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Friday, 28 February 2014

Day 898 - I will be seven

Now, today's blog was going to be about a variety of subjects, including; the return to the Twitterdilly Arms of both Broken and Astraea, Beck's new album, Morrissey winning an NME award for Autobiography, my purchase of Your Arsenal, Fifi's comment regarding 'Chris the wonder-kid', my latest emails from Morrissey, Ganglord, the return to FTM of Fancy123, Kristeen Young's new LP, and a new Morrissey interview, but a discovery this morning has sent me off on a rather exciting tangent, which although isn't news as such, I feel that I just HAVE to write about it.

Before I get stuck in to my 'exciting tangent', I MUST firstly report that for the past two evenings, the rock genius and best selling author, Morr-ee-say, has logged onto twitter, has then invited his fans to join him in the MorrisseysWorld chat room that he created especially for his fans, and then sat in the said room, alone, as his fans ignored him! You could NOT make this up!


ALONE AGAIN.... NATURALLY

The pessoa that Morr-ee-say had chosen to use in the chat room, was that of Broken, which is perhaps why his fans ignored him. Broken is basically a Bieber loving homosexual of high intelligence, who likes a bit of an argument, but it is STILL Morrissey, and Broken is a human being, so WHY did Morrissey's fans ignore him?

In fairness, Lizzycatmoz entered the chat room, but she left virtually straight away, even though I guess Morrissey was going to try and help her see why she had misread 'Gobgate' so badly. (Note for anybody new to this blog, 'Gobgate' was a bit of a falling out amongst the Blue Rose Society members a few weeks ago. You can find details in my old blog entries.) Lizzy just CANNOT see that Broken IS Morrissey:

I would have been happy to chat with Morrissey last night, instead it was Broken
who started going back over old ground. Hence my decision to leave.

I was unable to join Broken as I was out and about all day yesterday, but I eventually logged in just to say a quick hello. I am embarrassed for my fellow BRS members, so I will shout this out again, MORRISSEY IS BEHIND THE CHARACTER BROKEN, IE @BROKEN1ANDONLY, but don't try and engage him as 'Morrissey the pop star', because he ISN'T Morrissey the pop star. Does this make sense? Well, it certainly doesn't to Lizzy.

Unfortunately I haven't got time to post all of Broken's tweets, but I MUST mention one, which had me laughing my little rat socks off. Broken had spotted a tweet from @bbceastenders with the below photo of Max Branning, and Broken tweeted, "Why does William Hague look so worried?"




Embedded image permalink
WILLIAM HAGUE

And now to Fifi, who made a welcome return to FTM with the following reply to my question about 'Chris the wonder-kid':

Interesting new post, Rat.
I have a slightly different theory regarding "Chris" but I like the idea it might be Chrissie too.

Did you know Bowie originally wrote the song for Mott The Hoople? They never released it (therefore he shaved his eyebrows off) but they did release "All the young dudes" which was their biggest success.

Heather, the quote about TQID is accurate as far as I remember. Although my twitter account is not active anymore, I was having an impromptu Babycham at The Arms when Parody showed up. What are the odds!

I miss you all little charmers, I will be back soon. You are every day on my mind.

Welcome to the new members. Enjoy the journey. We all do.

Fifi

Fifi, PLEASE don't leave us in the dark, will you share your theory?

Right, I need to get to the 'exciting tangent', otherwise I will be here all day and night..... but first, I really DO want to mention the new Beck album, 'Morning Phase'. I wasn't even aware that Beck had a new album out, but as I lay in bed this morning, reading that the re-issue of Your Arsenal is at Number 32 in the midweek chart, I noticed that Beck is Number 1 in the midweek, and therefore heading for Number 1 this Sunday. I am not particularly a big Beck fan, although I LOVE Loser, and also purchased his album Odelay, which is excellent,  but the reason I am mentioning this new album is A) It is Beck's first release for Capitol, which bodes well for Moz and B) Having listened briefly to the album on iTunes, it sounds FANTASTIC.

MORNING PHASE BY BECK. NEW TO CAPITOL AND ALSO AVAILABLE ON VINYL

I didn't want to download Beck's album, so I rushed to Tesco first thing this morning to buy it on cd. I appreciate that Tesco is not very glamorous, but it is now the ONLY shop that sells cds in my town. There is of course NO retail outlook in this pathetic county of mine that sells vinyl, but at least I can still buy cds..... except I CAN'T, because despite Beck heading for Number 1 this weekend, Tesco doesn't stock it! I have now ordered the album online, which is what I have also had to do for Kristeen Young's new album, and what I  also had to do for Your Arsenal. No shops selling music.....we live in one FUCKED UP WORLD!


KRISTEEN YOUNG - THE KNIFE SHIFT IS BEING PRODUCED BY TONI VISCONTI. GUITARS BY BOZ BOORER. DRUMS BY DAVE THINGY FROM THE FOO FIGHTERS. RELEASED IN MAY

I have so far managed to cover most topics that I intended to, but Astraea'a return, Ganglord, my emails from Moz, the return of Fancy123 and the NME award for Autobiography will have to wait until next week. I am unable to blog again until Tuesday at the earliest, so by then, I expect we will have moved on to pastures new, but if somebody prods me, I will try and remember to mention all of the above.

It is the topic of Morrissey's new interview with Billboard.com that led me on my 'exciting tangent'. I won't post the whole interview, which is an email interview conducted by somebody calling themselves M. Tye Corner (tuts to self), but I can report that Moz is on TOP form. The interviewer has written a little pre-amble to the interview, which starts with the dreadful, "Heaven knows Morrissey was miserable for much of 2013." GIVE ME STRENGTH! Morrissey's very first answer made me HOWL with laughter:

Billboard: Hi Morrissey. Thanks for taking time for us. Where are you right now?
Moz: I'm in France recording a new album. But surely you'd rather discuss the Smiths?

 Billboard: Your autobiography became an international best-seller and is being translated into 14 languages. How surprised were you by its success?
Moz: I felt a bit rash hoping for a no.7 position, so when it came in at no.1 and stayed there for five weeks... I was breathless. It's sold more than I ever imagined.

NUMBER 7!!! What was it that Parody Moz last mentioned on twitter? The number 7! What Nico song did I mention in my blog of Monday? 'I am Seven'! Coincidences, of course, but as the interview went on, so did the coincidences, as pointed out by this anonymous commenter on my last blog entry:

"Prince recently revealed that he’s an exceptional ping-pong player. What surprising, secret talent do you have?

I'm an exceptional ping-pong player.

What did you wake up worrying about today?

Ukraine. Why do news reporters call the people 'protestors'? They are the people! It's the government who are the rebels. Silly world, isn't it?

Lastly, what's one piece of advice you wish someone had given you in 1984?

You should always judge a book by its cover."

he finishes with 3 direct mw quotes!

I have to admit, I don't actually remember when MoorrisseysWorld mentioned the above three quotes about ping-pong, people protestors or judging a book by the cover, but it is the subject of ping-pong that led me to a posting on Morrissey-Solo.com (Solow) headed, 'Johnny Marr gig report at the Night & Day Cafe (Sep. 29); set list included 5 Smiths songs'.



NIGHT & DAY - A PUB IN MANCHESTER, AND THE VENUE OF A JOHNNY MARR GIG ON SEPTEMBER 29TH 2011

The Solow article is from September 30th 2011. The reason that the google search of 'Morrissey ping pong' led me to this article, is because an anonymous user on Solow used the words "ping-pong vagary" and "Morrissey" in the same sentence. This anonymous user signs themselves off as 'we'll let you know', which immediately got my attention, because I suddenly remembered that I had read comments from this 'anon' commentator before, and I also remembered thinking that 'we'll let you know' might be Morrissey!

Having been led to this Solow article, and seeing that 'we'll let you know' was the author, I felt compelled to read the whole Solow posting of the Johnny Marr gig at the Night & Day Cafe, and OH MY GOD, WHAT a discovery!

There are a total of 130 comments, so I can't post it all, but I will post the comments of the anon who signs himself/herself as 'we'll let you know', as well as some comments from some 'other' users in the same thread. I'll start with our old friend Uncle Skinny, the moderator from Morrissey-Solo.com. Skinny's first act is to run straight to Johnny's defence when the very first (anonymous) comment on the thread points out that Johnny "int no front man":

Skinny: Give the guy a break, It's his first gig singing in ages, playing songs he hasn't played live for 25 years. I'll be up the front next week cheering like a mad bastard.
P.


P.

I wonder if Skinny really did go up front the following week, or did he not have it in him? Anyway, this isn't about Skinny, so let me move on. Actually, one of the next comments is ALSO from Skinny, who once again sees his role as 'Chief Johnny Defender', even though he can't actually spell Johnny's name correctly! It's a shame Skinny has never shown such loyalty to Morrissey on the website entitled 'Morrissey-Solo', but that's another story.

Anyway, here is Skinny jumping to JM's defence against another 'anon', who is posting in a foreign accent (and yes, that is possible!). I would go as far to say (having read the whole thread), that the 'anon' with the foreign accent is playing the role of a 'Parody Jesse Tobias'. Skinny happens to KNOW that this 'anon' is the same person as the first 'anon', because of the IP address, although I should point out that when I once had a 'discussion' with Skinny on Solow, he TOLD me that he KNEW I was in Ely in Cambridgeshire (based on my IP), although I have NEVER set foot in Ely EVER! Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked again. Here is Anon/Parody Jesse, followed by Skinny:


Anon: Dear son, this marr performance is patetic. I feell sorry for him, he didn't put one, not one even mediocre song post The Smiths (apart short solo in PSB song "My October Symphony" - it is rather decent attempt of 30 seconds 20 or so years ago) AND NOW THIS???!!! How deplorable performance, so heartless, so battered. Now we see how strong Morrissey and his band are live, they kick the shit out of this marr hobos. Mozz and co. look like Man on stage, marr and co. look like pussy's. And another thing, this patetic hair dye; is he, marr, gay or what?

Skinny: Well, that's very interesting since you were the same poster who slagged Johnny off in the first response to this thread. You must really hate him. And you'd be in the minority here.
Because Johny is my GOD.
P.


JOHNNY (JOHNY) MARR - GOD TO UNCLE SKINNY AND GODLIKE GENIUS TO THE NME IN 2013, ALTHOUGH FOR 2014 HE HAS BEEN REPLACED BY:


DEBBIE HARRY - GODLIKE GENIUS 2014 (THE AWARD WAS ACTUALLY AWARDED TO BLONDIE, BUT LET'S NOT KID OURSELVES HERE, IT IS ABOUT THE LEAD SINGER, IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT THE LEAD SINGER!


Now, I may be completely and utterly wrong, but something is telling me that the anonymous Solow commentator pretending to be a parody Jesse might, and I do mean might, have been....... Morrissey! I just can't help feeling that Morrissey, having watched the Youtube footage of Johnny Marr absolutely MURDERING the hallowed words to the Smiths songs at the Day & Night Cafe, felt compelled to tell the TRUTH about Marr's career, but would NEVER be so cruel as to do it as himself.  The poor spelling and grammar make the postings HILARIOUS, but virtually all of the words written by  Anon/Parody Jesse ARE the truth. 

As I say,  I may be completely and utterly wrong, but as you read the posts below, try and picture 'anon' as Morrissey pretending to be Jesse, but also see the words as the REAL feelings of an UTTERLY distraught Morrissey, who couldn't quite believe what he had just seen on Youtube (I am presuming that Moz watched it on Youtube, and didn't actually attend the concert? Actually, let me just check back and see if I can find out from my blog entry of that day where Moz was, wait there........ OH MY GOD! The evening of September 29th 2011; the night that Johnny Marr probably dropped to new depths in the mind of Morrissey (if indeed the 'anon' was Morrissey, which I may have got completely wrong), Morrissey was on twitter and was having his first ever interaction with...... ME! Jigsaw, jigsaw, jigsaw. And now I seem to be stuck in some brackets again. Where was I? Oh yes. I had just said "try and picture 'anon' as an UTTERLY distraught Morrissey, who couldn't quite believe what he had just seen on Youtube....").... i.e. Johnny Marr hitting new depths as a performer, and you can almost see the tears in the parody words, as 'anon' writes and links Youtube clips of Marr's career:

Anon:In recent interview Marr is talking how bad he feels on stage, now, these concert evident's that Marr can't play live, also, he's singing is ghastly. Thank you David T to break the myth. Yes, Morrissey is one to see live if you want to experience The Smiths Spirit. Marr should go to PSB and be studio musician for them. They will like his coloured hair.


NATURAL OR DYED?

Anon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-c7A500Po0
Pet Shop Boys with Marr "My October Symphony" - last time Marr was attached to inspiration AD 1990/91; after, so pity Marr is (and will be)....and yes, Marr never had SPINE to play this solo live, because, let us face it, he is studio musician. Period.

Skinny: I admire your guts. Keep ploughing that lonely furrow.
P.

Anon: Sweet and dear P., lonely is Johnny.
He's song (HE'S SONG!) has no chart, no chart what!so!ever! since he stop serving Morrissey.
Period.

now listen this italo disco crap by marr.
why he didn't play this shit instead of destroying morrissey's brilliant songs??????


(Ed - the above Youtube link no longer works, so I'm not sure what the "italo disco crap" is!)

At this point, 'Chief Johnny Defender' could take it no more, and once again leapt to the defence of his God (who STILL isn't Morrissey, even though Skinny is a moderator on Morrissey-Solo.... but that is STILL another story):

Skinny: Change the tune, dolt, you're making more of a fool of yourself than you already are. P.

Oh if only Skinny knew, and as I continue to write this blog entry, I KNOW I am right, I just KNOW I am, although Morrissey would NEVER admit it, and nor would I ever want or need him too, just as I never want or need him to admit he is behind MorrisseysWorld. The other great thing about posting anonymously, is that you can also post things that you believe/know to be true, without the likelihood of being sued, such as the next offering from 'Anon':


Anon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BgbvjvAWuY or maybe he, marr, should stay with happy mondays and sniff & snore some more cocktails of heroin & coke to prevent us from this killing, slaughter fantastic morrissey's songs!

(Ed - the above youtube link is of JM telling the story of his 'Happy monday's kidnap'.


A HAPPY MONDAY!


Anon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKciOAXMxk0
this horror of group has kick out marr, because, according to The Cribs, marr is shit; as person and as musician.

(Ed - the above youtube clip is of a song called 'Housewife' by The Cribs, which I have never heard of!)

THE CRIBS.... APPARENTLY!


Anon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn4j37CX29g
Solid song and solid album from The The, but, marr is just session musician, all songs are made by Matt Johnson. Again, marr is nothing but servant to some other talent.

(Ed - the above youtube clip is of 'The Beat(en) Generation' by The The.

Anon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=068AFYvd58E
he, marr, was working with Talking Heads on their worst album "Naked", TH split after this debacle. According to David Byrne, it was no use from marr because boy just didn't find not one tune during the sessions.

(Ed - the above youtube clip is of 'Nothing but Flowers' by Talking Heads.

Anon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTAud5O7Qqk what the hell?? someone should pay me for listen to this retarded coxcombry!!! well, dear friends, he, marr, was crawling with these insects! as a session creep of course!
DEAR GOD.

(Ed - the above youtube clip is of 'Float On' by Modest Mouse

Anon: Electronic did do a number of great songs but, again, the world won't listen:
Getiing Away with It - apparently written about Morrissey - according to Tennant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSfjtdnUsls&ob=av2n 
Get the Mesage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7sVS...feature=relmfu
Forbidden City: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HETySgf-SYs&ob=av2e 
Vivid - terrific harmomica from Marr: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9dXWgYKutY&ob=av2e

ELECTRONIC - NOT SLATED BY PARODY JESSE. COINCIDENTALLY, I THINK I AM RIGHT IN THINKING THAT MORRISSEY LIKES THE PET SHOP BOYS

Anon: Now, marr, you are rich, you are respectable, you are exemplar, you are hero, YOU ARE GOD, indeed, you are god even to me.
But. Only because you meet these flaky 22 year old Dorrissey.
Without him, where are you? Just a servant to pop-wretch - another after another after another after another.
Look, LOOK! and be divine:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAxpvw4qOZQ

(Ed - the above youtube link is of 'Accept Yourself' by the Smiths.

Anon: And now, when I teached Unckleskinny some pop-history, I'm going off to drink some green tea with jaffa cakes (strawberry injection). Goodnight and thank you!


Now, for those who have been following Our Mozzer through the phenomenal journey of MorrisseysWorld, TELL ME that the above words are NOT Moz! You can't, can you? 





Don't worry, there is more. Parody Jesse returned to the thread:


Anon: Morrissey is Author. Marr is servant. Morrissey was great at Glasto. Marr this days only can play in pubs fool of smoke and nasty sweat. Mozz band is relevant. Marr band is sad bunch of hobos. Tobias can play live. Marr live performance is clumsy at best (just look videos above, he killed his own songs, Christ!). Mozz is clever. Marr is idiot (Jesus, he dare to sing Morrissey's songs with such "voice", even Liam fool of E, Heroin, Coke, booz, and Noel's spit sounds better at 3:00 AM out of some whore's bed after straight 12 hours animal party).


A Solower called 'Last Night I Dream't' then joined in, and just L'OO'K at Parody Jesse's reply, which is not only the 'give away', but will have you in stitches. It's all in the 'Elton':

Last Night I Dream't: Brillant! He looks great for his age!! Just Amazing!! If he comes to my town I will be there. Just a great bloke..I can't say enough nice things about him!! From when I first time I met him in Manchester (he gave me a ride in his car) till at the Cribs show a couple of years he is just such a NICE MAN! Love he is doing Smiths songs!

Anon: Ghastly! He looks awful for his age (look at gay hair dye)! Just patetic!! If he comes to my town, I will run like I run from TV every time Sir Elton John is there. Just a sad bloke.. I can't find enough aversion about him because he destroyed such a good Morrissey songs in this pub on videos above!! From the days of The Smiths (and I love to listen to him and Mozz on my Ipod driving my Vespa scooter) till the fooking Cribs and Modest Rats, he turn to such a SQUALID FIGURE! I hate he is doing Smiths songs so bad!

MODEST MOUSE (APPARENTLY).... CERTAINLY 'NOT' RATS!


Anon: According to Magnet interview, for marr this is "the best song ever made":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAamgOEmXg4
yep, he should die of SHAME.
Since he left Morrissey, he left the style and class in his life. Just hobo.
Period.

(Ed - the above video link no longer works, but it is 'Super Fly Guy' by S-Express)

Anon: And why he didn't play cover of that S-Express junkies instead of killing of Morrissey's songs???????????????????????

By this point, I think Uncle Skinny was a beaten man:

Skinny: Back to work, now. P.

Anon: Sweet and dear P. Current marr is odium; 
He can't dance or sing,
He can't do anything!
But what the hell?
The kid's a looker.

Just add cash and stir
And there you are
Another noncense, non-star
(Da da, da da da da etc.)

There's no pretense, 
This kid is dense
But what the hell?
The kid's a looker

Just add cash and stir
And the crash consumers line up
Shoulder to shoulder.
(La da la da da da etc.)

Sometime through the night
The kid shed his life
So very sad
However do not call this number again
We're busy moulding the face of the kid's replacement, yeah.
(La da da la da etc.) 

BUT, HE'S NOT EVEN LOOKER NOW!


THIS KID IS A LOOKER


Skinny: What the HELL are you talking about? I get the sense that even you don't know. P.

THE ABOVE COMMENT HAS JUST MADE ME CRY WITH LAUGHTER, OH MORRISSEY, I LOVE YOU...... not that any of the above comments really have anything to do with Morrissey, I am completely and utterly deluded. I am a fantasist. I am a bullshitter. Anyway, there is more:

Anon: Dear P. It is clear.
Mozz rocks!
Marr bollocks!

Anon: I'm on the mission.
To teach you solowists.
Fundemental facts of pop.
Why Mozz matters.
And why everyone else don't.
Specialy sad dead indi ex star marr.

At this stage, the anonymous commentator starts to sign off his/her postings as 'we'll let you know', although it could of course be a completely DIFFERENT anonymous commenter, and of course ALL those other previous anonymous postings could be from a dozen different people..... although both 'Parody Jesse' and 'we'll let you know' BOTH mention drinking green tea. A coincidence, nothing more! Ahhh, the beauty of anonymity.


GREEN TEA - THE BEVERAGE OF CHOICE FOR BOTH 'PARODY JESSE' AND 'WE'LL LET YOU KNOW'

Anon: And we know.
The teachers are afraid of the pupils.
But.
This is for the brave ones.
we'll let you know

And, at last, the 'ping-pong' posting that led me here in the first place:

Anon: why marr didn't play that http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Le-Uw-dx2o 
ping-pong vagary in this ghastly pub?
why did he butcher morrissey's poetry?
we'll let you know

(Ed- the Youtube link is for 'Atom Rock' by Quando Quango, which JM apparently played on. I personally have never heard of it, but then again, I have never listened to a single song by Modest Mouse or The Cribs!)

Anon: Christ, he could with ease blend this ludism http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Le-Uw-dx2o into his pub set!
Why stab Morrissey's giant genius with that prols on stage?
we'll let you know

Anon: Fair is Fair, he could hitch and jerk with his banjo that tune
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Le-Uw-dx2o 
so why for heaven sake take massacre on Morrissey's sacramental
we'll let you know

Anon: or take this marr prostitution
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmE7b3mzzso
with jolly jolly jerky jerky on banjo IN PUB FULL OF PROLS he will replicate baloney flatness of this yowl
so why, why, for dear god sake pickpocket DORRISSEY??????????????????????????????????
we'll let you know

(Ed- the Youtube link is for 'Still Feel the Rain' by Stex, which is apparently ANOTHER song that Marr plays on, and history has forgotten.)


I THINK JOHNNY IS THE ONE ON THE FLOOR!

Anon: my green tea is becoming cold. is this enough (pop-lessons) for you today Uncleskinny?
There is more and more to come Uncleskinny!
we'll let you know

Skinny once again jumped back in, and his comments remind me of Cliff Richard/GOB/Chuck/Lizzy/RosyMires/Hector Lector/Amora/Alex Petridis. Sometimes, people should REALLY, REALLY should stop and think before they write/speak:

Skinny: No, you keep 'em coming, you're doing a great job of looking like a fucking idiot. P.


Anon: but come on, all you can do after this titanic knowledge that i give you is SCOOLBOYINSULT
hm
we'll let you know

Anon: so, i'm proving that no one here, specialy "administrators", like Unckleskinny, know nothing about pop-culture!
well
we'll let you know

Anon: Uncleskinny is a moderator. He likes to be called "P" ever since rap broke in the UK.

At this stage, somebody called Peterb jumped in:

Peterb: All these guest threads are vile, uninformative and I cannot understand what they are trying to say. What is the point? Is it some strategy whose aim is to discredit the site?

Anon: All these threads are noble, very informative and we deeply understand what they are trying to say. The point is clear. It is inteligent strategy whose aim is discredit the illiterate, in pop-culture sense, moderators of the site!
In past 48 hours visitors of this site get more pop-culture informations, assemble Morrissey and The Smiths, then in full decade of spiteful masticate via Morrisseysolow.
more and more is coming
we'll let you know




Anon: You know that all posts considering decay of Johhny Marr are true.
Marr's career is whoring (so he satisfy shallowly with irrelevant).
Mozz career is fighting (so he engage, with highs and lows, constantly).
we'll let you know

Peterb: Jesus Christ guys (I'm referring to you Anonymous Guests) why can't you write proper sentances?
What does 'so he satisfy shallowly with irrelevant' mean?
And what is all the 'we'll let you know' s about?
Why can't you just say what you mean in intelligible language and then others can respond. 
This is called normal decent human behaviour.

Anon: The meaning of "so he satisfy shallowly with irrelavant";
Year 1990.
Marr is working with his hairdresser (yes hairdresser) on this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rib3OXyyreM
His hairdresser is close to happy mondays drug scene so Marr has a wish to stich him self to latest music trend via THAT CRAP!
SO HE SATISFY SHALLOWLY WITH IRRELAVANT!
Showing he is no artist (post The Smiths, or, correctly, post Morrissey), just pop-whore who suck even his drugpul gayish hairdresser to circle pop-worlds margine.
That year, 1990., Morrissey put out one of the best singles EVER in the history of pop-music: November Spawned A Monster.
You get? Mozz is artist, Marr is patetic.
Marr-popwhoredom
Mozz-popkingdom
we'll let you know


(Ed - the above youtube clip is of a song called 'Kiss me Cold' by Andrew Berry. In 4 years, it has had 456 hits. Is this REALLY Johnny's hairdresser, and was Johnny REALLY working on this song?)

Anon: Johnny walked away from his chance to be one of the greats and he will spend the rest of his career trying to capitalize on the memories of fans. He's very, very impressed with himself and his fans seem to enjoy that, but neither he nor they are "cool". 
Thanks, The Management

Anon: Johnny Marr is the absolute king of satisfying shallowly with irrelevant. I get a sort of anticipatory feeling when I encounter anything he's done because I can count on it being satisfying but at the same time I know it's shallow and irrelevant. That's our Johnny and we like him just like he is. 
The Management

Anon: Shallowly solowers
You see, you need higher education.
Now, if you pass literate exam - comprehend: shallowly - try to consume that sluggish marr:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbO7rNAedXY
you see/hear, boy can't play, boy can't sing - boy is no good. Boy is Sad. Boy is Patetic. Listen to that heavy-metal solo. Christ, Tobias is paganini on geeta for poor marr.
Why?
Lack of style, lack of mastership.
Master=Morrissey
we'll let you know

(Ed - the Youtube video is of JM singing with The Pretenders and MURDERING, and I do mean MURDERING the lyrics of Meat is Murder. I had never seen this before. It is NOT for the faint hearted.)

Anon: you are nice
you are kind
you are learning
you need this knowledge
you are waiting for so long
we'll let you know


Anon: darling
you are fidgety now
don't be
we are here now
you don't need to worry about 
we'll let you know

Peterb: The toads are wearing slingbacks.
There's Turkey for lunch
And when you dance
I am reminded of a printing press.
I refer the honorable gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago.


Anon: Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive with my Vespa scooter, while I listen gorgeus Tobias "This charming man", the brutte off?
we'll let you know
MOZ VESPA

Peterb: My underpants are glowing
as Roger Banister loans me a fiver.
Goat is on the Menu!
Bad new for goats.
I refer the honorable gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago

Anon: Dear son,
To maintain intelligent correspodence, we use Larkin's (as great Morrissey idol) poem "Toads", because, dear son, you fetch in one of your post word "toad".
But.
You didn't get this artistic association.
So.
Your last post is monthy python blah blah.
According to the facts, you are example of Monobrowed Cro-Magnon Man, and it is mostly impossible to go ahead with you.
We kindly ask you never to appear in Morrissey linkage converstaion - EVER!!!
we'll let you know

Anon: Why should I let the toad work
Squat on my life?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive with the brutte off?
...
Philip Larkin, "Toads"
Philip Larkin is the nation's favourite poet!, even to Mozz.
Now, solowers, you are learning the basics. But you need to go from scratch. You marr's and shaun ryders sad hobos...
we'll let you know

Anon: Now.
This site has to be closed.
DAVID TSENG and co. NEVER HEARD ABOUT Philip Larkin!!!
we'll let you know

The whole Solow article can be found here: http://www.morrissey-solo.com/content/391-Johnny-Marr-gig-report-at-the-Night-Day-Cafe-(Sep-29)-set-list-included-5-Smiths-songs?#comments




Well there we have it. I am of course ridiculously deluded to even think that the anon's could be Morrissey, OF COURSE THEY AREN'T, NOT ONE OF THEM!

And finally for today, Erica on twitter has asked if anybody ever managed to identify the man on the drum kit from last year? Fifi, do you have a theory?


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WHO ARE YER?

*Goes off singing* Superfly guy, gonna take you higher

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Day 896 - Chris the Wonder-kid

This morning I made myself late for work because I HAD to play Morrissey's version of Bowie's Drive-In Saturday.

I will explain WHY I had to play this record later on, but first, I have news to report from the Twitterdilly Arms; first of all, Parody Moz apparently made an appearance yesterday, and secondly, Astraea has gone!

The reason I have written 'apparently', is because by the time I sauntered into the 'World's Number 1 Online Morrissey Theme Pub', Parody Moz (and all traces of his twit account) had once again disappeared, and the only reason I was even aware that he had been in, were the remnants of conversations that various people had had with him. I have since learnt from my sources (Heather!), that Moz was only around for a very short period of time, but he mentioned that the new album recalls The Queen is Dead, and that he expects it to chart at Number 2 in the UK, and Number 7 in Australia!

Bearing in mind that Morrissey's highest ever chart position in Australia is Number 12, with Your Arsenal, I would guess that it is fair to say, he is in an optimistic mood. And on the subject of Your Arsenal, the reissue/remaster came out on Monday, although I have to admit, I haven't yet bought it, mainly because there doesn't seem to be enough difference from the original (which there was with Kill Uncle). Is there enough difference?

Morrissey to Reissue Your Arsenal With Live DVD
YOUR ARSENAL - REISSUED. MORRISSEY'S MOST SUCCESSFUL RECORD DOWN UNDER

I expect I shall buy the new Your Arsenal, if nothing else than for the bonus DVD of a 1991 concert from the Shoreline Amphitheatre:

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MORRISSEY SINGING AT SHORELINE IN 1991

And on the subject of concerts in California, this billboard has recently gone up, although according to True-To-You, the concert (along with a number of others) has ALREADY sold out!:





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And on the subject of concerts with legendary supporting artists, Sir Cliff Richard has been very keen to stress that he was joking when he previously mentioned meat eating in relation to his Morrissey concert. He has now stated, "I made a joke of it", and has blamed the press for twisting his words. Hmm. Cliff has also stated that he and Morrissey have never met, although previously Cliff had stated that they met in a hotel in Kent in 2011. You just don't know what to believe with Sir Cliff. Perhaps Alzheimer's is setting in. It would be dreadful if Cliff were to walk on stage in New York and sing, "When I was young la la la la la".


CLIFF - JOKER

And on the subject of Alzheimer's...... no, I can't do it! I would dearly love to now write about a hilarious exchange of emails that I had this morning with Morrissey (which included something about Alzheimer's), but I can't. As I have previously written, Morrissey emailed me a few weeks ago, under the guise of Fifi, and we have continued to exchange fairly regular emails ever since, with Morrissey's words being incredibly witty and sharp, and mine being particularly sycophantic and dull. He has even sent me the odd (odd as in occasional, not strange, although actually, they are quite strange too) photograph of the place he is currently staying. I really wish that I could share Morrissey's emails here, in my online diary, but I just don't think I should.

I suppose to a certain extent, the dynamics of my blog have now changed, in that it is no longer a case of me thinking it might be Morrissey behind the whole MorrisseysWorld phenomenon, I now KNOW it is him, although, in truth, I knew it was him from the very beginning, and I DEFINITELY knew it was him when he quoted "toothbrush" last January. The main difference now, is that I believe (deludedly, of course) that Morrissey and I have become friends, so I can no longer just publish anything and everything, I have to think about what I share..... but I may perhaps share the odd one liner from those emails, after all, they are just too good not to share.... and after all, it isn't really him, is it!

Many people reading this will presume that I am once again behaving like a fantasising bullshitter, and to be honest, that suits me just fine, and in fact, it adds to the fun of this whole journey, and WHAT a journey it has been. Over the past two and a half years, so much has happened, and so much has changed, particularly the personnel in the Twitterdilly Arms. So few of the initial crowd are still around, with the only constants who have truly believed and been around ALL the way through, being EARS, Heather, myself and Loughton Lil. MancLad, Lizzy Cat and Girl Without have stayed with it, although not always with full belief, and MANY others are still lingering and watching, but again without conviction.


THE OLD GUARD OF THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS: L TO R: LOUHGHTON, MANCLAD, ME, HEATHER, EARS AND GWO

But let's put aside the old guard and MorrisseysWorld, it is time to concentrate on the Blue Rose Society and the future. Blue Rose members continue to swell, and the BLUE ROSE SOCIETY is set to grow and grow as the US concerts approach. This year, the BRS will REALLY take off. The two latest recruits are Nicole (@Bunnygal833), who latched on to the end of yesterday's chart countdown, and Jack Shet (@TheeOtherBill), who describes himself in his Twitter profile as a "retired rockabilly god", and has already tweeted his ideas on how to smuggle roses into the concert venues. Jack is going to the concerts at Atlantic City and Hershey. This is going to be a fun year for the BRS.

JACK SHET - LATEST BRS MEMBER, AND RETIRED ROCKABILLY GOD


I've somehow managed to completely side track myself. Today's blog was supposed to be about Parody Moz's appearance in the Twit Arms, and Drive-In Saturday. I really shouldn't let my mind wander, it is most unprofessional, and I am a professional blogger, although as professions go, the pay is shit.... but the rewards are worth more than money could buy. Let me get out of this current paragraph and back on track.


Parody Moz apparently also re-tweeted two old tweets from drummer Matt Walker yesterday, which I am told are these from 2012:

 12 May 2012
things are weird and getting weirder.

just posted a statement on morrissey-solo...not really possible to sum it all up but it's a start.


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A MATT WALKER SELFIE FROM TWITTER - NOT RETWEETED BY THE MOZ

I have no idea why Moz chose to retweet those two Walker tweets, but I would guess that he has been pulling Matt's leg about them. I would also guess that initially the whole MorrisseysWorld 'thing' was Morrissey's own private joke, but now, all his band members are aware of it.

Astraea's departure from the Twit Arms has left a huge hole, and the BRS are already in mourning. Hopefully it will only be a temporary departure. Before leaving, Astraea posted me a photo of an unsmiling Serge Gainsbourg with Brigitte Bardot. The unsmiling photos of Gainsbourg are by far the best. He looks far more french when he isn't smiling. Gainsbourg is a man who looks as though he should have had a cigarette permanently hanging from his mouth..... actually, I think he did, which is probably why he died at just 62. Here is the photo Astraea posted, along with a couple of other photos that I have chosen to post for no reason other than I like them:





BRIGITTE & SERGE

JANE BIRKIN AND BRIGITTE.... OH SERGE, YOU LUCKY, LUCKY MAN


GAINSBOURG (SLIGHTLY SMILING.... BUT COMPENSATED BY THE CIGARETTE) AND BIRKIN

And now to Drive-In Saturday. As I rebuild my music collection; which by the way, has greatly benefitted from yesterday's introduction by a new FTM contributor called 'CC' to 'Little Jimmy Scott', who has INSTANTLY become my new 'on repeat' singer, with the two songs that I placed in yesterday's Twit Arms Top 10 being my particular favourites.... although I have plenty more to yet discover..... this sentence is becoming very long and is full of commas, where was I? Oh yes:

As I rebuild my music collection, I have been listening to a LOT of Bowie, and I have to admit, that at LAST, I am getting him. 'Five Years' is just the most perfect song ever, and as I listen to each Bowie song and album, I feel compelled to use Wikipedia as my guide. It is ALL so fascinating, and something that in 1972, I couldn't possibly have hoped to understand.

Anyway, this morning, as I sat in bed watching the last ever performance of Ziggy Stardust at Hammersmith Odeon on Youtube (FROM 1973), I suddenly had this urge to try and find out why Morrissey had particularly chosen to cover Bowie's 'Drive-In Saturday'. I firstly listened to Bowie's version, which is SU 'FUCKING' PERB, and then I watched/listened to Morrissey's version, which if I am honest, I hadn't really paid much attention to before, but now, having finally found out what it is about, I realise not only do I LOVE it, but it has slightly different words to Bowie's version. I immediatley leapt out of bed, grabbed my Mozipedia, and quickly realised that, just as with 'Jeane', it DIDN'T have the answers! Simon Goddard quite rightly notices that Moz sings "Chris the wonder-kid" instead of "Twig the wonder-kid", but he is unable to tell me why!


My own thought is that "Chris the wonder-kid" is Chrissie Hynde, but of course, it is just a guess. I think the only reason I particularly have Chrissie on my mind, is because yesterday, I was playing some old vinyl on my Dansette Conquest, and one of the records I played was the brilliant 'b' side to 'Kid' (wonder kid?), a song called 'Tattooed Love Boys'; so, does anybody know who Chris the Wonder-kid is? Fifi, are you still with us? Can you enlighten me?


(And just for good measure, here is the mesmerising last song from that Hammersmith Odeon concert, where Bowie announces the end of Ziggy, before singing my NEW favourite song, 'Rock n Roll Suicide'. Note that somebody manages to jump on stage right at the end and hug DB. It is ALL so Moz like.... but would Bowie fans STILL try to stage invade, like we Moz fans do?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLZNBbxJ2xo)

And finally Esther, and finally Cyril, Morrissey will NOT be playing Bestival this year, as I may have previously mentioned, the headliner is.... Nile Rogers! Hold on, that means that Fifi must be Nile, and NOT Morrissey! I'm getting emails from Nile fuc**ng Rogers! Actually, let me re-write Fifi's actual words regarding Bestival, "drop your anchor at the Isle, make your way to Robin Hill. Johnny Marr will be there, I will be there and maybe good old friends will be there too." Fifi never actually said Moz would be playing at Bestival, but perhaps he WILL be there!

Goodnight.

*Goes off singing* A good time was guaranteed for one and all, the tattoos did target practice in the hall while waiting, for their number to get called out, I, I, I found out what the wait was about.


Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Day 895 - Twitterdilly Arms Top 10

TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 10 - BROADCAST TODAY AT 2.50 PM IN THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS TO AN AUDIENCE OF TWO; WILLOW AND ASTRAEA.



1. FIVE YEARS - DAVID BOWIE (UP 1): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=louXPUW7tHU





2. WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE - LITTLE JIMMY SCOTT (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaQYtdk1Tko




3. DEAD FINKS DON'T TALK - BRIAN ENO (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7BDS19H9OM

ENO - THE ORIGINAL LOG LADY?


4. PERMANENTLY LONELY - TIMI YURO (UP 3): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeU_yf-rQL8





5. UN JOUR COMME UN AUTRE - ANNA KARINA (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bW-sqHZF28




6. WHY WAS I BORN? - LITTLE JIMMY SCOTT (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ew_ON0uPTMs




7. LA JAVANAISE - SERGE GAINSBOURG (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzusP8AeEyc




8. MALADJUSTED - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBORqna0VhM




9. NE DIS RIEN - SERGE GAINSBOURG & ANNA KARINA (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmIUjMZKlGQ



10. ROLLER GIRL - SERGE GAINSBOURG & ANNA KARINA (NEW ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9uNAtG-tfk









Monday, 24 February 2014

Day 894 - All Quiet

All is quiet on the Moz front, with no sign of Parody Moz, Broken, Greyer Girl or Fifi  in The Twitterdilly Arms over the weekend, although there was a very brief visit from Astraea last night, but the mysterious Willow (@SmashingBlouse7) is doing her upmost to convince me that Astraea is NOT Moz!

The mysterious Willow is also trying to convince me that Astraea is staying away from the Twit Arms because of all the extra followers that she is attracting as a result of my deluded insistence that she is Moz, but Willow's theory doesn't quite ring true, because I have been deludedly insisting that Astraea is Morrissey for a very long time now, but NOBODY believes me, and even since my latest mentioning of Astraea being Morrissey in my last blog entry, the 'extra followers' theory still doesn't add up, because Astraea's follower numbers have actually GONE DOWN!


ASTRAEA - WHOSE TWITTER AVITAR IS GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA. I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT I DON'T FOR ONE MINUTE BELIEVE THAT ASTRAEA IS THE REAL GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA, NOT EVEN I'M THAT DELUDED.

I have no idea why the mysterious Willow is so keen to convince me that Astraea isn't Morrissey, but the relationship between the mysterious Willow and Astraea is almost sisterly, which makes me more convinced than ever that they know each other. From the moment the mysterious Willow turned up in the Twit Arms a few weeks ago, she immediately bonded with both Astraea and Fifi, and the relationship is perfectly balanced, which makes me believe that Willow is not just a friend, but a VERY close friend of Morrissey's. The fact that the mysterious Willow also has incredibly good music taste would leave me to believe she is somebody like Linder Sterling, but of course I really have NO idea, and will probably never find out.

JimW-Linder Sterling 27
LINDER STERLING - JANUARY 2014. PHOTO AND COPYRIGHT JIM WILEMAN

JimW-Linder Sterling 29
LINDER 'WILLOW?' STERLING IN HER HUNTER WELLIES ON A BEACH IN CORNWALL - PHOTO & COPYRIGHT JIM WILEMAN (SEE A NUMBER OF OTHER GREAT NEW LINDER PHOTOS HERE: http://jimwileman.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/linder-sterling-north-devon-portrait-photographer/)


The 'not knowing' throughout this whole MorriseysWorld adventure has been part of the intrigue, although at times it can make all of us both frustrated and paranoid, after all, look what happened the other week to Marcus; he almost seemed to take leave of his senses as he hounded me in the belief that I was Broken. The anonymity of the internet can play hideous tricks on the brain! Astraea didn't stop to chat or play any songs on the Twit Arms jukebox, but her sister in crime (the mysterious Willow) played many great songs, and more than made up for frustrating behaviour by posting this poster on the walls of the Twit Arms:







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BRIGITTE, OH BRIGITTE

The only other two things of interest to come from Twitter this weekend were a photo of Moz posted by Nancy Sinatra, and the announcement that the Bestival headliner will be announced tonight at 7pm, although I now realise that it DEFINITELY won't be Morrissey, as A) Morrissey himself has told me that negotiations reached a dead end, B) There has been NO mention/rumour ANYWHERE of Morrissey playing Bestival (except here!) and C) There is NO C!

Morrissey, "Sunny" and me. Photography by the beautiful & talented Amanda.


MORRISSEY, NANCY AND SUNNY

In the interests of fair play, it is only right that having posted fleshy pictures of both Gina and Brigitte, I post one of Nancy. I could post one of her unbelievable 1995 Playboy shoot (which I have never of course seen), but instead, here is a little something from the sixties:


OH NANCY

And as I am being so fair, it is only right and proper that Linder also gets the fleshy treatment.... sort of:

Linder Sterling Collage and Montage
OH LINDER


Now, where was I? Oh yes, Bestival, which Morrissey DEFINITELY isn't going to headline:

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SUNDAY HEADLINER TO BE ANNOUNCED AT 7PM TODAY, WHICH DEFINITELY WON'T BE MORRISSEY

It is probably just as well that Morrissey wasn't propping up the bar of The Twitterdilly Arms at the weekend, as I was extremely busy. On Saturday, I made a rare departure from my bedsit, and headed to London with my eldest son to watch Chelsea play Everton. I used to go and watch football every week, and held a season ticket for many years at Fratton Park, the home of Pompey, but in 2010 my football team died, and so did my love of professional football.

My visit to Stamford Bridge on Saturday was only the second game of professional football that I had attended in four years, and as we arrived at Fulham Broadway tube station, I was suddenly reminded by a carriage full of drunk Everton fans, what I had missed; as they broke into song, singing (to the tune of Human League's Don't You Want Me), "Fulham Broadway baby, Fulham Broadway, oh oh oh." Such meaningless little simple things.


FANS AT FULHAM BROADWAY BABY, FULHAM BROADWAY, OH OH OH

As we arrived at the ground, I was reminded again of what I had missed, as I breathed in the 'buzz of anticipation' that surrounds a football stadium. The only other times I ever get this feeling, is when I attend a concert, particularly a Morrissey concert.

At the match itself, despite not being a Chelsea or Everton fan, I sang my heart out, and was reminded yet again of why I used to love football so much. I could have been singing anything, but it was the act of singing in public with complete unabated freedom that I enjoyed so much. It just makes you feel alive, and to sing in unison with thousands of other people is just an unbelievably GOOD feeling. After four years, I think I can safely say I have fallen back in love, not with Chelsea, but with football. I don't need to pin myself to one particular team, it is the 'event' I have missed, NOT a team.





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CHELSEA SCORE THE WINNING GOAL IN THE 94TH MINUTE OF A 90 MINUTE GAME!











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THE FANS HEAD HOME


Apart from the Scouse wit, unison singing, buzz of anticipation, and perfect day out with my eldest son, the other highlight of my weekend came from a very funny anonymous comment that was posted on the Morrissey Solow website. I very rarely visit Solow these days, but I occasionally have a look, just to see if anybody has discovered anything interesting. Over the weekend, Solow had posted a 'nothing' story from the NME, quoting Morrissey's former producer Stephen Street as saying that he doesn't believe that the Smiths will ever reform (yawn). In response to the nothing story, our old friend Uncle Skinny wrote:

Don't care what anyone says. If it ever happens, I'm quitting whatever I'm doing to be at the front of the queue.

P.


In response to Uncle Skinny's comment, an anonymous commenter humorously posted something along the lines of, "No you wouldn't, you've not got it in you. You would be stood at the back with the rest of your Northern friends trying to play it cool." I can't use the exact quote, because despite Skinny's insistence that NOTHING gets deleted from Solow because of their 'freedom of speech' policy, he deleted it!


Sometimes the truth is far too much to bear, and although the 'Northern' comment was unnecessary (Southern men are no different), the anonymous commenter was of course right, Skinny wouldn't act like an excited puppy, he wouldn't be anywhere near the front of any queue, because he, just like most other British men, would be far too reserved. In our heads, we are all poets, romantics and lovers, but most of us never let the real 'us' out, we live the life that we feel is 'expected' of us. We behave in a way that we believe we should behave. The life we would like to live usually stays within the compounds of the mind. It is only in very recent years that I have learnt to let go. Writing this blog has proven highly therapeutic for me, and the whole MorrisseysWorld and Blue Rose phenomenon has allowed me to be..... me..... and if the Smiths were ever to reform, which personally I have no desire for, I would be at the front of the queue, but then again, I will be at the front of the queue for any concerts that Morrissey happens to play near me this year, but rather than playing it cool, I will have a blue rose between my teeth, and will unashamedly behave like an excited puppy.





That will do for today, I will now carry on re-building my music collection, which I have to say, is proving to be very enjoyable. My thanks to everybody, particularly the mysterious Willow, Astraea and anon from my last blog entry, who are all feeding me with wonderful songs. I  can't stop playing Dead Finks Don't Talk by Brian Eno, and Five Years by Bowie is just.... JUST! I am also REALLY loving Billy Fury, Serge Gainsbourg, Wanda Jackson, Nico (particularly I Will Be Seven), Juliette Greco and Permanently Lonely by Timi Yuro, which is just the saddest song EVER.... and is currently on repeat!

And finally, finally, having announced that I am back in love with football, and am back in love with my music collection, I must also announce that; having caught a glimpse of Top Gear on tv last night, I think I might be falling back in love with cars, well, one particular car at any rate. Eight years ago, as I hit forty, I fell out of love with cars, mainly because my children could no longer fit in the rear of my V12 Aston Martin DB7 Volante, so I was forced to sell it and become a sensible parent.


DB7 - NOT CHILD FRIENDLY


Actually, going back to the whole 'British male' thing, it is a combination of children and hitting forty that really change the British man. The phrase 'life begins at forty' is CRAP. Forty is a horrible age. In our twenties and thirties we have drive and ambition, but at forty we start to run out of steam, drive and ambition. I have really struggled with my forties, but as I approach fifty, I am finally starting to re-find my identity. Anyway, I am completely starting to digress and waffle. It's just as well nobody reads this rubbish. The point I was going to make was that last night, on Top Gear, my passion for cars was re-ignited by this, the Alfa Romeo Disco Volante (Italian for Flying Saucer):

Alfa Romeo Disco Volante Touring - Front Angle, 2013, 800x600, 1 of 42
ALFA ROMEO DISCO VOLANTE - STUNNING

Why I am writing about football and cars, I really don't know. It's because there is no sign of Moz. I won't bother writing again unless The Mozziah returns, so I shall leave with a picture of Uncle Skinny at the front of the queue for the Smiths. Actually, he wouldn't queue himself, he would find some other numpty to queue for him:
THAT MAN QUEING FOR THE SMITHS COME BACK CONCERT - HE HATES MORRISSEY, AND YET RUNS A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO HIS SOLO WORK.....YOU COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP

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