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Sunday, 31 July 2016

Day 1881 - A MorrisseysWorld classic

Yesterday afternoon, the long forgotten MorrisseysWorld lackey, Kevin 'Walter Ego' 'Banjaxer' Marrinan tweeted, "Is the world ready for new Morrissey songs?". I haven't followed Kevin (@Banjaxer) on twitter since the MorrisseysWorld.Com website fell apart before it even started, in April 2014, so wouldn't have seen this tweet had it not been for Dawn Mist retweeting it. Dawn doesn't actually follow Kevin on twitter either, so it is somewhat odd that she should retweet him. Could it be that the long forgotten Walter Ego is still on Morrissey's payroll, and does Dawn's retweet mean a new record deal is imminent?


WALTER EGO

Speculation has been further fuelled by Our Mozzer taking to twitter in the early hours of this morning to tweet, "Paperwork only exists to drag us down even if what's written on the paper is what you long for." Let it be true.

And as I have nothing else to report on this beautiful Sunday, what better than a repeat of an old classic. It is the MorrisseysWorld parody piece from August 2011 that features the aforementioned Walter Ego - Minutes of the 'Bans and Concert Ejections Committee (BCE) when considering Mr David Tseng's appeal against lifetime Morrissey concert ban'. For those who have never read this before, it is a beauty, and comes with signatures of authenticity, and a stain from a mug of tea.


FRIDAY, 26 AUGUST 2011

'Satire': Minutes of the 'Bans and Concert Ejections Committee (BCE) when considering Mr David Tseng's appeal against lifetime Morrissey concert ban'
























Minutes Drafted and Posted by Michael Bracewell
Please send any complaints about Michael Bracewell's minutes to morrissey1959@hotmail.co.uk - he is on a final warning for the quality of his minutes. Having not had a novel published for almost a decade, one would think he would show a little more care...

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Day 1880 - It's so easy to hate

Morrissey's 'doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone' pessoa, Broken, returned to The Wrong Arms just after 1pm yesterday, and spent the afternoon and evening smashing the place up with his tongue... or technically his fingers. His aim was obviously to cause as much mayhem and division as he possibly could, and attempt once again to destroy the BRS in the process.




Broken's previous attempts to cause such destruction have usually brought him reward, but we've been on this journey for 5 years now, and the vast majority of the BRS members know not to rise to the bait, and to take everything Broken says with a pinch of salt. Once safe in the knowledge that nothing Broken says is to be taken seriously or personally, it becomes highly amusing to see him at work, and when people do bite, it is entertainment of the highest order.

Rather interestingly, Boy George has started following Broken, even though Broken doesn't follow him! Now why would BG start following some random account out of the blue? As I have written many times before, GEORGE KNOWS... and following his blocking of Our Mozzer, BG has now blocked me too, with the help of a Smiths song title. You have to love him.... the cunt.




Here are Broken's lowlights from yesterday; a day where he accused BRS Chairman of not being Our Mozzer, and tried to convince us all that Chuck was behind the 'Not Astra's derrière account (@sostarksohaunt) and that MerryAnne was in fact Astra (@fadinggoldleaf). Only a complete and utter moron would believe either, and I think Kerry the Cocktail was taken in too:

"People need to get over themselves or get under me"

"I am the essence of criminality. There is no crime I will not commit."

Er, that's about it!

Broken also listed all of his least favourite BRS members and banned them. Virtually all of us were on the list.

This morning he popped his head around the door a tweeted simply, "It is so easy to hate." And of course he is right.

Friday, 29 July 2016

Day 1879 - "Don't claim to love me when at my most lyrical and despise me when I'm being truthful. You never deserved me in the first place."

Five years ago Morrissey started using Twitter under various pessoas; not that anyone believed it was Morrissey of course... although actually, a fair few people did believe it was him; including Boy George, who as Our Mozzer pointed out the other day, once listed MorrisseysWorld as one of his favourite twitter accounts, but the likes of Boy George seem to have lost their way somewhat, and these days there are just a hardy few who follow The Mozziah in his various formats on Twitter.

BOY GEORGE - LOST HIS WAY IN A NUMBER OF WAYS... BUT GREAT IF YOU WANT A BIRTHDAY REQUEST ON TWITTER

During the course of those five years, we have sometimes gone months on end with NONE of the pessoas posting a single tweet, whilst at other times; especially leading up to the beginning of a tour, we are inundated with them.

Yesterday was one of those inundation days, with four pessoas appearing on the scene. Our Mozzer and Dawn Mist once again frequented The Wrong Arms, plus we saw Broken make a return; as predicted my me yesterday, and Astra has also showed up alive and well in the comment section of the much neglected World of Morrissey blog; where she posted on an article entitled, The Birth of a New Star to inform us, "I'm not dead yet".

OM's appearances in The Arms were pretty brief, with Broken taking turn to hold court in his own very unique way; lashing people with his acidic tongue, behaving irrationally, stirring as many pots as he could find, and posting pictures of attractive footballers, Quentin Crisp and of course his favourite dream boy, Justin Bieber. He also spent the day sniffing around the new boy, Mitch. Despite Broken being a 'character', I honestly believe that with certain things he says, he represents a VERY REAL side of Morrissey that the public never see, which therefore makes him the most fascinating of all the Morrissey pessoas.

Broken was wickedly entertaining as usual yesterday,  so here are some of his... well I can't exactly call them highlights... words:

"@TheRatsBack I see your blog remains active. Shame I cannot say the same about the human form of you. Your blog is less than poetry."

"I am not a feminist. I am not a menimist. I am just here for Justin."

"It is boringly reassuring to see the same dead wood in the BRS. Should there not be a purge? We are a fringe movement now."

"There are so many detestable people who are here only for conversation and rarely go to any Morrissey shows least take a rose."

"Most people here have the intellectual appeal of a 2006 episode of Eastenders."

"Cross me and die. Maybe not die, but banned and cursed for certain."

In response to me asking his favourite track on Bieber's Purpose album: "The one where he sounds like he orgasms. I just lay back and await the liquid gift."


ONE OF THE MANY BIEBER PHOTOS POSTED BY BROKEN

"I am only here to prey on weakness. Be strong or fuck off."

"Education is the refuge of the unemployable."

"Has anyone noticed the upturn in tearooms and the tearoom trade?" (Ed- Goodness only knows what this tweet is about!)

"Track me down, have me. This is your consent form and I have signed."

"Don't claim to love me when at my most lyrical and despise me when I'm being truthful. You never deserved me in the first place."


In response to Holly Willoughby (@hollywills) tweeting, "No words", "No words... the sound Britain has been waiting from you for so long"

NO WORDS OF NOTE


"I'm unpleasant I know. But you can't leave. I've drawn you in." (Ed - this new @Broken1andonly account currently only has 18 followers, so he hasn't exactly drawn many in!)

"Toy with me, play with me, make joy with me, stay with me."

"@PapaSonsFilm Is your holiday so dull that you have to take to twitter?"

"You are my personal punchlines."

"Some kill, some rape, and some abuse and yet I am lathed for loving Justin."

"Is the irony lost? Was it not lowbrow enough for you?"

"Just call  me Wilhem Reich"



"You think you have choice in your life but your choices are predetermined."

"Art is the refuge of the ugly."

"Science is the refuge of the unimaginative."

"Imagine having children and thinking you're special because of this. Anyone can open their legs."

"Imagine making stuff with wool and thinking this is a life achievement."

"Go to work. Ear. Pay tax. Pay rent. Resent. Die."

"Produce art. Become art. Die poor. Leave an impression."

"Get to a dole queue and see where the talent is."

"@mitchxlouis attach yourself fully to anywhere you care"

"To nuture the young is the only use of the old"

"To be silent, mourn their lost youth and wait for old age is the only use of the middle aged"

"@BRSChairman Who the fuck are you? If you are another of those sad idiots pretending to be OM I really should not have come back. You are deluded and a fraud." (Ed - Dear God, please help us)

"Talking to yourself is sometimes the best conversation you can ever have. Especially round these parts." Hmm.

"My sexual release will eventually beggar belief"


Dawn Mist really is VERY Astra like, with her tweets being off the wall and dreamy. Like Astra, Dawn also likes music, and today has played the following songs on the jukebox: Freak (Livein Warsaw 2016) - Lana Del Rey, Strong (Live on Jools Holland 2013) - London Grammar, The Greatest (Live ACL 2006) - Cat Power and Where The Wild Roses Grow (Live on V 1996) - Kylie & Cave.

Our Mozzer's Twitter account has been taken off air today, but before it disappeared, I managed to note down his offerings from yesterday:

"I could never be described as lascivious"

"Well I wonder why nobody suggested a Justin Bieber cover?"

"What an eventful evening. I've not had time to wash my underwear. But that's because I don't wear any" (Ed - I have to say, I've never noticed any sign of underpants when the old shirt comes off, so this could well be true!)



"Those moaning about brexit and impact on immigration are from the middle class and have no way of understanding the impact on the working classes."

"(Voting to leave the EU was) a desperate cry for help that shook the establishment. The working class had a voice for one day. Never again however."



I will sign off for today with these words left anonymously on yesterday's FTM. I believe they are the words of Astra:

"Find me where you hide me and squander me the same way I squander glitter. The movement of the night is the movement of your fright. Do you exist or do you simply live. Well my darling there is no simple living. There must be overt decadence at every turn. I exist because I say I exist. I live because others tell me I do. Become a victim if you feel it becomes you but do not put me under the same category. I am no fool. The champagne evacuates the bottle and ruptures my liver. I would have it no other way. The feeling of the meaning is revealing. Time draws me closer to the grave, but there is still time to save this soul. Do not object to any of the offerings of life. Become monogamous, become polyamorous, become asexual, become sexual. Be broken or be fixed. Be tricked or trick. Be rough or smooth. Just don't be indifferent. Do not be indifferent to my love."

Thursday, 28 July 2016

Day 1878 - Tour-tured

On May 18th of this year, Our Mozzer (@BRSChairman) appeared in The Wrong Arms - the Number 1 Morrissey themed internet pub - and tweeted a picture of the Australian flag. He then dragged me into the loos of the pub; which incidentally are not gender separated - Humaloos - and told me NOT to mention on FTM about Australia. Despite not wanting to upset The Mozziah, I took the decision that, as I am documenting the public internet offerings of Morrissey, I couldn't allow him to censor me, so on May 20th (Day 1710) I defied the Moz, and wrote about the Australian tweet.

Yesterday morning, I awoke to find a statement on True-To-You announcing a new tour, which includes 5 cities in...... Australia! Would you believe it? The answer to that is of course, "NO", no one does believe that @BRSChairman; with his measly 285 followers is Morrissey, but it's not as though I haven't given them a clue or two - in fact, there are now 1,878 pages of clues, but they don't want to believe, they are sleeping.

Morrissey will also be playing in the USA, Japan, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Singapore and Thailand between September 20 and November 23.


COMRADE HERPES BLUE ROSE IN SYDNEY 2015


Our Mozzer returned once again to The Wrong Arms just after midday on Tuesday, and signed off just after midnight. Here are the highlights:

"Set list suggestions please."

This tweet received lots of replies, including a number from non BRS members. Perhaps there are far more people out there who believe OM to be the real Moz than I give credit for, or perhaps people just like suggesting Morrissey sets. One tweeter called Troubled Joe (@reademandsleep) replied to OM's tweet with, "the real Morrissey wouldn't ask for set list suggestions", to which OM responded, "you have just followed me to express an opinion that nobody cares about?" Troubled Joe then still had the audacity to suggest which songs should be played.

Dawn Mist responded to the set list request with, "I Want the One I Can't Have, Girlfriend in a Coma, There is a Light That Never Goes Out, What Difference Does It Make?". OM replied to this totally Smiths laden request with, "Am I to employ Joyce to play the drums too?" Perhaps Dawn only has Smiths CDs in that remote lighthouse of hers. If I knew where it was, I would send her a copy of You Are The Quarry.


FORMER DRUMMER, MIKE JOYCE - RE-EMPLOYABLE?

I have noticed that the only two song requests that OM 'liked' or 'favourited' or whatever Twitter call it these days, were EARS request for I Changed My Plea To Guilty and Angel, Angel, Down We Go Together, and Brenda Gold's (@veryvary) request for Now My Heart Is Full. Does this 'favouriting' mean anything?

For my part, I listed half a dozen songs that I would love to hear in the set, which included Friday Mourning. Our Mozzer replied to this with, "Mourning maybe needs an airing." I then pointed out that I expected Mourning to be getting "an airing" seeing as there is currently a Friday Mourning themed t-shirt being sold in MPorium.
SMUG MUG TEE CHARCOAL/SKY BLUE
I then had a further conversation with OM about the t shirt:

MOZ: You're quite quick. Luckily set lists can be changed. The shirt will have to stay on sale mind. I'm not made of money.

RAT: If you sing the song, the shirt will sell more. It's a no brainer.

MOZ: I think I might keep those shirts to "give away" for £5 extra with tickets for the next tour. Or Boz can flog them in his shop.

RAT: I would lol, but I know you're being serious!

MOZ: Deadly

RAT: Are there any 'Mozziah' shirts left, or did they sell out in seconds?

MOZ: They are the current dust collectors. I'll no doubt be forced to "give them away" at some point.

Tuesday highlights continued:

"I've just located my quill. Perhaps I shall create a new tour diary. The nib is wet with anticipation."

"Admin bods have been summoned. Questions may or may not be answered."

A conversation then took place about Boy George having blocked Morrissey on twitter, following their little 'exchange' the other day. The conversation included participation from a fella called Mitch (@mitchxlouis):

MOZ: Who is going to wish me happy birthday now that @BoyGeorge has blocked me?"

RAT: BG has blocked you because you lashed him with your acidic tongue? Would he have blocked Oscar Wilde?

MOZ: I was one of his favourite tweeters for that reason. As long as it isn't directed at him it's acceptable.

MITCH: Ha, George's once witty tweets have indeed become tedious birthday greetings for practically anyone who begs for them

MOZ: No.7, Boy George. 8, anyone who is following, not blocked or allowing @BoyGeorge to follow them.

MITCH: I started something... or did you? The fawning fans are attacking us, they obviously have birthdays coming up...

MOZ: It's been quite entertaining. After all, like one sycophantic fan said, George is a living icon...

RAT: She surely meant toucan.

Our Mozzer signed off for the evening just after midnight, by announcing, "I rather like this young man (Mitch)". Mitch not only tweets well, but according to his twitter profile is, "Complete vegetarian, extremely left, somewhat bent, and rarely happy".... and he also happens to be a bit of a looker, so YES, I bet OM does like him!

mitch
MITCH 

Our Mozzer once again arrived in The Arms on Wednesday morning, and started off by retweeting his own tweet of the Australian flag from May 18th, whilst adding, "Well is that not strange".

In reply to Jaz asking if there would be new songs on tour, OM replied, "that sounds like hard work. I've been sunning myself for a while now."

The only other tweet posted yesterday morning was, "How many times did I utter the words 'tour' yesterday. Still they don't believe. Goodbye."

He returned at 8.30pm and rather ominously tweeted, "Not everything is as it seems. My mind is currently broken." I do hope things aren't too bad, or maybe he means that he literally is Broken - the pessoa. There are certainly signs of this twitter account being the work of Broken, and after all, Broken doesn't have a twitter account of his own these days.... and Broken would DEFINITELY like Mitch - he'd be right up his alley.

*Goes off grinning like a schoolboy*

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

Day 1877 - "oh to not be understood in ones own lifetime."

Our Mozzer again made a couple of appearances in The Wrong Arms yesterday, and started off by tweeting, "When you see what I've endured in my life you will understand why I fall foul of vituperative outbursts. I exist for ad hominem attacks." 

At first, I interpreted the tweet to mean that Morrissey was the one who falls foul of receiving vituperative outbursts; which incidentally he certainly does, and that he exists so as to give ad hominem attacks, but I soon realised that what he was actually saying was, that because of all the shit that he has had to endure in his life, it is he who is prone to being vituperative, and that he sees his existence to receive ad hominem attacks... I think!

Whatever way you interpret the tweet, it certainly wasn't an apology; because as we all know, Morrissey doesn't ever apologise for anything, but perhaps OM felt he went a little too far in his exchanges with Marcus the Greek the other day.


As I debated with Jaz the meaning of the aforementioned Mozzer tweet, OM mused, "oh to not be understood in ones own lifetime."

Here are the rest of OM's tweets from yesterday:

"It is of course true that all religions die when they are proved to be correct. Will this tour see the death of the BRS?"

I responded to the above tweet with, "Which religion has ever been proven to be correct? And the real Morrissey would NEVER admit to being involved with the BRS", to which OM replied, "never say Morrissey would never. You should know that." I do indeed know that, but I still don't believe for one minute that Morrissey will mention the Blue Rose Society either on stage or in print.


MORRISSEY WEARING A BLUE ROSE IN SANTA ANA 2014 - A SYMBOL THAT MEANT EVERYTHING TO A FEW, AND NOTHING TO THE MANY. WILL MOZ MENTION THE BRS ON THIS TOUR?

"When you have nothing you fear nothing"



"I am the data and you are the gaps. Can you spot the pattern?"


That was all from yesterday, although both Dawn Mist and Not Astra's Deriere both made appearances, with OM retweeting Dawn's, "I pass the time with a good closet to sit in, 14 marbles and a heavy frown on an immaculately made up face."

The BRS list of questions for Moz has been updated on yesterday's blog, so now we wait...

Monday, 25 July 2016

Day 1876 - Go to waste in The Wrong Arms

As FTM went to print last night, Our Mozzer was still holding court at the bar of The Wrong Arms;  cradling a bottle of virtual Smirnoff for company. Shyness and coyness once again held most people back from interacting with OM, and saying all the things in life they'd like to, so he introduced a new pessoa called Dawn Mist (@slightdawnmist), to give himself someone to talk to... or if it isn't a pessoa, then it is certainly someone very close to him.

The tweeting went on until just before 1am UK time, at which point OM became particularly tired of me, and left. If only I had a filter to keep me in check, and to remind me that Morrissey is the Wildean genius, whilst I am just a mange ridden rat hanging off his coat tails, and NOT his equal in any way, shape or form. Either Chuck or GWO should act as my filter, as neither of them care if they offend me... not that I am easily offended.

Here is the edited version of last night's bar room talk:

OUR MOZZER: Why I'm not regarded as an international sex symbol I shall never know.

JESSE MOZ FIEND: It's because you haven't slipped out any sex tapes or had enough salacious sex stories about you in the tabloids.

OM: The only thing I ever slip on is fabulous floral shirts with fetching cardigans.

DAWN MIST: You are more regarded for your hand symbols I fear.

RAT:  *producing a photo from his wallet* I blame this lady



OM: The floor needs a good hoover. Do people not employ cleaners these days?

OM: *addressing Dawn Mist* Hello my beautiful enigma. How did you find us? Will you engulf us?

DAWN: Oui. I can engulf your racing pulse with serious consequences.

OM: My pulse has not raced since 1998.

DAWN: I worry then darling. I cannot be the blame for causing you a mischief.

OM: Well I did not mean to cause you alarm. The only mischief here is my own. Blame is the name.

DAWN: An alarm is something I neither possess or have any need for.

RAT: Astra, is that you that I can see emerging from the mist?

DAWN: I'm afraid I am not she. The disappointment will be frequent. The dancing will be less than adequate. And dank desperation. I live in a lighthouse on a very BIG rock. I watch seagulls. I'm an avid reader of horoscopes. I dine on my own. My lighthouse is white. As white as my skin. As white as my teeth. But not as white as my hair.

OM: *addressing the room* Where do you go to when all of the men are dressing like sailors?



OM: My tweets will now have the same effort put into them as rats blog, therefore my next tweet is... I never iron my shirts.

OM: Tour is cancelled as I am now headlining Celebrity Big Brother.

RAT: *putting November Spawned a Monster (Live at Hammersmith Odeon 1991) on the jukebox - in which Moz wears his glasses on stage* Morrissey should wear his glasses more often.

OM: hmmm...

Morrissey_1


RAT: I will be here 24/8 whilst you tweet. Your twilight years shall be better documented than Oscar's.

OM: I will next tweet then whilst you are watching George Michael in Bergen.

(Ed - the George Michael reference is a personal joke, as on Friday night OM told me in the toilets of The Wrong Arms that he was sending GM to Bergen as his replacement.)


GEORGE MICHAEL - SUBSTITUTE 

RAT: What is your favourite George song?

OM: That's a shit question.... I may consider answering it.

RAT: It worked for that Dr Who bod.

OM: I Knew You Were Waiting... Peter Cushing was actually an interesting answer.

RAT: It was. And also would have been a better answer to my question!

OM: On FTM tomorrow I demand you write an essay on Peter Cushing's career.

RAT: I'm washing my hair... but I'll happily publish it if you write it. I do so hope you are joking about I Knew You Were Waiting being your favourite... Yes, you're joking... or vodka fuelled again.

OM: I shall not answer that. But alas it was a shit question.

RAT: It wasn't shit. I, along with many many other people, would be interested in knowing what Morrissey's fav GM song is.

OM: Pull the other one. People only want to know what my favourite Smiths song is.

RAT: Well, the dullards do. The thinking man's crumpet is far more interested in your favourite George song.

OM: F*** ***.

HEATHER: Rat, you're assuming there actually is a fave GM song!

OM: He's always assuming. One does find it very tiresome.


HEATHER: *addressing OM* Might you possibly answer any of the recent interview questions on FTM?

OM: If rat publishes them in one place tomorrow I'll have a look. No promises though. I'd like everyone to post their questions to ratbags on today's pitiful FTM entry.

DAWN: The sea is wild tonight. The water is murky with the unseen. My hair is wild from the suffocating heat. My feet are completely clean.

OM: You are heavily my darling. And shameless.

RAT: Heavily? Oh fuck, this is worse than I imagined.

OM: I didn't even notice! Good night.

The only person who has bothered to post a question on my blog entry of yesterday, as requested by Our Mozzer, is Heather. What this shows, is that NO ONE is bothering to trawl through OM's tweets like they did in the old days. WE HAVE MORRISSEY IN OUR PRESENCE, TWEETING LIKE WILDE, AND EVEN INVITING US TO ASK HIM QUESTIONS, AND YET NO ONE IS TAKING ANY NOTICE. You honestly could NOT make this up. I just DO NOT GET IT.

In the absence of any other questions, here are some of my original ones, plus the most interesting of the others that were posted 2 weeks ago, and Heather's from yesterday's blog entry. We can but hope that Moz gives us his answers.

HEATHER: Why the change of heart about appearing in the UK? Does this signify a new record deal?

JAZ: How do you feel about your audience of present day? Have they surpassed your expectations of what an audience should be?

JAZ: How do you feel when you see yourself (image, lyrics, fashion) portrayed by younger people who hold you in such high esteem - do you feel comforted by the thought of this generation immortalizing you somehow?

JAZ: "List of the Lost" was such a grand diversion from song writing and met with mixed reviews - have you entertained the idea of seeing your novel on the screen or stage?

JAZ: What is it about Bruce Lee that allures you? For myself it is his incredible power restrained by self control, do you recognize similar qualities in yourself?



RAT: Many artists either died young or become destitute. As you didn't die young, do you ever fantasise about losing everything and becoming destitute as some sort of self-destruct legacy?

RAT: Do you think anything will radically change in Britain if we do leave the EU as promised?

RAT: Do you believe the British monarchy will be a thing of history by the year 2116?

EARS: I've always felt you've got a strong sense of self. I remember you saying you are your own best friend, which I found inspiring. What do you do to achieve this? What are the greatest challenges? What/whom, if anything helps?

RAT: Why has the audio book version of List of the Lost been abandoned?

MERRYANNE: I've seen you say in interviews that the poet-types are never the ones who run for political positions like president, prime minister, etc, which is quite true. Why do you think that is, and how would you envision the world if more people of this type were to attain such roles?

MERRYANNE: In Neal Cassady Drops Dead, you sing "Victim, or life's adventurer, which of the two are you?"
Do you believe life experiences (negative or positive) or externally-imposed social roles form us into one of these two options, or do we perhaps ourselves perpetuate our own state as one? Are we free to choose, or do you feel it is more complicated than that?

MERRYANNE: Do you believe in happiness?

RAT: It is criminal that Warner UK were not interested in doing anything to mark the 30th anniversary of The Queen is Dead. Will you bother asking them to do anything for Strangeways 30th? A vinyl release of the original version of Death of a DD would be nice.

RAT: Any chance of you singing I've Changed My Plea To Guilty on the upcoming tour - for EARS?

MERRYANNE: If you could go back in time 130 years (or so?) and meet Oscar Wilde in person, would you want to?

RAT: As far as we are aware, animals don't believe or pray in any kind of God, so why do we?

RAT: There are pros and cons to religions; do you think the world would be a worse place without them?

RAT: Was it easy to get the band members to do that naked 7 inch photo shoot in 2009? Whose record collection did you use?


GIRL WITHOUT: Do you have anything tucked up your sleeve for your upcoming tour?

RAT: What is your favourite George Michael song?

And finally, this morning I gave a lift in my car to three of my 16 year old sons' male friends, and one female friend. As we were driving along, one of the boys asked me if Morrissey had a new recording contract yet? I informed him that, criminally, he did not. The female friend then asked, "who is Morrissey?" The boys; who have all had Morrissey thrust at them by me in the past, insisted that I play her a song, so I put on There is a Light That Never Goes Out - always a good place to start someone off. I honestly thought that she was going to cry, as she whispered, "that is just beautiful." She didn't want to get out of the car. Moments like that are worth the world.

*Goes off singing* Take me out, to-niiight

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Day 1875 - Dirge and delight

I woke up yesterday morning to find that I had lost one of my Twitter followers; which when you only have a handful or so in the first place, is desperately upsetting... or something!

The follower in question was Marcus the Greek, who it transpires decided to block both me and Morrissey because his two young children had gotten upset reading the twitter banter that flew around on Friday. As to why any responsible parent would expose their young children to the adult playground of Twitter is beyond me. Marcus was last seen heading, with his children in tow, to see Roy Chubby Brown at Wimbledon Theatre.

I was also blocked yesterday morning by Marcus's former actor friend, Keith from The Office (@EwenMacintosh), who had tweeted to Marcus telling him that he had warned him about engaging with "toxic right wing Morrissey fans". I informed Keith that Marcus HADN'T been engaging with Morrissey fans, he had been engaging with MORRISSEY himself; who incidentally, could hardly be described as 'right-wing'. Keith has obviously decided that Our Mozzer is right-wing based on his anti-EU tweets. I wonder what Keith makes of Dennis Skinner and the many millions of Labour supporters who voted to Leave the EU?

Our Mozzer saw that I had tweeted Keith, and jumped in to ask Keith, "Are you about to eat that dog in your picture? Do you consider him a light snack?"

ewenmacintosh
BIG KEITH WITH A HOT DOG

OM's taunt earned him a block from Keith too, which led Moz to then tweet, "soon I shall be blocked by more people than actually follow me."

I couldn't stay and interact with Our Mozzer in The Wrong Arms yesterday, as I had to go to Winchester to play in a cricket match, but OM carried on tweeting throughout the day, so I shall share his highlights. Before I do, I must add that I find it incredulous that virtually nobody is interacting with OM - are they scared of being ripped to shreds a la Marcus? Why do the likes of Heather, EARS, GWO, Chucky Orange, JG, MerryAnne etc not converse with him anymore? MORRISSEY IS ON TWITTER, IS ACCESSIBLE TO ALL, AND IS TWEETING LIKE A MODERN DAY OSCAR WILDE - WHAT MORE COULD ANYONE WISH FOR? Am I the only one who realises just how lucky we are? Morrissey fans are ignoring or even BLOCKING their hero - You couldn't make this up!



OM'S TWITTER HIGHLIGHTS FROM SATURDAY:

"New List of the Atrocious
1. @PapaSonsFilm
2. Anyone who is following or has not been blocked by @PapaSonsFilm
3. Mike Joyce
4. Anyone who hasn't yet commented on yesterday's FTM.
5. @TheRatsBack
6. There is no number 6. Yet..."

"If there were to be more that 12 readers I would start my own blog."

When @LizzyCatMoz pointed out that there actually had been more than 12 followers, and that he had started his own blog, OM replied, "I meant another one. MW did loose (sic) it's way slightly."

(Ed - Our Mozzer has a short memory, MorrisseysWorld DIDN'T lose it's way, he deleted it by mistake!)

In response to Lizzy asking if someone else tweets on his behalf, "Boz took over the account yesterday. I heard he was on fine form. The c**t."


BOZ BOORER - C**T

In response to Mrs Marcus the Greek (@VictoriaMarkou) tweet, "My family (with small children) saw and was upset by the nasty comments. My 11 year old blocked you - it cheered him up", "Anything would cheer up the poor sod, after being forced to watch Papadopoulos & Sons on repeat each day." Ouchity, ouch, ouch.

Mrs Marcus tried to fight back, tweeting, "Let's just hope he never finds 'The List of the Lost' among his father's possessions", to which Morrissey replied, "As long as his father has paid for the book, he can do what the hell he likes to it. It's not my concern."

"6. @VictoriaMarkou"

In response to the above, Mrs Marcus tweeted, "I'm glad I've made your list. You are in my top 5 of pop stars growing old ungracefully", to which OM replied, "A badge of honour."

MRS MARCUS

If Twitter had been around in the 1890s, this is surely how Oscar would have passed those hazy, drunken days and nights in his dingy Parisian hotel... if it had free Wi-Fi.



In response to a tweeter called @JonStuthers asking, "Since I would be unlikely to attempt to ask  such a silly question in person, can I ask which is your favourite Doctor Who?", to which OM replied, "Peter Cushing." I don't know who Jon Struthers is, but the fact that he is one of the very few people who realises he is in the presence of the real Morrissey is to his credit, and old Stuthers managed to achieve something that none of the BRS members was able to do two weeks ago, get Morrissey to answer a question... a shit question at that!


PETER CUSHING AS DOCTOR WHO IN 1965 - MORRISSEY'S FAVOURITE

"I exist in a void of nothingness. It's where I am at home. Nothingness consumes my existence."

"Old men battered and rattled by life's cruel contours are my soul"

"Find me in Manchester amongst the crime, grime, and slime"

OM also interacted with Kerry the Cocktail, but as she is yet another who has blocked me, I am unable to read her tweets, so have no idea what the conversation was about. Mozzer sloped out of The Arms just before 11pm.

Here are a couple of OM's tweets that I missed from Friday, including an interaction with the aforementioned Jon Struthers:

In response to Struthers tweeting, "Apparently @BRSChairman is Morrissey. I'd have thought he had better things to do", "So would I alas here I am talking to you. A waste of matter and time"

"I'm off to have several vodkas and post on TTY. Goodbye."

OM added to the above tweet this afternoon, by tweeting, "By post I mean a copy and paste job. I'm far too busy for a vodka tirade these days." This was no doubt added due to a new copy & paste TTY article that appeared earlier today entitled 'Hope'.

It was very un-Moz like to write "loose" yesterday instead of "lose", so today I pointed it out by tweeting, ""loose"? Have you been tweeting under the influence again?", to which OM replied, "I am never not under the influence. You must have heard the rumours?"




Here are the rest of OM's twitter highlights from earlier today:

"@VictoriaMarkou I noticed you have not blocked me. Is the entertainment more important than family ties?'

In response to the hash tag, 6yearsof1D, "Just shows how far you can get with no talent but with flexible lips."

"Currently creating my pre-show montage. I do hope you are ready for thirty minutes of dirge and delight." 

"Please ignore last tweet. I have decided to use the pre-show montage from 2013 as this did not get much airing."

And finally, Our Mozzer pulled me into the toilets of The Wrong Arms on Friday to tell me that the twitter account, @MundaneGlamour is nothing to do with him.


Friday, 22 July 2016

Day 1873 - Guess who's back?

Our Mozzer has today made a triumphant and humorously vicious return to The Wrong Arms, but more about that later. First, I must write what I intended to write before he suddenly appeared.

On the evening of July 21st 2012, an article was published on the now defunct MorrisseysWorld blog entitled, 'Leaked minutes of a private meeting of the inner sanctum of the Blue Rose Society of Morrissey, private tea room, The Dorchester Hotel, London, England, Date: unknown.'

I mentioned the MW article in my blog entry of July 22nd 2012, but I didn't bother to republish the piece on FTM, as all of my readers were also MorrisseysWorld readers, so they would have already read it. Luckily I kept a copy of it, so four years on, I have decided to publish it in its full glory.

In the piece, Log Lady proclaims that, "in the strangest of circumstances, he (Morrissey) will be be photographed with a blue rose soon". Unbeknown to any of us Moz fans at that time, earlier that same day, Morrissey had been photographed receiving the key to the city of Tel Aviv whilst wearing a BLUE ROSE TIE. The photos of Moz in the tie appeared on the internet the following day. Log Lady KNEW!




SATURDAY, 21 JULY 2012

Leaked minutes of a private meeting of the inner sanctum of the Blue Rose Society of Morrissey, private tea room, The Dorchester Hotel, London, England. Date: unknown.


Blue Rose Society member Andrea Willoughby - pre-concert San Diego, May 22nd 2012

Present:
The seminal artiste Our Mozzer - iconic singer, songwriter, cultural observer
The seminal artise's Mam - Mam of seminal artiste
Mikey Bracewell - former novelist
Jonathan Ross - talkshow host, fawning fan of seminal artiste
Boz Boorer - guitarist in seminal artiste's band, semi-professional drag artist
TheRatsBack - fawning blogger, official historian of The Blue Rose Society
Walter Ego - alter ego of semi-respected journalist and notorious internet troll
Log Lady - retired ballroom dance instructor with clairvoyant log and untreated illness

Apologies:
Russell Brand - 'better things to do, but don't tell Mozzer'
Jesse Tobias - 'visa issues, I miss these meeting and be sad'



Our Mozzer: Typical Russell. Not even bright enough to lie. Let's have Walter Ego on minute-taking duties; it would be a mistake not to take full advantage of Mikey's strategic thinking capabilities when we have a much more suitable candidate for the lesser role of minute-taking among us this afternoon-

Mikey Bracewell: [smiles thinly]

Walter Ego: [licks his lips]

Our Mozzer: Now, first things first. My guests and friends - is the ambience of this little tea room up to your usual standards?

Jonathan Ross: Yes Mozzer - it's lovely, this. Very comfortable, and I love the nibbles!

Mikey Bracewell: I quite agree, Jonathan. Yes, this will do nicely.

Boz Boorer: Oh this is just top drawer, first class-

Our Mozzer: -I was actually asking the famous end of the table, Boz. I realise it's difficult for you, functioning, as you do, as a breakwater between the famous few over here [the artiste points to himself, Wossy and Mikey] and those over yonder [points at the others but makes no eye contact], but do try to focus, old son. At your level it's about being seen and not heard, thrilled at being seated a little closer to this end than to that one. [dismissive wave of the hand] Anyone for a rich tea?

Boz Boorer: [motions to speak, looks sad, rubs his belly]

Jonathan Ross: I'd love a rich tea to dunk in my tea, Mowwissey.

Mikey Bracewell: Don't mind if I do, Morr-ee-say.

TRB: I'd love a rich tea.

Our Mozzer: Did somebody just speak?

TRB: Brilliant parody, truly brilliant. But of course they just won't realise the genius of it all, won't see it, won't comprehend the way you're mocking us only to show you're really not like that at all. It's truly brilliant, Morrissey-

Our Mozzer: -Boz ask those at the other end to remain silent until or unless addressed. All the extraneous noise is getting on the old nerves.

TRB: [smiles and nods, appears thrilled]

Boz Boorer: Yes, sir? I'm right here sir. And I'm going to tell them right now, sir. [stands up looking solemn] Those of you at this end, please understand Morr-ee-say is under intense pressure to save the English pop scene from ruin. We can't disturb him unnecessarily. The non-VIP guests will need to keep schtum-

Our Mozzer: -[mutters]Until or unless I address them [rubs head, sighs]

Boz Boorer: Until or unless [Boz points towards the seminal artiste]

Our Mozzer: -I address them. [rolls eyes, gazes at a photograph of Morrissey circa 1994 in jeans and jacket, which adorns the wall]

Boz Boorer: Until or unless I address them-

Our Mozzer: -Oh for F*CK's sake. Mikey?

TRB: [laughs out loud, snickers and nudges Walter Ego, who scowls]

Mikey Bracewell: [standing up, comforting the artiste] I think what Boz is trying to say is that you should remain unobtrusive until or unless the artiste addresses you-

Our Mozzer: -Thank God for basic literacy.

Mam: [rolls her eyes, continues knitting]

*********an uncomfortable silence permeates the room as the artiste stares at Walter Ego but Walter Ego doesn't notice***********

Our Mozzer: [moves his glassy stare to Mikey Bracewell, grimaces, sticks his tongue in his cheek and looks directly at Walter Ego, who has just looked up]

Mikey Bracewell: Walter, I think the seminal artiste is a tadconcerned by your lack of documentation. You've stopped writing-

Walter Ego: [blinking nervously, rubbing his earlobe] I only stopped when he-

Our Mozzer: [clears his throat]

Walter Ego: -Sorry, I Only stopped when the artiste Morr-ee-say stopped speaking.

Our Mozzer: [rolls his eyes, gazes into the ether]

Mikey Bracewell: I think you'll find that when Morr-ee-say isn't saying anything, he is saying more than many who are speaking.

Our Mozzer: [looks humble, juts out his jaw]

Jonathan Ross: Yes especially when it's Russell Brand that's speaking, Mikey! Agggh..!

Mam: [titters, smiles warmly at Jonathan]

Mikey Bracewell: During a moment like this, one might, for example gaze at the artiste and try to suppose what he might be thinking or perhaps just summarise his mood with a Morrissey solo lyric or-

Our Mozzer: -Years of Refusal lyric, I think you mean, Mikey-

Mikey Bracewell: Yes, a Years of Refusal lyric, or perhaps you might simply document the motion of his fingers or the way the air moves around him, full of whimsy. At this moment, for example, one might gaze upon the artiste and write... Oh I don't know... [gazes at the iconic star's profile]



Mikey Bracewell: As though a day had scarcely passed since 1984, Morr-ee-say's quiff stood resplendent, seeming to bristle with vigor.

Our Mozzer: [looks humble, juts out his jaw]

Boz Boorer: Did you know, Old Mozzer was compared to the poet Larkin by a noted Scottish academic, Mikey?

Mikey Bracewell: [raises his eyebrows and smiles out of narrowing eyes]

Our Mozzer: If I am going to become the new Justin Bieber for a middle aged, middle class and middle brow audience, I'm going to need to get a ruddy, bloody move-on. That b**tard's gaining more followers per hour than I have in total. I'm simply not catching up in the anticipated fashion.

Jonathan Ross: Why not just admit you are MorrisseysWorld, after all, Moz? I'd imagine you'd have more followers than me within a couple of months...

Our Mozzer: Too brazen, too consumerist. No, I don't wish to be a whore about it-

Mikey Bracewell: Would a fifth denial seem a little, you know, incredulous?

Boz Boorer: Does that mean the same as desperate?

Our Mozzer: [laughs, shakes his head] Yes it would seem rather incredulous Mikey, perhaps even desperate, as Boz unwittingly implied...

Mikey Bracewell: Well that's a 'no' then, I imagine Morr-ee-say; we're hardly in 'Maladjusted' territory just yet. You wouldn't want to do anything that could give the entirely misleading impression that you're desperate-

Our Mozzer: -Well, let's not rule anything out just yet.

Boz Boorer: Why don't I deny it, sir? That would attract publicity without making everyone realise just how desperate you are-

Mikey Bracewell: -Steady on there, Boz.

Our Mozzer: Make it so, Boz.



Jonathan Ross: How about [opens his eyes wide and speaks like a talking teddy bear] a celebwity endorsement, Mozzer? [grins inanely]

Our Mozzer: Don't be churlish, Jonathan.

Mikey Bracewell: I just can't fathom the lack of interest, Morr-ee-say. The two symbols of MorrisseysWorld were the white and red rose and you have gone to great lengths only to accept red and white roses for many months since this all began. You've fulfilled all the blog's pledges. You even wore a shirt with a blue rose on it for your birthday. What more could one possibly do?

Our Mozzer: Pop listeners aren't terribly bright, you know - not a lot up top. Perhaps if I were to go classical for an album or two, someone might actually figure out who's behind the blog and twitter thing and, well, propel me to global stardom and an arena tour, perhaps a fly-on-the-wall live documentary film, 25 million twitter followers, if not a duet with Ludacris-

Boz Boorer: Yes but you wouldn't get a date with Selena Gomez, sir. You're too old for her!

Our Mozzer: [slowly licks his upper lip] What did you just say, Martin?

Boz Boorer: Well she's into much younger men, if you know what I mean - nudge, nudge, wink, wink, sir [grins fulsomely] - wouldn't be interested in a man his early-mid 40s, Morr-ee-say... [gives an earnest smile]

Our Mozzer: [sighs restlessly, rubs his brow]

Log Lady: My log wants to speak. My log says: "the strange forces behind this blog which foresaw the white rose would turn red when the blood runs are speaking to me once again-




Our Mozzer: [rolls his eyes, stares out of the window]

Log Lady: They are telling me a blue rose will appear. A long stalk. To audience left. In an Italian city, during a theft. But oh... wait.. oh Morrissey will NOT take this gift. But in the strangest of circumstances he WILL be photographed with a blue rose soon. Yes, the bucket cries. The photograph emerges. People laughing and smiling, a child cries. Lizards, I see lizards. BLUE ROSE WILL BE FULFILLED.


Our Mozzer: [sighs, fiddles with his jacket]

Boz Boorer: Well Log Lady was right about a lot of things, I think her log might be sentient, Mozzer.

TRB: [laughs, looks around at the stony faces, scratches his head]

Our Mozzer: It's not the only useless lump in the room that's been carried for quite a while, Boz... [looks serious]

Mikey Bracewell: [smirks and sips his tea with pinkie extended]

Jonathan Ross: Maybe some more of the old shirt-removal antics would help to give your new media career a bit of a kick, Mozzer. [looks deadpan]

Our Mozzer: You think a more erotic element might bring the frustrated middle class to my blog, Jonathan? It's a fascinating idea. The old frinksters, you know - they're a committed bunch. That particular part of Morrissey-Solo is the only part I can recommend. I don't go there myself, of course, but that frinking thread has provided erotic assistance for quite literally thousands of men and women around the world. This well-maintained old thing [flicks his fingers down his torso] continues to weave its spell in the hearts of many. Boz keeps up to date with my frinking community. How many hits on the frinking thread as of, oh, let's say... right now, Boz?

Boz Boorer: two million, three hundred and forty thousand, five hundred and two, sir. [blinks a bit]

Our Mozzer: Are you quite sure, Boz? I could have sworn Julia said we'd gone through the two million four hundred thousand mark a week ago...? [looks suspicious, eyes close slightly]

Boz Boorer: [looks at the floor, lifts his toe off the floor and moves it around in a circle] Well sir, maybe I got confused with me numbers, sir. I've never been much cop with the old arithmetic, sir.

Our Mozzer: What was the number you gave me a moment ago, Boz? Quick Boz - no dilly-dallying!

Boz Boorer: [looks worried, goes red, puffs out his cheeks] Well, sir, errrrm-

Our Mozzer: -Boz this won't do. How can I trust you to play guitar, perform competently as a semi-professional drag artist and of course butler for me when I can't even trust you to keep abreast of my frinking statistics? I don't expect linear regression analysis or p-values old son, but a simple figure would be terribly helpful. Some record company executive or other might ask for proof of one's extraordinary enduring appeal; how useful could a few accurate and current frinking figures prove to be? Boz this is a serious business. You'll need to up your game if you want your contract renewed this summer- [surveys the room]

[the artiste snaps his fingers loudly]

********Solomon Walker enters the room in swimwear, carrying a tray**********

Solomon Walker: Permission to speak, sir.

Our Mozzer: Granted.

Solomon Walker: Shop-warm Co-Op pain-au-raisin, sir...



Our Mozzer: Thank you, Matt.

Mikey Bracewell: You spoil us Morr-ee-say [picking up one of the pastries]. Now back to this eroticism. I do think it might work, Morr-ee-say - perhaps a few pictures of shirtless exclusively male pop stars whom people of both genders find unmistakably attractive...

Our Mozzer: Of all genders.

Mikey Bracewell: Yes indeed.

Boz Boorer: Yes, like Fazer from N-Dubz, and Robbie Williams, and Justin Bieber, and Shiva from The Wanted, and Fazer from N-Dubs, and 50 Cent, and Fazer from N-Dubz, and Will Young-

Our Mozzer: [glowers at Boz Boorer]

Boz Boorer: -Did I say Will Young? I meant Paul Young, sir...

Our Mozzer: I'm not opposed. Let's try it. Lots of shirtless males. Let's up the ante...

Boz Boorer: But more shirtless pics of you than the other less iconic singers of course, sir.

Our Mozzer: The frinksters wouldn't have it any other way...

Jonathan Ross: I'm man enough to admit my wife's a registered frinkster! [laughs boyishly]

Our Mozzer: [looks through Wossy then smirks and taps his fingers on the table]

Mikey Bracewell: Would you like the flesh just gratuitously featured, Morr-ee-say?

Our Mozzer: Absolutely - it all adds to that enigmatic otherness factor. Shows this old warrior still has what it takes. Shows Kitty Empire was right - the old body can measure up under the tightest scrutiny, in the rarefied air of this pop industry I find myself trapped in- [the artist emphasises the 'p' of trapped, sighs and then gazes into space, hand on chin with a plaintive look and lips parted]

Mikey Bracewell: So just lots of shirtless pics for your fans to view with some other similarly attractive but less appealing male singers interwoven?

Our Mozzer: Yes. My guess is that viewing figures will simply go through the roof. People won't be able to stay away. Just create a new thread called Morrissey's Frinking Community.

Boz Boorer: Very clever, sir. You might be able to steal the so-low traffic-

Our Mozzer: [raising an eyebrow] Very good, Boz. Perhaps Walter Ego can post links around the so-low place and some fraudulent links, which look like so-low links but when you click them... [points at himself, nodding arrogantly]

Walter Ego: [nods, looks bewildered, licks his nose]

Mikey Bracewell: Yes I'll list the MorrisseysWorld email address and we'll update the frinking section regularly, perhaps make it a regular feature whereby frinksters can submit shirtless pictures of Morr-ee-say and lesser male singers to Morrissey1959@hotmail.co.uk and we can arrange them into a coherent piece of art - something entirely post-modern.

Our Mozzer: For erotic assistance purposes, of course-

Mikey Bracewell: Principally yes, but going beyond that and transforming the piece into an ironic commentary on male beauty itself.

TRB: Brilliant! Brilliant!

Our Mozzer: [strokes his chin] Just who are you again?

TRB: I'm The Rat from FollowingTheMozziah, Morr-ee-say![laughs, gazes around the room]

Our Mozzer: Well that was a poor choice of words, old son. Brilliant? No. Mesmerising? Yes. Which university did you attend again?

TRB: University of life, department of pop music!

Our Mozzer: Oh - the Rat - are you the one who posts all those anonymous messages on my blog thing to create the misleading impression that there are actually people genuinely interested in the whole MorrisseysWorld phenomenon?

TRB: How did you know that?

Our Mozzer: That's not important. What is important is that you register a few more - lovestruck young women and men, desperate to see more of this well-kept torso.

TRB: [laughing] Very good, Morr-ee-say!

Our Mozzer: With all these shirtless pics of myself and lesser sex symbols, I want at least three hundred comments. Anything less would be an abject failure. Can it be done?

TRB: [nods} Oh yes Morrissey - I'll help you out, old son!

Walter Ego: [frowns, picks his nose]

Jonathan Ross: Count me in, Mozzer! I'll email Wussell Bwand too, see if we can't wope him in.

Our Mozzer: The Blue Rose Society hash tag on twitter was a good idea too, Mam - twitter nobodies will be clambering to know more about the fascinating secrets of the society and ought, as natural as rain, to be drawn towards my blog thing.

Mam: Your green carnation, Steven. By the way, Supermarket Sweep will be on soon on Sky-

Our Mozzer: -Say no more.

Mikey Bracewell: Is it too early to divulge the secret of the Blue Rose Society, Morr-ee-say?

Our Mozzer: [forms a ring with his thumb and finger and puts his other three fingers in the air] The time is almost upon us, Mikey. My World is coming slowly into view-





<


And now for that visit of Our Mozzer's to The Wrong Arms. He first appeared at lunchtime today, and posted the following tweets:

"Are you all awake? I sense a prediction."

"After careful consideration I would like to ban the following people/accounts, from bringing roses to my concerts.
1. Mike Joyce
2. @TheRatsBack"

What a cunt! Earlier in the morning, I had taken delivery of a box of top(ish) quality 'artificial silk foam roses', and had posted a photo of them. OM had obviously seen it.




It is also another blow to poor old Joyce, who only two weeks ago suffered the humiliation of having a Smiths fan tell him that the guy on stage performing with the Last Shadow Puppets during Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me, was Johnny Marr. The fan had NO IDEA who Joyce was. Joyce is the forgotten man of 80s indie pop.

Our Mozzer appeared again after lunch and really went to town, with poor Marcus the Greek getting both barrels... and some! In reply to me asking if Nobody Loves Us would be played on the upcoming tour, I received a simple, "No." Oh well.

OM decided to add @PapaSonsFilm to the list of those banned from bringing roses. When I pointed out that Marcus was just a BRS bit-player who hadn't actually taken a rose since 2012, OM added, "and to make matters worse he was ardently pro-EU." Marcus tried to ridiculously argue that Brexit was the work of the Rothschild family, to which OM replied, "oh do shut up you inescapable bore", and then added, "cry baby. Haven't you got a film to pretend to write or a child to rear?" Ouch!.... God, it's good to have him back!

Poor Marcus failed to realise that he was beaten, and tried to fight back, but OM was on top form, and in this mood was always going to be too good a match for anyone, let alone a one-flop wonder film director. OM laid further into Marcus by saying, "You post incessant nonsense that just appears everywhere. Unlike your film", before then adding, "I would urge you to let the talent out but I don't like to give false hope." Double Ouch!

Marcus finally realised that he was defeated, and whimpered, "hurt people hurt people", to which OM replied, "is that why you released a film? I'd rather watch the life story of Mike Joyce where Joyce is played by Marr." Marcus was crushed, and replied that, "art is a passion", to which OM cruelly taunted, "Well when you produce something with passion instead of a five minute hatchet job...". Triple ouch!

Poor Marcus kept trying to come back, but each time he was dumped back on the canvas. When Marcus told OM that he was in need of love, OM hit him with, "and you are in need of talent. Love is easy to find. Talent doesn't spring from taps." It was starting to become Wilde-esque, and there was plenty more to come. I won't bother with Marcus's comments, but here are some of OM's put downs:

"I did put your film on but swiftly fell into a slumber. Still at least I didn't need the pills that night."

"I think you're confused. Or just simple. I'll go with simple. Intellect of a newt. Or Cheryl Cole."

"Oh you have a degree and that makes you entitled to an opinion? The establishment rules the minds."

"It has been like talking to Michael Bay. Now sod off and touch yourself over the EU flag."

"Oscar had genuine wit to talk to. I just have you, you dilettante."

"The only thing you intrigue is my itch to be a murderer."

"I would pound at your central zone but you don't look like you've washed in seven years"

"Oh the ineptitude of the small minded and barren hearted"

"Updated List of the Atrocious
1. @PapaSonsFilm
2. Anyone following @PapasonsFilm
3. Mike Joyce
4. @TheRatsBack"

There was even more mocking of Marcus, but I am running out of time to write anymore, as I have a cricket match to go and play in. In the end, Marcus ended up accusing me of being OM. I took it as a compliment. Poor Marcus.

In response to me tweeting that I would soon be publishing a MorrisseysWorld classic, OM tweeted, "All writing from the MW blog is my own intellectual property and should not be republished anywhere or I shall get the lawyers involved." Pah!

When I mentioned that I was wetting myself with laughter, LizzyCat suggested man-sized nappies, to which OM replied, "there is nothing mansized about rat. Hair of new born baby and the genitals of one."

When Boy George tweeted that a Culture Club tour with The Smiths would be the hottest ticket it town, OM replied, "keep dreaming you hat wearing hack." George replied, "I'd send you a shit sandwich but I know you hate bread!", to which OM retorted, "so you'd send me your last album? I've no space dear." Ouchity ouch!

OM signed off by tweeting, "Broken has been seen, He was dictating a meaningless parody to some admin bods earlier. With no where to publish...Why bother?" Eyes now peeled on this blog of mine.

Also appearing in The Wrong Arms yesterday, was the tweeter, @MundaneGlamour. I first mentioned MG when she/he first arrived on January 2nd this year. I spent a few days pondering as to whether or not MG was a Morrissey pessoa. Kerry the Cocktail and MerryAnne were convinced it was, but I dismissed it as a fake. As soon as the account disappeared, Mademoiselle Fifi suddenly appeared, which then made me think I had probably been wrong. I don't have the time to report on MG's tweets now, but I have a feeling that I will be blogging quite a lot from here on in.

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