF TO TAKE A LONG ONE


HIGHLIGHTS (CNTD)

"I would never publicly admit I use twitter. The next stop would be an appearance on QI."

"Realism is dreadful; aestheticism is ludicrous; surrealism is psychosis; so instead, I simply look at grim reality and pretend to love it." (I have no idea what half of these words mean, but it looks like one of those clever arty tweets of Our Mozzer's, so I've included it in the highlight package!)

Our Mozzer then got involved in some banter with Banjaxer, who entered into the spirit by changing his name to 'Not'. Here is the dialogue:

Moz: "notWalter - three packets of cheese and onion please. Chop, chop."
Banj: "pop round, I have some here."
Moz: "Do you still look curious?" (I'm guessing this is an in joke, and imagine then when Moz first met Kevin/WalterEgo/Banjaxer, he probably told him that he looked 'curious'.)
Banj: "you flatterer you."

(*NOTE - Banjaxer has now changed his name back again, probably because he has returned to his 'normal' self, pretending to have no interest in MW. When Uncle Skinny tweeted Banj earlier today, obviously very bewildered by all the conflicting information he is reading, Banjaxer advised: "Read nothing, believe nothing." Oh the twisted webs).

BANJAXER - TWISTING WEBS AND EATING TOO MANY CRISPS


HIGHLIGHTS (CNTD AGAIN)

"@PapaSonsFilm @TheRatsBack When I launched my Twitter career, I envisaged being seen as the  Oscar Wilde of the Twitter age. Forlornhope."

"For those of you who think we're joking, there is going to be a MorrisseysWorld film."

(Work is actually going to start soon on a documentary, but I'll blog more about that either tomorrow or later in the week.)

"Tweet me if you're bringing a BlueRose or BlueRoseSociety t-shirt to my concerts in America"
Heather replied: "I'll bring a bluerose to Chicago. Would you like us to wear t-shirts too?" Moz replied:
"Of course. Let's make it quite clear."

"Plenty of people have promised BlueRoses. Only @Mozkidkyle delivered."


MORRISSEY ON STAGE IN NYC WITH THE BLUE ROSE DELIVERED BY BLUE ROSE SOCIETY PRESIDENT KYLE


HIGHLIGHTS (STILL CNTD....EVERYTWEET IS IMPORTANT!) (NOTE USE OF EVERYTWEET INSTEAD OF EVERY TWEET.)


"You do realise I was joking when I announced that I'm Morrissey-?"

"The American Dream consists of imagining that one could be anything at all, while accepting that one is absolutely nothing."

"The British crave anonymity: they want to change the world while not being noticed."

"Time spins around the plughole like cheap cologne. Soon our period of life will be over and then-- what?" A reply came back from '@Stephcrackers' saying: "Morrissey would never use the word cologne." Steph is obviously one of Rosy Mires lot! Our Mozzer responded:
"@Stephcrackers How do you know whether he would use the word?"

"Everyone knows better than me what M would say. Yet I'm the only man on the planet who can predict what he'll say & do" Our Mozzer also placed a link to his MW prophecy page. What is VERY interesting about this tweet, is that Our Mozzer confirms, for the FIRST time, that he is a "MAN"! I always suspected as much, but you never know!


MORRISSEY - WOULD NEVER SAY COLOGNE, OR WEAR A SHIRT COVERED IN ROSES

I'd better bring this to a close, it's another one of my 'dragging on too long' blog entries. Our Mozzer has reappeared in the Twitterdilly Arms very briefly this morning, but thankfully, he fucked off for the rest of the day, which has allowed me to FINALLY catch up. It is now 5.30 pm on Monday evening, and it has taken me allday (not all day) to write this. Why do I do it? Because one day sociologists WILL debate MorrisseysWorld, of that, I have NO doubt!

Don't forget the Twitterdilly Arms Top 10 tomorrow at 12.45 pm UK time with @WalkerRat, it should be a good un, but will Kyle, dancing to 'The Kid's A Looker' make the Top 3? I'll see you there.


*Note to Uncle Skinny - Sorry I'm back, I know you'll be disappointed, but it REALLY IS Morrissey!*

*Note to Rosy Mires - Banjaxer is sworn to secrecy by Morrissey. I'm sure he would love to tell you and Skinny the truth, but he can't! Well, would you?*



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