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Friday, 30 October 2015

Day 1510 - Little Joe's body talk, and Another MorrisseysWorld Classic - Monopoly Challenge from Dec 2012 by Our Mozzer

Yesterday in The Loveless Go-Go Bar, I got chatting, as you do, to Warhol Superstar Joe Dallesandro. I'd noticed the other day that Joe had tweeted to @TheDandyWarhols and said, "I'm still waiting for you guys to pull a Morrissey and steal a photo for an album cover". I was interested that Joe had used the word "steal", so I asked him when he had first found out that Morrissey had used his image on the front of the Smiths LP, and was he flattered? Joe replied, "I thought it was great he just took it without asking anybody."



I sensed a little bitterness in Joe's reply, but it seemed rather unlikely to me that Joe's image from the film Flesh had been used without permission; although then again, the Terence Stamp image had been used on What Difference Does It Make without authorisation. I grabbed my copy of the album and read the sleeve notes, which informed me that the image was, "reproduced by permission", so I posted a copy of it to Joe.

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Joe responded by saying, "Originally he just took the image from the film and cropped it is what I heard. Paul (Morrissey the director of the film) was asked later. Nobody asked me."

I then stated that if permission had been refused, then Moz may have had to strip off and reenact the pose himself. Joe replied, "I think it all worked out exactly how it should", which I guess is Joe's way of saying that his is the better body!

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And now, as all is still quiet in MorrisseysWorld and Morrissey's world, here is another classic from the MorrisseysWorld blog, and it IS a classic; which coincidentally features a picture of Joe Dallesandro, which I am guessing, Our Mozzer used without permission!:


THURSDAY, 27 DECEMBER 2012


MorrisseyBand Monopoly Challenge Cup, December 2012





Morrissey, Jonathan Ross, Mikey Bracewell, Broken and Boz Boorer are sitting round a large highly polished French table, covered with a Charles Hawtrey table cloth. Solomon Walker is sitting in the corner, wearing a large paper cone atop his head. Right at the front of the cone is the letter 'D,' scrawled in childlike handwriting.

Boz Boorer: "Out first again, Solomon? He's not bad at OXO, but old Solomon hasn't quite got what it takes when it comes to the bigger intellectual challenges, sir"

Morrissey:"Boz, it can't be easy playing monopoly with one's mouth taped shut. I think he did quite well, all things considered"

Wossy: "I think he did bloody well considering he couldn't claim a single rent payment!"

Morrissey: "That's a little presumptious, Jonathan. Are you saying that just because a man cannot speak that he cannot compete?"

Wossy *adopts a glib smile and brushes his hair back* "Well it's not easy claiming your rent on Piccadilly Palare when your mouth's taped shut, Mozzer!"

Morrissey: "Don't be so small-minded, Jonathan. Based on your rather shallow analysis, a man who is deaf and dumb couldn't possibly play monopoly. Why couldn't he simply nod or sign when his rent's due?"

Wossy: "Well he could, Mozzer," laughs Jonathan. "Except you went and tied his hands behind his back and ignored him every time he moved, or tried to alert you to his rent being due!"

Morrissey: "Oh come now, Jonathan. Do you really think I hadn't already thought of that? I am, after all, paid to be two or three steps ahead of the common man's thought process. Try again, Jonathan-"

Boz Boorer: *nods enthusiastically and then notices his right breast has popped out. Tucks his right breast back into his light blue dress and goes back to nodding*

Wossy: "I'm not sure what you're getting at, Mozzer, but it's your go!"

Morrissey: *the seminal artiste bites his lower lip*

.......silence fills the room. Boz Boorer coughs and then swallows. Broken sips his gin.......

Mikey Bracewell: "Jonathan, I think you'll find that Morr-ee-sayhas been trying to teach us all a lesson about discrimination. You see, Solomon has been mistreated - quite brazenly so - and yet which of you stood up for Solomon? Which of you stopped to ask why he had his mouth taped shut, his arms tied behind his back, a dunce's cap in situ and... *he takes an uncomfortable breath*...nipples clamped bilaterally."

Morrissey: *nods solemnly*



Boz Boorer: "That's brilliant, sir. A lesson. About bullying. Truly superbly done, sir - fascinating, very, very fascinating, the way you got us all to persecute the minority but then made us realise we'd been had, sir. Very clever, sir - well you've really got me thinking now, sir, because this is a bit like the holocaust. Solomon's the minority and we're the Nazis, sir, and, well, I suppose he's in his dunce's cap but the next step would have been a gas oven, sir-"

Morrissey: "-Forget the holocaust, this is KFC territory. If you prick a drummer, does he not bleed?"

Broken: "If those nipple clamps get any tighter, you might just find out-"

Solomon Walker nods and gestures but is ignored...

Mikey Bracewell: "So you see, Jonathan? The seminal artiste has, once again, intellectually outflanked us all..."

Boz Boorer: "He's pure compassion..."

Tears begin pouring down Solomon Walker's cheeks as blood begins trickling down his torso.

Wossy: "It was a good lesson, Morrissey and I might just buy into what Mikey's saying, except you had your rhythm section taped up last month... and the month before... and, as I recall, the month before that...."

Morrissey: "Minor details, Jonathan. Do try to focus on the message-"




*the seminal artiste rolls the dice*

Morrissey: "Typical. Go to Rourke's Bedsit, move directly to Rourke's Bedsit, do not pass Go, do not collect £200."

Wossy: "Old Mozzer's in trouble - is his run of 117 successive monopoly victories about to come to an end?!"

Morrissey: *glowers at Jonathan Ross, picks up the MorrisseyBand Monopoly Challenge Cup and holds it up*

Wossy: "Sorry, Mozzer - that's 127 successive monopoly victories! There's hardly any space for any more names to be engraved on it! All the way back to 2002! Oh you won in January 2002, Boz!"

Boz Boorer: *nods humbly*

Morrissey: "The b*****d cheated like a c***. I caught him stealing from the bank and had to fine him two months' wages, with a heavy heart. Of course his theft only came to light after we'd had his name engraved on the cup, when I checked the CCTV footage to debrief on how I'd managed to lose to Boz S*dding Boorer. And I certainly wasn't going to fork out to have it removed, not with my tour overheads on the old Oye Esteban! tour being what they were..."

Wossy: "...September, 2012 - Morrissey; October, 2012 - Morrissey; November, 2012 - Morrissey; December, 2012 - Morrissey. Hang on a minute, Mozzer! It's December now! You can't have your name engraved on there before you've won!"

Morrissey: That was a three-for-the-price-of-two offer, Jonathan. I got my name engraved on the October, November and December slots for the cost of two engravings. Idealism is all very well, but what happens when the money runs out?"

Broken: "In your case, Morrissey, when the money runs out, someone else will no doubt pay for your idealism-"

Morrissey: "I don't know what you mean, old son..."

Broken: "Swords. The Best Of Morrissey. The Very Best of Morrissey. Morrissey's Greatest Hits. Need I go on?"

Boz Boorer: "You're wrong there, Broken, old son, because it was actually called Suedehead: The Best Of Morrissey, not The Best Of-"

Morrissey: "-Shut up, Boz. *licks his lips* I think you'll find those albums changed the lives of quite literally thousands of young people who might never have discovered Morr-ee-say otherwise... Of course being a 'humble' scientist, on the NHS gravy train, you've never had to sell a painting, never had to cobble together a greatest hits package..."

Broken: "No - I've had to buy my fair share though. I even shelled out for that piece of s*** My Early Burglary Years. I probably own a couple of breeze blocks in your mansion, Morrissey, with all the cash I've forked out on reissues, repackagings, etc.-"

Morrissey: "-Oh come now, Broken - with these costly legal wrangles, the endless record companies and their abject inability to competently vend reasonable quantities of my more recentmasterpieces, the absence of any external financial support for one's trans-continental tours and the northern leeches, who go onremoving, you and I both know I'm as poor as a church mouse-




Boz Boorer: "That's right, sir - Broken has no idea how it feels to have to cancel a Leisure Centre tour due to the spiralling cost ofCo-Op Pain-au-raisin.... no idea how it feels when you have to flog a classic song to a supermarket for its Christmas marketing campaign, just to be able to record a few failed songs, like 'The Kid's a Looker'... Broken has no idea, sir, how it feels to have to sell all your credibility for the next pound, just to keep your career afloat in your very-late-forties-"

Morrissey: "-Try not to let your imagination get the better of you, Boz, old son. I'm hardly a day over forty four."

Mikey Bracewell *sips his tea*

Broken: "Don't you think it's just a tad undignified, Morrissey, for an artist of your importance to be flogging your arse around community centres and upstairs universities in two-bit town centres throughout the United States, stripping to the waist and singing 'Ouija Board, Ouija Board' as you approach retirement age? Will you still be stripping to the waist when you're getting around Cheshire with your free bus pass? Will you flash a bit of flesh for the old dears on the number 66 bus?"




Boz Boorer: "Heathercat says, 'yes please!' on Twitter."

Wossy: "Broken, Mozzer's like a fine wine - his body just gets better with age!"

Morrissey: *closes his eyes, strokes his jaw*

Boz Boorer: "That's right, Wossy, Morr-ee-say's like one of those fine bottles of Blue Nun, those ones with the corks and everything, that retired couples sell for over £6 at car boot sales near where I live..."

Morrissey: *grimaces and squeezes his brow*

Broken: "I just think, Morrissey, that a man of your undoubted genius should be doing a little more with his career than recycling 'Swallow on my Neck' and 'Alma Matters' with a band so leaden, you could probably die of toxicity just by inhaling the air around them during one of those shocking Leisure Centre gigs-"

Morrissey: -"Concerts; Will Young does-"

Broken: -"Will Young has been writing better songs than you for the past decade." *rolls the dice*

Morrissey: *opens an eye*

Broken: *moves his silver phallus along the board*

Morrissey: "Aggghhhhhh! Pay me, c***!"




Broken: "How much?"

Morrissey: "The Oasis Leisure Centre with three houses... Oh just £450, old friend..."

Broken: "I don't know where you get all this money from"*pointing at Morrissey's wad of cash* "Anyone would think you weren't quite playing fair..."

Morrissey: "You're the bank, old son. I can't imagine you're giving me any help..."

Broken: *gives the seminal artiste a glassy stare*

Morrissey: "There's so much destruction all over the world, and all you can do is complain about me winning at board games..."

Broken: "That is not a good lyric..."

Morrissey: "...Recently compared to the poets Larkin and Betjeman, old friend..."

Broken: "Yes but they were looking at your lyrics prior to 'He thinks he's got the whole world in his hands... stood at the urinal'"

Morrissey: "...Look, it's £450, stop trying to change the subject...Of course I could be tempted to accept the Omagh Leisure Centreand Brentwood Leisure Centre, plus £100, if you can't quitestump up the cash, old son-"

Broken: *looking at Boz Boorer* "He must think I was born yesterday. Morrissey with a monopoly on Leisure Centres? He's nobody's fool, Old Mozzer-"

Wossy: *sniggers*

Morrissey: "Something amusing you, Jonathan?"

Boz Boorer: *looks gravely at Wossy and taps his fingers on the table*

Wossy: "No, Mozzer" - *adopts a deadpan expression* - "I just thought you went in too low there. I would have pushed for Wellington Town Hall as well...!"

Morrissey: "Oh I already have the purples with hotels and the greens with houses. I don't really need another Town Hall..."

Boz Boorer: "Especially since you didn't even fill out the venue the last time you played Wellington Town Hall, Morr-ee-"

Morrissey: "-Stop disturbing my thought process, Boz."

***************A few more turns go by*******************

Morrissey: "Ah.. my turn again of course." *licks his lips, shakes the dice but does not throw them*

Mikey Bracewell: *gazes up at the naked lifesize poster of iconic singer Morrissey with the 7" single over his gonads*

Morrissey: *shakes the dice loudly in the egg cup*

Mikey Bracewell: *sips his tea*

Morrissey: *rattles the dice forcefully and sighs loudly*

Mikey Bracewell: *glances at his watch*

Morrissey: *pauses and glowers at Mikey Bracewell*

Broken: "Throw the dice, Morrissey. Play the game."

Mikey Bracewell: *glances up and notices Broken has landed on his house*

Morrissey: *pauses and daintily shakes the dice, sticks his tongue in his cheek, his eyes track from Mikey to Broken and then to the house*

Mikey Bracewell: *gazes at broken, who is silently sipping his gin; Mikey bites his lip, looks away*

Morrissey: *hurls the egg cup against the far wall. The egg cup smashes and the dice land on a double six*




Mikey Bracewell: "Oh dear, I missed that one, Broken; silly me."

Morrissey: *moving the statuette of himself in red lounge jacket a la The Jonathan Ross Show circa 2004*... "Let's hope you're a little more alert next time you edit one of my chapters, Mikey. I'd hate to see you get sacked in the most embarrassing of circumstances..."

..............................................................................................................................


Three hours earlier:

Morrissey (whispering): "You be the bank, Broken."

Broken: "Again? F***'s sake, Morrissey, they might be dim but they're not that dim. How am I going to get the bank? Not the old 'pick a card, any card' routine, surely?"

Morrissey: *smirks*

Broken: *rolls his eyes*

Morrissey: "Remember, every time I pass go, give me £600. And remember to argue with me, be quite nasty... they'll never twig."

Broken: "Same as last month... and the month before... and the one before that...."

Morrissey: "There's £5000 tax free, and an autographed naked life-size poster of a certain singing icon resting on it, Broken. I'm sure you can manage it, old son-"

Broken: "-Let's make it £4000 - and you keep the poster."

Morrissey: *looks angry, then smirks*





Thursday, 29 October 2015

Day 1509 - An Essay on Loneliness in the 20th Century by Our Mozzer

With the exception of a visit to 'The Loveless' (formerly The Twitterdilly Arms) by Astra yesterday lunchtime, all has been quiet in both MorrisseysWorld and Morrissey's world, so I have spent my morning listening to Billy Fury songs (particularly It's You I Need), watching Moz clips on Youtube, and trawling through the unpublished archives of FTM.

Astra's very brief visit saw her thank Heather and EARS for their kind words and thoughts, and saw her also retweet my tweets about The Twit Arms being renamed The Loveless, and Joe Dallesandro joining the throng.... although as there are only about a dozen of us, perhaps throng isn't quite the right word! Astra also told me that Janitor of Lunacy was, "Sublime Nico, at her sublime Nico hardest".

Astra actually made another very brief visit to The Loveless at 9.30pm, to simply tweet, "Well, that was the end of that. And the other." Of course, I have no idea what Astra was referring to, but I can't help feeling that something's been Marred!

Also seen hanging around The Loveless in recent days, is Marion singer Jaime Harding (@jaimehofficial), who has been favouriting a certain somebody's tweets. Hmm.
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HARDING

One of the Morrissey songs that I have been watching on Youtube this morning, is I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday from his 45th birthday concert in Manchester. I was instantly reminded that Morrissey DIDN'T use the 'radio transmission' intro that is used on the Your Arsenal LP at the 45th birthday concert, and yet, when the song was brought back into the set in San Jose May 2014, the 'radio transmission' intro WAS used, which, of course, was on the back of those many conversations on FTM during the early months of 2014, in which Mademoiselle Fifi informed us that the 'radio transmission' intro to the song was a Jean Cocteau influence from Orpheus. God, this journey of ours has been exciting.





And now for a little something that I found whilst rummaging through the unpublished FTM archives. This is a MorrissysWorld blog classic from 2012:

WEDNESDAY, 8 AUGUST 2012

An Essay on Loneliness in the 20th Century




Before television, before radio, before photography, the kiss was a beautiful accident, a mysterious rumour, an uncertain recoiling. The senses were clean and vigorous - deprived, yearning and unfettered by the morass of over-stimulation, artless communication and deadened intellect, which characterise 21st century living. When television year by year becomes something closer to parent, teacher, judgemental peer - the source of knowledge, the cause of laughter, the purpose of living - the homogenisation of humankind is almost complete. Now that television is what we do, our actual lives are relegated to a sideshow, a meaningless burden which we undertake with extreme reluctance, like sleep to a child. The mindless carnival of mediocrity that is media-brand Britain is nothing less than a cultural cancer.

In the 21st century loneliness has taken on an entirely different meaning. Loneliness is no longer silent, grey and voiceless; it is loud, high definition colour - voices, voices, always voices. They cry, shriek, lavishly swoon; they fawn over and under; they ignore, deny, speak over; while we matriculate into media-brand existence; we copy and we adjust. Loneliness in the 20th century was not displaceable. Even when technologies arose to submerge the quietly hollow screaming - of boredom, of emptiness, of loneliness - under an ocean of sounds, pictures and feelings, we were not entirely of the media. Loneliness is no longer satisfying. Loneliness is virtual reality where once it was nothing at all. The space has gone. The imaginary life of media is now so deeply embedded, we are all television. Television is us.

Technology is the plughole through which our humanity pours like used bathwater. No heart yearns like the lonely heart. The mad cravings of the lonely are the very soul of romance. Facebook iPod Internet Flat-Screen Television; dry rot in the fabric of the heart. When I walked home in the rain, I tasted those Pinot Noir lips of rich cherry, I saw those eyes of black. Now there is no need. Every thing is at your fingertips, flat and grimly satisfying.

Today's youth will fall in love on Facebook.

The quiet dignity of life smeared with Nutella, images of the royals projected in all their ostentatious stupidity, the vile patriotic bluster of a war-mongering elite, keen to keep the working class and middle class in line with their austerity scheme. The budget for unnecessary war is, as ever, limitless. The outcry is... nowhere.

The drip, drip, drip of the media cycle. The same stories on half-hourly repeat. Man in suit. Younger woman with expensive perm. Smiling through empty eyes. Celebrity watching.

Loneliness was a threat, a promise, a dream, a nightmare.

Today loneliness is nothing but boredom.

Pragmatists fall in love using their senses. Idealists fall in love while they're alone. But when, oh when are you alone?




The nineteen seventies were a time of tremendous excitement. Fighting bravely against religious morality seemed to be the vocation of any intelligent person. Feminism liberated the feminine spirit. Gay rights achieved lasting safety for the persecuted. Animal rights and vegetarianism spread like wild fire and still do so today, though they have not yet created a secure environment for animals.

Yet we have replaced one form of mindless moral oppression with another.

Where once religion drove censorship and oppression, it is now the government.

Can human beings not simply be free?

'Hell is other people' wrote Sartre.

Cast aside technology and embrace solitude; embrace yourself.

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Day 1499 to Day 1507 - Little Joe never once gave it away

Whilst I was away without my laptop, I was unable to write a blog, but am now able to offer the following:

DAY 1499 - MONDAY OCTOBER 19TH

Our Mozzer paid a visit to The Twitterdilly Arms as @BRSChairman just after 11am and responded to a tweeter called Bonnie Estridge (@Scribetta); who had stated that OM's tweet of October 11th about Ainsley Harriott was a "horrible thing to say", by telling her, "Not as horrible as having Ainsley as your father I imagine." This response really riled Bonnie, who replied, "wow you really are a nasty piece of work (whoever you are) and I don't say these things lightly", to which M retorted, "I've never worked in my life let alone become work. I would rather produce art than become art as someone once mused."


OUR MUSER 

OM's only other contribution to twitter on Monday morning was to state, "my allotment has closed." He reappeared briefly at midnight to tweet, "It's an addiction. It's an addiction. It's an addiction." Well, we all know that!

Astra also put in a couple of appearances, firstly joining in with the Ainsley Harriott conversation, by tweeting old Bonnie to say, "Not that I ws part of this conversation, but you make fun of Take That's dad dancing. I don't take THAT lightly. Next you'll be tweeting that you don't like Shania Twain's leather chaps. Or her music."



Astra later posted BB pics (Bardot not Boorer!)
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When Marcus the Greek asked Astra where she found all her BB pics, she replied, "They're thrown at me. I always request that my tips at the go-go dancing bar be given to me in the form of Brigitte."

The conversation continued:
MARCUS: It's a beautiful but tragic image. Can you be saved from the Go Go Bar? The men there are not  long term prospects.
ASTRA: Can anyone be saved from that which doesn't exist? Probably. And from that which does? Probably not quite as easily.
MARCUS: Consider yourself saved from the loveless Go Go Bar...
ASTRA: Sometimes saved. Sometimes saviour. And the rhythm of life goes round. Also very apt. It should be called The Loveless.
MARCUS: We need @TheRatsBack to officially announce the opening of Twitter's Go Go Bar... "The Loveless"

Joining Astra in The Arms (or The Loveless), was Mademoiselle Fifi, who tweeted, "Whoever sent me  Veuve Clicquot traveller set... merci."

A True-To-You statement was issued today inviting any worldwide publishers interested in translating List of the Lost, to get in touch. What is coincidental about this statement, is that it was posted less than 24 hours after Orangey Chuck had written on her World of Morrissey blog, "I really wished there'd be a translated version one day". Another to add to that list.... coincidence list that is, not the lost list!

People Reading 'List Of The Lost'
In other news, today I bought tickets to see Slaves in concert next month, and ordered their album, Are You Satisfied, on vinyl.

DAY 1500 - TUESDAY OCTOBER 20TH

Astra once again paid a visit to 'The Loveless', and took up the conversation about the new Go-Go bar: "With my name in lights. My eyes caressing the lonely. My heart in shadows. And my soul on fire. I can see it now."

Marcus replied, "Ah! Let's write that play together - with songs. Not a musical. "Last Show at the Go Go Bar"". Astra responded with, "Oh but cheri, I already am the last show. Last show, last stop, last lust."

Astra also played, La Javanaise by Gainsbourg.



DAY 1501 - WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 21ST

Just after 2pm, The BRS Chairman entered the newly named, 'The Loveless', and stated, "I am the apogee of high art."

When asked by Harrison (@OdysseyNumber5) what was the addiction he had previously tweeted about, BC replied, "Life my child. I've become quite used to living."

BC then tweeted, "Joy is never understood. Just as well because to be joyous is to be a madman." and, "Music is as necessary to life as bread is to a sandwich. However I am Hovis and Dread Beerrun is Sainsbury's own."

And finally, in response to GOB and Kerry the Cocktail wondering what Our Mozzer thought of their discovery that Johnny Marr kept mentioning things in threes: "Smiths reunion incoming". 

In other news, The Savages announced that their new album would be out in January, and released the first single from it, The Answer, onto Youtube. It is SUPERB!



DAY 1502 - THURSDAY OCTOBER 22ND

BC popped into The Loveless at 11am to respond to GOB posting a picture of a rescued donkey named Morrissey by saying, "This donkey is an icon of our age."

Astra & BC then both put in an appearance in the evening, with Astra posting pictures of Nico and playing Janitor of Lunacy on the jukebox, whilst BC rather strangely tweeted Kerry & Astra to say, "Please stop this madness. I've no interest in legs." No one had mentioned legs!


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And then, both Astra and BC suddenly disappeared, with both their accounts shut down!

DAY 1503 - FRIDAY OCTOBER 23RD

The sudden disappearance of both Astra and the BRS Chairman may well be explained by an early morning statement made by Johnny Marr, in which he announced the death of the very first Smiths manager, Joe Moss. I wonder if Johnny had called Morrissey the previous evening to tell him?


MORRISSEY & MOSS

DAY 1506 - MONDAY OCTOBER 26TH

The BRS Chairman reopened his twatter account and stated, "You do not need an invitation to a funeral yet Joyce is not welcome at mine."

And on the subject of funerals, I wonder if Morrissey will attend Joe Moss's - and what if Joyce is there? If Morrissey can't bear the thought of sharing a room with Joyce even when dead, then he certainly won't want to whilst still alive!

Astra also reopened her twatter account just after midnight, tweeting, or rather shouting, "JE SUIS ARRIVÉE", before adding, "Purveyor of good taste, terrible influence, incorrigible behaviour, and illicit manoeuvres of the ONLY kind that anyone will ever need" and "Miss me? Kiss me?"


DAY 1507 - TUESDAY OCTOBER 27TH

Today I returned to twitter, and officially renamed The Twitterdilly Arms, 'The Loveless', our very own Go-Go bar, starring Mademoiselle Astra.

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Go Go Bar, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

There has been no sign of either BC or Astra today, but Mademoiselle Fifi favourited a few of the Bardot and Delon photos that I posted, so I know she was lurking, and we also had a brief chat in the recently refurbished toilet of The Loveless.

The BRS Chairman currently has 240 followers, with the latest one being none other than Warhol Superstar, Joe Dallesandro (@DallesandroJoe), YES, THE JOE DALLESANDRO!!!



In the early hours of this morning, Joe tagged on to a conversation between Boy George and the BRS Chairman from October 12th regarding album sales, and tweeted, "@BRSChairman @BoyGeorge Try using another image of me on the cover that might work."

 Joe then tweeted, "How film images become art. @BRSChairman" and posted a picture of The Smiths LP cover next to the original still of him from Flesh.

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I tweeted Joe to ask how he had found out who @BRSChairman was, and he replied, "I'm a smart guy." Little Joe never once gave it away! I'm sure that it is nothing more than a coincidence that Astra posts Nico and Gainsbourg pics/vids, and then a couple of days later Joe Dallesandro turns up. My guess is that Boy George gave him the wink, but who knows.



Although it would appear that Joe's twitter account has been around for a couple of years, he has only very recently started using it regularly, and has been posting some great pictures of himself from over the years.

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In other, rather insignificant news next to Joe D arriving on the scene, my Slaves LP has arrived! I am most satisfied!

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And as for the "imminent" parody that we were promised by 'R' on October 16th, well......

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Day 1497 & 1498 - Hideous tricks on the brain

SATURDAY OCTOBER 17TH

Morrissey's European tour has concluded. And as he sang on Friday night in Skopje, 'R' took to the comments section of FTM to post the following:

Morrissey has left a new comment on your post "Day 1496b - The Q&A session proper":

A new parody is imminent...

'R'

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 16 October 2015 at 21:57


I'll believe it when I see it, although as I am going away tomorrow, it's irrelevant if it's imminent or not, because it won't get published, not on FTM at any rate. Maybe it will be published on The World of Moz, whose latest publication is a piece by Orangey Chuck; who once again accuses me of being involved with MorrisseysWorld, and even accuses me of tweeting as OM, Broken and Astra! I do feel rather sorry for Chuck; the whole mystery of MorrisseysWorld has obviously just become too much for her to take. If she were to re-read FTM from the very beginning, I believe she would see that it is blatantly obvious that my discovery of MorrisseysWorld was no different to that of anyone else - I nearly stopped blogging after my 4th entry, as I really didn't believe that it could be Moz, and that certainly wasn't the last time I questioned if he was really involved.

Oh well, I can't tell people what to believe or not to believe - if Chuck thinks I'm involved, then that is her look out. No one has tricked her. No one has played games with her. She has come to this conclusion on her own - and similarly, I still believe that Kevin 'Walter Ego' 'Banjaxer' Mar(r)inan was involved with MorrisseysWorld, but I guess I may well have got that wrong. I also thought Romina was a pessoa, and accused GWO of being Boz Boorer. This journey really does have the ability to play hideous tricks on the brain..... but I for one wouldn't swap it for the world.


There was no sign of BC in The Arms yesterday; he was no doubt having yet another pre-concert massage, steam and jacuzzi session, but we did get an afternoon visit from Astra. Astra posted a couple of songs; Lo ti darò di più by Ornella Vanoni and Mina's version of Bang Bang, retweeted a couple of Anaïs Nin quotes, and posted some photos of Roberto Bolle and Brigitte Bardot.



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I thanked Astra for her postings, and particularly the Ornella song, to which she replied, "My pleasure. Two minutes of aural ecstasy is my speciality. Ahem."

In other news, I have discovered a new band: Slaves. Well, I haven't actually discovered them as such; they have been around for a couple of years, but I had never heard of them until I saw them on TFI Friday last night. I have spent today listening to as much of their stuff as I can, and I love 'em! My favourite song at the moment is Sockets.


SUNDAY OCTOBER 18th

All has been fairly quiet in The Arms. Broken showed up yesterday at around tea time, posted a couple of Bieber pics and an 'Arabs on-line' picture, and then left. No one attempted to speak to him.
Astra appeared just before midnight, and tweeted to GOB and GWO to, "Think of me often. Think of me always." Astra also tweeted, "I moonlight on backlit backdrops sometimes. Back alleys the rest."

STOP PRESS: As I write, The Chairman has just appeared in The Arms, with an opening gambit of, "I was never a virgin in the intellectual sense. Thoughts penetrated my mind from day 1."

It is now time for me to go away. I am going to be internet free for a while, so will have no idea what is going on in The Arms. I wonder what I will come back to? As I leave, Our Mozzer has 231 followers.

Friday, 16 October 2015

Day 1496b - The Q&A session proper

Yesterday I promised to post the MorrisseysWorld parody piece from August 2011 entitled, The Q&A session proper, so here it is. It's an absolute belter, although it lacked pictures, so I have added some:

SATURDAY, 13 AUGUST 2011


The Q&A session proper



Ross: So I hear you're planning on stripping to the waist for the old Frinksters at the London shows, Mozzer. Didn't you pledge to strip at the Palladium if the seats were sold out?

Moz: Indeed I did Jonathan. Needless to say, those final few tickets simply flew out of the box office.

Brand: Well I bought four seating tickets in disparate locations for my many personalities, and I already had a ticket for the stalls.

Moz: Disparate? Poor choice of words, Russell. Where did you go to university again?

Brand: [looks dejected]



Ross: I bought a few myself. Desperate to see you shirtless once again, Moz. [ironic look in eyes]

Moz: It's an extraordinary phenomenon. These are fully-formed adults, and mostly male... it doesn't fit into any stereotyped heterosexual fantasy... [quick wave of the hand]

Brand: How does it feel being a sex symbol, Morrissey?

Moz: Well it's not as easy as it looks. Having the Frinksters comment on every curve of your pectoral muscles... luckily the old bod just about measures up...



Ross: Not many men could get away with stripping off at fifty-two, Moz...

Moz: [glowers at Ross, says nothing]

Ross: Moving on...

Moz: I personally think it adds a punk aesthetic to my live shows. I consider myself the natural heir to the punk crown. After all, I say what I want, I do what I want, I dress how I want, and I undress when I want...

Brand: So quotable...

Moz: [nods]

Boz: And the music press say we can't play our instruments, which is what punk was all about...

Moz: Leave the self-effacing humour to those who can manage it, Boz.

Brand: Am I alone in thinking Jesse Tobias is a rather nuanced pop guitarist?

[awkward silence, seems to last for minutes, Morrissey looks at floor and nibbles on pain-au-raisin]


Ross: But Mowwissey... Will there come a time when you have to stop stripping off on stage? You know, like the Backstreet Boys; when they all hit thirty, they kept their shirts on... I think it was a cwedibility thing... you know, to convince their fans they were serious musicians, after all... [blinks a lot, looks terribly serious]

Moz: Oh come now, Jonathan. Is that an attempt at a serious journalists' question? One cannot compare a classic sex symbol such as myself to a bunch of skinny kids dancing to a backing track... and as it happens, I'm one of those who thought the Backstreet Boys ceased stripping to the waist much too early in their careers... Nick Carter could have been as big as me if he hadn't stopped and... where is he now?

Brand: Actually I think stripping to the waist adds credibility when you do it, if anything, Morrissey... [looks doe-eyed at his idol, curious about any insights the older man might have to offer]

Moz: Yes but you see I've always been credible. Therefore I have nothing to prove. [waves palm upwards] And frankly with all the middle aged people running about and turning up at my shows, the world is simply crying out for a middle aged sex symbol...

Boz: Sir-

Moz: No titles in the workplace, Boz...

Boz: But sir, you told me to call you-

Moz: -I insist, Boz. [faint, uncomfortable laughter]

Boz: Very well. I was going to ask, Moz, how do you manage to remain in such amazing shape as you approach your very late forties?

Moz: Excellent question, Boz. I put it down to being a vegetarian...

Ross: Don't you ever eat meat by accident? Surely just once you've accidentally ingested a bit of BBQ chicken wing that fell off the barbecue and landed on your slice of aubergine?

Moz: Well as it happens I was in Pizza Hut the other day and discovered a bacon bit in my mound of iceberg lettuce... the fascists at that US Corporation will use any tactics to get you to buy a Hawaiian pizza... they probably knew it was me and thought they could subvert my instincts by hiding it in there... convert me to eating meat then get me to advertise their product on the television... I was in disguise but... well, there's only so much you can do to disguise this face. [nods arrogantly]

Ross: Haha

Moz: I'm not sure I see the funny side, Jonathan.

Brand: I read on your blog you've become a Justin Bieber fan, Morrissey [looks up with anticipation at the next Wildean quip to be unleashed but also anxious not to be insulted again by the infamously acid tongue of a professional wit]

Moz: Oh that's been overstated. I admired his satirical live DVD. I'm certainly no great fan of his music.


Brand: [sings Baby baby baby yeah i'm like baby baby baby no i'm like baby...]

Moz: See that's what I mean. Why write lyrics like that? As I always say to aspiring pop writers - never repeat words. There are so many fascinating words to use, there's simply no excuse for repeating the one word baby eighteen times in a single chorus...

Ross: [glancing at lyric sheet to Bieber CD lying on the coffee table] sixteen, seventeen, eighteen... Haha rumbled Mozzer! You are a fan - he uses the word Baby exactly eighteen times in the chorus!

Moz: [smiles, brushes quiff back] As I always say to aspiring writers, there are so many mesmerizing words... there's never a need to repeat a word unnecessarily and if you really are completely out of ideas, simply sing a few 'Las' as I did on my latest song 'The Kid's a Looker' to such astonishing effect, as per my recent Guardian review. That can help fill a few bars. Or - and this will only work if the song has a Spanishy vibe like First of the Gang to Die - perhaps a few hey hu-heys? Got a song with a middle eastern vibe? Simply use a few 'duh-duh-duhs' like I used to fascinating effect in 'I Will See You in Far Off Places.'... tricks of the trade... It can make all the difference, really...

Ross: So seriously what do you make of the Bieber phenomenon, Mowwissey?

Moz: Well I think he's craftier than he looks. You can't make $100 million in this industry before you're sixteen and not be an evil b******. Never Say Never is a searing critique of this industry and the coporate exploitation therein. Justin knows exactly what he's doing with the butter-wouldn't-melt act but we're not buying it - not after the way he ridiculed that buck-toothed fiddle player. But then I also see a few things that are really unsustainable, moments of naivety from the lad... for example in his live DVD, he twitters his fans with the message:

"I'm sick but U know I neva want 2 let u down..."

Now Justin certainly won't make it to his 4th decade in pop music if he doesn't realise letting fans down is exactly what makes one's career last... each time one lets them down, it only adds to that enigmatic otherness factor and if anything adds to one's appeal...cancelling more gigs is what he'll need to do if he's to survive as long as a certain cold war warrior... Not turning up at festivals and claiming no one told you that you were on the bill... and don't forget ejecting fans from live gigs... it's all tofu for the grill. When he stops apologising and starts cancelling gigs on a whim, or because he fancies visiting a decent restaurant instead: then his career will finally begin...



Ross: Interesting...

Moz: Yes and I was also rather disgusted at the fact all the middle aged men were airbrushed out of the live concert footage. All these 'I [heart - morrissey creates a heart symbol with his thumbs and fingers] Justin' posters held up by teenage girls... and inexplicable bald patches floating around in the audience with no person attached... now I could airbrush my fans too... and God knows some of them need it... but it would just be crass, quite frankly... and if you are going to photoshop your fans, at least do a professional job and don't leave bald patches, heavily-inked tattoos and soiled rucksacks floating about in mid-air...

Brand: Morrissey, is it true that you have no record deal again? What is with those record labels? Don't they know you're a genius?

Moz: [knowing smile, sits forward] Well that's a very astute observation, Russell; but not for the reasons you might be thinking. The fact I am a genius is the very reason they won't touch me with a bargepole. These days one has to be stripped of all intelligence and wit to be a pop star. I mean just look at LadyBoy Gaga...

Ross: I'd rather not, Mozzer, if it's all the same to you. I haven't felt the same since I saw her cock in the green room...

Moz: I've met her, you know... him. Little old me.... oh just a nobody really... but I get my fair share of invitations, you know... just the odd one...



Boz: Sir- I mean Moz- how did you become so intelligent?

Moz: Good question, Boz. I think it was entirely natural. It's not something I've ever had to work at. I just find everybody else in pop is so utterly lacking in that regard...

Boz: How would you describe yourself in one word, Moz?

Moz: [pauses, rubs chin]

Boz: Fascinating?

Moz: [mildly irritated] No, no Boz. Poor choice of words there, old son.

Boz: Mesmerizing?

Moz: [raises an eyebrow] Do you know what? You've hit the nail on the head with that one, Boz. Your word selection has improved out of all recognition since you began working with a certain Mancunian poet, Boz. You never would have chosen that word to describe me in 1993 - even at the second attempt. Didn't he do well, Jonathan?

Ross: Well done, Boz. Praise from Mozzer is high praise indeed.

Boz: [smiles self-consciously, glances desiriously at the part-eaten pain-au-raisin]

Ross: One final question, Moz. I read on your blog that you're considering wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt soon...

Moz: Yes - what's the question?

Ross: Well, why?

Moz: I've realised there's just no newspaper column inches in moaning about the latest pop stars, really, as moaning from Old Mozzer is hardly front page news these days. Therefore I'm going to start ironically endorsing these new acts - Bieber, J-Lo, Kelly Clarkson... reminiscent of when I wore that American Idol t-shirt to such uproarious effect.


‘Timeless’ Morrissey thrills Wireless

Brand: I like that idea, Moz, I like it a lot...

Moz: [nods.] In one sense it's more powerful than simply moaning. In recent years I've been a bit of a misery guts: gone and forgotten the value of a bit of ironic positivity. So expect lots of ironic positivity and t-shirts of manufactured pop acts over the coming months, as well as news on the album front and a possible tour of the US...

Ross: Speaking of Justin Bieber, is there going to be 'One Less Lonely Girl' on your next tour, Mozzer? [raises eyebrows and smirks]

Moz: Steady on Jonathan. [cool stare] I once sacked Kristeen Young for less...

Ross: [looking upset] Is there any artist's t-shirt you wouldn't wear, Mowwissey? Eh Mozzer? [giggles like a schoolgirl]

Moz: Well I'd draw the line at Will Young. And Gareth Gates is singing on cruise ships these days I hear; I don't suppose it's even possible to buy a Gareth Gates t-shirt anymore. But if it were possible to buy Gareth t-shirts, I would definitely turn my nose up at one of those. I wouldn't be seen dead in one. The moral of the story is that however bad one's life seems, it's not as bad as Gareth Gates' life.

Brand: So Wildean...

Ross: I saw a letter in the NME from Robert Smith this week, Mowwissey...

Moz: Now that's what I call desperate...

Ross: Thank you Mowwissey.

Moz: Thank you and Goodnight.

Boz: Sir, weren't you going to post a note on TTY advising your fans not to buy that over-priced Smiths boxset for £200?

Moz: Yes Boz, don't worry your pretty little head about that. Just another week or so. Orders haven't quite begun to plateau...


It should be noted that 4 weeks after this masterpiece was published, Morrissey DID issue a TTY statement distancing himself from the "over-priced Smiths boxset", and also took the opportunity to draw everyone's attention once again to MorrisseysWorld - but of course, only a very few people realised what was going on.... and it's also where I came in.

Day 1496a - 1997 all over again

The BRS Chairman made a very brief return to the Twitterdilly Arms yesterday morning, and responded to three tweets from followers:

@BlueRoseSociety: Boy George & Morrissey exchanged tweets AGAIN earlier this week, but did anyone notice?
@BlueRoseSociety It's like 1997 all over again. The forgotten man of Twitter. I feel as significant as Katie Price on Eggheads.

@tabootlb: @BRSChairman Do a selfie, then see your followers grow.
@tabootlb Such things would destroy the mystique. Plus my hair is all askew.




@TheRatsBack: A classic FTM parody piece from 2012, when OM had 5,000 followers & @Boz_Boorer had 363. http://followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/following-mozziah-day-171-saturday-3rd.html
@TheRatsBack @Boz_Boorer Not like the old days anymore

There was also a very brief evening visit from BC, just after 8pm:

This was never about money or fame. It was art. Art and nothing more.
ME: Are you referring to your songs, book or twitter account?
@TheRatsBack Not Twitter since you're paying £65. Luckily Joyce has blocked me so he won't see how much I earn from this.

One of Morrissey's road crew, Joseph Joannides, tweeted a picture yesterday evening of a Moz banner flying high above Skopje.














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And finally, following on from yesterday's blog entry that mentioned Saruta, Astra has left the following comment:

Astraea has left a new comment on your post "Day 1495 - Saruta this! A MorrisseysWorld classic":

But of course I'm an anagram of a kiss.

It's the only thing I could have ever been. And the only thing I could ever be.

Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 16 October 2015 at 01:05




















Thursday, 15 October 2015

Day 1495 - Saruta this! A MorrisseysWorld classic

Morrissey's European tour is nearly at an end. Last night he played in Bucharest, Romania and tomorrow he finishes in Skopje, Macedonia. No members of the BRS were at last night's concert, and I know of none going tomorrow.

There was a new Sam Esty Rayner backdrop displayed last night during Kiss Me A Lot. It features a still picture of Gina Lollobrigida and Sean Connery from the film Woman of Straw, with the wording, SARUTA - MA INDE LUNG. It is an interesting coincidence that Astra's profile picture on twitter is a picture of Gina, and the Romanian word for kiss, saruta, is an anagram of U Astra.




I have nothing else to write today, so instead I shall post a classic parody piece from the now defunct MorrisseysWorld website. And still we live in hope that a new MW parody will one day appear.

SATURDAY, 13 AUGUST 2011

Q&A with iconic singer Morrissey - introduction



Dear all,

While Morrissey has long since left the building, we (I am the site administrator) did think it would be a nice gesture to leave you with a short Q&A session we did a few days ago. This is a genuine session we held in the Dorchester with a couple of friends of Morrissey. Present were the following:



Iconic singer-songwriter Morrissey who has recently been compared to the poet Larkin and regularly invites comparison with such intellectual luminaries as Alan Bennett. Considered a poet by many, the famously reclusive star prefers to understate his many talents (animal rights activist, poet, businessman, board game legend, songwriter) by describing himself simply as a 'singer.'


Jonathan Ross: The only man in north London who thinks publicly admitting he's Jewish might hold back his TV career.




Russell Brand: What Bob Geldof's lovechild with Dot Cotton might have looked like, had he been the survivor of a botched backstreet termination attempt using an unravelled coathanger and a small bottle of white spirits (would look a bit like Peaches, actually, sanscoathanger).


Boz Boorer: long-time guitarist and musical director of Morrissey's band.

Godspeed


Ross: Haha, this is a pretty nice suite you've got Mozzer...

Moz: Well, not bad... [chews on lower lip, looks mildly embarrassed/humble]

Brand: Very nice suite. Oh I say, a very nice suite... [wide eyes, overly-demonstrative hand movements]

Ross: Well you're just doing a European tour at the moment, Mozzer...

Moz: Yes, I know that Jonathan. It is my tour... [looks bewildered]

Ross: Haha Mozzer. Well this is all going very well, as Adrian Chiles once said...

Brand: Going very well. Very well indeed.

Moz: Russell, may I proffer a few words of advice?

Brand: Please do, Morrissey. You know how I appreciate your wise words, your very wise words...

Moz: Well simply repeating the last two words said by somebody else in a slightly deranged voice might pass for 'entertainment' on the television, but it won't wash with my audience; remember what you did at the Roundhouse? Let's not make this the Roundhouse mark II. Pay attention to how it's done, Russell. There's a method in my madness, you know...

Brand: Method, madness, method... [looks ashamed] ... OK Morrissey. Sorry I'll listen. It's so hard for me to control my manly urges around you, Morrissey...

Moz: [shakes head] Now are either of you gentlemen feeling a bit peckish?

Brand: Peckish? Oh yes, I say, peckish I am. I am peckish...

Moz: A simple yes or no would suffice...

Ross: Yes, but look what I've brought Mowwissey... [lifts box of 12 Krispy Kremes up from under chair]

Moz: Oh come now Jonathan. We're in the Dorchester here. We're not going to be dining on Krispy Kremes this afternoon... Boz...! Boz!

Boz: [shuffles into the room] Are you ready now, sir?

Moz: Why else would I be calling out your name Boz? [juts jaw out, imperceptible roll of the eyes]

Ross: Well you look lovely Boz in that Playboys t-shirt. [grins]... do you always
wear a uniform Boz?

Boz: Well-

Moz: Enough socialising, Boz. Haven't you got something to bring us? I'm not paying you by the hour to chat to my guests, you know...

Boz: Sorry, sir. [leaves the room]

Brand: Oh a man in a uniform, a man in a uniform...

Moz: Yes, I find the uniforms help to inform my backing musicians of their station in life. It's a much-maligned thing, the uniform; but frankly I wouldn't be without them... I've tried not having uniforms and my session musicians tend to get all uppity and make excessive demands of my time and money, and it's just not on, you know...

Ross: Really? [feigns an interest, checks his watch, wonders if Cheryl Cole will make a comeback at the knockout stage of UK X Factor]

Moz: Certainly. I find if the t-shirts refer to me, it helps reinforce the excellent relationship I enjoy with my musicians, that of capitalist to their prole. Remember the days when the capitalist was the heartbeat of the community and even provided slum housing for his employees to live in with their seventeen children and three terriers? That's the spirit I'm trying to rekindle... Actually that reminds me.... Boz!... Boz!

Boz: [pokes head round door] Yes sir?

Moz: Where's that little cap I bought for you, Boz? You should be wearing it: you're on duty at the moment, old boy. Come on, find that cap and put it on. I didn't buy it for the good of my health, you know...

Boz: [disappears and reappears in cap] How do I look, sir?


Moz: Well, you look like a fat c*nt in a French maid's outfit if I'm honest.

Ross: [laughs maniacally]

Brand: Fat c*nt, fat c*nt.

Moz [glowers at Brand]

Brand: [cowers]

Moz: No you do look fine really, Boz. You look very professional. Now where are 'the goods'?

Boz: Coming right up, sir.

Ross: I won't lie - I'm a bit excited Moz. 'The goods?' - sounds like we're in for a vewwy enjoyable afternoon.

Moz: Well, you could say that...

Brand: Well my left nostril's a vaccuum cleaner, I say, a right old hoover!

Moz: [looks confused, shakes head] Hurry up Boz. The way we're building it up, the reality is bound to disappoint...

Boz: [shuffles back into suite, holds out a silver platter] Three shop-warm Co-Op pain-aus-raisin, Sir...

Brand: [laughs inanely]

Moz: [turns to Brand] Is something amusing, Russell?

Brand: No, Morrissey, I was just thinking of something David Lynch said last week...

Moz: [rolls eyes, stares out of the window, nibbles on pain-au-raisin]

Ross: Well, this is gorgeous Mowwissey!

Moz: Jonathan, please don't speak with your mouth full. Your speech is bad enough with an empty mouth...

Ross: [sniggers, coughs]

Brand: Your speech is bad enough with an empty mouth...

Moz: Russell I'm going to tw*t you out in a f***ing minute-

Brand: No, Morrissey, no, I wasn't just repeating the words somebody else spoke... well I was but-

Moz: [stares, unconvinced]

Brand: I was actually thinking that sounds like the title of a Morrissey song. You're so eminently quotable Morrissey...

Moz: [nods] Well perhaps for a b-side... Boz...! Boz! Paper and pen, please...

Boz: Paper and pen, sir.

Moz: Don't hand it to me, Boz. Write this down, please.

Boz: Very good, sir

Moz: Your speech is bad enough with an empty mouth. Consider for b-side song title. Do you know something, Russell? I'm impressed. I never thought you had a pop mind...

Brand: [smiles sensually, flutters eyelids]

Ross: I can't believe I'm about to get rebuked on a Mowwissey record!

Moz: It's the least I can do, Jonathan. Now that you're a former star...

Ross: [laughs. Looks downcast]

Moz: Right, I think it's time to get started on the proper Q&A section now. Please pay close attention Russell. It's not just about how you say things - it's about the actual words being said. It's more science than art. Watch and learn, dear boy.

Tomorrow, I shall post the actual Q&A session parody that followed this introduction.

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Day 1494 - A very thin man

The BRS Chairman once again paid a visit to The Twitterdilly Arms yesterday evening, arriving at 9.15pm and leaving just before 10.30. I wasn't around at the time, but saw the tweets just before I went to bed. Most were interactions with random twitter users. I guess he must have searched 'Morrissey'! Here are the highlights:

I'm holding conversations in the toilet. Those who are in the know can find me. 

In response to @LemonbeatsCHNL tweeting a picture of Morrissey and Franz Ferdinand
@LemonbeatsCHNL The three at the back just stumbled through on their way to their Saturday job at Tesco.











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In response to @bbceastenders tweeting  a picture of Roxy
@bbceastenders She looks like her Botox operation has gone wrong.

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I think my life would have been different if I discovered sex at my teenage years instead of back bedroom despair.
FRANK (@EnoughSari): Would it be better?
@EnoughSari There is no possible way of knowing. I could have ended up like a macho man from mudchester.
FRANK: True. I prefer you the way you are now.
@EnoughSari But I AM a macho man from mudchester.


MACHO MAN FROM MUDCHESTER

@strictlymagsy: What's wrong with back bedroom?
@strictlymagsy Where does one begin?

So my 201 followers allow me to introduce myself. I am Jason Donovan and this is my new show. It's on for 6 hours and the doors are locked.
@veryvary: I am Brenda Gold. I have nothing to show and my doors are locked forever.
@veryvary Finally someone that understands my adolescence
@MadAlix14: @BRSChairman Q&A, Jason?
@MadAlix14 No questions about Kylie or Neighbours (Ed - another pant-wetting beauty from OM!)

JASON - WITH KYLIE IN NEIGHBOURS



MORRISSEY - WITH MARR IN SMITHS

@RetroClicksVint: Hello, my name is Nikki. Are you an actor? Love your Glam shot! (Ed - the picture of Lypsinka)
@RetroClicksVint I once played a very thin man on a British spin off show. Watched by a grand total of four people. One of them died during 
@Retro: You are funny, are you in America?
@RetroClicksVint One is touring Eastern Europe with my successful band. Although shortly I shall retire. I will have spare time.
@Retro: What kind of music do you play? I just discovered Steve Strange & Blitz, this is all very new for me.
@RetroClicksVint Jobriath cover band.


JOBRIATH COVER BAND

@TJosida: Sex is part of life
@TJosida It's never part of mine.
@TJosida: Why? It's not important?
@TJosida Nobody ever responded to my postcards


@AndyWaind: You can buy World Peace for a fiver on eBay
@AndyWaind People no longer value art.




The thin man tweet had me in stitches, and reminded me of Morrissey's bit part in South, a Brookside spin-off in 1988. I was a massive Brookside fan, and was gutted when the programme was axed; although it had certainly lost a certain something after Anna Friel left.

ANNA FRIEL - I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SUCKER FOR ANYONE WITH A CHIN DESIGNED FOR SNOOKER 

This morning I looked to see if I could find the video of Morrissey in South, and my internet searching led me to a piece written earlier this year by the actress Justine Kerrigan, who played Tracy Corkhill in the programme, and appeared in Morrissey's very short scene. In Justine's piece she writes, "Another highlight was meeting Morrissey when filming a soap bubble for Thames called South. I had already met Morrissey at a Brookside party as he was a genuine fan. He sat me on his knee and bought me twenty Benson and Hedges from the ciggie machine. He is a fabulous man, quite shy and a gentleman with a lovely soul." 

<


Justine Kerrigan Tracy Corkhill  Brookside 4

/Justine Kerrigan Tracy Corkhill  Brookside  Paula Francis.






















My research this morning also led me to a report that the actor Sean McKee, who played Jamie Henderson in Brookside/South), died this summer.

The BRS Chairman has made a couple of VERY brief appearances in The Arms today, initially at lunchtime, and then again at 4pm. At lunchtime he tweeted, "So I see the producers of QI have replaced one annoying fat man with another." 
This tweet was in response to today's news that Stephen Fry has stepped down as QI presenter and been replaced by Sandy Toksvig!!!


TOGSVIG - SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER AND BETTER THAN, A MAN

I replied to the QI tweet by posting, "@BRSChairman Another winner! You should take up tweeting full-time. I'd pay for this entertainment... although not £65 for an hour & a half."
When BC returned at 4pm, he replied, "@TheRatsBack That's the going rate. I'm not Paul Daniels you know."

PAUL DANIELS - MAGIC!

All the recent activity in The Arms from OM/BC has been a delight, and for him to STILL only have 211 followers is criminal - especially as the aforementioned Paul Daniels has over 54,000!

Fifi hasn't been around much lately, although yesterday she left a photo in the Twit Arms toilets, with a note saying, "Françoise on stage."



It would appear to be a copy of Françoise Hardy's EP, La Maison ou j'ai grandi, although I have no idea as to which concert the photo is from. I initially thought it might be from Budapest, when Moz was given a record/cd at the end of FOTG, but Matt Walker is wearing a different coloured shirt, so it isn't from Bucharest. A mystery.

It has been reported that Gregory Andrews of the Australian government, has written to both Morrissey and Brigitte Bardot regarding their opposition to the Aussie governments decision to kill 2 million cats. Mr Andrews has apparently written, “I would like to commend you for your commitment to, and advocacy for, animals and their welfare, however, feral cats are an invasive species responsible for the extinction of at least 27 Australian mammals, such as the lesser bilby, desert bandicoot and large-eared hopping-mouse. We don’t want to lose any more species like these."


I would imagine that Morrissey's reply will include something like this, "human beings are an invasive species responsible for the extinction of at least 322 animals, such as the Tasmanian Tiger,  the dwarf emu and the white throated pigeon, which were under the Australian watch. When does the culling of the human killers begin?"


THE TASMANIAN TIGER - HUNTED TO EXTINCTION

And finally, I reported on Sunday (Day 1491), that The BRS Chairman's last tweet of the day was, "Death is certain so why waste time?"

I presumed that the Chairman was just reflecting on the uselessness of it all, as he often does, but Kerry the Cocktail has realised that it was a sign. A HUGE sign. In the song Action is My Middle Name, the lyrics are, "I can't waste time any more, everybody has a date with an undertaker" - On Monday, Morrissey sang Action is My Middle Name for the first time on this tour! A coincidence, of course!

*Goes off singing* Tongue against tongue and we've only just begun.

FOOT NOTE: Having watched various pieces of Youtube footage, I have discovered that the Françoise record is from Monday night's concert in Slovenia. It must have been handed over during Reader Meets Author, although there is no footage of the handover. The record was not on stage during You Have Killed Me, but is evident during Oboe Concerto.

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