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Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Day 1111 - PHENOMENAL

There is still no sign of a new MorrisseysWorld parody piece, and I have a feeling that there never was going to be one! Broken has not been seen in The Twitterdilly Arms since the early hours of Sunday morning, and there has also been no sign of Our Mozzer in The Arms, which is hardly surprising, as he no longer has an account.

The twitter account morrisseyparody, which I originally thought might be Our Mozzer, turned out to be a red herring, and it bears all the hallmarks of being in the hands of Banjaxer. Yesterday, Banjaxer was in a conversation with Terry Christian about Manchester renaming it's airport 'Morrissey Airport', when somebody by the name of Matt Naylor (@matt_naylor81) chipped into the conversation to say, "Morrissey unfortunately become (sic) a parody of himself, no longer cool, more of a gobshite". From nowhere, morrisseyparody leapt in to tweet to Matt Naybrain, "What do you mean?". The only way that morrisseyparody would have seen the tweet from Naybrain would have been if he followed him.... or was involved in a conversation with him using another account. I am the Columbo of MorrisseysWorld.



It is my suspicion that the morrisseyparody account is just a 'parody of a parody', with Morrissey instructing Banjaxer to try and act like a Parody Moz to see if any old person could pull it off. Banjaxer failed, and failed VERY quickly, which makes one ask, "HOW has somebody managed to get away with pretending to be Moz for THREE years without being found out?" There is NO ONE who could fool fans into believing that they were Morrissey, especially not for THREE years, and there is NO ONE with the ability to make Morrissey wear blue roses. There is only ONE Morrissey.

The twitter account belonging to Astraea has also gone. Astraea was last seen in The Arms in the early hours of yesterday morning, when she posted, "Tristesse" (sadness) followed three hours later by, "All as fake as plastic trees. ALL." Astraea had seemed in good spirits during the day on Sunday, playing Roxy Music's Editions of You, and posting pictures of BB, in celebration of her 80th birthday.

Perhaps MorrisseysWorld has ended. Just like that. And the only thing that remains is the BlueRoseSociety.

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Astraea's old friend Fifi has returned to twitter, but I won't be fooled again into thinking Fifi has any sort of association with Morrissey. I have been far too gullible on this phenomenal MorrisseysWorld journey.





In other news, a new Morrissey interview has appeared on a Portuguese website, so I have attempted to translate it, and posted it here: Interview. There are a number of interesting points to come from the interview; firstly, Morrissey says, "life off stage is much quieter and even boring. I do nothing and see no one." This goes completely against what the likes of Rosy Mires & Co have been telling us MorrisseysWorlders for the past three years. They would have us believe that "Morrissey couldn't be behind MorrisseysWorld because he lives a very busy life". Peoples perceptions of Morrissey are quite amazing.

Morrissey also adds in the Portuguese interview that he has "two different lives." Only the two? My favourite part of the interview is when Morrissey discusses his fans. He uses the word "phenomenal" THREE times, which won't mean much to anybody else, but it is the word that I use on FTM whenever I refer to the MorrisseysWorld journey. I believe that Morrissey's use of the word "phenomenal" in the interview as a nod to FTM, but then again, there are a lot of things that I believe that very few others do.

Also in the interview, Morrissey talks about the section of his autobiography that mentions his relationship with Jake Walters. Morrissey explains that it wasn't a "homosexual" relationship, and goes on to add that "the world can not cope with the closeness between men". These words are so VERY true, and it is desperately sad that ANY relationship has to be defined with an adjective that includes the word "sex" in it. I have a relationship with my mother for example, but NOBODY feels the need to define that relationship with sex, so why is there a need for any relationship to be defined by sex? Actually, now I come to think about it, I have been called a mother f***er on a number of occasions, but that is by the by.




In other other news, Jesse Tobias has recently joined twitter as @ 8stitches9lives, and yesterday tweeted that he was on his way to Lisbon. The excitement builds.

And that's it.


THE TWITTERDILLY ARMS CHART:


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1. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE IN SANTA ANA 2104 WEARING A BLUE ROSE) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmvZvitpZ_U

2. OBOE CONCERTO - MORRISSEY (UP 30): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG_IDcxFRKs

3. STAIRCASE AT THE UNIVERSITY - MORRISSEY (UP 8): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEsFCscYRcU

4. KISS ME A LOT - MORRISSEY (DOWN 3): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SutsRPLFeFY

5. GIRL LEAST LIKELY TO (LIVE IN EL PASO 2014) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 2): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4maruiJDt5o

6. ISTANBUL (LIVE IN AUSTIN 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h9J03Dtxao

7. WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS(LIVE IN SAN JOSE 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDsF-6-b0dg

8. BOXERS (LIVE IN THE UK 1995) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFVdmGIZlyc

9. TOMORROW (LIVE AT HOLLYWOOD PALLADIUM 2007) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vqWsCTgPN4

10. SPEEDWAY (PLUS WELL I WONDER) (LIVE IN DAVIS 2013) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hxW10Jfbp8

11. I'M NOT A MAN - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFDY2eLwS5M

12. ART-hOUNDS (LIVE IN BRIXTON 2011) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWTibZkqPNU

13. I KNOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY (LIVE IN SAN JOSE 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZiWpXRPTt4

14. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE (LIVE IN BOSTON 2014) - MORRISSEY (UP 7): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DtmRyYipdc

15. YES, I AM BLIND (LIVE IN SANTA ANA 2014) - MORRISSEY (UP 4): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sTDWGqBdfo

16. THE BULLFIGHTER DIES (LIVE IN SAN JOSE 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp_bS1g0QE4

17. ACCEPT YOURSELF - THE SMITHS (DOWN 4): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNrCBtyr8po

18. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET (LIVE IN AUSTIN 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBow542wo_I

19. MOUNTJOY (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 11): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKVJLaAyoZg

20. ONE OF OUR OWN - MORRISSEY (DOWN 8): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLNl6Qn-LWc

21. SMILER WITH KNIFE - MORRISSEY (DOWN 5): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGbv8JR8x0s

22. NEAL CASSADY DROPS DEAD - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CvOqMTjjEc

23. DRAG THE RIVER - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9BePL_ThLQ

24. FORGIVE SOMEONE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn6uyIiTNyw

25. JULIE IN THE WEEDS - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IztcOrlIU8g

26. SCANDINAVIA (LIVE IN CHILE 2012) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz1B8B7LrXU

27. TO GIVE (THE REASON I LIVE) (LIVE AT HOLLYWOOD HIGH 2013) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJNLvXwLoRE

28. EDITIONS OF YOU - ROXY MUSIC (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkFLeGBJ3LI


Morrissey interview with ionline.pt

Morrissey has given an interview to the Portugese website, ionline.pt ahead of his concert in Lisbon on Monday. I have attempted to translate the interview, but some of it doesn't look quite right, so if anybody would like to leave comments below with any amendments, I will happily make changes.
Here is the interview with a pre-amble from the interviewer:

Morrissey tells us that no tour is "just one more tour" and next week in Lisbon he begins another tour in Europe.
No one is yet sure which man will even go onstage at the Opera House on 6 October (next Monday), but it is also this constant surprise that makes the phenomenon, Morrissey.
Morrissey made his solo debut in 1988 with the album, "Viva Hate", and surprised all the skeptics who did not believe in the future of the singer after the end of the Smiths. Morrissey subsequently made albums and songs which have turned into classics. Morrissey only gives interviews by mail, and accepts no questions about the Smiths. He has an attitude that makes an ordinary mortal a pop star.
Lisbon starts another European tour, and the opportunity to present the songs of the recently released "World Peace Is None of Your Business". Were all of our questions answered? Of course not. But it could only be so.

Interviewer: You are just about to start a new tour. Do tours continue to be a cause of anxiety and nervousness or is it just another tour?

Morrissey: Anxiety, anxiety always. Never, never, never comes "just another tour." I've never experienced anything like "just another tour." It is actually harder preparing a tour than being on it.

Interviewer: And what will the concert be like?

Morrissey: It has to be seen for anyone to believe. And even after it is still hard to believe. The studio continues to be a better place for me, but it very rarely happens. The concerts have the ability to generate events that go far beyond the power that words have to describe something. Anyway, nothing exists without melodrama ... it seems to me.

Interviewer: The concerts always end up functioning as a kind of celebration, including stage invasions. How do you deal with this kind of worship? Is it a privilege a curse?

Morrissey: It is difficult for me because my life off stage is much quieter and even boring. I do nothing and see no one. Hence, the stage becomes an experience which is sometimes a shock to me, but I cannot turn away from what I do. It's confusing to find a balance between these two different lives that I have.

Interviewer: And it can even make strange contours: there's a guy in Brooklyn who performs tribute concerts and uses the name Ronnissey. Ever heard of him?

Morrissey: There are many people doing incredible things. The cult of Morrissey tattoos is phenomenal. The number of tribute bands that there are is phenomenal. The home videos with my music that appear on YouTube are phenomenal. It's all more important and exciting than most of the great artists, it seems to me. It is something unique and makes me very proud. And nothing in the top 40 is unique, it's all just marketing. The people behind the voices are immaterial and replaceable.

Interviewer: Do you feel any obligation to choose certain songs to balance a concert or do you sing whatever you feel like?

Morrissey: I never felt compelled to sing anything. People complain about it sometimes, but I think they like to complain. Anyway, my catalog is quite rich, so I like to sing everything.

Interviewer: Do you have any habits before the concerts?

Morrissey: Clasp me three hours before the concert starts. (?) I do not eat anything in the afternoon and I refuse to see anyone because I do not want to hear bad news; nothing that could destabilize me. Going on stage and controlling everything that happens is very demanding. It makes no sense to be with people that can distract me from what's really important.

Interviewer: Despite all the interest that has always been generated around your music or personal life, you have always managed to keep private what is private. With the autobiography [published last year] that all changed, right? Or not really?

Morrissey: No, I do not think that autobiography has changed anything whatsoever. I have not done a single interview to promote the book, was not seen on television or heard on the radio. The book has been out almost a year and continues to sell very well, but there was never any promotion, which is remarkable. Some journalists and critics made reference to my friendship with Jake [Walters, who he writes about in "Autobiography"], saying that it was a gay relationship, but what we had was an intense closeness. I do not think of it is as homosexual and he is of the same opinion. The world can not cope with the closeness between men, but easily accepted that they kill each other.

Interviewer: Why did you decide to write the book?

Morrissey: Because many things have been said about me repeatedly and thus become part of my life. The only way to balance the lies with the truth is to write them by hand.

Interviewer: News with the name "Morrissey" in the title are common, such as those given recently regarding the ending of the contract with the Harvest label. At the same time the autobiography states that many of these stories do not tell the truth ...

Morrissey: Many false stories are written about me, because I do not work with any public relations firm. Hence a lot of people say and write things without any consequence. I try not to get involved in these issues. Yes, it is true that Harvest Records did not do any work for me for three weeks after my new album have been released. The chief editor, Steve Barnett, is someone with whom you always have to agree with at all times. I did not agree with him at some point, so he stopped wanting to work with me. It was a damn nice thing to do, but he took it forward because the people who work in publishing are afraid of him. It's the music business, you understand ...

Interviewer: Have you ever thought "maybe I should not say it?"

Morrissey: There are things left unsaid, but are not important.

Interviewer: When you read your book from beginning to end, after you read it, what were your thoughts?

Morrissey: I loved it. Especially because it has no chapters, which allows for continuous reading. People who criticize the book are the same who criticize anything I do. They never fail when it comes to saying exactly the same thing day after day.

Interviewer: There is a campaign to reissue all of your early albums. Has this got something to do with nostalgia? Or is it a kind of review of your career?

Morrissey: People like the records, this is it, and it is difficult to express my pride. There are a total of eight albums in new versions. I am very happy because they all went into the charts, although they have not occupied high positions. They are discs with attitude; they are timeless, and represent plateaus in some nice guys (???). Most artists do not make intellectual demands. They must have very boring lives.

THE COLISEUM IN LISBON - TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE (GO ON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!)

Understanding MorrisseysWorld: http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/day-1109-morrisseysworld-not-for-faint.html

The BlueRoseSociety Explained: http://bluerosesociety.blogspot.co.uk

Monday, 29 September 2014

Day 1110 - Fifi Returns (Unpublished)

Here I am once again blogging underground, and unpublished. It is a very short one today, just to report that Fifi is back on twitter as @initials_ff. AlfsButton remains, but is hardly tweeting. The only reason I know that Fifi is back, is because Astraea pointed me in the right direction.... it is ALWAYS Astraea. Fifi's only tweet to date is to re-tweet a picture of Brigitte Bardot, that Brigitte herself has posted on twitter.


FIFI'S CHOSEN PROFILE PICTURE



BB'S TWITTER PIC

I have followed Fifi, and she has followed me back. Just in case I decide to one day publish this blog entry, I should emphasise that Fifi is NOT Morrissey.

*Eventually published Nov 9th 2015

Day 1110 - If you dance with the devil

There is STILL no sign of a new MorrisseysWorld parody, even though Our Mozzer's request for 200 comments to be placed on my blog entry of Friday has now been reached. Will we get this new parody piece? Has it even been written? Who knows?

In the meantime, Broken (@Broken1andonly) made a return to The Twitterdilly Arms in the early hours of yesterday morning. I wasn't around, but have managed to pick up his words:

In response to Menippus tweeting, "Somehow, the mythical, paradigmatic Moz, when 'honest', 'real' and 'at ease', must lack any irony, creativity or insight": "@Menippus When 'well' he simply stares out of the window and drinks tea utterly without concern for the world. Like Countess Mountbatten."


A 'WELL' MORRISSEY

"Gld to see George back on FTM. Loyal MWer"

"Sanity is an insane choice in this world."

"I'm not Morrissey - I'm just a shadow dancing on the ceiling."

"We are all Following The Mozziah"

"Fame is the cheapest currency."

"Each post possesses sass, style and swag"

"@therealgokwan Tour glasses are shit."


SHIT GLASSES

"Impermanence is the hallmark of existence."

"In thirty years, will I regret every moment I spent on twitter? Will I cry over the never-written stories?"

"MorrisseyWorld is unique - only the cognoscenti can even say for certain that it ever existed."

"If you're sad, have another wagon wheel."

"Sex is wasted on the beautiful."

"I've nothing to declare but my own genius."

Broken also posted a number of Justin Bieber pictures, which is what he does!



Broken also posted this comment on FTM yesterday:

fancy123: "Awwww....now I'm to believe you need 200 comments? Yesterday it was only 100. What is this? Some sort of numbers game?"

OM pissed off to Monopoly last night and won - for the 43rd time in 45 games - and he told diddums to write a brand spanking new parody with help from the world most incompetent administrator!

Any delaying tactics are welcome!

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 28 September 2014 13:40

There is nothing else to add today, except to say that former BRS member, Chuck, has joined SoLow in an attempt to let Morrissey fans see that the BRS is hateful..... yes, the irony just oozes out of that sentence.... and someone has decided to parody me on SoLow, which must mean I've hit the big time.... or not! In response to Chuck, the Solowers once again resorted to accusing me of being OM and Broken, which infuriated Chuck as she obviously knows that they are wrong. Poor Chuck, but if you dance with the devil......

In other news, I have been contacted YET AGAIN by Rob Pollard, who has been reminiscing on twitter about the hilarious parody I wrote last year in which I have Pollard interviewing Morrissey. Rather ironically, that same blog entry of March 15th 2013 also features a letter from Chuck outlining why the BRS is so wonderful, and in the comments section, another former BRS member, Girl On Bike sings the praises of Broken. As I may have said before, you couldn't make this up.

And finally Esther, and finally Cyril, I have recently found a Youtube clip of Morrissey's entry onto the stage at the London Palladium in August 2011, in which he says.....  "Welcome to My World." Could Morrissey possibly return to London a full three years later, and repeat those infamous MorrisseysWorld words at the o2, and STILL have everybody ignore MorrisseysWorld? I think we all know the answer to that one.



Understanding MorrisseysWorld: http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/day-1109-morrisseysworld-not-for-faint.html

The BlueRoseSociety: http://bluerosesociety.blogspot.co.uk

Sunday, 28 September 2014

Day 1109 - Alf Returns (Unpublished)

Here we go again! AlfsButton has decided to continue frequenting the Twitterdilly Arms, and as OM won't let me mention him on my blog, I am having to go back underground to report his words. Today's 'published' FTM contains information about MorrisseysWorld, whilst this 'unpublished' version reports the happenings of Morrissey as AlfsButton.

Here are today's offerings from the filthy toilets of The Arms:

ME: It looks like I will once again have to take my blog underground.

MOZ: I understand. Yes, blog from the underground. An English Dostoevsky. I am slightly worried you didn't notice the parody of the parody I was doing.

ME: Was that @MorrisseyParody?

MOZ: I couldn't possibly say.

ME: B******! I presumed you'd told Banjaxer to pretend to be you with that account.

MOZ: I still won't say. Missed me?

ME: Have you been away?

MOZ: The communication between us has been dire. Perhaps it is me that has missed you. Now do not tell anyone I said that! Public image and all that old boy.

ME: Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Good to have you back in the box.

MOZ: I cannot be confined/defined.


For the record, here are Morrissey's last words left in my DM box before he disappeared on the 22nd:

"Rat, have you ever thought about publishing a book? One day you WILL write this story as a book. You've done the work already."

I will take that as his blessing to do so, but as to whether it will actually happen, WHO knows?

AlfsButton has also made a few appearances in the public bar of The Arms, but there is nothing relevant to report. His only quote of note being: "I have no time for morals", followed by, "I'm hardly Jim McDonald", which tends to suggest Morrissey is keeping up with local events in Coronation Street.

JIM MCDONALD (LEFT) IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE OF CORRIE (WHY AM I BOTHERING TO POST PHOTOS ON A BLOG POST THAT WILL NEVER BE PUBLISHED? AND WHY AM I NOW ASKING QUESTIONS, WHEN NOBODY WILL READ THEM? I THINK I AM GOING SLIGHTLY MAD.)

*Eventually published Nov 9th 2015

Day 1109 - MorrisseysWorld... NOT for the faint hearted

We have once again gone through the curtain/through the back of the wardrobe/down the rabbit hole, and are back in MorrisseysWorld; but be warned, it is NOT for the faint hearted.



For those who are new to MorrisseysWorld, perhaps I should give a brief resumé of what it is all about, and also introduce the characters involved.

MorrisseysWorld was 'properly' launched in May 2011 by person/persons unknown. It was initially a blog site, but a twitter account was also created shortly afterwards. Over the course of the past three years, a number of people; known as the Dreary Deluded Dozen (DDD), which includes myself,  have become convinced that Morrissey himself is behind MorrisseysWorld. A far greater number of Morrissey fans have dismissed the DDDs notion, citing that they KNOW that Morrissey would NEVER do such a thing, but ultimately, NOBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS, it is all just opinion.

These differing opinions have at times caused conflict amongst Morrissey fans, which is quite ridiculous, but Morrissey fans can get very passionate when it comes to their idol; after all, he IS The Mozziah. Some of those who do not accept that Morrissey is behind MorrisseysWorld have become obsessed with finding out who the author is, but in the three years since MW has been going, NOBODY has managed to find out. Many many allegations and false accusations have been made, with a number of those false accusations thrown at me, which is both tiresome and ridiculous.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter who is behind MorrisseysWorld, it should just be embraced as a piece of entertainment. It is like an online soap opera for Morrissey fans. Here are the main characters:

Our Mozzer - Also referred to as OM. Our Mozzer is a parody of the seminal artiste Morrissey. Despite being a hairy backed bedsit dweller, OM has convinced himself that he is the actual Morrissey, and his delusion isn't helped by the fact that, rather bizarrely, OM has somehow managed to get the real Morrissey to carry out a large number of his predictions, which is why the DDD are so convinced that OM is more than just the work of a fan with a good working knowledge of Morrissey. Those who don't believe that Morrissey is behind OM, have put all of these happenings down to coincidence.

The character Our Mozzer is quite a diva, and even uses the user name 'Morrissey' when posting comments on FTM. OM is NEVER wrong.

OUR MOZZER


R - R is Our Mozzer's secretary, and is used for posting comments when OM can't be bothered. R is not a major part of MW.

Broken - Broken is very very complicated. Whereas OM is a parody of the singer Morrissey, Broken is a completely different part of Morrissey's make-up, and often appears on the scene when the real Morrissey is at a particular low point in life. A few of the DDD believe that Morrissey is also behind Broken, and that Broken is in fact a reflection of the real Morrissey when he is in the arse of the world. It should be noted that this is not always the case though, and Broken is a character in his own right, who can appear even when the real Morrissey isn't feeling low (if there ever is a time when the real Morrissey isn't feeingl low!).

When in character, Broken is portrayed as a failed medic in his thirties, who has at some stage in his life attempted suicide. Broken is a meat eater; or so he says, although this may well be just ammunition to start arguments, and has an obsessional interest in Justin Bieber, who he believes could be the next Morrissey. Broken does not make friends easily, and can be most bitchy and unforgiving, but only if provoked. A number of MorrisseysWorlders have fallen out with Broken for a whole host of reasons; from his sexual desires towards Bieber, to their lack of compassion and own self obsession. Broken is NEVER wrong, or at least he doesn't think he is. Broken is OM's right hand man. Approach with caution.


BROKEN


Boz - Boz is a reflection of the MorrisseyBand member Boz Boorer, but in MorrisseysWorld, he is treated as a bit of a klutz. Broken is particularly hard on poor Boz. Other members of the real MorrisseyBand are also mentioned from time to time in MorrisseysWorld, with Jesse as somebody who speaks pigeon English, and Solomon as a waiter who is not allowed to speak.


THE MW SOLOMON

Astraea - Astra is an "all seeing, never believing, still searching" Goddess. She plays wonderful music, and walks on air. Some of the DDD believe Morrissey to be behind Astra. Despite being a Goddess, Astra unfortunately shares Broken's obsession for all things Bieber.

Log Lady - Stolen from the US TV show of the 1990s. It is believed by some members of the DDD that Log Lady is the work of Russell Brand, whilst others believe it to be Morrissey. Log Lady makes predictions about Morrissey, which have an uncanny knack of coming true. Her most famous one being the 'Rose of Bogotá' prediction, in which a white rose given to Morrissey turned red, just as Log Lady had said it would.



MORRISSEY ACCEPTS A WHITE ROSE IN BOGOTÁ........

..... AND IT TURNS RED UNDER THE LIGHTING, JUST AS PREDICTED BY LOG LADY

LOG LADY

Mikey Bracewell - A parody of Morrissey's real life friend, novelist Michael Bracewell.

Mam - A parody of Morrissey's real mother.

Tour cat - A parody cat that goes on tour.

The DDD - A small group of MorrisseysWorlders who believe that Morrissey is behind MorrisseysWorld.

MorrisseysWorlders - Those who follow the story of MorrisseysWorld, but don't necessarily believe that Morrissey is behind it.

BlueRoseSociety (BRS) - The Blue Rose Society are a group of fans who haven't necessarily followed the MW story, and don't necessarily believe that Morrissey is behind it, but they like the idea of taking a blue rose to Morrissey concerts, and offering them to the 'Real and Proper Poet Laureate'. Morrissey has made it perfectly clear that he likes blue roses, as he keeps accepting and wearing them..... although it should be noted that he isn't a whore, and won't always accept every blue rose offered to him, which the BRS understand.



The Twitterdilly Arms - This is an imaginary Morrissey theme pub located on twitter, where MorrisseysWorlders/BRS members meet to discuss all things Morrissey, and play music on the jukebox. The DM section of twitter is the pub toilets.

And THAT ladies and gentlemen, is MorrisseysWorld.

We are currently awaiting a new parody piece written by Our Mozzer. It is part Part 2B of a piece entitled Concert Bans & Ejections Committee. Part 2A and some of Part 1 can be found here: http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/day-1091-concerts-bans-and-ejections.html

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Day 1108 - "BRS lives again"

It's been a funny old third birthday for FTM. Despite my denunciation of AlfsButton, the whole phenomenal story of MorrisseysWorld looked to be at an end when Broken posted this crushing comment on FTM yesterday afternoon:

It's too late now. MW will never reappear. BRS is dead. It's over.
Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 13:44




Luckily for us MorrisseysWorlders/BlueRosers, Broken isn't the one who calls the shots, he is just OM's lackey, and eight hours after he had posted his comment, he was put in his place by his boss, who posted this via his secretary 'R':

Our Mozzer said, while nibbling on Moroccan honey-and-cumin-glazed almonds, "I notice that Broken s**ding c*** is at it again, distressing my online followers with the truth, old son..."

Our Mozzer then swigged some gin and tonic and let out an almost imperceptible belch, which rendered his voice clearer, more precise.

"...At least that dreadful blogger bod has finally cottoned on to the fact one's latest imposter is a boring b*******d..."

"Rat?" I asked.

"...That's the c***. If he issues a full apology and a retraction of his previous comments giving the oxygen of publicity to my dreary copyist, I might consider sending Old Broken Record part 2 of the parody by email... that ought to put the punk amongst the mods..."

"You're resurrecting MorrisseysWorld?" I asked.

"...Of course not... just prolonging its death. Assuming they manage 100 comments on the 'fraud' post and commit to leaving part 2 of the parody up for a minimum of one week, a certain iconic star might just ejaculate his wit once again, all over the most undeserving site on the world weary web."

Signed,

'R'

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 21:54

Our Mozzer himself then posted this:

Thank you for causing the car to swerve at the last minute, Broken old friend. You preserved the life of a tedious rodent, who might, now he's finally realised the error of his ways, live to spend another day swimming gladly in one's online sewage, in the underground pipe of one's imagination.

That Rat almost got his torso crushed by your Michelins.

OM

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 21:59


Broken then returned to FTM, to post this regarding the forthcoming Part 2B of the Concert Bans and  Ejections Committee parody piece:

I like to think I was the star of part 1, but now OM is in the building, I will, of course, fade into the background.

Incidentally, those of you who couldn't tell Alf Button wasn't OM should be banned in my opinion. Are you with me, Rat?

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 22:22




I of course concurred with Broken regarding Alf Button, after all, I would sell my own grand mother to have MorrisseysWorld back..... but then again, she wouldn't fetch much, she's been dead for thirty years, and the other grandmother for forty years. If I'm blatantly honest, I don't think I'd have got much for them even if they were still alive!

And that was it for yesterday, so today, on this thIrd birthday of FTM, I set about rallying what is left of the BRS/MW troops to leave comments on yesterday's blog piece, in an attempt to reach 100 comments.

The 100 comments were quickly achieved, but Broken once again returned to the comments section of FTM to inform us that OM had moved the goalposts. Broken also offered up some uncustomary praise for FTM:

You shouldn't imagine that the blog isn't popular; it is. There are countless others who read but don't write, including the unwelcome, and the positively leprous (GOB).

OM's frustration set in when you began following a fake OM, rather than the fake Morrissey that is OM, which, ironically, he was terribly upset about and wept on several occasions while dining on fresh falafel. You didn't even take his clearly expressed concerns on board; I do hope this isn't repeated.

Special mention must go to Rat for creating this blog and running it so avidly, to Heather for being utterly loyal and fair, to EARS for being the moral conscience of MW - and at times pricking my own conscience with her transcendent humanity - to Jjaz and Astrea for being 'the star dust' in the community, and to President Kyle, VP Ang and, of course, Manclad for changing his mind almost as often as he gets on to, and then falls off, the wagon.

BRS lives again.

Today I received a brief text message from OM. It states simply:

"I accidentally hit the one key with my finger - s***ing keys on this phone are still too small; I actually meant to stipulate two hundred comments, rather than one hundred. Do inform the bods on that blog, old friend. BW, OM. "

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 12:51


"BRS LIVES ON"

As I strove to try and get the comments up to 200, Astra appeared, and left this message:

Often late to the party - but always on my game.

What can I add? I could perhaps add that I in turn, adore everyone and nobody at all, all in equal measure, and seven times as much as each other. The former because I have to, the latter because I must, and both because of nature - not nurture. My gift and my curse, my song and my verse. My burden and light.

Insomnia was my only lover last night, but I come and bring with me two lessons to share. The first is this. Strangely apropos of this blog entry, but in fact my comment on the wider kitchen sink that we find ourselves in.

Always denounce fake Art. Wherever you see it, whenever you recognise it. Fling it back from whence it came. Fling it hard, and fling it without hesitation.

You have to be MERCILESS. Life will demand it from you. Art will demand it from you. And I demand it.

The second is this.

People like myself are very adept at drawing invisible lines.
Some invisible lines however, were always meant to be crossed.

Ah, but which ones, you wonder. And which ones are we only meant to read in between?

Not everyone knows how to read in between the lines, and while I won’t do a roll call right now, I would recommend to those people who don’t know how to read in between my lines, perhaps reading a bit less, and snoozing even more. Some people will always need more sleep than others.

Words are a dangerous business. This business is a dangerous game. But games of any kind bring smiles, and this was always going to be the best game of all.

So on this third birthday of the blog it is also fitting that I should also say thank you to Rat for his kind words to me, both publicly and privately. I am more touched than I know how to say. Rat is also deserving of a resounding thank you from all for the task he has undertaken in keeping this blog, which I think is appreciated with a far deeper fondness by those who matter than he even realises. It might be less than 12 though, so again, please let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

My biggest thank you I extend to Broken, for taking one look at me and clenching me to his jagged bosom. Jags and crags upon which I rested my head, because jags and crags are the only pillow I have ever known.

But she would die if we heard her sing from the heart
Which is hurt…

I was never going to be here forever. But MW will be. And on the day that I bow out, I want it only to be known that when I am gone, the largest piece of my heart will forever be left behind here, and will never leave.

Sing it. Live it. SWAG IT. And never forget JB.

Astra

Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 15:47




I replied to Astra's post by thanking her for her beautiful words, and telling her that she would be greatly missed. I also reminded everybody that it was Astra who introduced Fifi, St Ill and Alf into the whole story, whilst also being Broken's best friend. This small fact is often overlooked. I finished by adding that JB couldn't hold a candle to Astra. I was soon shot down in flames as Astra replied with this:

Hold your cunting horses for a single fucking minute Rat, would you? When I said on THE day, I didn't mean quite today. Also, I'm not sure that I agree with too much of the above.

Apart from possibly the part about JB, the candle, and me.

But he can definitely try and hold that candle to me. He can most definitely still try.

You never know. After all, I'm sure he's not half bad with his hands.

Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 17:52




As the comments being left on FTM reached 130, OM appeared on the scene, just before 7pm this evening:

OM: " 130 comments? Those soapy b*****ds aren't as bored with the old blog magic as we all thought. Perhaps there is still time for a certain iconic star to become the middle aged middle class and middle brow Justin Bieber, after all."

R: "We need a gimmick to promote part 2 of the bans and ejections committee... something very... visible"

OM: *spluttering on his stuffed olives* "Part 2? There is no b******d part 2, old son. Do you think we could push it up to three hundred comments? Could we get away with that?"

R: "You might upset your most committed bloggists..."

OM: "Serves them right - they might gain just a chard of insight into how I feel.... c***s."

R: "Well if you lose the FTM community, they'll be straight back into the hands of so-low"

OM: "The old Tories/UKIP dilemma. Damage limitation - call Broken and Russell; have them write something mesmerizingly witty and playful for me to sign off on... plenty of nonsense from that Menippus bod... and make sure the tour cat makes an appearance-"

R: "-The cat we can do. Russell is unavailable, Morr-ee-say..."

OM: *eyes closing slightly*

R:"....of course I could assist Broken..."

OM: "Very kind of you to offer, old son. I'm off to an emergency meeting of the MorrisseyBand this evening. Jesse beat me at Monopoly last week, and the c*** is for it tonight; I'll be in Mayfair with a hotel by 10 pm... don't forget to fax me a copy of the final article for approval. And don't send it later than midnight. That b*****d fax makes a sound like a Boeing 747 when it receives... I should sue the c***s for compo... Actually, old friend - buy me a new one. A silent fax machine. Can't risk ending up run down and terribly sick with double pneumonia again... or that awful and almost lethal necrotising septic flu, or black death, or whatever it was..."

R: "We'll send you the final article as soon as-"

OM: "-Boz...! Boz...!"

B: "Sire...?"

OM: "Order me an aubergine bhuna old friend. There's a good fellow."


B: "But I have no money, sir..."

OM: "That's OK, old son. You can pay me back later."

B: "Very kind sir. You're all heart. A true gent..."

R: *smiles thinly*

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 27 September 2014 18:56

JESSE - CURRENT MORRISSEYBAND MONOPOLY CHAMPION

That is it for today; we now await R faxing over the new parody piece to OM. Incidentally, AlfsButton has made a return to twitter this evening, and it is disappointing to see Lizzy interacting with him, whilst at the same time being nasty about Astra. Will people NEVER learn?

Friday, 26 September 2014

Day 1107 - Fraudulent Alf

AlfsButton has not been seen on twitter since Monday night. I was not online when he last appeared, but he left theses words for me, written on the walls of The Twitterdilly Arms:

"Where are you? Sleeping and looking after one's beloved children are in no way an excuse for neglecting twitter. Even if it is as boring as Richard and Judy lecturing on Tomatoes."

I recognised some of those words from that opening sentence, but I couldn't for the life of me remember where I had seen them before; but this morning, as I alleviated my boredom by trawling back through old FTM blog entries, I quite by chance stumbled upon them, on Day 24 of FTM.

On Day 24 of FTM, I reported how the MorrisseysWorld blog had first mentioned FollowingTheMozziah with these words:

"Our Mozzer would like to emphasise how utterly disillusioned we are with the site known as followingthemozziah.blogspot.com which promises to spend every hour God sends establishing who exactly does own this website/page, and yet has not posted a single journal entry for 48 hours. Sleeping and looking after one's beloved and children are frankly no excuse for failing to pay due attention to this website/page."



Now, regular readers of FTM will no doubt be expecting me to say that Alf Button's use of those words is further proof that AlfsButton is Morrissey..... but they would be WRONG. What a fool I have been. HOW have I allowed myself to be hoodwinked by this fraud? It is plainly obvious for anyone with half a brain to see that whoever is behind the twitter account AlfsButton, and prior to that StillMozsworld, IS AN IMPOSTER! It would appear that this person has just been picking up snippets, and pretending to be Morrissey, but now he has gone even further, and is trying to pass himself off as OUR MOZZER too! What a c***!

I am so embarrassed. How I dearly wish that I had listened to Broken, who incidentally, has posted a reminder only this morning of what fools we have all been. Here are his words of wisdom:

Rat you now have no hope ever of receiving any further parody articles from OM, nor do you have any prospect of any 'blue rose' related coincidences. Why? Because you continue to pass off the witless fraud as OM.

In some ways it's ironic that a piss-poor impersonator of a professional Morrissey impersonator has now stolen OM's thunder, but it's painful to witness.

How can people such as Heather, Rat and Jjaz seriously believe that literary mole is the same person as OM?

The tweets are woeful: a touch of clonking 'enigma'; all written in 12th grade style; no true irony; any wit simply borrowed from OM - and as derivative as it is familiar.

You have destroyed BRS. I've told you this; OM has told you this. Yet you continue to do it. Why?

This thing is now truly delusional as only one man - Menippus - can differentiate between the brilliance of MW and the mediocre farce that it has become in the hands of this latest Alf Button/StilMW/MorrisseysMum/Whateverhe'scallednow

Posted by Broken to Following The Mozziah at 26 September 2014 11:25


To think that I was even going to post a blog entry on the eve of the upcoming tour, stating that Morrissey would at some stage on this tour be singing Boxers, Tomorrow, Girl Least Likely To and Speedway, all on the back of AlfsButton telling me such in those filthy toilets of The Twitterdilly Arms. Thank God that I have come to my senses before posting such an entry!



I feel that I should go back and delete EVERY SINGLE blog entry where St Ill Morrissey and AlfsButton are mentioned, but perhaps I should leave them as a reminder of my stupidity. It's a toughie.

Why has this had to happen on the eve of FTM's third birthday? The only thing to cheer me today has been reading those early blog entries of mine, which have reminded me what an incredible journey this has been. Although it was a full three years ago, I can still clearly remember that initial excitement of discovering MorrisseysWorld as though it were yesterday, and to be quite honest, we are in EXACTLY the same place as we were on that day in September 2011 when I first wrote about it.

As my granddad's Mynah bird used to say, "It's a funny old world, whatever next?"

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Day 1106 - Don't lose faith

On Wednesday January 9th 2013, I wrote my blog entry in a hotel room in Manhattan as I waited to set off to watch Morrissey play at the Tilles Center on Long Island. Within that blog entry, I wrote the following, "Disaster has struck, I can't find my toothbrush, I must have left it in Wimbledon. I have done what we all do in such circumstances, scrubbed my teeth with my index finger, but it's not the same. I shall venture out in a minute in search of a new one, after all, I can't arrive at the Tilles Center tonight and expect Moz to take the Blue Rose from my teeth with my breath smelling of last night's pasta!"

That evening, at the concert, Morrissey walked out on stage at the encore and said, "I've been looking for someone to share my toothbrush with, which is why I came here. All in vain."



On Wednesday May 7th 2014, as Morrissey prepared to start his new US tour in San Jose, I wrote a particularly witty blog entry which included a parody piece called 'This Is It', I also signed off my blog entry of that day by writing, "I don't think I've ever been so excited about a concert I'm not attending. If Moz sings either I Know it's Gonna Happen Someday or Trouble Loves Me, I might just abandon my son and his GCSEs, and catch the next flight to LA." The reason I had mentioned those two particular songs, is because they both have HUGE relevance to the Blue Rose Society, as documented within this blog of mine.

That evening, in San Jose, Morrissey sung BOTH I Know it's Gonna Happen Someday and Trouble Loves Me. Neither of the songs had been sung in years.






I have nothing more to add today except this:

"In the magical universe there are no coincidences and there are no accidents. Nothing happens unless someone wills it to happen." - William S. Burroughs

WILLIAM BURROUGHS WITH ALLEN GINSBERG & PATTI SMITH - NEW YORK 1977

*Goes off singing* But still I KNOW it's gonna happen someday, to you.....Please wait, don't lose faith

http://bluerosesociety.blogspot.co.uk

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Day 1105 - By word of Alf

The Twitterdilly Arms is empty. AlfsButton has not been seen since late on Monday evening, when he disappeared into the shadows armed with a wet sponge. With Morrissey not around, the Dreary Deluded Dozen have obviously decided to go about their 'normal' lives.

There has been rumour on the internet that Morrissey is to appear on the Swedish talk show Skavlan, and Morrissey confirmed this to me last week in the toilets of The Arms. I have no idea if the show has been filmed yet, or when it is due to be aired, but the question is, will there be a sign for the BRS? What would actually happen if Morrissey were to blatantly wear a blue rose? The answer is of course, NOTHING, because in fact, Morrissey has already worn a blue rose on three occasions, and it was ignored.

As it is a quiet news day, I will take this opportunity to publish for the first time the AlfsButton tweets from the first few days of his account. At this time, the account was locked and not accessible to anyone other than those who Alf allowed:

Monday Sept 8th:

"She said I know you and you just cannot sing and I said that's nothing you should listen to Rihanna."

"If we are being honest I've not had a quiff since 1994."

"When I stand on stage and see the mass swarm of people I begin to think "How?" How do you all know me. It's all very confusing."

"Diaries are for people with criminally short memories" (How true!)

"England possesses an unique nerve that generates such enormous creativity."

"There is a "hidden" song on Jarvis Cocker's solo album that is called C**** are still running the world. The question is why did Jarvis hide it. He was probably so drunk he didn't even realise he recorded it... I have been there. Born to Hang."



"I am a flâneur."


Tuesday Sept 9th:

"Je Suis..... You know the rest."

"I'm English, Drown me."

"If one wishes to be mysterious one should acquire a quiff and simply turn down social events."

"I am covered head to foot in angst and acrimony."

"Most people my age look dreadful; I'd say I'm probably 'not bad'."

"If I was one of the pack there wouldn't be room to move. I'd hate to be everybody's friend."

"I feel I have saved some of my best statements for an account where only 12 people can see what I'm doing."

"I am currently listening to Frank Sinatra and Celeste Holm sing Who wants to be a millionaire."




To George Edge: "The Arctic Monkeys once sung about dandelion and burdock. Please do not mention anything Turner has done."

"All dreams are nightmares. Postponements of the real world as the real world is even worse."

Sunday Sept 14th:

"The failure to connect with other humans both haunts and amuses me"

In response to Harrison asking how many humans are worth connecting with: "I've found 29." (The number of AlfsButton followers at the time.)

In response to Kerry tweeting "Dust and pet hair everywhere": "That sounds like a new lyric. For a Christmas Album by Phillip Schofield."

"Are you all waiting for a sign?"

"What sign do you want? More dates in England?"

"Modern singers seem to mumble over the songs as if they are not confident of the lyrics or their message."

"It is hard to believe in a band or singer if they do not believe in their own ability."

"You can ALWAYS hear what I sing."

In response to George asking for a date: "Good grief! I've not met someone so forward since the Drummer stole my wallet."



Moz, George and Jesse then continued the conversation for a while. Here are the highlights:

MOZ: One day you will find your boy/girl/no fixed gender.

JESSE: But will you?

MOZ: I never will.

GEORGE: Perhaps you don't want to?

MOZ: It would not fit the public image.

GEORGE: Then it would be kept private.

MOZ: I hardly kept Old JW private.


ALONE IN A BEDROOM - FOREVER THE PUBLIC IMAGE




In response to Jesse calling Moz a sex symbol: "When did I become a sex symbol?"

In response to Jesse asking, "when weren't you a sex symbol?": "1983. I was still a back-bedroom-victim. Or the bedsit. Delete as appropriate."

In response to Lizzy asking, "When did you realise that people were attracted to you?": "When somebody licked my face on the underground."

In response to Lizzy stating that "People still think you use a fax machine having seen that documentary": "I've come on a bit since then. I now use carrier pigeon. I am Jack Duckworth."

JACK DUCKWORTH




JACK DUCKWORTH


"Christmas with Morr-ee-say"

"Boredom swarms around like a pesky plague."

"Bitten fingernails are the sign of a handsome devil."

"Eternity annihilating itself at every corner."

"Irish Blood. English Heart. Scottish brain. Welsh limbs."


The mention of boredom being a plague and "fingernails" reminded me of the two songs that Our Mozzer mentioned in December 2012. In fact, the phrase "Boredom is a plague" was first used by Our Mozzer in October 2011, and I even wrote a song using the title: http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.se/2011/10/following-mozziah-day-28-wednesday-12th.html

In May 2012, Our Mozzer again mentioned boredom being a plague (http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/day-233-friday-4th-may-2012.html) and did so yet again in October 2012 (http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/day-383-of-this-following-malarky.html). I think it is fair to say that Morrissey sees boredom as a plague!

Monday Sept 15th:

"InternationalHarryStylesDay are we all going to forget to sing in honour?"

Next was a retweet of @MorrisseyParody's tweet saying, "Perpetual management issues are due to management." I am guessing this is a little in joke, and as I wrote in my blog entry of Day 1097, I would imagine that Kevin 'Banjaxer' Mar(r)inan is the person operating the MorrisseyParody account.

"I am beginning to resemble an egg with hair scrambled on."

"I wouldn't recommend living. It's a terrible business."

"My days consist of nothing more than decomposing in the chair in the corner of a mouldy room."

In response to MozFiend tweeting, "I am never in a good mood until you arrive": "Then I must never leave. What is going to happen to you when I do my ironing?... I never do any ironing."


BOZ IRONING

"I live, unapologetically, for a good crease in a shirt."

"Has Peter Doherty died yet? Is HE going to outlive me too?"

"God must be taking a leave of absence."

"In a place with zero crime the police would create it."

"Most music sends one into a coma like listening to a lecture on the history of the lamppost."

"Whoever invented the mobile phone should be shot between the eyes."

In response to Jesse saying that she doesn't use her phone to make calls: "I use it to put butter on toast. In the absence of a knife of course. I'm not a complete savage."

"Laptops I can just about stomach."

JESSE: Do you use a laptop to tweet?

MOZ: I have trained a carrier pigeon to type.

JESSE: Ah yes, I remember. What is the pigeon's name?

MOZ: Derek.





"I do not see gender in animals."

"People who have failed in their life will always try and manage yours."

"I do not try to manage anyone."

"I've been self-medicating since 1986."

"Introspection leads to self-fulfilment."

Tuesday Sept 16th:

"Are we all in debt? Either financially, emotionally or physically?"

"We run an we run and we run and for what? Nothing."

"The heart knows what it wants but the feet cannot take me there."

"The depression of an Irish Rebel."

"Striptease with indifference."

"I fear recognition but loathe the idea of obscurity."

In reply to the above, MozFiend wrote, "Obscurity will never be an issue for you", to which Moz replied, "Oh for those seven dark years it was."




"You don't like me but you love me. Either way you're wrong. You will miss me when I'm gone."

"Girl Least Likely To will be played within the first 5 dates."

In reply to mecaniqueorange suggesting that Alf posts a selfie to prove he is Moz: "But where is the fun in that."

*Goes off singing* How many times have I been around? Recycled papers paving the ground



Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Day 1104 - A traveller to the grave

Morrissey (@AlfsButton) returned to The Twitterdilly Arms yesterday, and I can officially announce that not only has his MorrisseysWorld like wit returned, but so has his ability to say things that cause shock and outrage...... shout it out loud, MORRISSEY IS BACK!

As sick as Morrissey's first tweet was yesterday, it had me howling with laughter, and it warmed me to the centre of my old rat bones. For me, a sick sense of humour is probably the most attractive trait in a human being's personality, and as Ricky Gervais pointed out in a tweet on Sept 1st, "Jokes don't portray your true serious feelings on a subject". Here we go:

" #vamps4teenagecancer We can only hope."

BOY BAND, THE VAMPS

Putting aside Morrissey's hilariously sick tweet, one has to ask WHY are The Vamps using the hashtag vamps4teenagecancer and not vamps4teenagecancerresearch or vamps4teenagecancertrust instead? Thick c***s!

I wasn't around to interact with Moz yesterday, but he wasn't in The Arms for long. Here are his highlights from last night:

In response to GOB asking if he was a Vamps fan: "I'd rather have hot coals shoved in my pants."

"You can control the future but only regrets control the past."

"Today I am 'Morrissey - life coach'."

"I find it quite funny that there is a red line under my name when I type."

"I wish Piers Morgan would go and gargle Turpentine"

In response to being asked by @aikeaguinea1 if he had ever met Piers Morgan: "I have never had the displeasure. If I have, I have clearly forgotten the forgettable man."

"Emma Watson actually speaks sense. I must go and put a wet sponge to my head after that statement."



I have also managed to take a copy of some of Alf's tweets from Sunday:

"I am the female Beyoncé."

"Or the male Justin Bieber."

"Every stressful situation shows itself on my forehead."

"What date am I looking forward to playing? An unannounced one."

"Obama is just like the rest. We were all fooled. No hope."

"Victoria Peckham has taught David his first words today. Let us all rejoice at this miracle."

In response to MozFiend asking what the words were: "Business plan."

BRAND BECKHAM

The tweet about an "unannounced" date, has reminded me of a tweet that AlfsButton sent in a DM to me last Wednesday. I probably shouldn't share it, but as nobody believes a word I write, then I don't suppose it matters:

"A London date before the o2."

Alf has previously mentioned to me that that the Hammersmith Apollo is still on his "Wilde Wish List", so could Morrissey be playing there, or perhaps he will be playing a Sunday afternoon slot at Vinyl Boutique?



It has just dawned on me that I haven't published any of Alf's tweets from the first week of his account being active. I won't post them all at once, but to start off, here are Alf's tweets from last Tuesday:

"You don't like me but you love me. Either way you're wrong. You will miss me when I'm gone."

"Savage beast."

"I will not change and I will not be nice."

"I've many things to sell. Loneliness is one."

"It has come to the point that I could walk onto the stage dressed as a blue rose and people would still not believe."

"Are you aware, wherever you are, that you have just died?"

"Why do you come here? When you KNOW it makes things hard for me."

"And when Ricky Gervais introduces me at the 02..."

"Today's personal hero is Radcliffe Hall" (The misspelling of Radclyffe was subsequently blamed on autocorrect.)

"Gold varnish in Dublin?"


RADCLYFFE HALL

That will do for today. I will publish some of Alf's other tweets from last week tomorrow. It is great to see that Morrissey's humour has returned, and also interesting to note that AlfsButton has started laying into the likes of Piers Morgan, the Beckham's and Obama. It's beginning to feel like the old MorrisseysWorld days.

*Goes off singing* Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you. Even I, sick and depraved, a traveller to the grave, I would never be you. I would never be you.


TWITTERDILLY ARMS TOP 40 CHART:

1. KISS ME A LOT - MORRISSEY (NO CHANGE): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SutsRPLFeFY



2. THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRASHING BORES - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry5mfwxYdb0

3. GIRL LEAST LIKELY TO (LIVE IN EL PASO 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4maruiJDt5o

4. I'LL BE YOUR MIRROR - NICO (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sKzMEQ6MUo&feature=youtu.be



5. BABY LOVER - PETULA CLARK (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEhL07UCkb4

6. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT - PATTI SMITH (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcAerhkRfiQ&feature=youtu.be



7. LITTLE DREAMER - JOBRIATH (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYtjM9BjbBE&feature=youtu.be


8. MOUNTJOY (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKVJLaAyoZg

9. EARTH IS THE LONELIEST PLANET (NEW FAN VIDEO) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zm3VTNQj4Bo

10. STRIFE -SAVAGES (UP 13): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj73dyyCPIc

11. STAIRCASE AT THE UNIVERSITY - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEsFCscYRcU

12. ONE OF OUR OWN - MORRISSEY (DOWN 4): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLNl6Qn-LWc

13. ACCEPT YOURSELF - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNrCBtyr8po

14. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE - MORRISSEY (UP 7): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fogANLvEZtY

15. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING (LIVE IN 1983) - THE SMITHS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zB2rb64YWY

16. SMILER WITH KNIFE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGbv8JR8x0s

17. HUSBANDS (LIVE ON LATER WITH JOOLS HOLLAND 2012) - SAVAGES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neRGpHLj1EQ

18. ART-HOUNDS - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-dDNsNU2_E

19. YES, I AM BLIND (LIVE IN SANTA ANA 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sTDWGqBdfo




20. ALMA MATTERS (TOTP 1997) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9IwyscFxFw

21. KICK THE BRIDE DOWN THE AISLE (LIVE IN BOSTON 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DtmRyYipdc

22. MY INSATIABLE ONE (LIVE IN SWITZERLAND 1992) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJPWo_bDVkc

23. WILLIAM (IT WAS REALLY NOTHING) (TOTP 1984) - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvpMV0UiJfM

24. STONE IS VERY VERY COLD - PRISCILLA PARIS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdP4vIpLfHs&feature=youtu.be



25. NOVEMBER SPAWNED A MONSTER (LIVE AT HOLLYWOOD HIGH) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_d327ZGko0&feature=youtu.be




26. TRÄUME - FRANÇOISE HARDY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tk58mNstoY

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27. ROLLER GIRL - ANNA KARINA (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo4hPTIXY4E

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28. PEARL OF A GIRL - KRISTEEN YOUNG (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_Nn1p1P7jg&feature=youtu.be

29. GERM FREE ADOLESCENCE - X RAY SPEX (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGROSJbCPV8



30. SUNDAY BRUNCH - JOBRIATH (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZCwSbTmnEU#t=134

31. HAIRDRESSER ON FIRE - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPRVXTytJQ0

32. OBOE CONCERTO - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG_IDcxFRKs

33. ISTANBUL - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWn5iqSdJUs

34. ALL YOU NEED IS ME (LIVE IN VEGAS 2007) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y22G_sgsZ_s

35. JE SUIS VENU TE DIRE QUE JE M'EN VAIS - COEUR DE PIRATE (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIOysMmfEIE&feature=youtu.be




36. FUCKERS (LIVE IN PORTO 2014) - SAVAGES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-c20y7tjtE

37. WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY - THE RAMONES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xIC1r-cl4Y&feature=youtu.be

38. SUZANNE - NINA SIMONE (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pscDRqkFro

39. WHAM RAP! (ENJOY WHAT YOU DO) - WHAM! (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsyHQgiem8c

40. BAD BOYS - WHAM! (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqEy1F8lrfU

Mozziah Archive