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Sunday, 31 August 2014

Day 1082 - You can't kid a kidder

It would appear that I was right; the MW journey isn't over just yet! Broken left this message yesterday on my last published blog entry of Wednesday:

Rat's inclusion of a pic of JB made my day. Hence I've emailed OM to persuade him to post a new parody or at least to email it to me.

I'll keep you posted.
Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 30 August 2014 16:39


Two minutes after posting the above message, Broken appeared in The Twitterdilly Arms, where he once again posted some pictures of JB, and also offered these words:

"@Jazissey @FadingGoldLeaf My favourite women on twitter."

"My favourite men on twitter: @mancladmozfan @morrisseyparody"

"My favourite person of indeterminate gender on twitter: @TheRatsBack"

In response to @Heather tweeting, "@Broken1andonly Thx for your comment on FTM - there's a glimmer of hope": "There could be another slew of parodies."

I shall now keep an eye on old FTM entries, to see if a parody piece appears. As Heather has said, there is a glimmer of hope. I wonder why Broken keeps referring to Our Mozzer as '@MorrisseyParody' when that account name is now available to anybody? OM as @MorrisseyParody no longer exists!

St.Ill Morrissey made a return to The Arms late on Saturday evening, mainly to converse with the founder of a new society calling themselves the Blue Knicker Society (@BlueKnickers). It would appear that the account has been set up as a parody to the BRS, with the author (I think it is somebody called @Mozfreek) claiming to be neutral in his beliefs about whether Morrissey is behind the BRS or not; although it is quite clear that this isn't true. Here are the highlights of the conversation:

BLUE KNICKERS: I do love to tamper with arrangements.

ST.ILL MOZ: Just do not tamper with my undergarments. It is a near criminal offence.

BK: I'm afraid it's too late for that now, all in good humour, whoever you are.

ST.ILL: Am I going to take to the stage and be slapped in the face by flying knickers?

BK: You won't. Morrissey might however, if he can see out the tour.

ST.ILL: I thought you were neutral.

BK: And why would that matter to you?

ST.ILL: Nothing matters to me but the written word. Stand by what you have written. At least.

BK: That's far too boring, let's spice things up around here.

ST.ILL: There is such a lack of real spice in your life. Caffeine on the other hand?

BK: If this is truly Morrissey, release a True-To-You statement.

ST.ILL: THAT is far too boring.

BK: Well isn't that surprising.

ST.ILL: There are many surprises in life.

BK: I'm sure there is indeed. The fact you wouldn't release a statement isn't one.

ST.ILL: What would you want the statement to say? Not that I ever do as I'm told.

BK: Anything along the lines of proving this account's validity. Don't leave us waiting.

ST.ILL: It is more likely I will prove your accounts validity then mention this one.

BK: Feel free. I await a picture of blue undergarments on TTY.

ST.ILL: Do not hold your breath. Or in fact, please do.

ST.ILL: I didn't mean that. Carry on breathing. This makes my mouth widen into a smile.

BK: There is no need to be so cruel.

ST.ILL: What if my eye is injured in an underwear throwing incident? That is cruel.

Here are the rest of St.Ill Morrissey''s Saturday night highlights:


"Blame and no praise, the way I was raised."

In response to @WPINOYB asking, "@stillMozsworld Are you Morrissey?": "I leave this to your imagination. Who else could I be? I'm not Kenneth Williams. I can speak perfect palare though. People simply refuse to believe that "He" would be on twitter. I am here and people stay away."



In response to @WPINOYB tweeting, "@stillMozsworld You are funny": "I came out of the womb telling jokes", to which @WPINOYB replied, "Not according to Autobiography.". St.Ill Moz responded, "Well I did nearly kill my mother and then my sister tried to kill me. Sounds like a joke to me."

In response to @WPINOYB tweeting to @MOZfreek that "(Morrissey being MW) was denied three times on TTY, that makes me smell a rat": "Please do not mention Rats." When @WPINOYB asked why, St.Ill Moz replied, "You have a lot to learn. @TheRatsBack", to which @WPINOYB replied, "He's the guy who writes the blog I read. Do you not like him?". St.Ill Moz replied, "Edward Gibbon would have trouble documenting the relationship." A moment or two later, St.Ill Moz wrote, "@WPINOYB Do you read or do you write?"

At the end of the day, you can never kid a kidder, and Morrissey is KING of the kidders. Unfortunately the vast majority of Morrissey's fans just don't get him... but they love his songs!


In other news, a new fan video for I'm Not a Man has appeared on Youtube:



And finally, Lauren LoPrete, the person behind the This Charming Charlie cartoon strip, has written an open letter to Morrissey inviting him to join her record label, which is called.... wait for it.... LOGLADY RECORDS. Oh the ironies if Moz were to join Log Lady Records, but of course, he won't, it is hardly Beggars Banquet.




I suppose I may as well publish this blog entry and all the others from the past few days. This journey has a LONG way to go yet.


Saturday, 30 August 2014

Day 1081 - Basil Bush

There has been no sign of either Broken, St.Ill Moz or indeed Our Mozzer, so I shouldn't really be here writing, but old habits die hard, so for now I type on; although I will continue not to publish my blog.

I guess I just don't want to believe that we have come to the end of our phenomenal journey, and if I'm honest, I don't believe that it has ended, but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my behalf.

I genuinely believe that Morrissey has thoroughly enjoyed this interaction with his fans, and I have no doubt that he LOVES the BRS, so surely he won't let it die?



Despite The Arms being bereft of pessoas, a message has been left for me by Astraea (@Fadinggoldleaf), who yesterday tweeted, "@TheRatsBack I hope the cricket's cracking and that you're back here twitting around again after the weekend."


The Twitterdilly Arms may be dead, but twitter itself is abuzz, as Morrissey fans discuss the upcoming tour. The standing tickets for the O2 in London sold out within minutes, which just goes to prove that old Mozzer has still got it..... not that it was ever in doubt.

Whilst I wait to see if Morrissey returns to The Arms, I shall amuse myself with some parody writing:

(The scene is set in Morrissey's bedroom. It is present day. Morrissey is laying on the floor reading something on his i pad, whilst his trusty friend and band mate, Boz Boorer is reclined on the bed reading a magazine. Morrissey is giving out a series of tuts and huffs whilst shaking his head.)

MOZ: (Sounding surprised, and in a mocking tone) Life jacketsReally?

(Boz looks up from his magazine)

BOZ: Life jackets? What life jackets?

(Morrissey turns to Boz)

MOZ: Boz, I know that I can trust you to tell me the truth; you're not just a yes man like the rest are you?

BOZ: Er, no Moz. I mean, er, yes. No... no! What was the question again?

MOZ: Boz, is Basil Bush a greater icon of popular music than me?

BOZ: Basil Bush? Don't you mean Basil Brush? No, of course not, Moz.

MOZ: No, Boz, of course I don't mean Basil Brush; even I realise that I am just about more iconic in the pop world than a fox with a hand up it's jacksey, I am referring to her with the five hundred and thirty eight sold out nights at the Hammersmith Apollo.

BOZ: Oh, Kate Bush!

MOZ: Yes Boz, Basil Bush! Well, is she a greater icon than I?

BOZ: No Moz, of course she's not not. (There is a pause) What does icon actually mean?

MOZ: What do you think it means, Boz? And why did you say "no", if you didn't understand the question?

BOZ: Well whatever an icon thing is, you're a better one than Kate Bush. I mean a bigger one. Greater one even.

(Morrissey mutters "give me strength" under his breath, and rolls his eyes)

MOZ: I wish Broken were here; he would give it to me straight.

(Morrissey goes back to his iPad, and continues reading reviews of Kate Bush's comeback concerts at Hammersmith Apollo, whilst also watching video footage.)




(A minute  or two later)

MOZ: Boz, is Kate Bush a better song writer than me?

BOZ: No Moz, of course not.

MOZ: (suspiciously) Do you actually know any of her songs, Boz?

BOZ: Yes, of course. This Woman's Work is one of Lynn's all time favourites.

MOZ: (Giving Boz an icy stare) But surely it pales into insignificance when compared to say, All the Lazy Dykes?

BOZ: (Answering as quickly as he can) Oh yes, of course Moz.

MOZ: And she doesn't sing very clearly does she? You can't pick out all the words like you can with my songs.

(Boz doesn't answer, he has been distracted.)

MOZ: Boz, you aren't listening to me, are you? What are you reading?

BOZ: Sorry Moz, I'm reading Wines & Vines, it's a monthly magazine for wine makers; there's a really interesting article on compromised fruit.
(Morrissey reaches up to the table next to him, picks up a satsuma, and hurls it at Boz who manages to duck just in time. The satsuma thumps into the wall behind him and then drops down onto the bed.)



MOZ: It's no good Boz, I am only fooling myself. Old Basil may be unbearable and have a voice of trash, but she has pulled off a masterstroke in enigmatic otherness by disappearing from the stage for thirty five years and reappearing like this; we need to up our game, old son.

BOZ: Are you going to take a thirty five year break, Moz?

MOZ: Well it's a bit late for that now, Boz. I don't think the concert going public of 2049 will be queueing around the block to have a nonagenarian cough spittle all over them whilst wheezing out the words to Let Me Kiss You, do you? (There is a pause and Morrissey goes deep into thought) Of course what I should have done, was completely disappear in 1987 after, well, after you know who split the you know whats, and then I could have made a glorious return, just about now.

(Morrissey walks over to the window and stares out, as though in a dream)

The media and fans wouldn't be able to get enough of me, Boz. Record companies would be throwing themselves at my feet, offering me anything I wanted. All of my new singles would be topping the charts, and Justin Bieber would be begging to collaborate with me. Every new album of mine would go platinum within a week and the biggest and best concert halls around the world would sell out in seconds. Nobody would give a four X for Dread Sheeran, and old Basil's Before the Dawn would be left floundering in the dark.

(Morrissey pauses and comes out of his dream-like stare, but continues to look out of the window)

But I didn't disappear in 1987. Oh no, instead I have aimlessly wandered from one disaster to another. It's all your fault Boz; you and all those other two bit musicians who've encouraged me along the way to keep getting back on the stage. (Adopting an authoritative voice) "It's where you belong" you all said, "You're at your happiest on the stage" you all crowed, and yet what good has it brought me, eh? None! I drag myself up onto the stage night after night, after night, through illness after illness, after illness, all in the name of art, and yet nobody cares, and nobody thanks me. NOBODY! (There is a pause for a minute or two, as Morrissey once again stares out) And now here we are, with old Basil Bush casually wandering back into my industry after thirty five years of making strawberry jam in the countryside with Andrew Ridgeley, and suddenly the critics think she's a "legend" and an "icon". I have given and given and given and given, and for what? It just isn't fair Boz. (Morrissey turns away from the window and looks at Boz. Boz is fast asleep on the bed; a satsuma peel next to him.)

Friday, 29 August 2014

Day 1080 - I'm here with the cause.... I'm holding the torch

I continue to peer into The Twitterdilly Arms unnoticed, and although yesterday there was not much activity from within, I present my findings:

Broken (@Broken1andonly) entered The Arms at 6.49pm, shortly followed by St.Ill Morrissey (@stillmozsworld) at 7.03pm. The two didn't interact with each other, and neither stayed very long. Broken concentrated mainly on his favourite past time of posting Justin Bieber pictures, although he did have a brief and interesting conversation with Jaz (@Jazissey) about favourite lyrics on WPINOYB. Broken stated, "I like "look at that cow... in the field... it knows more than your bride knows now". Finally a song targeted against old sexist roles... not afraid to mock the female, as well as the male. The critics, of course, didn't get the progressive nature of the message; they see only misogyny."

Broken is absolutely right about critics failing to understand the meaning of Kick the Bride Down the Aisle, which I interpret as a mocking of marriage in general, and NOT just the female role within the marriage. Morrissey has always been a champion of women, and it should also be remembered that Kristeen Young sings on Bride, which she would NEVER have agreed to do if she thought it was a song of misogyny.



That was about it from Broken yesterday, although his mentioning of the lyrics to Kick the Bride has reminded me of a conversation back on Friday August 8th, between St.Ill Morrissey, Esta (@hiddensun11) and George Edge (@edgeindustphoto) on the subject of women. I never got around to reporting the conversation at the time, so now that it's a bit quieter, here are St.Ill Moz's words on the subject matter from that evening of the 8th:

"We need strong women."
"Do women have to become strong due to harshness of men? Do we cause women to change themselves?"
"Women are often shouted down when they make a point. I've seen it. The music industry cannot deal with intelligent women."

That Friday, St.Ill Moz also said these words to @southkirk:

"I'm Not A Man will lead to a shirt change."

Interestingly, St.Ill Moz also signed off that Friday evening by saying, "This is my farewell for the night. May I thank those who have returned and those that have remained. Sadness has lifted." Ever since that evening, things have seemingly got better and better.... apart from the Harvest split and the BRS being disbanded of course!

Here are St.Ill Morrissey's offerings from yesterday. I guess it's a good thing I'm not making my blog public at the moment, otherwise Broken would go mad at seeing me still writing about St.Ill Morrissey, although as Our Mozzer hasn't made the return that Broken promised, then there is actually no harm in me writing about St.Ill Moz! Here are his words from yesterday:

ST.ILL MORRISSEY: Paradoxical

JESSE NOTHING (@MozFiend): What is?

ST.ILL MOZ: The entire essence of life.

Moz then disappeared, but returned two hours later to post a fan made video of Last of the International Playboys with a tweet saying, "I cannot and I do not approve- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv6nVCxeI-M#t=38.

It will be interesting to see if this video is forced off Youtube, although Morrissey has never previously bothered to have Youtube postings removed, even though some postings have cost him thousands and thousands of pounds in lost revenue, with fans using http://www.youtube-mp3.org to copy songs. EVERY song from WPINOYB was made available on Youtube from day one of it's release, and therefore, the songs have been FREE for anybody who wants them.

Most artists have something in place to stop the copying of new songs using Youtube converter, but Morrissey doesn't, and I also noticed the same when Beck's new album was released earlier this year. If artists don't stop people taking their songs for FREE, then the music industry will surely die. I also believe that Morrissey's album sales were greatly hampered by the leak that appeared on twitter the week before the official release of WPINOYB. WHY  don't record companies simply employ somebody to jump on any Youtube postings of new songs, and get them remove? After a few weeks of release, it doesn't matter so much, but during the initial impact period, it is imperative that people can't get hold of music for free. Perhaps this is one of the many things that annoyed Morrissey about Harvest.


WPINOYB - TOO EASY TO GET HOLD OF FOR FREE (AND I BET THAT PINK DISC WAS YET ANOTHER HARVEST COCK-UP!)


St.Ill Morrissey's last words of yesterday were another exchange with @MozFiend. Moz Fiend tweeted him to say that she couldn't access the video of Playboys that he had posted, to which he replied, "Even the internet does not approve."

That's all for today from MorrisseysWorld. The Twitterdilly Arms is pretty much empty, and the MW.Com site that I mentioned yesterday is still showing a blank page. In other news, I have today bought my ticket for the O2, but the European trip is once again looking unlikely due to my friend's work commitments; although Big Mick has expressed an interest in going, so perhaps perhaps perhaps. Buying tickets for a Morrissey concert usually involves pressing the refresh button a hundred times and just hoping you are eventually successful, but this morning it was a completely different experience. At 8.59am I logged on to See Tickets and searched for Morrissey O2. The event appeared just as the clock turned to 9.00, so I pressed the button for standing tickets, and by 9.02am the process was complete. Now, where are those inflatable red roses?



I will once again sign off with an offering from Astraea (@Fadinggoldleaf), who tweeted:
"I'M HERE WITH THE CAUSE
I'M HOLDING THE TORCH  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpf6gJU3520"

Astraea then added:
"And when you're dancing and laughing
And finally living...

Never turn the music off

Hear my voice in your head
And think kindly of me"

WHAT a song! WHAT  a song! Now, how good would it be to see that back on the set list?

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Day 1079 - Hearts on sleeves

Yesterday I wrote that I presumed the MorrisseysWorld journey had come to an end because Morrissey no longer wants blue roses, but whilst Morrissey continues to use twitter unnoticed by the masses, I will continue to record the phenomenal story. For the time being, I won't publish my recordings, as most people have become completely and utterly bored of me, and who can blame them? Even I am bored of me!

My announcement yesterday that my blog was ending went hardly unnoticed, with the entry receiving just 100 hits, and only six people bothered leaving a comment. I also announced my retirement from twitter, which brought much merriment, with somebody called @DandyInTheRough telling George Edge and Mad Alix, "He's a sad no life cunt. Your (sic) not allowed to disagree with anything Moz says or like other singers or his little gang comes after you." REALLY? I don't even know who this Dandy character is, but if that is the perception people have of me, then it is a good thing that I back away. Ultimately, I became too involved in the whole MW story, and if I'm honest, I probably ruined it. I shall continue to write the story, but I will keep out of the picture.

ME IN BROOKLYN 2013 - TOO INVOLVED


Anyway, enough about me, let me turn to happenings in MorrisseysWorld.

Broken has now closed his twitter account, but the man he calls a fraud, St.Ill Morrissey (@stillMozsworld), has kept his open for a change. St. Ill Moz paid a visit to twitter yesterday and posted the following:

"The story is old."

In response to @MozFiend asking, "But will it go on?": "No."

In response to @Mancladmozfan saying, "I think you and Broken should get a hotel room together": "This is impossible. We would spend far too much on room service."


MORRISSEY AFTER A NIGHT ON THE MINI-BAR


In response to @MozzeriansATW tweeting, "Don't forget to take a blue, red, white rose to MorrisseyTour2014": "I wouldn't bother with that."

In response to @Bunnygal833 tweeting, "Perhaps something new?": "Hearts on sleeves is what we need."


NOT QUITE ON SLEEVE, BUT STILL


In response to @sorcha69 tweeting, "I'm ganning to the O2 but such a huge venue": "It may perhaps be hard to reach the stage", to which @Bunnygal833 then asked Moz, "Is that the idea?" to which he replied, "No. I find the idea of selling it out fabulously funny."

LONDON'S O2



And then he was gone. Interestingly, Astraea retweeted a number of St.Ill Moz's tweets, so despite Broken's protests that he is a fraud, Astraea obviously doesn't think so. 

A number of people are moaning about Morrissey choosing the O2 to play in, but he had no choice;  Morrissey HAS to play the O2, because it is one of the few major venues in the UK where he hasn't played. It is a box that needs ticking, nothing more, nothing less.

In other Moz news, a statement has been posted on TTY regarding the deaths of Richard Attenborough, Lauren Bacall and Dora Bryan. The TTY statement praises both Attenborough and Bacall but doesn't offer any praise for Williams, which may explain St.Ill Morrissey's ability to joke about his death when it happened. It should also be noted that a few days after Williams death, Broken said, "I'm not surprised that Morrissey hasn't commented on the death of Robin Williams, but he will". Here is the statement :

26 August 2014

Richard Attenborough dies

"I was thrilled beyond words to have met Richard Attenborough, who, of course, played Pinkie in Brighton Rock (1947), a central theme of my song Now my heart is full. When I met Sir Richard he was delightful, and I asked him if Brighton Rock seemed like a hundred years ago. He replied 'Oh, much more than that ...'.
I also had the extraordinary pleasure of meeting the recently deceased Lauren Bacall ... so beautiful, so cautious ... and so sad that her death was overshadowed by that of Robin Williams. It was Lauren, not Robin, who changed motion picture history. Yet modern media has an odd way of forgetting the more senior servers of the arts. Dora Bryan, whom I knew personally in the late 80s, and who also died in recent weeks, had pitifully slim attention from the British news media, yet her talents were a treasured staple of British life throughout the 1950s, 1960s and beyond. Dora had agreed to introduce the Smiths onstage at the London Palladium in 1986, but at the last minute her agent asked for a fee which we, the Smiths, just couldn't afford.
However, in our X-factory society, it seems that anyone who has NOT appeared on Big Brother just isn't worth remembering by the British media ... alas."

Morrissey.


DORA BRYAN IN A TASTE OF HONEY - DIED JULY 23RD



LAUREN BACALL  IN DARK PASSAGE - DIED AUGUST 12TH

Morrissey is of course right about the media attention surrounding Williams's death being disproportionate to Bacall, but his age and circumstance of death make it much more of a story. The passing of Jimmy Scott in June AT THE AGE OF 90  has gone unnoticed by EVERYBODY.



JIMMY SCOTT - DIED JUNE 12TH






So that's about it for another day in MorrisseysWorld. The website MorrisseysWorld.Com, which has been linking to TTY since April, has now stopped linking, and has become a blank white page with the heading "In the beginning". Is this site about to go live, or is this just a play on the title of Kate Bush's new concert 'Before the Dawn'? And on that subject, Kate Bush's much heralded comeback to the stage after a 35 year absence is crying out for a Morrissey style parody... if only there were a parody Moz website.... one can but dream.

Tickets for Morrissey's November concert at the O2 Arena in London go on sale tomorrow, so I shall attempt to buy a standing ticket, and although the BRS may be dead, and although it would be impossible to get a blue rose to Moz, the sight of an inflatable red rose might just raise the odd smile in certain quarters.

It also looks as though a trip to Europe may be on after all, so perhaps that inflatable red rose might be spotted elsewhere too!














Embedded image permalink
BB - TWEETED BY ASTRAEA

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Day 1078 - When two worlds collide

Yesterday evening, events took a rather bizarre and surreal turn, as Broken and St.Ill Morrissey came head to head in The Twitterdilly Arms, with me wedged in the middle. I suppose I knew that there would be some kind of backlash after I denounced St.Ill Morrissey in yesterday's blog, but I didn't expect a full blown argument between the two pessoas. Here is how the conversation went, and NO, this is NOT a parody piece, it really happened!:

ST.ILL MOZ: (To me) Fickle. May the truth destroy you.

RAT: I am a pawn.

ST.ILL MOZ: You had better not converse with me had you? The law has been passed.

RAT: Hmm, a tough one. Maybe I should introduce you to Broken?

ST.ILL MOZ: I am aware of his work.

RAT: Lol.

MOZ FIEND(@Mozfiend): What law?

RAT: I had to choose between real Moz and Parody Moz.

ST.ILL MOZ: How quick you were. Now what did someone say about false friends?

RAT: You ****! You keep kicking me.... but I have no feeling.

BROKEN: St ill Morrissey lacks the wit, charm, poetry and cynical irony of OM. He's a shallow copy, a bland photograph.

ST.ILL MOZ: You talk of bland photographs but when I look on your page all I see is bland photographs of a bland boy.




RAT: *Grabs fruit gums*

KERRY(@AmIMoving2Fast): This is beyond ridiculous but so funny!

RAT: No wonder NOBODY believes any of it!

KERRY: Exactly- pure genius.

ST.ILL MOZ: Not a whiff of wit or genius.

BROKEN: Yes, I think you're talking about yourself there. Only an idiot would believe you are OM.

ST.ILL MOZ: I am an idiot.

BROKEN: Yes, we know. OM brought us 5000 tweets of wit tantamount to genius. You type shit and say, "whiff." As if saying 'whiff' or 'absurd' makes you Morrisseyesque. You're irrelevant. Carve out your own identity - don't impersonate and pass yourself off as..  irony. I don't mind you saying what you want. I am astonished, though, that a handful think you're OM!

ST.ILL MOZ: I'm astonished you're a human yet here we are.

BROKEN: That was about as witty as a fart. I wish you'd stop irritating me. You type like Morrisseysmum and that's not a compliment. Witless.

ST.ILL MOZ: You and Rat? Remind me not to hire you as my bodyguards. Treacherous.




BROKEN: I'm not concerned about you. You can do what you want - you're an idiot. I'm just stressing that you're NOT OM.

ST.ILL MOZ: You know where the door is.

At this point, Broken and St.Ill Moz then went their separate ways, but conversations continued:

ST.ILL MOZ: Today you are presented with a Janus conundrum. The past or the future.

MENIPPUS(@Menippus) Ancient references aren't really my thing, but OM might follow this with a discussion of Samantha as tour support.

RAT: Lol. The night gets crazier.

MENIPPUS: When Moz walks on stage and shouts "Game on!" we will have accumulated just another COINCIDENCE.

ST.ILL MOZ: (To me) Come to think of it you have been the most divisive thing about this whole adventure. I'm glad you're gone.

RAT: I haven't gone, but that's typical of you to blame others. **** again!.... The "bodyguard" tweet is my favourite of the night. Sorry Broken, but I HAVE to write about that one!

ST.ILL MOZ: I forbid it.

KERRY: "I forbid it" is my 2nd favourite!

RAT: (To St.Ill Moz) Hmm, I have always done as you've asked, but I'm afraid I must ignore your request in the name of comedy.

ST.ILL MOZ: Comedy? This is tragedy.

RAT: The two always go hand in hand. I'm still grinning at the "bodyguard" line. How can that c*** Broken say you have no wit?

ST.ILL MOZ: Far too late.

RAT: It was merely an observation, not a back track. Just like I had to let Fifi go, I have no choice than to let you go.

ST.ILL MOZ: Perhaps it is true... The BRS is dead.

ESTA(@hiddensun11): I'm lost, but pretending that I'm not. This place is a bit baffling.

MOZ FIEND: I am beginning to understand, slowly but surely.

GOB(@Girlonbike1102): (To St.Ill Moz) If you can't agree on who is who, how is anyone meant to follow?

MENIPPUS: I think we need to democratically elect a new Morrissey every 6 months.

ST.ILL MOZ: Can I be Morrissey for December only?

MENIPPUS: Well, you understand how democracy works, at least... I'm afraid we're fully booked this winter. Oct-Dec is the entire town of Llandudno; Jan-Feb is Stewart Lee.


STEWART LEE - ELECTED TO BE MORRISSEY FOR THE MONTHS OF JAN & FEB


ST.ILL MOZ: Do our politicians not pick what months they wish to work?

MENIPPUS: Yeah, the twats - but winter is the summer of Moz impersonation; you need to arrange well in advance.

That was the end of yesterday's session in The Twitterdilly Arms, and as both Broken and St.Ill Morrissey have now announced the end of the Blue Rose Society, then I guess this is where the journey ends.

With the exception of myself and EARS, there was NOBODY else who was prepared to take a rose for Moz this winter anyway, so the death of the BRS will not be mourned; not on this side of the Atlantic at any rate. In fact, Manclad yesterday declared, "pushing to the front and handing Moz a rose would be unthinkable." If the BRS members wouldn't take roses, then there was never any hope of anybody else taking them.

Despite Morrissey's VERY obvious indications that he wanted blue roses, his fans have been either too blind to see, or too scared of ridicule. If only Morrissey had chosen TTY back in 2011 to announce that he wanted roses rather than MorrisseysWorld.... but then we wouldn't have had the fun we have had.


MORRISSEY WEARING A BLUE ROSE IN 2012


Embedded image permalink
MORRISSEY ACCEPTING (AND THEN WEARING) A BLUE ROSE IN 2013


IMAGE
MORRISSEY WEARING A BLUE ROSE 2014



And meanwhile, back in the real world, not only can I not find anybody to come to Europe with me to watch Moz in concert, but this morning I have learnt that the friend who first coined the phrase "the rat's back" (during a rather successful display of bowling by yours truly in a cricket match in 1991) has lost his wife to cancer. Life is a pigsty.

The End.

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Day 1077 - Our Mozzer Returns, TRM Announces a European Tour, Broken declares the BRS to be dead, and much much more.

It was a busy day in MorrisseysWorld yesterday, with Our Mozzer (Parody Moz) returning to The Twitterdilly Arms disguised as Broken, whilst Broken paid a visit to The Arms; disguised as nobody other than himself, to declare amongst other things, that the BRS is dead! St.Ill Morrissey also popped in briefly to announce that when he was younger, he had wanted to work for Glam Cabs, whilst  today, the NEW Morrissey's World (@MorrisseyWorld) has tweeted for the first time since April! You couldn't make any of this up! Meanwhile, The Real Morrissey (TRM) has announced a European tour.


GLAM CABS - THE FICTITIOUS FIRM FROM CARRY ON CABBY

Let me start with Broken, who arrived in The Arms just after lunchtime, and announced that, "the new parody is awaiting approval from OM". Broken then went on to praise GWO for spotting that last week's TTY statement about the split from Harvest contained the line, "detailed graphs and several drawn up maps", which GWO saw as a comparable to a very old MorrisseysWorld piece that had a graph with flawed data. Broken said, "As usual GWO is sharper than a razor. Yes - it was a graph of YOR sales Vs. insulting comments about the Chinese."  I have to admit, I only have a vague recollection of the piece, but then again, I do have a dreadful memory, which is why I try to write everything down! Broken added, "So many references. None but the MW cognoscenti would ever realise."

THE MW COGNOSCENTI (INTERESTINGLY, THE LAST TIME I USED THIS PHOTO ON DAY 435 OF FTM, THE COGNOSCENTI IN THE PICTURE WERE LISTED AS HEATHER, MARCUS, CATHY5, ROSY, REGI, CHIO AND FANCYS123. HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED... OR MEMBERS OF THE MW COGNOSCENTI AT LEAST!)

Broken added, "OM is sulking. He might be found in his bathroom with a Dolls vinyl spinning and a bottle of gin. He won't be found online.... which means he won't approve the (parody) piece."

I pointed out to Broken that OM's twitter account, @MorrisseyParody, had actually expired, so he didn't have an account to come back online with. Broken replied, "OM is furious. He wonders why you've all accepted a fraud as OM." He then added, "BRS is dead." Before leaving The Arms, Broken announced, "A big surprise is JUST around the corner."

A couple of hours later, Broken (@Broken1andonly) returned, but after a few tweets, he announced, "OM has just *taken over my account* - this is the real OM." Here are OM's tweets (disguised as Broken):

"Sadness chases Morrissey like rush hour traffic."

"The poor love money and the rich love everything else."


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In response to @edgeindustphoto posting a picture of James Dean: "JB is the new JD."

"@edgeindustphoto I apologise edge - I was unacceptably harsh towards you."

"The purpose of life is to realise there isn't one."

"As Cameron contemplates getting behind Assad, Orwell's 1984 unravels before our very eyes."

"Reason saves us from poverty but also from spontaneity."

"That morning she dipped her hair in the river and knew that sunrise would never be seen in the water again."

"And so I'm back to little or no public fanfare." I pointed out that using Broken's account name may be a little confusing for some people and suggested asking @MorrisseyWorld to give back the original @MorrisseysWorld account, which is now in their possession, although when I say "their", that could of course mean Moz! My god, this is complicated! WHO IS MORRISSEY?

"Elegance is..... A PASSING FANTASY."

"It's like I don't even exist - thank you Harvest."

In response to @southkirk asking, "@Broken1andonly who are Harvest?": "A muck raking company par excellence."

And then he was gone. Broken has this morning added a comment to FTM reinforcing Our Mozzer's dislike for @stillMozsworld:

Rat's continued insistence that the imposter without wit or poetry is TRM is frankly preposterous. I have told you and I will tell you one final time: OM will not return until you stop promoting stillMozsworld who has nothing whatever to do with MW and nothing whatever to do with TRM.

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 26 August 2014 07:17

I guess I now have a decision to make; do I denounce the person that I believe to be the real Morrissey in order to get Our Mozzer back, or do I continue to report the offerings of @stillMozsworld, meaning that OM won't return? I have been here before, and last time I chose to denounce Fifi for OM. I have been given little choice, so I therefore denounce @stillMozsworld with immediate effect..... although before I do, St.Ill Morrissey's very brief appearance last night in The Arms enabled me to see his answers to last Friday's Moz Army quiz. Hilariously, he wasn't quick enough to score any points. Here are his highlights from Friday:


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"@Mozarmyquiz Panic. My God."

"@Mozarmyquiz Has it come down to this? I knew one day it would. Continue."


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"@Mozarmyquiz Suffer little children? Although who the hell knows."

In response to @AmIMoving2Fast asking, "@stillMozsworld Are you really bored?" "Horribly", and then added, "Please allow me this one moment."@AmIMoving2Fast then added, "Are you winning?" to which M replied, "I have not registered a point yet. Although I joined in the middle. Late to the party again. Winning is a distant dream."


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"I give up" (Ed - It was apparently Asleep... Ass leap!)

So, that is the end of me reporting on @stillMozsworld, although I have a feeling he might now disappear. Broken's account is once again closed, so all eyes are now on @MorrisseyWorld who has this morning tweeted, "In the beginning." Are we at last about to see MorrisseysWorld.Com replace SoLow as a proper Morrissey fan site, or is this another false dawn? Will we also see Our Mozzer return with a new account? Time, as ever.....

Here is the TTY statement announcing the European tour:

25 August 2014

Morrissey confirmations

Monday October 6 LISBON, Portugal (Coliseum)
Monday October 13 ROMA, Italy (Atlantico)
Thursday October 16 MILAN, Italy (Teatro Linear)
Friday October 17 BOLOGNA, Italy (Paladozza)
Sunday October 19 PESCARA, Italy (Pala Gpii)
Tuesday October 21 FLORENCE, Italy (Obihall)
Wednesday October 22 PADOVA, Italy (Geox Theater)
Friday October 24 VIENNA, Austria (Konzerthaus)
Wednesday November 5 HANNOVER, Germany (Capitol)
Saturday November 8 LUND, Sweden (Sparbank Arena)
Sunday November 9 COPENHAGEN, Denmark (Falconer)
Tuesday November 11 GOTEBORG, Sweden (Lisebergshallen)
Thursday November 13 STOCKHOLM, Sweden (Hovet)
Wednesday November 19 WARSAW, Poland (Stodola)
Friday November 21 KRAKOW, Poland (Laznia Nowa)
Sunday November 23 BERLIN, Germany (Columbiahalle)
Monday November 24 ESSEN, Germany (Colosseum)
Saturday November 29 LONDON, England (02 Arena)

Morrissey is urgently seeking a label to issue World Peace Is None of Your Business, which is now withdrawn from the Capitol-Harvest Records catalogue.


I am still hoping that @stillMozsworld's promise of a UK tour in January will prove to be true, but no doubt I will manage one or two of those dates whilst I wait.


And finally for today, instead of the usual Tuesday chart, which is now defunct due to lack of interest, I present:

World Peace is None of Your Business in video format, with ALL videos made by Morrissey's fans:

1. WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS




2. NEAL CASSADY DROPS DEAD




3. I'M NOT A MAN




4. ISTANBUL




5. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET




6. STAIRCASE AT THE UNIVERSITY




7. THE BULLFIGHTER DIES




8. KISS ME A LOT





9. SMILER WITH KNIFE




10. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE





11. MOUNTJOY - NONE MADE

12. OBOE CONCERTO




13. SCANDINAVIA




14. ONE OF OUR OWN





15. DRAG THE RIVER




16. FORGIVE SOMEONE (Starring Kyle Douglas, the President of the BRS)


17. JULIE IN THE WEEDS




18. ART-HOUNDS

Monday, 25 August 2014

Day 1076 - The Mozzer Strikes Back!

Last Tuesday I asked Morrissey if his next tour would be "leisure centres, arenas or pubs?" to which he replied, "car parks", before adding, "I'd probably end up under a wheel". This morning I awoke to find this concert poster on TTY:
Morrissey Vienna Date 24 October 2014

It would appear that Moz has shelved any idea of car parks, and is instead sticking to what suits him best; the most glamorous theatres in the world. Here is Vienna's Konzerthaus:


KONZERTHAUS VIENNA - HOSTING MORRISSEY OCTOBER 24TH

Oeticket.com doen't yet have tickets for sale, but they have posted the following:

The Mozzer Strikes Back! In over 20 years of a solo career since the dissolution of his band, The Smiths, Morrissey, also called "Moz" or "Mozzer", has written brilliant albums full of social statements, personal stories and noble sounding. 

He is one of the few music icons, that still deals with radical themes and comments on current events in their songs, without mincing their words. On 11 July 2014, the Brit released "World Peace Is None Of Your Business" his 10th studio album.

The Mozzer is indeed striking back, and now we await further dates, which according to Morrissey (@stillMozsworld), will include Rome at the end of October. Here is what he said to Kerry (@AmIMoving2Fast) in The Twitterdilly Arms last Thursday:

MOZ: "He whom fate sees fit to favour."

KERRY: "I really need you to announce your Rome date."

MOZ: "Are you attending?"

KERRY: "Yes!!"

MOZ: "Then I will have to cancel. I jest of course. End of October."

Lisbon has been booked for October 6th, and we know that the O2 arena in Dublin is booked, so where else is The Mozzer going, and when?

Morrissey hasn't been seen in The Arms since Friday night, but here are a few of highlights from recent visits:

August 8th:

In response to @edgeindustphoto tweeting, "The Veronicas would be perfect supporting Morrissey @stillMozsworld": "I do need a support act. Timi Yuro is otherwise engaged." (Ed - it is interesting to note that George Edge obviously still believes that @stillMozsworld is Moz.)

In response to @PapaSonsfilm suggesting Boy George as support: "Not in this century. I am open to a duet. We will cover Big Spender."

In response to @southkirk tweeting, "@stillmozsworld I heard Culture Club have reformed?": "I would like an audience left when I begin my concert."

In response to @jake_cfc tweeting, "Morrissey + band is actually the best group since the Smiths": "Best band since The Smiths is ironically The Smyths."

"There will be a UK tour."

August 10th:

"No doubt if i had released a terrible album and the reviews were poor I'd have gotten a number 1. "Oh, old Moz has lost it a bit hasn't he?""

"I used to walk through my 20's thinking I was the ugliest man alive. It is a shock to me when I see photos."

In response to the above statement, @Bunnygal833 posted, "@stillMozsworld I can't imagine that at all", to which Moz replied, "It is true. This is why I hid behind cover stars mostly."

" I always marvel at how many pictures of ones self can be found."

And on this subject, a photo has been posted on twitter today by Simon Wolstencroft (@SimonWolstencr1) of Morrissey backstage in 1984:

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Highlights continued:

"I am available for backing singing @CherylOfficial"

"@CherylOfficial She does not sing. Just talks into a microphone and auto-tune does the rest."

"@CherylOfficial Leave me alone I was only miming"




August 11th:

In response to @MozOccasions tweeting Morrissey lyrics: "Where are my royalties?", to which @MozOccasions responded, "@stillMozsworld We're sorry, we just can't help quoting you ; )", to which M replied, "I will let you off. But if I cannot find a record label I will stand outside your office or home and beg."

(Ed - it is interesting to see that Morrissey's sense of humour had really started to return by Aug 11th, probably just as the tour days were starting to come together. At last he is born.)

"I long to be a X Factor judge. Scary Spice and the Regretful Spice."

In response to @OscillateWildy asking, "@stillMozsworld Marr or Boz? I think you'd chose Boz over anyone any day": "Correct. Marr was a brief period of my life. Boz has been here longer."

(Ed - I would imagine that without realising it, @OscillateWildy has bagged himself an exclusive. Has Morrissey ever before admitted publicly that he would choose Boz over Johnny?)


















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BOZ - PICTURED OUTSIDE HIS RECORD SHOP OVER THE WEEKEND

August 19th:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGbv8JR8x0s (Smiler With Knife)


August 21st:

In response to @OscillateWildy tweeting, "Morrissey is back on twitter. @stillMozsworld why did you go missing for like two days?": "I am always missing in action. Not that I see any action."

"Education in reverse."

"@itsmorrisseynow If you are Morrissey now, just who were you before?"

"Yes, I really believe the time has come. At last. At last." In response to this statement, @HeatherCat222 asked, "For what?", to which Morrissey replied, "The Wrong Box. One must watch The Wrong Box staring Peter Cook." (Ed - No doubt Moz will kick himself for misspelling "starring", but it is only right that I draw attention to it, especially as he always draws attention to my mistakes, such as my grocer's apostrophe. No doubt Moz would say he misspelt it on purpose to see if anybody was paying attention!)


NICOLE (@Bunnygal833): "How are you?"

MOZ: "Not too sad"

NICOLE: "What have you been listening to lately?"

MOZ: "Myself"

NICOLE: "That makes two of us"

MOZ: "You have released an album? It was promoted less than mine. No small feat."


I won't write anymore for now, as A) I am waffling on too much B) The @stillMozsworld account remains closed so I haven't got access to any more and C) .... There is NO C!



Richard Attenborough died yesterday at the age of 90. @MorrisseysMum has paid tribute on twitter:

"Richard was a great man in the purest, most honest sense. He brought colour and charm into the dullest house on the bleakest street."

Here Here.



And as I press the publish button, I see that Broken is in The Arms.

Back tomorrow.

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Day 1075 - Full Control

Much debate has gone on amongst Morrissey fans since his recent split from Harvest, with there being many different ideas as to what Moz should do next. Some fans are suggesting that Morrissey should form his own label, whilst others think he should get his fans to fund his next album, but what the vast majority of Morrissey fans fail to realise, is that despite appearances, Morrissey is in FULL control of what is happening with his career.

Every time a record company fails Morrissey, it adds to the tragedy of his life as an artist, so therefore, in a sadistic way, Morrissey actually likes falling out with labels, as it is now a part of who he is. Despite Steve Barnett's email to Morrissey saying that they no longer wanted him, it would appear that Steve changed his mind, so Harvest would have kept Morrissey for a second LP, and if Morrissey had wanted to, he could have sat down with Steve Barnett and his team and thrashed things out so that there was an improvement for the second album, but instead Moz chose to walk away.

In Morrissey's recent TTY statement about Harvest he wrote, "Most of the Harvest team are very nice", which immediately made me think of the song Disappointed, in which Moz sings, "don't talk to me now about people who are "nice" 'cause I have spent my WHOLE LIFE in RUINS... because of people who were "nice"."


On Friday evening in The Twitterdilly Arms, Morrissey stated, "I am not desperate. There is no rush. There is a second album." Morrissey is in FULL control!

I cannot currently report on Morrissey's visits to The Arms on both Thursday and Friday, as he has once again deactivated his account, but I don't think I missed any great revelations. It has been mentioned that Moz had a go at the Friday night Moz Army quiz on twitter, but it would appear that he got bored after a couple of questions and stopped. Maybe he didn't know the answers!

There is no sign of the MW parody that Broken promised. We have once again been had!

And finally, Astraea has returned to The Arms, and on request has brought song:


Thursday, 21 August 2014

Day 1072 - Bristled hackles and heckled bristles

It's just a quickie today, as I have been busy celebrating GCSE results and playing cricket. Broken signed off yesterday by saying that he would publish a new parody if 50 comments were left on FTM, but despite my loyal readership achieving what was asked, there has so far been NO sign of the parody. It wouldn't be the first time that Broken has welched on a promise of a parody.

In the meantime, St.Ill Morrissey reappeared in The Twitterdilly Arms last night, and his final words before signing off for the night were, "My hackles bristled as my bristles heckled". Moments later, a lengthy new TTY statement appeared, which included the sentence, "I hope to finish this statement whilst I'm still clean-shaven". As usual, those outside of the BRS would label that a coincidence, but as they will all be blissfully unaware of it's context or meaning, they won't actually label it anything at all! We few in the BRS live an over-active fantasy life, which the hardcore Moz fans aren't interested in. Funnily enough, Morrissey mentions having an "over-active fantasy life" in the TTY statement, and one would think that the "hardcore" would wonder what this means, but "wondering" might lead them to somewhere they don't want to be led, so I doubt they'll give it a second thought. The clues to MorrisseysWorld are all there, but of course nobody knows to look.


BRISTLED

There are other little nods to the BRS members in the TTY statement, including the title; 'PLEASE CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND ME', which I believe is a reference to me asking St.Ill Morrissey to "leave the door on the latch" the other day, so that I could copy his twitter sayings, and also LizzyCatMoz asked St.Ill to "please close the door on the way out." There is also another mention of the number 38 in the TTY statement, which St. Ill confirmed to me the other day might have been a reference to the number of followers he had when Morrissey made reference to the number 38 in the Hot Press interview. Here is the statement:



PLEASE CLOSE THE DOOR BEHIND ME
Morrissey statement

In response to 77 million questions I can only say this much on the subject of the Harvest drama. It is quite true that Harvest initially appeared like a saintly beacon of light, and they instantly packed us off to France where we recorded World peace is none of your business. The universe was back in balance, and we all considered this to be the very best Morrissey recording ever, and even the boo-hoo-suck-it-off elements of the press appeared to want to agree. At last I am born.
It all seemed too good to be true. It was. I believed that the rich soil of the album had several strong hit singles. Frayed tempers began when Harvest arranged the 'spoken word' films, none of which gave any clue as to what World peace is none of your business intended to be, or is. The films were OK, but they went nowhere and stayed there.
With every nerve alert, we pushed the label for a proper video for Istanbul to precede the album, not least of all because a single ahead of the album release might inch the album to a higher chart position. The label backed off, even though Istanbul received 55 radio plays in just seven days on a major US station. Instead, the label requested a fifth spoken-word film, which naturally had me fumbling around for an axe: no independent thought required. The UK label, meanwhile, created a quite fantastic television advertisement to transmit during the week ahead of the album release. I could taste excitement once again. The TV ad never appeared and my hackles bristled as my bristles heckled. The label responded with frosty aloofness, and I suddenly realized that we were not, after all, of the same species. I ploughed into them insisting upon "proper band videos, where the band play and I sing" - an evidently confusing concept that required seven weeks of explanation, detailed graphs and several drawn up maps.
The label suggested I come to Los Angeles and read passages from Autobiography in front of selected audiences. As frightening as that idea was, I hung on, desperate to believe that Harvest were not as cheap as they now looked. I hope to finish this statement whilst I'm still clean-shaven, so I will jump to the final curtain: during the weeks of the album release, the label were minus one single structural idea, and it appeared evident that each member of the team was acting in separate rooms without doors or windows. Mutual mistrust exploded between Harvest and I, and with fashionable pessimism, the label boss yawned and ordered the surface smartness of dropping World peace is none of your business three weeks after its release. There, now! This would not have happened to the Teletubbies.
Sorrily botched the project may now be, but it's worth it to get Morrissey out of our Inbox. Yes, I can be intensely persistent, and I certainly have an over-active fantasy-life, but the Harvest experience tells us that despite the blinding flash of teeth and smiles, it doesn't take much for the coin to flip and suddenly we're all compromised and shattered. All you need to do is disagree with the vanity of the label boss and your beheading will be slotted in between bottles of the most average champagne on the market. Just one weak-chinned drone can assert the fist of injustice and all of our efforts are flushed away. And thus ... they were.
I might be wrong, but I think World peace is none of your business will instantly disappear from iTunes and record stores and every download-upload-offload outlet on the planet, because Harvest technically have no right to sell it.
Most of the Harvest team are very nice, and I sincerely thank them for trying and caring so much - even if their promotional duties were fully undertaken by the Morrissey audience themselves, whose You Tube videos for World peace is none of your business fully provide the art that the label could not muster. The listeners instantly understood how entertainment could also be art.
Staggeringly, I still believe that there's a label out there with my name on it, and one that will issue World peace is none of your business, and afford it the respect it deserves.

Thanks for reading this (rashly assuming that you have), and thanks once again to the Harvesters who tried.

We are boot-camp ready for Lisbon in October, so with the will of many gods, hopefully at least 38 of you will turn up.

MORRISSEY
20 August 2014

Many people have noticed that despite Morrissey's obvious disappointment with Harvest, the latest statement sounds as though he has his mojo back. This has also been noticed in the upbeat words of St. Ill Morrissey is The Twit Arms. Maybe he's not still ill. I have a feeling that the tour arrangements are virtually ready to announce, and Moz is starting to get excited, as are we!

Here are the rest of St. Ill Morrissey's (@stillMozsworld)  highlights from yesterday:

In response to me posting my blog entry entitled 'Bollocks!': "@TheRatsBack Please refrain from public displays of indecency. Nobody needs to see your bollocks. Thank you."

In response to @GirlOnBike1102 tweeting, "I keep missing @stillMozsworld Hash tag PassingShipsInTheNight": "One day we will collide. Throw mw overboard will you? Buried at sea."

In response to me making reference to there being just two comments on my blog: "@TheRatsBack Deserting Deluded Dozen."

In response to me suggesting that Moz change his twitter account name to @itsMorrissey: "Perhaps I should change it to a One Direction song? 3 million followers in 40 seconds", to which @tabootlb replied, "Nooooooooooooooooooooo", and Morrissey responded by saying, "Such an objection. I haven't seen that long of a No since the drummer was asked if he had too much money."

SMIRKY JOYCE - IN THE MONEY, BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH

In response to me tweeting, "@stillmozsworld I love the fact that MW has gone backwards. It adds to the brilliance of the story": "It wouldn't feel right if it was popular. I would probably leave forever if it exploded."

HOW TRUE, HOW TRUE, HOW TRUE. If truth be known, despite the frustrations that everybody is too blind to see, we wouldn't change what we've got for the world!



In response to @AmIMoving2Fast saying, "@stillMozsworld So if we keep it dead quiet - you'll stay?": "As silent as the promotion for my little old album."

That is it for today, as I am tired and ready for bed. I have just noticed that Morrissey visited The Arms again this evening, so if he leaves the door on the latch, I will try and catch up tomorrow.

For the record, Morrissey currently has 153 twitter followers.

Long live over-active fantasy lives.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Day 1071 - Bollocks!

I am having the shittiest day that I have had in months, so I won't linger or I will no doubt end up upsetting somebody or other. It may help my black mood if I have a quick swearing session..... fuck bollocks twat cunt arseholes wanky fuck wank bollocks shit toss fuck shit twat bollocky cunt knob shit..... hmm, a slight help, but not much.

St.Ill Morrissey (@stillMozsworld) made a visit to The Twitterdilly Arms last night, but the b*****d closed his account before I had time to screen shot all of his words, so I am therefore only able to report a snippet of the action here on the Worlds's Number 1 Mozziah Following Blog, FollowingTheMozziah. Here is what I did manage to grab:

"The energy has drained from legs. Soon my body will be defunct and all I will have is a head. A head with dire hair." In response to this, @geniussteals replied, "Your hair is quite lovely. Your choice  in labels however...", to which SMW replied, "I simply take what I am given. Do I spot a quiff in your picture there? Get your own style. I kid, imitation is flattery."



@MozFiend also responded to St.Ill M's opening tweet, pointing out, "@stillmozsworld All of us will sooner or later be dust and bones. Death makes us all equals in the end", to which Moz replied, "Death is the great equaliser. Rattle my bones all over the stones."



@MadAlix14 was another to respond to Morrissey's "drained legs" tweet, suggesting, "@stillMozsworld have a cup of tea and a digestive", to which he replied, "Can I not have a scone and a Vodka?"

@Bunnygal833 chipped in to the above by saying, "Vodka goes with anything", to which St.Ill Morrissey replied, "Except happiness."

When @MozFiend pointed out that Morrissey had "beautiful hair", he replied, "I find my hairline quite depressing."  (Ed - On this subject, His Mozzness will get no sympathy from me!)


MORRISSEY - STILL HIRSUTE

In response to @MozFiend saying, "@stillmozsworld You bring happiness and joy to my life": "I never meant to but that is quite lovely." (Ed - I never fail to smile when I hear Moz give somebody the "I never meant to" line. Morrissey's self-deprecation is my favourite trait of his.... for the next 30 seconds at any rate.)

In response to @MozFiend tweeting, "@stillMozsworld I almost missed my stop on the train tweeting you. It would have been worth it": "I am worth missing entire towns for." (Ed - I never fail to smile when I hear Moz singing his own praises. Morrissey's egotism is my favourite trait of his.... for the next 30 seconds at any rate.)

In response to @MozFiend suggesting "alcohol and xanax will make you forget you are you": "I've never really known who I am." (Ed - I never fail to smile when I etc etc)

In response to @Mancladmozfan asking, "@stillmozsworld Ever thought of taking up togger?": "I once used to be quite nifty", but Moz then added, "I can barely walk without dislocating something. Walking and kicking could prove too much for me."


IN THOSE HALCYON "NIFTY" DAYS

In response to me asking, "@stillMozsworld Yo, Moz dude. How's your day been? Tour sorted? Label found? Novel written? Drummer dismissed?: "Dude? Why have you suddenly become twelve? But since you ask... Yes, No, No and how could I?"


MATTHEW WALKER - JOB SECURE

It is good to hear that the tour is sorted, so hopefully we will have an announcement soon. I went on to ask Moz if the tour would be a leisure centre, arena or pub tour, to which he replied, "Car parks", adding something along the lines of it "reflecting recent album sales", but I didn't manage to copy the exact quote.

There was more from Still.Ill Morrissey, but as I wrote at the beginning, I failed to copy it all, so I shall try and grab the best bits on his next appearance.

Whilst I have been writing this, Broken (@Broken1andonly) has turned up in The Arms. I should point out for any new readers of FTM (Ed - yeah, right, there aren't any new readers, in fact, there aren't any readers!) that it is my belief that Broken is a pessoa of Morrissey's, but if you try and engage with him on twitter, you should remember that he is NOT Morrissey, and be warned, he can bit...... oh, and he likes Justin Bieber.... A LOT!

 Here are Broken's highlights:

In response to @Jazissey asking if high school reunions happen outside the US: "They happen in England too. But over here, those without accomplishments of note usually denigrate those who have. Hash tag GreatBritain."

"Bored of life, but not bored enough to choose death."

"Is anything sexier than @justinbieber 's back? His front perhaps?"

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In response to me asking, "@Broken1andonly Why Bieber? WHY?": "The combination of charisma, beauty and masculinity."

In response to me asking, "@Broken1and only What do you think will become of him?": "Bankruptcy and early death."


"MW parody complete - but who cares? It's a soap with no audience; it's a car with no petrol. Hash tag BrooksideSaab"


"Intelligence is the enemy of good sleep."

"The virtue of the lonely is their dissatisfaction with themselves."

Having Broken back has lifted my spirits, and the possibility of a new MW parody is even more uplifting, although I won't hold my breath as Broken has promised parodies before and then not delivered.

And finally, Phil Collins has announced his first concert in four years..... the crowd went mild!


PHIL COLLINS - TAKE A LOOK AT HIM NOW, HE LOOKS LIKE JACKIE WRIGHT

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Day 1070 - The Chart is Dead

For once, all is quiet in Morrissey's world. St.Ill Morrissey (@stillMozsworld) did pop into The Twitterdilly Arms yesterday evening, but his only words were, "Evening", and "Staircase could have been released by now."

The Twitterdilly Arms chart countdown was greeted by an audience of one, and is now officially dead.


TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 42:

1. KISS ME A LOT  - MORRISSEY (UP 3): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SutsRPLFeFY




2. TO SIR, WITH LOVE - LULU (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTapoA5RQyo




3. I'VE CHANGED MY PLEA TO GUILTY (LIVE ON THE JONATHAN ROSS SHOW 1990) - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am5AVaeGg7o



4. WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (THE 3 VIDEO EP) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 3): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBCg28Pxc0Q + https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzDsSPiH0CA + https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq-uOIJKEm0

5. OBOE CONCERTO (FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (UP 2): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG_IDcxFRKs

6. THE BULLFIGHTER DIES (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXVtaYCDoLo&app=desktop

7. I'M NOT A MAN (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (UP 18): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGUqqFqn5qM&sns=tw

8. ISTANBUL (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (UP  33): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNpbm1GQbWU&sns=tw

9. PLAY IT COOL - BILLY FURY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5U8jERyfSE




10. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzZ8X1oOES4

11. WHY DON'T YOU FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF (LIVE IN SALISBURY 2009) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOsNqiOVG_k

12.WHEN LAST I SPOKE TO CAROL (LIVE IN MEXICO 2011?) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X24iL3WW1nY

13. ALL THE LAZY DYKES (LIVE IN POMONA 2011) - MORRISSEY (  ): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42EMVU5-AEI

14. SWEET AND TENDER HOOLIGAN (LIVE IN NIAGARA FALLS 2012) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE6qesf1LOo

15. ONCE UPON A DREAM - BILLY FURY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae_ogriURVk

16. MAGIC - SHANE FENTON & BILLY FURY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zdqj0X9aqU



17. YOU JUST HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET, BABY - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yIdeYrbBR4

18. STRETCH OUT AND WAIT (LIVE IN IRVINE 1985) - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEOnDJ-QifA&sns=em

19. I WON'T SHARE YOU - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1A74q78A0w&feature=youtu.be

20. SPEEDWAY (WITH THESE THINGS TAKE TIME A CAPPELLA) (LIVE IN NEW YORK 2013) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EW2tosFJcG4&feature=player_embedded

21. SUCH A LITTLE THING MAKES SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE (LIVE IN SWEDEN 2004) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nipgid_P7AQ

22. SPEEDWAY (WITH ASLEEP A CAPPELLA) (LIVE AT HOLLYWOOD HIGH) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UU4a25_9Ec

23. INTERLUDE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wF3j_CrKMQM

24. INTERLUDE - TIMI YURO (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCjQxMxjJio




25. THERE AIN'T NOTHING LIKE A SONG - ELVIS PRESLEY & NANCY SINATRA (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc4T-40l1uA

26. THE BOAT THAT I ROW - LULU (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvy3gLJZVf4

27. ART-HOUNDS (NEW VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 21): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-dDNsNU2_E&feature=youtu.be

28. STAIRCASE AT THE UNIVERSITY - MORRISSEY (DOWN 17): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEsFCscYRcU&feature=youtu.be

29. I KNOW IT'S OVER (LIVE IN MANCHESTER 2012) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWkLFsMYrZM

30. STRIPTEASE WITH A DIFFERENCE - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d0u4l0v4QE

31. I WILL - BILLY FURY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8qTDqso5PQ

32. RUN TO MY LOVIN' ARMS - BILLY FURY (RE-ENTRY): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ5QhIkplsA

33. THESE THINGS TAKE TIME (LIVE IN MANCHESTER 1983) - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPV3yc6QQx8

34. BIGMOUTH STRIKES AGAIN (LIVE ON THE WHISTLE TEST 1986) - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7Ro7HLmUrY

35. YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE - GERRY AND THE PACEMAKERS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnhidBHw0Eo

36. YOUR GROOVY SELF - NANCY SINATRA (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-0nRJps_mg

37. YOUR TIME HASN'T COME YET, BABY - ELVIS PRESLEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35e8pUTZptU

38. SPEEDWAY - ELVIS PRESLEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK2T_1LRYlY





39. WHO ARE YOU (WHO AM I?) - ELVIS PRESLEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnRVEbL4UBg

40. MICHAEL'S BONES - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdayZHy6LD4

41. THIS IS NOT YOUR COUNTRY - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsuGHXuUedw

42. PEOPLE ARE STRANGE - THE DOORS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq9oR9x171w

Monday, 18 August 2014

Day 1069 - "Morrissey, you have left Harvest. Good luck and goodbye. Steve."

It is amazing that virtually every single day, there is something dramatic happening in the world of Morrissey. Forget "My life is opera", what Morrissey should have sung in Art-Hounds is "My life is soap opera". The dramas that surround Morrissey don't seem to occur in the lives of other top singers from the 1980s, such as Tom Bailey or Tony Hadley, but then again, well.....


TOM BAILEY OF THE THOMPSON TWINS - A GREY LIFE


Since my last blog entry of Friday, a story has broken saying that Harvest have NOT dropped Morrissey from their label, which Morrissey was quick to counteract by announcing on TTY that he had proof that he had been dropped:

16 August 2014

Billboard report Morrissey Wasn't Dropped By His Record Label

In response to Andrew Flanagan's incorrect report for Billboard online (15 August 2014), both Morrissey and Morrissey's lawyer are in possession of email correspondence from Steve Barnett (head of Capitol-Harvest Records), and also from Steve Barnett's personal assistant, both of whom confirm that Capitol-Harvest have ended their relationship with Morrissey. No recording Agreement with Capitol-Harvest was ever signed by Morrissey, and Morrissey retains full ownership of World Peace is None Of Your Business. Contrary to the assured Billboard report, Capitol-Harvest have very clearly stated that they would have no interest in licensing a second album by Morrissey. Russells (London), who represent Morrissey, are presently concluding Morrissey's relationship with Harvest Records.
Once again, Morrissey is in search of a new label.


Subsequently, all the official spoken word promotional videos have disappeared from Youtube, and  the WPINOYB.Com website has gone. Even the LettersToMoz.Com website has vanished. It's as though Morrissey no longer exists, although I'm not sure Harvest realised he existed in the first place!

Morrissey then issued another TTY statement, where he thanked fans for their efforts in making videos for his songs, and it has to be said, some of them really are excellent:


17 August 2014

More thanks

"Thank you to everyone who has added new videos on You Tube to support World peace is none of your business. Of the newer batch, I am especially moved by The bullfighter dies by trentmorrison, and also by Oboe concerto by Sharon Jheeta. I am so glad that you understand.
I am so sorry that Harvest Records did not understand what they had.
You have explained it to them, and I will always be in your debt".


God only knows what will now happen to future pressings of WPINOYB, but I still haven't purchased a vinyl copy of it yet, as I have been waiting for Boz Boorer to get some in stock at Vinyl Boutique. I tweeted him yesterday to ask if he had any in, but he replied, "No."


VINYL BOUTIQUE CAMDEN - NO COPIES OF WPINOYB


Apart from the dramas with Harvest, this past weekend has also seen "that man" at the SoLow cesspit sink to unbelievably new depths. I don't want to waste any of my time writing about him, other than to say that he has somehow managed to get himself very mixed-up in life. Even his own staff can now see that he is no longer posting "news items" regarding Morrissey, he is just aiming to hurt Morrissey in any way he possibly can. SoLow is self-destructing, and the quicker it goes off-line, the better. What the world needs now, is MorrisseysWorld.Com to open up and replace it. Whatever did happen to that venture? I was sure that Kevin 'Banjaxer Walter Ego' Marrinan was going to launch it, but ever since he collared me in the toilets of The Twitterdilly Arms back in March, we haven't heard a thing.

Morrissey has made a few visits to The Twitterdilly Arms over the weekend, but there isn't an awful lot to report. He re-opened his Twitter account on Friday evening, following on from his blog posting of Thursday, in which he wrote, "I will reactivate my twitter account and anyone who thinks it is not me can just 'unfollow'.

Morrissey's opening gambit was, "Now is your chance". Roberto Bordenzi (@RFerdenzi) immediately 'unfollower', but couldn't just walk away, he tweeted, "I've had confirmation that I am 100% right! YES! YES! YES!" Hopefully we won't hear from this bore again.

Highlights:

"I see one person has taken the chance. I can only trust that the rest of you are here because you believe?" In response to this, @Bunnygal833 tweeted, "Do they believe or are they following the flock?", to which Moz replied, "Like the others who follow the non believing flock?"

Why does anyone follow either flock? Why don't they find out for themselves?

In response to me saying, "It is so sad to see our towns with no record shops": "Soon it will be a whole country. Can you imagine a life without physical purchases? All electronic? Dear God Please Help Me."

Saturday Highlights:

"I have been dropped, I repeat, dropped."

"Morrissey, you have left Harvest. Good luck and goodbye. Steve."


STEVE BARNETT AND MORRISSEY IN HAPPIER TIMES

In response to me tweeting, "@stillMozsworld On a brighter note, a recruitment drive has raised your follower numbers to 147; something Judd Trump hasn't managed in a while!: "Too interested in his loss of hair and sparkling shoes."

For the first time EVER, since this phenomenal MW journey started, I bumped into him in the toilets of The Arms on Saturday. Here is some of what was said:

MOZ: "The mood has darkened only a day after returning. What is the point? I feel less loved than Harold Shipman."

ME: "Lol. No doubt his mother loved him.... he didn't bump her off too, did he?"

MOZ: "Nothing would surprise me. A knife plunged in the neck when the lights were out."

ME: "That wasn't his MO. A pills man."

MOZ: "But his mother would surely know all to well about pills? She wouldn't have taken anything he'd have given her. A knife would be safest."

And finally, back in the main bar..... "And no one knows a thing about my life. I can come and go as I please. And if I want, I can stay. Oh, or if I want to, I can leave." And he did.

Last night, Broken briefly arrived in The Arms, but I wasn't around. He posted a few Bieber pics, suggested that "Bullfighter is weak", and that "Staircase is heavenly", and then he too was gone.

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