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Friday, 19 May 2017

Day 2173 - Quiescent phase

Following the publishing of my previous blog entry early on Wednesday afternoon, in which I had written that Morrissey seemed to have a complete lack of time awareness, he took to Twitter at 5.23pm (9.23am LA time) on Wednesday as Morfessa, and tweeted:

"Good after-evening."
Image result for morrissey in bed cards

I replied to the above tweet with, "Good grief! Open the curtains", and got the reply, "I'm a seminal artiste. I have not touched a pair of curtains since 1994."


I suggested to Morrissey that he get the maid in to open the curtains, or indeed the "towel wafter", and got the response, "You are deluded."

I'm not quite sure why he called me deluded - I obviously know that I am deluded, but just not quite sure why I was called deluded in this particular context. Does Mozzer's personal assistant, Damon 'towel wafter' Anacreonte not do curtain opening? Is it a job too far?
Image result for damon anacreonte

That was all we saw of Mozzer in the public bar of The Wrong Arms on Wednesday, although I did get a private audience later in the evening, where I was told, "Another classic MW parody to be published. In fact, this is quite possibly my favourite. "My quiescent phase". I will publish once FTM Day 2171 gets 50 comments. I feel this is deserving of your work and effort."

I am pretty sure that the piece Morr-ee-say is referring to is 'The Morrissey World Order', which was an epic piece published on the old MorrisseysWorld blog in January 2013 (as reported on here - Day 485 of FTM).

Yesterday morning, I tweeted to my very few followers that we needed to post 50 comments on Day 2171 of FTM. By early afternoon we had reached 42, but then Our Mozzer returned to The Arms (at 1.41pm - 5.41am LA time!!!) using his @AlfsButton account, and tweeted:

"50 comments is too low for the artistic genius you will receive. I now wish to see 75 comments. Each comment over 100 words. If I am not happy with the comments that are left then I'm afraid the journey will be over. No pressure. No pressure at all"

I responded to the above by tweeting, "And at 75 it becomes 100. We've been here before", to which OM replied, "You sound negative. Life is cyclical. You are warned. My patience is currently running close to nadir."

Image result for morrissey staring

OM's only other tweet of yesterday was in reply to a question posted to Morfessa by one of the 'silly women', LizzyCatMoz, who asked, "Why do you keep in contact with an unpleasant and divisive person like Rat?". Moz replied, "I find him to be more entertaining than the usual suspects I see here."

Those words mean a lot to me, but of course the likes of: Lizzy, Gob, MerryAnne, Rosy Mires, Still.I.Cling, Marcus and Chuck just don't get it. Instead of accepting that they have got things all wrong, and instead of questioning their own prejudices, they instead block the various Morrissey Twitter accounts, convince themselves that it wasn't Moz after all, blame me, and then walk away. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, it really is quite bizarre behaviour.

As for the 75 comments of over 100 words each, well, it just didn't happen, although I am pleased to report that one of the 10 people who did leave comment was Loughton Lil, who after a lengthy absence, has returned to the fold.

Will we get the MW classic from the quiescent phase despite our failure? I guess that depends on the moody blogger's mood. And as we now seem to be in another quiescent phase, could there be some new parody pieces on the horizon? Our numbers may be few, but we live in hope.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Day 2171 - "At my worst I am Morrissey"

In my last blog entry I wrote that Morfessa had taken to Twitter yesterday to post a comment about Ian Brady. Morfessa returned to Twitter a few hours later to tweet some more, but this time with the new Twitter name of...... Morrissey!
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No one will of course believe that this is the real Morrissey, but that is neither here nor there. Here are  Morrissey's highlights from yesterday:

"My Finger Nails Collect the World's Problems." (Ed - This is supposedly the title of an unpublished Morrissey song that was first mentioned on Day 472 of FTM, with the lyrics (wrongly) published on Day 859 & correctly published on Day 860)

"Interaction is overrated."

"My magnanimity will be unheard, whereas my obstreperously will be renowned."

"A man thinking or working is always alone..."

"I could take a personal portrait and post onto here. Still no one would believe."

"Perhaps a personal portrait would be humorous this late on in the game?"

Image result for morrissey robbie williams

"I am at your disposal. All four of you."

In reply to Heather tweeting, "Imagine the hordes if there was a blue tick":

"I'd still be terribly misunderstood. When I'm kind, I'm called dull; when I'm dull, I'm called awkward; when I'm playful I'm called cruel; and when I'm cruel I'm called witty."

"I have proven honesty in popular music gets you nowhere."

I replied to that last tweet with, "Nowhere? Hardly nowhere", to which Morrissey came back with:

"Well, I'm still here. Here in my bedsit whiling away lonely afternoons on Twitter."

It struck me as strange that Mozzer had tweeted, "afternoons" as it was 7.55 in the evening, but an explanation (of sorts) came in the next tweet:

"When I say bedsit... The Sunset Marquis has gone downhill slightly in recent decades."

Image result for sunset marquis

If that tweet about the Sunset Marquis is to be believed, then Morrissey is currently in LA, which would explain why he tweeted "afternoons".... although as a matter of fact, Morrissey's tweeting session of yesterday would have taken place between 6.15am and 11.59am LA time, and NOT in the afternoon. Maybe M's latest bout of depression has resulted in a complete lack of time awareness!

As Morrissey's mood appeared to still be somewhat somber, I asked him, "When will you be starting the, "live more and care less" regime?", to which he replied, "Regime? Am I Stalin?". When I retorted that, "there are definitely similarities", I was met with a single word response: "C**T!!"

Image result for MOZZIAH STALIN

Morrissey returned again at 2.17pm LA time to tweet:

"At my best I am a mature Robbie Williams impersonator, at my worst I am Morrissey."
Image result for morrissey robbie williams

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Day 2170 - Lifting

Morrissey (as @TrueMorfessa) took to Twitter earlier today to comment on the death of Moors Murderer, Ian Brady:

"Ian Brady will never die. The establishment like to keep the evil alive to distract us from the actual evils."

Since the announcement of Brady's death late yesterday, the Smiths song Suffer Little Children has had thousands of views on Youtube, and as I listened to it this morning, I was once again reminded; as if I needed reminding, of the song writing genius of Morrissey. How many other song writers have ever written a poetic and chilling song from the view point of a group of murdered children. The lyrics truly are poetry.

Morfessa also took to Twitter yesterday evening. Here are the highlights:

"The utter gloom is lifting. Thank you for your kind words."

"The queen of England has spent over half a century speaking but has said nothing her entire life."

Image result for queen elizabeth fur

"You may all admire me from a distance."

"I'm a delicate flower."

"My irritability is my genius."

"My creativity is my burden."

In reply to Heather tweeting how boring life would be without Morrissey's creativity: "At least you'd have Rihanna."


In reply to EARS tweeting that she hates to think of Morrissey being burdened: "Think of me on my yacht drinking pina coladas then instead."
Image result for alain delon on yacht

"Sanity is unbearable."

"The truth, well that's unbelievable."

In other news.....well, there is no other news.

Sunday, 14 May 2017

Day 2168 - Black Cloud

All remains quiet on the Moz front, as presumably the black cloud continues to engulf The Mozziah.
The only sign of life was on Thursday, when both Morfessa and Alf took to Twitter to post one tweet each:

Morfessa: "The slippery spiral goes viral."

Alf: "Life will kick you, continue kicking you, change shoes and keep on kicking."

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Day 2163 - "Fuck John Giddings"

Both Morfessa and Alf Button took to Twitter yesterday to make brief statements. Morfessa posted a response to my blog post of yesterday with a simple, "Fuck John Giddings", whilst Alf's first  tweet in a month was, "Staining the wind with my own name. Whisper it for loudness wakes the ghosts of past regrets." As to whether Alf's tweet was also related to the Isle of Wight Festival non-event of 2005, I really cannot say.

Image result for morrissey fuck

Something that did suddenly strike me yesterday; as I quietly fumed with annoyance at Giddings unnecessarily opening up an old wound, was that if the real reason that Morrissey did pull out of the IW Festival of 2005 was because he had parted ways with Deano the drummer, then what on earth did Giddings expect Morrissey to do? Giddings can't honestly have expected Morrissey to find a new drummer with two weeks notice, and the offer of Phil Collins was a joke. Did Giddings offer the Rolling Stones Mike Rutherford as a replacement for Keith Richards when he fell out of that coconut tree? No, because tour promotors/festival organisers DON'T dictate to artists who should, or who shouldn't be in their bands. Double tosser.

Image result for morrissey fuck

I really wish I hadn't written yesterday's blog piece, it is old news, and Mozzer would have probably remained blissfully unaware that Giddings is still brooding twelve years later. Morrissey doesn't need Giddings or the Isle of Wight festival, he has played every major venue in the world, and Giddings's replica IW Festival is not a box that needs ticking.

Morfessa has informed me that the current mood is somewhat somber, but hopefully Morrissey can lift himself soon, and act upon his own words, "to care less and to live more." He ought to take up cricket....or perhaps not.

Monday, 8 May 2017

Day 2162 - Tossing around

The owner of the Isle of Wight Festival, John Giddings, has given an interview to over the weekend, in which he was asked about potential headliners for 2018. Part of his answer included the following:

"The Smiths- they really want to come! They phoned up actually! Remember when Morrissey pulled out because he didn't have a drummer? I offered him Phil Collins. He's a tosser. He is never welcome at the Isle of Wight."

Two questions immediately spring to mind:
A) Have Morrissey & Marr really discussed reforming to play the IW Festival?
B) Who made that phone call to Giddings to say that the Smiths wanted to play?

Photo published for Interview: John Giddings

I am not surprised by Giddings's comment about Morrissey, he was absolutely fuming after it was announced just two weeks before the 2005 festival that Moz wouldn't be playing, but what sort of businessman/music fan would turn down the opportunity of having a reuniting Smiths at their festival? I guess the answer to that - if the story is true - is a businessman/music fan who really, really cannot forgive what happened in 2005.

Ironically, I had asked Morrissey in an interview a couple of weeks ago if he would ever play the IW Festival, and he replied, "I will not play the Isle of Wight. Unless...". Perhaps the "unless" is, 'unless John Giddings has a change of heart.'

Morrissey and John Giddings are both very similar in many ways, and I have no doubt in my mind that if they were to actually meet, they would get on, and all would be forgiven, but because they are so similar, it is hard to see how such a meeting could ever take place.
Image result for morrissey

As for Morrissey never being welcome at the Isle of Wight, well perhaps not the Isle of Wight Festival, but there are other places on the Island that I am sure he would be more than welcome. Carisbrooke Castle - a venue that I have mentioned before in this blog of mine, and a place played by both Madness and Paul Weller - would be an ideal place for Moz or The Smiths to play.

For the record, the Isle of Wight Festival in its current format was only created in 2003, and has no affiliation whatsoever to the original Isle of Wight Festivals of 1968 (Godshill), 1969 (Wootton) or the infamous 1970 (Freshwater) ones. Giddings has managed to sign some very big name headliners (REM, Bowie, Rolling Stones, Springsteen etc) for his IW Festival in Newport by telling them that they are following in the footsteps of legends such as Bolan, Dylan, and Hendrix, but that is all a big HOAX, because NONE of the aforementioned artists played at Giddings's version of the Isle of Wight Festival. And did he really offer Morrissey Phil Collins, or was it just a looky likey from the Isle of Wight that he knew at the time? Tosser.


In a Twitter exchange between @UpThePier and @IOWFestivalFans (the author of the Giddings interview) this morning, IOWFestivalFans have said that Giddings comment about the Smiths wanting to play the festival was, "a joke", but confirmed that he Giddings wasn't joking about Morrissey being a tosser and not being welcome at the festival. The IOWFestivalFans guy (Luke Joynes?) also added, "Morrissey pulled out last minute because he had no drummer, John offered him one of the best in the world." How does he KNOW this? He has obviously decided to accept Giddings version of events as the truth without question. Tosser.


Giddings has retweeted the tweet about the drummer offer.

Even if not having a drummer was the real reason for the late cancellation, how could Morrissey seriously have had Phil Collins drumming for him? He isn't Eric Clapton. Tosser.

Friday, 5 May 2017

Day 2159 - Bieber discovers the Smiths, more MW classics & words from Dawn

The MorrisseysWorld blog once pledged that Morrissey would wear a Justin Bieber t-shirt - for ironic purposes. It remains the only pledge from the MW blog not to have been fulfilled.

In a twist of fate, yesterday a photo emerged of Justin Bieber wearing a Smiths t-shirt.


The Morrissey pessoa, Broken, always said that it was just a matter of time before Bieber discovered Morrissey and the Smiths. In fact, Broken's Twitter profile back in 2014 read:

'A boy Belieber. I believe Justin has talent and will in a few years discover The Smiths. He will be the new Morrissey/David Bowie. Watch this space.'

Bieber has been a constant theme throughout the MorrisseysWorld journey; mainly because Broken had a huge crush on him, but I too made a rather bizarre and off the wall connection between Morrissey and Bieber, that involved Jean Cocteau and the Priory of Sion.

Those days and nights of Broken posting endless photos of a topless Bieber on Twitter are still etched on my mind. Broken even made me write a blog entry about Bieber, and forced me to post a 'Justin Bieber Shirtless Special'.

I have a feeling that this isn't the end to the Bieber/Moz connection. Will we see Moz in a Bieber t-shirt? Or could there even be a collaboration? As Broken said, watch this space.

Yesterday afternoon, we rather unexpectedly, and pleasantly, had the return of Morfessa to Twitter. We also had the return of Dawn Mist to the comments section of FTM. To be honest, I can see no difference between Morfessa and Dawn, and now conclude that they are one and the same. I actually think Morfessa only ever appeared on the scene because Dawn forgot her Twitter password!

Morfessa seemed to be in somewhat of a maudlin mood. Here are her tweets:

"I live in 1997."

"Lack of choice. Lack of sophistication."

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Heather was in just as maudlin a mood, and her replies to Morfessa triggered more maudlin comments:

"The future is just as bleak."

"Wanting to escape our own self-loathing?"

"We are trapped. Forced in this disordered society with the insufferable masses."

"Death ends everything."

And here is Dawn's rather poetic offering from yesterday's FTM comments. I'll be honest, I have no idea what she is going on about!:

A new veil for the new rules. The new attire for a new mistress. Mistrust and distrust. Truth and untruth. The lost years are lost only in name only, save yourself the burden of struggle and embrace the lost years with me. The journey of discovery is a discovery of the most personal. Pursue the purview. Years have gone and stored and lodged in the memory of all. The all fall and leave only temporary fragments of their reality. Things have happened and tried to happen again, almost but not quite. As predicted by myself, ourselves, yourself. A bitter pat on the back for us on that count. Our conscious is a metal bird trapped in a suffocating metal bird cage. I am the angel of the park. 

A boy downstairs in a bar rests his head on the chrome, all alone with wet and disgust pouring from every bone. Under a caliginous sky and in vague and ill-defined Cimmerian refines. I am spectacular and you may compare me to a crepuscular. My very nature is nebulous and my mind is obfuscous. I am a sepulchre of stygian, find me if you can stand the tenebrous blurred lines of your own mind. 

I spy with one eye howling dogs bark into the stark dark and see zero return for their efforts. An allegory there we feel. Archives once lost have come to our attention, no need to mutter or mention a thank you. Your thanks is muted as it stands. A personal archive holding treasures not yet seen and not ever to be believed. Do you believe? Will you believe? The taste of the pudding will reveal the answer. Relieved we are to say you can delve in or delve out. We make no recommendation. It is a personal choice. I do not care, do you care? Must I care? I do not care. Leap the lap of personal salvation, your boots so full of miles and sundials, and the journey is treacherous. Leeches remain leeching. Do you dare step from the comfort of the known? You are parasites. Do not feel sad at this revelation and revel in the fact we all are. Even I. The secret keeper of the regret reaper. Parasites of a fake society, knee deep in insects. Confirmers of doubtless and insurmountable woe. Woe and woe. Victim of self hatred and self esteem plummeting through ocean floors. Ocean doors do not open. No visitors in the watery grave. Cruelty over nurture. Poverty of enjoyment is what structures the order of the less ordered. 

When I was young, not that I have ever encountered a happy memory of youth nor an unhappy one, I was a boy where visitations were met with hesitations. I needed comfort and a chest to rest my head instead of the hollow bed. Christmas contentment which never comes is the dream we cling to and the dream we will die by. There is no contentment to be found with malcontent souls. Gratification will never come when we wait for it. Yet still I wait. An opportunity for untold drama and disaster is what I see. Do not forget that discomfort is either a condition of the brain or a condition of the thing less well thought of as a heart. Choosing will tear you apart. I ride in aeroplanes; you cannot find the strength to mount a donkey. Enough about me, tell me about you. I'm bored already. Stop. Stop. I implore you to stop. Please. Please. Please. Stop. 

And whilst I am on the subject of Dawn - our favourite lighthouse keeper - today is the 90th anniversary of the publication of Virginia Woolf's To The Lighthouse.


Yesterday evening, Morfessa took me into the toilets of The Wrong Arms and whispered into my ear, "there are five old MW articles I plan to publish at some point today."

Nothing appeared yesterday, but this morning Dawn (Ed - I said they were the same person!) has republished the 5 publications, which are all from May 2011. I am once again under strict instruction not to reproduce these publications on FTM, so I am linking to them and will quote the odd snippet:

1. Excerpt from the forthcoming autobiography. The Day Lady Gaga Met Me. Penguin classic, incidentally - 7 May 2011

The above MW classic was briefly referenced in The Wrong Arms back in January of this year, when Our Mozzer said, "He (Boz) still owes me £3000 for that meeting with Gwen Stefani."
The parody really is one of the best ones ever, and includes the following dialogue between Morrissey (M), Lady Gaga (G), Boz (B) and Justin 'Semi Precious Weapons' Tranter (J):

G:'Do I Know you?'
M:'I'm Morrissey.'
G:'Wow, and you're a fan?'
M:'Most definitely.'
G:'OMG. I heard 'That's Entertainment' when I was, like, seven.'
M:'Ah yes, you refer to the genius cover I did of the Jam classic.'
G:'Ummm, yeah, I guess? I thought you wrote it yourself. Let's get a photo. Is the fat gimp with the camera with you?'
M:'The one with a pot belly and 3 days' worth of stubble? No, never met him in my life. I heard someone call him Boz earlier, though. Hey, mate! Is your name Boz?'
B:'Yes. I'm Boz Boorer. Who are you?'
B:'I'm a huge fan.'
M:'Never a truer word... Perhaps you would take a snap of myself and Lady G? Now Ms Gaga, I don't normally do photos...'
G:'As you wish.'
M:'Well, let's not be hasty. I won't pretend to enjoy it though.'
G:'I don't want to put you through anything you won't enjoy.'
M:'I'll do it for you. You don't mind if I look a bit miserable and.... almost embarrassed do you? You know, it doesn't pay to look too enthusiastic in the rock world. Perhaps in your pop world, but not in my rock world. People might think I'd sold out if I looked all happy and everything. So I'll look a bit pouty and uncomfortable. If that's OK with you...'
G:'Do what you must. It's not every day Van Morrissey visits your dressing room.' 
M:'It's Steven.'
G:'Steven? I'm honoured. I'm Stefani.'
M:'Oh bollocks. I thought you were that tranny, or shemale, whatever she is.'
G:'You're kidding? I'm all woman!'
M(shouting):'Boz, hold that index finger. I am not having my photograph taken with Gwen f***ing Stefani. And who are you on my left? Someone ought to tell Gavin Rossdale. *squinting* Is that you, Gavin? Honestly didn't recognise you without my contacts. The makeup looks good on you, mind.' 
B:'It's too late Moz. Sorry. The pic's been taken.'
M:'You want something doing properly... Boz you're fast becoming a liability.' 
B:'I'm sorry, sir, really I am...' 
M:  sighs.
G:'I am Lady gaga.'
M:'Sure you are, hun. And I'm the Pope.'
G:'You've got me mistaken for...'
M:'Boz I think it's time for you to shout me a chickpea curry. Since I just paid £3000 for access to Gwen f***ing Stefani.'
B:'As you wish, boss.'

This was the piece that included a picture of Brand and Wossy depicted as Brady and Hindley, which NINE MONTHS later convinced RosyMires that Morrissey couldn't possibly be behind the MW blog - Oh, the logic of some people!

The parody takes a pop at Brand and Ross, following an interview between the two where they discussed Morrissey, and includes the following:

As things stand, it is a cause for shame, for self-contempt, for morbid self-reflection of the "what the f*ck did I do wrong to obtain toe-rag fans like these? kind. Surely they were heading for a Coldplay gig and got lost?

An ageing Alan Bennett in the front row, holding out a paw, nodding like a mole just sniffing the morning air, barely able to see me but filled with love and lust nonetheless; well, that would be fine. Or Ian McEwan propping up the bar, smiling during the chorus of 'The Girl Least Likely To.' But does any artiste really want a disheveled Wossy on stage with him? - or even afterwards when the lights are out? Or - horror of horros - Phil Jupitus with dirty socks stomping around the stage yodelling the verses of the poor, simple Ordinary Boys' only top 20 hit live at Glastonbury in front of a TV audience of millions? The answer is a resounding, "No!"

3. I Should like to disassociate myself from this website - 15 May 2011

This is a rather surreal MW blog entry disassociating Our Mozzer from his own blogsite! It was a parody follow-up to a TTY entry from the day before that disassociated the 'real' Morrissey from MorrisseysWorld.

Image result for morrisseysworld image

4. Let's see how you look when you're in your very late 40s - 17 May 2011

A picture entry:

5. Excerpt from the Autobiography. Chapter 1. subtitle: The first few weeks of life (Life begins at forty) - 19 May 2011

I so, so wish that I could reproduce this piece, it is an absolute gem, and the first paragraph about Morrissey's birth being difficult isn't dissimilar to what actually ended up in the real Autobiography.
Here it is:

Manchester's grey overcast skies, and its grey overcast people. 22nd May 1959. Post-war austerity, black and white television, a simpler era.  'Irony? Is that a new brand of washing up liquid, Mildred?' 'No, I think it's foreign though.' 'Oh well we don't want any of that stuff around here, then.' And thence, as though from another world entirely, emerges...  Steven Patrick Morrissey.
His jaw wouldn't quite slide out, of course, necessitating a forceps delivery; he had a headache for at least a week; popped out with a thud as his head crashed against the polished floor; start as one means to go on... and then perhaps the defining moment of his early life. The snip. By a  student midwife. Who didn't know how to distinguish the umbilical cord from the... 
Arguably the worst day of his life, with Finsbury Park a close second.
Image result for morrissey finsbury

Well, that's about it for today..... ooh, my type face has gone all modern! I have no idea how to change it - serves me right for cutting and pasting. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, as I doubt many people will find the time to actually read this blog entry, as everyone will be busy catching up on those 5 MW classics....although when I say everyone, there really are only half a dozen of us who either remember the original MW, or have any interest in reading them. They deserved such a wider audience.

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Day 2157 - Another MW classic re-surfaces

Despite Morrissey currently being on a Twitter hiatus, the True Morrissey blog remains live, and today another old MorrisseysWorld classic has been republished.

Much as though i would love to, I can't publish the article here, as I have been banned from doing so. Instead, I will just quote a few of the highlights. The piece is entitled, 'Excerpt from the Autobiography - Taken from chapter 38; The So-low place part 1'.

The article was first published on the MorrisseysWorld blog on July 25 2011, and is all about the year 1997. Here are some of my favourite lines:

"there were three bona fide top 40s in the form of 'Alma Matters', 'Satan Rejected My Soul' and 'Roy's Keen (well, almost...); and the odd hip-swivelling appearance on TOTP and TFI Friday."

"a working class boy from Stretford stood up to the bullying and harassment of a high court judge and a man who beats up dead animal skin stretched over metal for a living"

"Morrissey? Isn't he dead yet? Salt in the wounds? This was industrial-strength alkali. And it burned straight through the bones like a hostile QC through Old Mozza's defence."

Image result for morrissey 1997

"It was the beginning of those seven long years in the wilderness. Jesus only managed forty days."

"Admittedly it was a mistake to snooze horizontally after Mexican food. That was the beginning of the old reflux problem, of course, which has blighted me ever since. I know that now; didn't know it then."

Image result for morrissey 1997 sunbathing

"Ah, those were the days. Russell Brand was safely locked up in some government bedsit in south-east London, a million miles away from the tele."
Image result for russell brand 1997

"The spontaneity of the web somehow intensified the umbilical connection between artiste and audience."

"They were hanging on every syllable, playing 'Satan Rejected My Soul' backwards looking for hidden meanings (and I mean SRMS didn't even have any real meaning when played forwards...)"

"The internet in those days - from Morrissey's perspective - consisted of a fawning fan site or two, endless photographs of myself looking absolutely sensational, and the Diana-Morrissey phenomenon, which scared a few ailing relatives and made them think I might be the antichrist. Lovely stuff."

"those days look rosy compared to the unbridled electronic stalking, harassment and libel of today's Morrissey solo... that man has a lot to answer for. But needless to say, I had the last laugh"

My previous blog entry to this one was a celebration of 1,000,000 page views of FTM, and in it I listed a number of personal highlights from our journey. One that I forgot, which GWO reminded me of, is the connection between the song Smiler With Knife and the MorrisseysWorld story from August 2011, 'Brazil'.

Brazil is a quite remarkable piece of writing, and could only have been written by one person. I guess I should be flattered that there are fools such as Uncle Skinny from So-low who think I could possibly be the author of such beautiful writing. Ironically, both Brazil and the old MorrisseysWorld classic that I have blogged about today, were published on the MW blog in the Summer of 2011, BEFORE I had even discovered it.

Saturday, 29 April 2017

Day 2153 - "See you oh so soon"

Yesterday marked a major landmark for Following The Mozziah - after 5 and a half+ years of being in existence, the blog had its 1 MILLIONTH PAGE VIEW.

I could never have possibly dreamt of where this would all lead when I wrote that first blog entry in September 2011. I only ever wrote it because I needed to release my excitement at having found, what I believed at that time to be Morrissey, secretly tweeting and blogging. Of course these days I no longer 'believe' it to be Morrissey, I KNOW it is him, but despite all the evidence proving that it is the real Morrissey, I remain in a very small minority.

How Mozzer has managed to keep this whole thing so secret and under the radar is an act of genius. Even when Morrissey gives exclusive interviews to us - of which there have been 4 or 5 - he manages to throw in enough 'unMorrisseyesqueness' to put people off the scent, whilst at the same time giving some cracking responses to questions - it's all about reading between the lines.

The parodies that Morrissey has written have been hilarious, and the interaction that we few have had with him on Twitter has been so, so special. New people have found our little band of misfits along the way, whilst others have fallen by the wayside for various, usually illogical, reasons. The journey has been special and unique.

If it hadn't been for the moderators on Morrissey-solo vehemently TELLING Morrissey fans that the internet Morrissey was a fake, this journey would never have taken the path that it has, so we should be grateful for the stupidity and blindness of the likes of Uncle Skinny.

This whole journey started because Morrissey denied, not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR times that he was the person behind the original MorrisseysWorld blog - which has now become True Morrissey.

There is so much that has happened, but personal highlights for me include:

The formation of the Blue Rose Society

Being ushered in back stage to the Letterman Show

Morrissey mentioning the toothbrush in Long Island -

Mademoiselle Fifi's revelations about Jean Cocteau's influences

Those hilarious parodies

Morrissey singing Trouble Loves me whilst wearing a blue rose -

The San Jose concert of 2014

The exclusive interviews

Morrissey taking part in the Moz Army quiz and failing to win

The official 'Mozziah' t-shirt, produced as an obvious nod to FTM & sold on Morrissey's official M Porium website last Easter

The list could go on and on, and I am sure that I have forgotten many, many important things, but the greatest part of all in this journey, has been the personal interaction with Morrissey. Those few of us who trusted our gut instinct and stuck with the internet Moz, ignoring all the hatred and ignorance along the way, have been rewarded with something incredibly special, that will stay with us forever. Will FTM one day become a book? Who knows. I'm certainly in no hurry to lift the lid.

And so the journey continues. Two days ago Morrissey closed his Morfessa and Seminal Artiste (Our Mozzer) Twitter accounts so that he could concentrate on other projects. His parting words to me were, "See you oh so soon". In the meantime, I have used the BRS Twitter account to publicise the exclusive interview that Morrissey gave to us on Tuesday. The likes of good old Uncle Skinny have been quick to once again call it a fake interview, and yet, Jesse Tobias 'favourited' the BRS tweet that publicised the interview. Now WHY would he do that?

We continue...

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Day 2150 - Gifts galore - 'lost' MW classics 'found' & another interview

MOZZER HAS GIVEN US ANOTHER INTERVIEW....but more about that in a paragraph or two.

In my blog entry of two days ago I made reference to Morfessa playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers's song Parallel Universe on the Wrong Arms jukebox. This in turn led to girlwithout (GWO) commenting, "Was 'Parallel Universe" the title of one of the MW blogs? Seem to recall a submarine. Or am I dreaming?"

Both myself and Heather replied to GWO, and we got reminiscing about a few of the other old MorrisseysWorld classics, including one about a Morrissey impersonator called Paul Freeyourself wearing speedos, and another about the same Paul Freeyourself in a clapped out Mercedes.  I mentioned how I regretted not having taken copies of those old MorrisseysWorld classics, and that their deletions were the equivalent of Van Gogh slashing his own paintings, or Beethoven setting fire to his scores, or the BBC wiping sit coms.

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Yesterday evening, at just before 8.30pm, Dawn Mist left the following comment on the reminiscing thread of the last FTM:

Back from the dead. Eyes wide. This will shock you sixty-nine times. 
Seeing is believing. 

For your viewing displeasure- 

I truly spoil you. 


To say that I was lost for words was an understatement! Those MW classics were not only alive and well, but had been re-published for the world to enjoy.... or at least the dozen or so who are still on this journey.

I would dearly love to republish the three MW classics here on FTM; for no other reason than they might disappear again one day, but I have been told by a certain someone in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to.

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All three of the parody pieces that Dawn has shared with us are hilariously funny. The first is the one that GWO mentioned, about a parallel universe on a submarine. This was written following 'Houston-gate', a ridiculous few days in mid February 2012, in which Our Mozzer was accused of being racist for likening Whitney Houston to Oprah Winfrey. I wrote a very funny court scene parody about the situation on Day 156 of FTM, and at the same time, Our Mozzer wrote the Parallel Universe parody, which I drew reference to on Day 157.

The second of the parody pieces that Dawn has republished is entitled, 'The Day Morrissey met Freeyourself in Chile'. This was written when Morrissey was on tour in Chile, and I mentioned it briefly on Day 163 of FTM. It is the parody about the Morrissey impersonator and his band wearing speedos, whilst stalking Morrissey and his band. The humour of the writing is once again top drawer, with Boz in particular coming in for some right old ribbing. There are a couple of Wilde quotes thrown in for good measure, but my absolute favourite line is a throwaway one, where Morrissey refers to the impersonators as, "rum c*nts". The word 'rum' as an adjective is not used anywhere near enough in this modern society.


The final one of the parody pieces is the other one that included Paul the impersonator, and was a meeting between Morrissey and Our Mozzer, with Rosy Mires acting as the 'real' Morrissey's right hand man/woman. The story concludes with Our Mozzer turning out to actually be the real Morrissey, whilst the Morrissey that Rosy had thought was real, turned out to be Paul the impersonator. Another classic. I first mentioned this piece on Day 307 of FTM, with RosyMires's response to it also included. This response included Rosy throwing all evidence, logic and rationale out of the window, and accusing ME of being the author of MorrisseysWorld. You couldn't make this up...and yet still to this day...

Although I am not allowed to reproduce the parodies, I'm sure it will be fine to quote my favourite lines from the third of those three parodies:

ROSYMIRES: You see it's got that irony factor when you do it, Morrissey. NO one else could pull that off - certainly not a blogger. Also this use of the word c*nt - I mean, come on! For a man with a vocabulary like you to use that word would be ridiculous! It just wasn't Morrisseyesque at all -

THE TRUE ARTISTE: -Oh I beg to differ, my sweet. I use the word c*nt constantly in discussion with Boz Boorer. It's the only language the sorry c*nt understands, quite frankly-

ROSYMIRES: -Well yes of course when YOU use that word, Morrissey, it's very, very Morrisseyesque because you carry it off with certain aplomb. You wouldn't overuse it for example, unlike a certain person...

THE TRUE ARTISTE: Oh I call Boz a c*nt every five minutes. Call a c*nt a c*nt I say- 

ROSYMIRES: The irony is just... mesmerising.

Comedy gold!


And as if we hadn't been spoiled enough by Dawn posting those old MW classics, Our Mozzer popped into The Wrong Arms this morning and tweeted, "I will not self release an album but I will self publish an interview."

I immediately headed back to the True Morrissey blog, and there it was, a......


The interview consists of questions that were posted by members of the BRS last week, along with answers from Moz.

I don't have permission to reproduce the interview in full on FTM, so once again I will just mention a few bits. Quite a few of the answers are answered in a parody/jocular manner, but a number of them do seem to offer the thoughts of the real Moz....whoever the real Moz may be. Personally, I like to think that the Morrissey who comes into The Wrong Arms and chats candidly with us plebs is the real Moz, and the one who shows his face to the outside world is the public Moz.

So here we go, some of the highlights of this latest interview:

When asked what Oscar would say about this era, Mozzer tells us:

"Oscar would not have a voice in this current era. He would write, as he could exist doing nothing else, however the audience would not be there. His dinner party witticisms would be practiced in private for a public that would not exist. The only way Wilde would gain any sort of notoriety in this current climate would be to lower himself to big Brother or Made in Chelsea or become a hollow chat show host. As Wilde would surely note, "Why was I born with such contemporaries?""

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In reply to my question, 'Which 8 songs would you choose if you were to go on Desert Island Discs again today', Moz (eventually) replied:

If Love were all - Alma Cogan
Backwater - Brian Eno
Lonesome Traveller - Marianne Faithfull
Sally - Gracie Fields
Mr Personality Man - Foundations
You Think You're a Man - Divine
About the Weather - Magazine
The Last of the Secret Agents - Nancy Sinatra

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In reply to my question, 'In May 1987 you were recording Work is a Four Letter Word and I Keep Mine Hidden, so the Smiths were still very much a thing. Was your 28th birthday the last 'happy one' before finding contentment in your forties?':

"I've never been happy. I was content recording these songs but little did I know Johnny felt above it all and would soon pull the plug. I'm sure he thought he would become renowned as a genius and Morrissey would have to retire in shame to a bedsit in Runcorn. Time was not on his side."
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In reply to the question, 'Who is your favourite photographer':

"Currently William Mortensen"

In reply to my question, 'In 2012 you berated Manchester council for not having honoured you in any way. Do you think they just don't realise your cultural importance yet?':

"They would rather give Bez the key to the city than give me the key to Debenhams."


In reply to the question, 'You've had many people in your inner circle leave and well publicised fall-outs. For someone who has had a career as long as yours I guess it's the norm. But do you regret any of the fall outs or do you just feel it's the natural way of life?':

"People use the exposure I give them to further their own careers. It is startling how loyal Boz has been and recently Matt and Jesse. I treat them as friends and they treat me like a friend. They defend me when I am defenceless. Do I regret fallouts? No, I cut people out of my life when they bore me, which happens with regularity these days."
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In reply to the question, 'Do you have any unfulfilled dreams?':

"To care less and to live more."  (Ed - this is a mantra that I too have adopted in recent years)

We really have been spoilt lately, what with the posting of the classic parody pieces, this new interview, and not forgetting of course the INCREDIBLE INTERVIEW THAT MORRISSEY EXCLUSIVELY GAVE TO ME LAST WEEK.

In other news, it has been revealed that The Boy With the Thorn in His Side/Rubber Ring was the second best selling record on Record Store Day, with Bowie's, No Tune EP (Ear piercing) being at Number 1.... as predicted by moi last Thursday. I still haven't actually bought the single yet, as the desperadoes are still paying too much for it on ebay. I shall bide my time and purchase it in 2021... it's the Glamorous Glue promo all over again!

And finally, finally, after fifteen months of wondering whether or not 'Not Astra's Derriere' is a Morrissey pessoa or not, I have now discovered that it is....NOT! 

I managed to finally put two and two together on Saturday, when, following a vicious attack on my good name by some fat ugly woman from Bridlington (@KissMyShades); who likened me on Twitter to, "bad AIDS", I was gallantly defended by Bitchy Bobby Neville (@geniussteals) and then moments later Not Astra's Derrière left a supportive comment on Day 2051 of FTM and then another comment on Day 2144, mentioning the "bad AIDS". A silly schoolboy error, and Bitchy Bobby's cover was blown.

Bitchy Bobby wasn't really gallant towards me, what he actually tweeted was, "he's a complete cunt of that there's no question but let's not compare him to AIDS shall we...".

Bitchy Bob is hereby banned from posting on FTM as 'Not Astra's Derrière'. Impersonating Morrissey is an unforgivable, heinous crime, and it puts Bitchy Bobby in the same category as Chuck. It is hard enough trying to unravel things around here, without having some smart arse confuse things. As for cunts, it takes one to know one, and BBN is Grade 'A'.

Monday, 24 April 2017

Day 2148 - Mysterious Morfessa, and Silly Women

All is quiet on the Moz front, although we have had the pleasure of Morfessa, Our Mozzer and Mademoiselle Fifi in The Wrong Arms over the weekend, and they have all been full of mystery. More about the mysterious Morfessa & co in a few paragraphs time.

My weekend has been as quintessentially English as a weekend could possibly be: watching cricket on Saturday in the grounds of the beautiful Canford school in Dorset, and yesterday watching cricket in the grounds of Winchester College in Hampshire - with the cathedral as a back-drop. The tolling of the cathedral bells, glorious sunshine, and cucumber sandwiches were the icing on the cake.... which reminds me, the homemade banana bread and chocolate cake were rather nice too. All in all, I have had the perfect weekend.... although, not quite.

My perfect weekend was tarnished by Record Store Day. Record Store Day is an annual event where hundreds of unique vinyl releases are issued by independent record shops across the globe. I've only ever attended once before, as you have to queue up early to be in with a chance of getting the records you want, and there hasn't been anything that I have ever wanted enough to warrant queuing for hours on end.

This year's RSD, however, was a little different to the previous nine years, in that the first Smiths vinyl for 30 years was being released, and it wasn't just a record company issue with no input from Morrissey, the 7" demo version of The Boy With The Thorn In His Side had a cover designed by Mozzer, and an etching on the run-out groove which reads, 'TRUMP Will Kill AMERICA', which has obviously been added on the instruction of Morrissey. The record had also been advertised as being dinked, but this turned out to be false, as in fact it has a push-out centre, which is what Morrissey insisted with all the original Smiths records.
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The opportunity of attending a record shop to buy a brand new Smiths single doesn't come along every day, so on Saturday morning, I headed to Hundred Records in Romsey to see if I could get my hands on a copy of TBWTTIHS. I had phoned the night before to make sure the shop had a good stock of copies, which they did, so although I was about 50th in the queue when I arrived at 9am, I was quietly confident of getting a copy, after all, the 49 in front of me can't all have been Smiths fans.... how wrong was I?

It transpired that those who had queued all night were indeed Smiths fans; or if not, were profiteers looking to make a quick buck out on the back of the Smiths, and it sold out straight away. One of those profiteers was a dead ringer for Joyce, but surely he wouldn't be looking to make a quick buck on the back of Morrissey and Marr *coughs*. I will now have to make my purchase on ebay, which doesn't quite bring the same thrill, but ultimately the same result. Who needs cheap thrills anyway?

So, back to the other world, and the very mysterious Morfessa, who would appear to be leaving signs, but no one has a clue what they mean.

Morfessa arrived in The Arms on Friday afternoon and tweeted, "Secret musings from the Mistress of the Arts", followed an hour later by, "None of you noticed. None of you care." She then played Vienna by Ultravox on the jukebox before then tweeting, "Journey of discovery" and "Who is Dawn Mist?"

Boz Boorer has recently tweeted to say that he is putting a band together to play in Vienna in May, so I asked Morfessa if perhaps Moz was part of the band. The reply to my question came not from Morfessa, but from Our Mozzer (@seminalartiste), who appeared from nowhere to tweet, "Stop counting views on your stupid blog thing and actually read the comments and find out. Dawn asked a pertinent question. Seek it."

I immediately thought of Dawn's question for Morrissey posted on FTM last Monday, "Are you likely to cover Ultravox's Vienna?". OM confirmed that this is what he meant, and asked, "When was this posted? How would Dawn know?" I asked, "How would Dawn know what?", to which OM came back at me with, "Do you pull your hair out when there is something you don't understand?  It can be the only explanation for your baldness. I am yet to work out the reason for your overwhelming stupidity." I asked again if Morrissey was to be part of Boz's band in Vienna, to which OM replied, "Go away."

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OM then left, and Morfessa took up the reigns, tweeting, "OM is disgruntled and has returned to his bed, sulking and bulking. He has complained "I know they can't match my genius but I expect them to be more intelligent than a drunk Katie Price"."

I told Morfessa that OM was a diva, and got the reply, "OM has responded. "C***!"". At least it wasn't, "bald c***!"!

When Heather told Morfessa that the riddle has stumped her, Morfessa replied, "Perhaps it will all become clearer in time? The clues are present. One wonders if one has been too obvious."

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Morfessa returned to The Arms a number of hours later to play a solitary song on the jukebox - Parallel Universe (Live at Slane Castle) - Red Hot Chili Peppers. Is Parallel Universe a particular favourite of Morfessa's, or is this perhaps a clue that Morrissey is to play Ireland's Slane Castle? Mystery upon mystery.... and I am getting balder!

Whilst I was stood in that queue on Saturday morning, I had nothing better to do that check my Twitter feed, and found that GOB (@GirlOnBike1102) had been tweeting to the attention seeking former BRS member, MerryAnne, agreeing with her that I wrote "shit". I tutted in GOB's direction, which resulted in her once again blocking my @TheRatsBack twitter account.

GOB later took to Twitter to call my 'behaviour' "c*ntish", but rather gallantly, Morfessa stepped in to defend me, tweeting to GOB, "My eyes see differently", before adding, "Perhaps the answer to your internet career is to keep out of matters that do not concern you or your son."

Morfessa's comment about GOB's son had me howling with laughter, as this was a reference to when GOB fell out with Broken on Twitter about 5 years ago, and then tried to blame her ill-judged tweets on her teenage son. I always wondered what had influenced Morrissey to use the words "silly women" in the song The World is Full of Crashing Bores, but now I think I know - it was influenced by those who are like GOB, Merryanne, Chuck etc. Forget logic, evidence, knowledge, and rationale, when things don't go their way, certain people just become 'silly'.
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GOB also took to Twitter to tell another of the 'Silly women', LizzyCat (@LizzyCatMoz), that I was leaving comments on my own blog as 'Not Astra's Derrière' (previously referred to on this blog of mine as 'Not Bot'). Personally, I had always believed 'Not Bot' to be a Morrissey pessoa, but one thing that is 100% certain, is that it isn't me. Silly old GOB.

BRS member, Harrison (@OdysseyNumber5) picked up on the ridiculous comments of the silly women and played Morrissey's version of I Never Promised You a Rose Garden on the jukebox. Morfessa responded to this by tweeting, "Exactly."

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Morfessa also posted the following tweets:

"The humour stops as the humiliation attacks the memory."

"Buzzwords with absolutely no meaning."

GOB has now blocked Morfessa, and has no doubt convinced herself that Morfessa is also me. I LOVE this journey, it truly is fascinating!

My previous blog entry to this one was posted on Thursday, and was mainly about the forthcoming film 'based' on Morrissey's teenage years, England is Mine. On Saturday, GWO posted on Twitter an interview with Jack Lowden, the actor playing Morrissey, in which Lowden states that the film, "became irrelevant who it was about". Morfessa responded to this by tweeting, "Irrelevant? Charming." 

Morfessa signed off for the night by playing the Rolling Stones's 19th Nervous Breakdown on the jukebox.

Morfessa returned again to The Arms yesterday morning, and once again took up the subject of the film, tweeting, "I beg you not to watch. I beg you all not to watch." I explained that I wouldn't be able to help myself, to which Morf replied, "I demand that you do not watch." 

When the film eventually gets released, I don't expect that Morrissey will make any public statement about the film whatsoever, but although he denies that he will watch it, I KNOW that he will; after all, he's a self confessed narcissist, and I am therefore hoping that perhaps he will post his observations in the anonymous surroundings of FTM.

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Whilst in The Arms, Morfessa took the opportunity to take a small swipe at Boy George. When BG tweeted, "Straight people debating gay marriage is quite ridiculous! Please, mind your own business!", Morfessa replied, "If only one could take their own advice."

Morfessa also tweeted yesterday, "Living a life with no regrets takes courage."

At the beginning of this piece, I also mentioned that Mademoiselle Fifi had paid us a visit. It was at 8.30pm on Friday evening, and it was merely to post a picture of Françoise Hardy holding a pigeon. I have NO idea if this is yet another 'clue' to something, but once again I get balder.
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This morning, OM has retweeted a Rustle Brand fan called @Brandystrippers, who tweeted the following: "@rustyrockets I've a blue rose tattoo coz it's the moz version of the green carnation".

The BRS has been noticed by more people than perhaps any of us realise, and the fact that M has retweeted this tweet, would suggest that he wishes the BRS to continue. If this is the case, then perhaps 2017 will see Morrissey accept a blue rose on stage for the 6th year in a row.

And finally, those interview questions that were submitted to OM last week, have not yet been answered.

*Goes off singing* You must be wondering how the boy next door turned out, have a care, but don't stare, because he's still there....

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Day 2144 - Our Steven

Just before Midday yesterday, Morfessa (@TrueMorfessa) sat herself down in her usual seat in the Snug of The Wrong Arms and announced, "OM has locked himself in his study, closed the curtains and lit a candle. He muttered "this will be the death of me".
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Rather than be concerned for Our Mozzer's well being, I was more shocked that he had a study.... a f***ing study! In the early days of MorrisseysWorld, he always told us he lived in a bedsit - he must have just been saying that to try and fit in with the great unwashed. You just can't trust a word the man says. I hate to admit it, but it looks like Judge Weeks was perhaps an astute observer of character after all.

Morfessa didn't utter another word until 4.22pm, when she then murmured, "Our Steven." 
I had no idea what the delirious old bint was on about, but GWO (@girlwithout) replied, "I sniggered at that", to which Morfessa then said, "I believe it's only you that has actually noticed so far..."

I asked Morfessa and GWO to "let me in", but they wouldn't. Morfessa tweeted to GWO, "He must find out for himself". When I pointed out that I am a very busy man who doesn't spend all day every day (everyday?) reading about Morrissey, Morfessa replied, "Liar." 

I hate not being in the know, so I beckoned Morfessa into the toilets of The Arms and begged, "Come on, give me a clue about the meaning of 'Our Steven'", but I got a curt, "No!" followed by, "I must not spell everything out. This is a journey of discovery." 

I put my busy workload to one side... or was it my mug of tea.... and off I trotted on an internet crawl. It wasn't long before I found out what it was that I was missing out on - an interview given by Jack Lowden, the star of the forthcoming film about Morrissey, England is Mine, in which Lowden informs the interviewer that throughout the film, Morrissey is referred to as, 'Our Steven'.... 'OUR STEVEN'!.... 'OUR F***ING STEVEN'! How much more cliché can you get? No wonder OM had taken himself off into a darkened room.

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Before Lowden's revelation about Morrissey being called 'Our Steven' throughout the film, I had  actually been looking forward to seeing England is Mine, after all, it is about Morrissey, but it also has some really good young British actors in it. I've never seen any of Lowden's previous work, but also in the film are Jessica Brown Findlay (Linder Sterling), who was great in Downton Abbey, Jodie Comer (a work colleague called Christine), who I loved in Thirteen, and Laurie Kynaston (Johnny Marr), who recently played a young Danny Baker in Cradle to Grave.
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I will of course still watch the film when it is released, and although it is a shame that it looks as though it will be cliché ridden; just as Morrissey pointed out that it would be in the recent interview he gave to FTM, it is obvious from Lowden's interview with the Culture Trip, that he has absolutely fallen in love with Morrissey. In the interview, Lowden confessed to not really knowing the music of Morrissey or the Smiths before filming, but says that now he, "has not been able to stop listening to The Smiths and Morrissey". There are many of us here who can relate to that. Lowden also refers to the film version of Morrissey as, "a typical teenager", which again makes one wonder about the accuracy of the film, as I very much doubt there was anything typical about Our Steven.

And finally for today, we are now just two days away from Record Store Day, and the release of the first Smiths single for 22 years. I was feeling quietly confident that the Smiths would sell enough copies to go to Number 1 in next weeks UK Vinyl Charts, but I have today read that David Bowie - or at least his record company - is issuing a black vinyl version of his song No Plan on Friday, and a blue vinyl version of it on Saturday, which means No Plan now looks destined to take the top spot. What makes it worse, is that the song is hideous. Super hideous. As a certain someone recently said about Bowie's Blackstar, "a record of no melody and lyrics that are at best banal and at worst Simon Le Bon". No Plan? No f***ing tune more like.
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